“Oh! yes, no doubt, you are very sorry; but I think if I had such a fine drawing-room as this, I should not leave it so much as you do, nor endanger its decorations by the dice-box. For I suppose you have been at your usual amusements. Oh! Philip, Philip—I beg pardon—I mean, my lord; if your lordship spends all your lordship’s means in gambling, pray what do you intend to do in order to keep up your dignity. You are too great a man to earn a living for yourself. Your lordship has nothing before you but beggary and dependence.”
His lordship was not quite such a simpleton as to fly out into a violent passion; nor was he so far sunk in self-esteem as to bear this language with unreplying patience. He replied, with a little more firmness:
“I hope, sir, I have some better prospect than this, which you are pleased to lay out for me. There do exist many men who were giddy in youth, and are respectable in age.”
“Very likely, very likely,” replied the old gentleman. “I understand you, my lord.”
“My remark, sir, was not designed to be of any particular application. I only spoke generally.”
“Oh, oh! then you disclaim all reference to me, when you speak of respectability in age.”
“Indeed, sir, you put a very unfavorable construction on my words as well as on my actions.”
“Unfavorable construction! Now, pray, my lord, as you are so very ingenious a personage, will you be so kind as to enlighten my ignorance so far as to tell me what you would call a favorable construction of such an elegant and accomplished feat as that which you performed last night, in company with that paragon of wit and elegance, Mr. Singleton Sloper? Only suppose that you wished to communicate that truly noble and gentleman-like transaction to the world through the medium of the press, and suppose the very kind and accommodating reporters were to give you leave to use your own language, how would you express yourself? In the first place, perhaps, you would think it an unfavorable construction to say that you were in company with Mr. Singleton Sloper. Or, perhaps, if you could not conscientiously suppress the fact, you would attribute the same to your most humane and kind consideration in taking notice of a vulgar blockhead, whom nobody else would deign to honor with their company and countenance. And pray, my lord, what is the most favorable construction your lordship would put upon the simple and silly fact of reeling about the streets in a state of intoxication? I suppose you would take credit to yourself for being above the milksop system now so fashionable; and magnanimously reverting to the practice of the good old times, by making a beast of yourself. And your knocking and ringing at the doors you no doubt designed as a gentle admonition to your neighbours, that they should not spend so much of their precious time in slothful sleep. There, my lord, is that construction favorable enough?”
His lordship smiled, and said: “Perfectly so, sir; perhaps rather too flattering.”