The Mother and Her Child

by William S. Sadler; Lena K. Sadler

SPOILING THE CHILD

As bad as all spoiling methods are in child culture, they are decidedly disastrous—almost fatal—in the case of the nervous child; and yet it is these delicate, sensitive, cute little things that are the very ones who are most frequently the worst spoiled. Nervous children simply must not be played with all the time. They must be by themselves a great deal, at least this is true in their earlier years.

The nervous baby must early learn absolute respect for authority, so that what it lacks in its own nervous control may be partially made up for by parental suggestion and discipline. Of course, as suggested in a later chapter, the more ideal methods of suggestion, education, and persuasion should be employed in your efforts to secure obedience and promote self-control; but, when through either the deep-rooted incorrigibility of a child, or the inefficiency of the parent's efforts in the employment of suggestion—no matter what the cause of the failure of your ideal methods to control temper, stop crying, or otherwise put down the juvenile rebellion, whether the child has been spoiled on account of company, sickness or through your carelessness—when you cannot effectively and immediately enforce your will any other way, do not hesitate to punish; spank promptly and vigorously and spank repeatedly if necessary to accomplish your purpose. You must not fail in the case of the nervous child to accomplish exactly what you start out to do.

When the little fellow wakes up in the night and cries, see if he needs anything and administer to him. If you have previously tried the method of letting him "cry it out," which is usually entirely sufficient in the case of a normal child, and if such treatment does not seem to cure him, then speak to him firmly, give him to understand that he must stop crying, and if he does not, turn him over and administer a good spanking—and repeat if necessary to get results. In dealing with a nervous child we must follow the directions on the bottle of the old-fashioned liniment "rub in until relief is obtained."

No "spoiling practices" should be countenanced in the case of nervous children. They should be taught to sleep undisturbed in a room in the presence of usual noises. They should not be allowed to grow up with a sleeping-room always darkened by day and a light to sleep by at night. They should be taught to sleep on without being disturbed even if someone does enter the room; they should be taught to sleep normally without having to quiet and hush the whole neighborhood.

PLAYMATES

The early play of nervous children should be carefully supervised and organized. Under no circumstance should they be allowed exclusively to play with children younger than themselves. They must not be allowed to dictate and control their playmates; it is far better that they should play at least a part of the time with older children who will force them to occupy subordinate rôles in their affairs of play; in this way much may be accomplished toward preventing the development of a selfish, headstrong, and intolerant attitude. When the nervous child is miffed or peeved at play and wants to quit because he cannot have his way, see to it that he quickly takes his place back in the ranks of his playfellows, and thus early teach him how to react to defeat and disappointment. The nervous child must not be allowed to grow up with a disposition that will in some later crisis cause him to "get mad and quit."

If the nervous baby has older brothers and sisters, see to it that he does not, through pet and peeve and other manifestations of temper, control the family and thus dictate the trend of all the children's play. Early train him to be manly, to play fair, and when his feelings are hurt or things do not go just to his liking, teach him, in the language of the street, to be "game." It is equally important that the little girls be taught in the same way how to take disappointment and defeat without murmur or complaint.

TEACHING SELF-CONTROL

When nervous children grow up, especially if their parents are well to do, and they are not forced to work for a living, they are prone to develop into erratic, neurasthenic, and hysterical women, and worrying, inefficient, and nervous men; and in later years they throng the doctor's offices with both their real and imaginary complaints. These patients always feel that they are different from other people, that something terrible is the matter with them or that something awful is about to happen to them. Their brains constantly swarm with fears and premonitions of disease, disaster, and despair, while their otherwise brilliant intellects are confused and handicapped because of these "spoiled" and "hereditary" nervous disturbances—with the result that both their happiness and usefulness in life is largely destroyed.