The Mother and Her Child

by William S. Sadler; Lena K. Sadler

SYSTEM AND ORDER

System and order are desirable acquisitions for all children, but they are absolutely indispensable to the successful rearing of the nervous child, who should be taught to have a place for everything and everything in its place. When he enters the house his clothes must not be thoughtlessly thrown about. Every garment must be put in its proper place. These little folks must be taught a systematic and regular way of doing things.

Nervous children must not be allowed to procrastinate. They must not be allowed to put off until tomorrow anything which can be done today. They must be taught how to keep the working decks of life clear—caught right up to the minute. They should be taught proper methods of analysis—how to go to the bottom of things—how to render a decision, execute it, and then move forward quickly to the next task of life. When they come home from school with home work to do it would be best, as a rule, first to do the school work before engaging in play. In fact, all the methods which are needful for the proper discipline of the ordinary child are more than doubly needful for the training of the nervous child; while more than fourfold persistence is needed on the part of parents to make them really effective.

EMOTIONAL RUNAWAYS

Whether the child be two years of age or ten years of age, when the parent discovers that the nervous system is "losing its head," that the child is embarking on a nervous runaway, or that it is about to indulge in an emotional sprawl, it is best to interfere suddenly and spectacularly. Lay a firm hand on him and bring things to a sudden stop. Speak to him calmly and deliberately, but firmly. Set him on a chair, put him in the bed, or take him to a room and isolate him.

In the case of the older children, tell them a story of the horse which becomes frightened, loses self-control, and tears off down the highway, wrecking the vehicle and throwing out its occupants. Explain to them that many of the mistakes of life are made during the times of these emotional runaways, these passing spells of lost self-control. Tell the little folks that you have perfect confidence in them if they will only take time to stop and think before they talk or act. Explain to them that since you saw that they were rapidly approaching a foolish climax you thought it was your duty to call a halt, to stop them long enough to enable them to collect their wits and indulge in some sober thinking.

Personally, we have found it to be a good plan not to be too arbitrary with the little folks, like putting them on a chair and saying, "You must sit there one hour by the clock." They usually begin to indulge in resentful thoughts and a situation is often produced akin to that of the stern father who felt compelled to go back and thrash his boy three different times during his hour on the chair, because of what he was satisfied was going through the boy's mind. No, that is not usually the best way. Put them on the chair with an indeterminate sentence. I prefer to carry it out something like this: "Now, son, this will never do; you are running away with yourself. Stop for a moment and think. Now I am going to ask you to sit down in that chair there and think this over quietly. I will be in the next room. Whenever you think you have got control of yourself and have thought this thing out so you can talk with me, you may get up from the chair and come into the room to me." Sometimes five minutes, sometimes fifteen minutes, and the little fellow will walk in and talk to you in a very satisfactory manner. He will give you his viewpoint and you will be able to adjust the matter in a spirit of conference which will be satisfactory to both parent and child, without doing the least violence to the responsibility of the one or the individuality of the other.

Very little is to be accomplished, when the child starts to indulge in an emotional runaway, if the parent contracts the same spirit, begins to talk fast and loud, to gesticulate wildly, grabs the child, begins to slap and shake it—that is merely an exhibition on the part of the parent of the very same weakness he is trying to correct in his offspring. I am afraid it is entirely too true that for every time you shake one demon out of a child in anger, you shake in seven worse devils. When all other methods fail and you must resort to punishment, do it with kindness, deliberation, and dignity. Never punish a child in haste and anger.

THE FINAL REWARD

The advice offered in this chapter is not mere theory. It has been successfully used by many parents in the management of their nervous children, and while all principles of child culture must be carefully wrought out and made applicable to the particular child in question, nevertheless, the methods of repeated and firm discipline herein set forth will enable you to take many a child who has been born into this world almost neurologically bankrupt, and, by this training and discipline, enable him in adult life to draw such dividends of self-control and self-mastery as will far exceed the outward results obtained in the case of many children who are born with sound nervous systems, but who were early spoiled and allowed to grow up without that discipline which is so essential to later self-control and dignity of character.