King Henry IV, Part 2

by William Shakespeare

Enter SHALLOW and SILENCE, meeting; MOULDY, SHADOW, WART, FEEBLE, BULLCALF, and servants behind

SHALLOW. Come on, come on, come on; give me your hand, sir;
give me
your hand, sir. An early stirrer, by the rood! And how doth
my
good cousin Silence?
SILENCE. Good morrow, good cousin Shallow.
SHALLOW. And how doth my cousin, your bed-fellow? and your
fairest
daughter and mine, my god-daughter Ellen?
SILENCE. Alas, a black ousel, cousin Shallow!
SHALLOW. By yea and no, sir. I dare say my cousin William is
become
a good scholar; he is at Oxford still, is he not?
SILENCE. Indeed, sir, to my cost.
SHALLOW. 'A must, then, to the Inns o' Court shortly. I was
once of
Clement's Inn; where I think they will talk of mad Shallow
yet.
SILENCE. You were call'd 'lusty Shallow' then, cousin.
SHALLOW. By the mass, I was call'd anything; and I would have
done
anything indeed too, and roundly too. There was I, and little
John Doit of Staffordshire, and black George Barnes, and
Francis
Pickbone, and Will Squele a Cotsole man—you had not four
such
swinge-bucklers in all the Inns of Court again. And I may say
to
you we knew where the bona-robas were, and had the best of
them
all at commandment. Then was Jack Falstaff, now Sir John,
boy,
and page to Thomas Mowbray, Duke of Norfolk.
SILENCE. This Sir John, cousin, that comes hither anon about
soldiers?
SHALLOW. The same Sir John, the very same. I see him break
Scoggin's head at the court gate, when 'a was a crack not
thus
high; and the very same day did I fight with one Sampson
Stockfish, a fruiterer, behind Gray's Inn. Jesu, Jesu, the
mad
days that I have spent! and to see how many of my old
acquaintance are dead!
SILENCE. We shall all follow, cousin.
SHALLOW. Certain, 'tis certain; very sure, very sure. Death, as
the
Psalmist saith, is certain to all; all shall die. How a good
yoke
of bullocks at Stamford fair?
SILENCE. By my troth, I was not there.
SHALLOW. Death is certain. Is old Double of your town living
yet?
SILENCE. Dead, sir.
SHALLOW. Jesu, Jesu, dead! drew a good bow; and dead! 'A shot a
fine shoot. John a Gaunt loved him well, and betted much
money on
his head. Dead! 'A would have clapp'd i' th' clout at twelve
score, and carried you a forehand shaft a fourteen and
fourteen
and a half, that it would have done a man's heart good to
see.
How a score of ewes now?
SILENCE. Thereafter as they be—a score of good ewes may be
worth
ten pounds.
SHALLOW. And is old Double dead?

Enter BARDOLPH, and one with him

SILENCE. Here come two of Sir John Falstaffs men, as I think.
SHALLOW. Good morrow, honest gentlemen.
BARDOLPH. I beseech you, which is Justice Shallow?
SHALLOW. I am Robert Shallow, sir, a poor esquire of this
county,
and one of the King's justices of the peace. What is your
good
pleasure with me?
BARDOLPH. My captain, sir, commends him to you; my captain, Sir
John Falstaff—a tall gentleman, by heaven, and a most
gallant
leader.
SHALLOW. He greets me well, sir; I knew him a good back-sword
man.
How doth the good knight? May I ask how my lady his wife
doth?
BARDOLPH. Sir, pardon; a soldier is better accommodated than
with a
wife.
SHALLOW. It is well said, in faith, sir; and it is well said
indeed
too. 'Better accommodated!' It is good; yea, indeed, is it.
Good
phrases are surely, and ever were, very commendable.
'Accommodated!' It comes of accommodo. Very good; a good
phrase.
BARDOLPH. Pardon, sir; I have heard the word. 'Phrase' call you
it?
By this day, I know not the phrase; but I will maintain the
word
with my sword to be a soldier-like word, and a word of
exceeding
good command, by heaven. Accommodated: that is, when a man
is, as
they say, accommodated; or, when a man is being-whereby 'a
may be
thought to be accommodated; which is an excellent thing.

Enter FALSTAFF

SHALLOW. It is very just. Look, here comes good Sir John. Give
me
your good hand, give me your worship's good hand. By my
troth,
you like well and bear your years very well. Welcome, good
Sir
John.
FALSTAFF. I am glad to see you well, good Master Robert
Shallow.
Master Surecard, as I think?
SHALLOW. No, Sir John; it is my cousin Silence, in commission
with
me.
FALSTAFF. Good Master Silence, it well befits you should be of
the
peace.
SILENCE. Your good worship is welcome.
FALSTAFF. Fie! this is hot weather. Gentlemen, have you
provided me
here half a dozen sufficient men?
SHALLOW. Marry, have we, sir. Will you sit?
FALSTAFF. Let me see them, I beseech you.
SHALLOW. Where's the roll? Where's the roll? Where's the roll?
Let
me see, let me see, let me see. So, so, so, so,—so, so—yea,
marry, sir. Rafe Mouldy! Let them appear as I call; let them
do
so, let them do so. Let me see; where is Mouldy?
MOULDY. Here, an't please you.
SHALLOW. What think you, Sir John? A good-limb'd fellow; young,
strong, and of good friends.
FALSTAFF. Is thy name Mouldy?
MOULDY. Yea, an't please you.
FALSTAFF. 'Tis the more time thou wert us'd.
SHALLOW. Ha, ha, ha! most excellent, i' faith! Things that are
mouldy lack use. Very singular good! In faith, well said, Sir
John; very well said.
FALSTAFF. Prick him.
MOULDY. I was prick'd well enough before, an you could have let
me
alone. My old dame will be undone now for one to do her
husbandry
and her drudgery. You need not to have prick'd me; there are
other men fitter to go out than I.
FALSTAFF. Go to; peace, Mouldy; you shall go. Mouldy, it is
time
you were spent.
MOULDY. Spent!
SHALLOW. Peace, fellow, peace; stand aside; know you where you
are?
For th' other, Sir John—let me see. Simon Shadow!
FALSTAFF. Yea, marry, let me have him to sit under. He's like
to be
a cold soldier.
SHALLOW. Where's Shadow?
SHADOW. Here, sir.
FALSTAFF. Shadow, whose son art thou?
SHADOW. My mother's son, sir.
FALSTAFF. Thy mother's son! Like enough; and thy father's
shadow.
So the son of the female is the shadow of the male. It is
often
so indeed; but much of the father's substance!
SHALLOW. Do you like him, Sir John?
FALSTAFF. Shadow will serve for summer. Prick him; for we have
a
number of shadows fill up the muster-book.
SHALLOW. Thomas Wart!
FALSTAFF. Where's he?
WART. Here, sir.
FALSTAFF. Is thy name Wart?
WART. Yea, sir.
FALSTAFF. Thou art a very ragged wart.
SHALLOW. Shall I prick him, Sir John?
FALSTAFF. It were superfluous; for his apparel is built upon
his
back, and the whole frame stands upon pins. Prick him no
more.
SHALLOW. Ha, ha, ha! You can do it, sir; you can do it. I
commend
you well. Francis Feeble!
FEEBLE. Here, sir.
FALSTAFF. What trade art thou, Feeble?
FEEBLE. A woman's tailor, sir.
SHALLOW. Shall I prick him, sir?
FALSTAFF. You may; but if he had been a man's tailor, he'd ha'
prick'd you. Wilt thou make as many holes in an enemy's
battle as
thou hast done in a woman's petticoat?
FEEBLE. I will do my good will, sir; you can have no more.
FALSTAFF. Well said, good woman's tailor! well said, courageous
Feeble! Thou wilt be as valiant as the wrathful dove or most
magnanimous mouse. Prick the woman's tailor—well, Master
Shallow, deep, Master Shallow.
FEEBLE. I would Wart might have gone, sir.
FALSTAFF. I would thou wert a man's tailor, that thou mightst
mend
him and make him fit to go. I cannot put him to a private
soldier, that is the leader of so many thousands. Let that
suffice, most forcible Feeble.
FEEBLE. It shall suffice, sir.
FALSTAFF. I am bound to thee, reverend Feeble. Who is next?
SHALLOW. Peter Bullcalf o' th' green!
FALSTAFF. Yea, marry, let's see Bullcalf.
BULLCALF. Here, sir.
FALSTAFF. Fore God, a likely fellow! Come, prick me Bullcalf
till
he roar again.
BULLCALF. O Lord! good my lord captain-
FALSTAFF. What, dost thou roar before thou art prick'd?
BULLCALF. O Lord, sir! I am a diseased man.
FALSTAFF. What disease hast thou?
BULLCALF. A whoreson cold, sir, a cough, sir, which I caught
with
ringing in the King's affairs upon his coronation day, sir.
FALSTAFF. Come, thou shalt go to the wars in a gown. We will
have
away thy cold; and I will take such order that thy friends
shall
ring for thee. Is here all?
SHALLOW. Here is two more call'd than your number. You must
have
but four here, sir; and so, I pray you, go in with me to
dinner.
FALSTAFF. Come, I will go drink with you, but I cannot tarry
dinner. I am glad to see you, by my troth, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW. O, Sir John, do you remember since we lay all night in
the
windmill in Saint George's Field?
FALSTAFF. No more of that, Master Shallow, no more of that.
SHALLOW. Ha, 'twas a merry night. And is Jane Nightwork alive?

FALSTAFF. She lives, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW. She never could away with me.
FALSTAFF. Never, never; she would always say she could not
abide
Master Shallow.
SHALLOW. By the mass, I could anger her to th' heart. She was
then
a bona-roba. Doth she hold her own well?
FALSTAFF. Old, old, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW. Nay, she must be old; she cannot choose but be old;
certain she's old; and had Robin Nightwork, by old Nightwork,
before I came to Clement's Inn.
SILENCE. That's fifty-five year ago.
SHALLOW. Ha, cousin Silence, that thou hadst seen that that
this
knight and I have seen! Ha, Sir John, said I well?
FALSTAFF. We have heard the chimes at midnight, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW. That we have, that we have, that we have; in faith,
Sir
John, we have. Our watchword was 'Hem, boys!' Come, let's to
dinner; come, let's to dinner. Jesus, the days that we have
seen!
Come, come.
Exeunt FALSTAFF and the JUSTICES
BULLCALF. Good Master Corporate Bardolph, stand my friend; and

here's four Harry ten shillings in French crowns for you. In
very
truth, sir, I had as lief be hang'd, sir, as go. And yet, for
mine own part, sir, I do not care; but rather because I am
unwilling and, for mine own part, have a desire to stay with
my
friends; else, sir, I did not care for mine own part so much.
BARDOLPH. Go to; stand aside.
MOULDY. And, good Master Corporal Captain, for my old dame's
sake,
stand my friend. She has nobody to do anything about her when
I
am gone; and she is old, and cannot help herself. You shall
have
forty, sir.
BARDOLPH. Go to; stand aside.
FEEBLE. By my troth, I care not; a man can die but once; we owe
God
a death. I'll ne'er bear a base mind. An't be my destiny, so;
an't be not, so. No man's too good to serve 's Prince; and,
let
it go which way it will, he that dies this year is quit for
the
next.
BARDOLPH. Well said; th'art a good fellow.
FEEBLE. Faith, I'll bear no base mind.

Re-enter FALSTAFF and the JUSTICES

FALSTAFF. Come, sir, which men shall I have?
SHALLOW. Four of which you please.
BARDOLPH. Sir, a word with you. I have three pound to free
Mouldy
and Bullcalf.
FALSTAFF. Go to; well.
SHALLOW. Come, Sir John, which four will you have?
FALSTAFF. Do you choose for me.
SHALLOW. Marry, then—Mouldy, Bullcalf, Feeble, and Shadow.
FALSTAFF. Mouldy and Bullcalf: for you, Mouldy, stay at home
till
you are past service; and for your part, Bullcalf, grow you
come
unto it. I will none of you.
SHALLOW. Sir John, Sir John, do not yourself wrong. They are
your
likeliest men, and I would have you serv'd with the best.
FALSTAFF. Will you tell me, Master Shallow, how to choose a
man?
Care I for the limb, the thews, the stature, bulk, and big
assemblance of a man! Give me the spirit, Master Shallow.
Here's
Wart; you see what a ragged appearance it is. 'A shall charge
you
and discharge you with the motion of a pewterer's hammer,
come
off and on swifter than he that gibbets on the brewer's
bucket.
And this same half-fac'd fellow, Shadow—give me this man. He
presents no mark to the enemy; the foeman may with as great
aim
level at the edge of a penknife. And, for a retreat—how
swiftly
will this Feeble, the woman's tailor, run off! O, give me the
spare men, and spare me the great ones. Put me a caliver into
Wart's hand, Bardolph.
BARDOLPH. Hold, Wart. Traverse—thus, thus, thus.
FALSTAFF. Come, manage me your caliver. So—very well. Go to;
very
good; exceeding good. O, give me always a little, lean, old,
chopt, bald shot. Well said, i' faith, Wart; th'art a good
scab.
Hold, there's a tester for thee.
SHALLOW. He is not his craft's master, he doth not do it right.
I
remember at Mile-end Green, when I lay at Clement's Inn—I
was
then Sir Dagonet in Arthur's show—there was a little quiver
fellow, and 'a would manage you his piece thus; and 'a would
about and about, and come you in and come you in. 'Rah, tah,
tah!' would 'a say; 'Bounce!' would 'a say; and away again
would
'a go, and again would 'a come. I shall ne'er see such a
fellow.
FALSTAFF. These fellows will do well. Master Shallow, God keep
you!
Master Silence, I will not use many words with you: Fare you