JAQUES.
How seventh cause?—Good my lord, like this fellow?
DUKE SENIOR.
I like him very well.
TOUCHSTONE.
God ’ild you, sir, I desire you of the like. I press in here, sir, amongst the rest of the country copulatives, to swear and to forswear according as marriage binds and blood breaks. A poor virgin, sir, an ill-favoured thing, sir, but mine own; a poor humour of mine, sir, to take that that no man else will. Rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor house, as your pearl in your foul oyster.
DUKE SENIOR.
By my faith, he is very swift and sententious.
TOUCHSTONE.
According to the fool’s bolt, sir, and such dulcet diseases.
JAQUES.
But, for the seventh cause. How did you find the quarrel on the seventh cause?
TOUCHSTONE.
Upon a lie seven times removed—bear your body more seeming, Audrey—as thus, sir. I did dislike the cut of a certain courtier’s beard. He sent me word if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the mind it was. This is called the “retort courteous”. If I sent him word again it was not well cut, he would send me word he cut it to please himself. This is called the “quip modest”. If again it was not well cut, he disabled my judgement. This is called the “reply churlish”. If again it was not well cut, he would answer I spake not true. This is called the “reproof valiant”. If again it was not well cut, he would say I lie. This is called the “countercheck quarrelsome”, and so, to the “lie circumstantial”, and the “lie direct”.
JAQUES.
And how oft did you say his beard was not well cut?
TOUCHSTONE.
I durst go no further than the lie circumstantial, nor he durst not give me the lie direct; and so we measured swords and parted.
JAQUES.
Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie?