There are a thousand arguments against premature marriages, which I shall not stop to discuss in this lecture. You will hear this subject fully discussed in my lectures on Sexual Science, and you will also find it elucidated at length in my “Science of Creation.” Those who have neglected to marry until past the ages above given, if in sound health and good character, may consider that they have my consent as soon as they can find a proper complementary consort, according to my full written delineation.
The female should be about three years younger than the male. This rule applies at all stages of life. Under no circumstances should a man marry a woman older than himself. Neither should he marry one more than five years his junior; and three above stated is better, because the female matures three years younger than the male, as a rule, and this allows for both to marry at the same stage of maturity. There are most weighty physiological reasons for the support of this rule, the full discussion of which I reserve until my lectures on Sexual Science. But I will answer one common objection to this rule right here:
It is quite a common belief that, unless a man marries a woman ten years his junior, in a few years his wife will look too old for him. This belief is based upon the fact that most married women break down and look old in a very short time. This is lamentably true, but there is no good reason why it should be so. It is contrary to nature, and whenever a result is contrary to nature, the cause which produces it is a violation of nature’s laws; and the violation of nature’s laws, which results in the premature decay of American women, is found mainly in improper marriages, wrong sexual conditions, unhygienic habits, and the woful ignorance of both husband and wife in all that pertains to a proper marriage relation. And, ladies, if you will see that your husbands attend my lectures on Sexual Science, I will promise to educate them to that point where they will be able to preserve your beauty. And in my lectures to ladies on the same subject, I shall impart knowledge which will aid you in preserving your charms and also increasing the manliness of your husbands.
There is no part of my professional work that I approach with as great a feeling of responsibility as this sacred question of Matrimony. And when I am consulted by a young man or woman and requested to give my professional sanction to a proposed union, I study the characters of the parties with my most conscientious skill, and in the light of science I approve it or condemn it, regardless of everything but the great laws of nature, which, knowing, I dare not disobey.
It frequently happens that I am obliged to condemn the aspirations of youthful minds, who up to that time have fondly imagined that they are perfectly suited to each other. But I have fearlessly passed an adverse judgment upon thousands of such cases, and in no case have I had cause to regret my decision. But in many cases, when parties have married in defiance of nature’s laws, as explained by me, have they had cause to regret it. And many, very many, whom I have advised against improper marriages, have returned to thank me for my counsel.
Some years ago I examined a young Methodist preacher, and when I described his adaptation in matrimony he seemed dejected, and remarked that it did not correspond at all with his sweetheart. I told him he was lucky to find out the truth before it was too late. He then brought the young lady to me for a personal examination, and both requested me to be candid and to give them the benefit of my highest professional skill. I did so. I said to the young man, “You are a preacher, a man of strong magnetic power, upon which you depend for success; your social organs are very large, and you depend on them to attract and hold those with whom you come in friendly contact. You need a wife who will fortify these elements in your character with strong magnetic and social qualities of her own. This lady, on the contrary, will neutralize in a great degree what you already possess. She is cold and exclusive, and, married to her, you would not be as successful as you would be single. Moreover, you are a man of warm, affectionate nature, demanding a great deal of caressing and amative demonstration from your wife. This lady would freeze you out in one week.
“You have, also, some inharmonious similarities. You are argumentative, dogmatic and commanding in disposition, unyielding, inflexible and positive. This lady is like you in these respects, and if you get into an argument, neither would yield a point, and the result would be sure to be domestic discord. The attachment you both feel for each other is merely fraternal. There is not the first element of sexual magnetism in your constitutions.”
They were convinced, and broke the engagement then and there. Two years later I found them both happily married to other parties, according to my instructions, and both took occasion to thank me for saving them from a sad mistake.
I once examined a young artist, of great ability in his professional attainments, but greatly deficient in financial qualifications, and as I described to him his proper adaptation in matrimony, his countenance fell, and he informed me that, in most respects, I had described a type of character quite opposite from what his affianced was. He brought the young lady to me, subsequently, with the request that I should be as candid as possible. I found the young lady also gifted in artistic skill, but utterly wanting in physical stamina and business qualifications. I then said, “You are too much alike. You are, in a physiological sense, brother and sister. The offspring of such a marriage would be weak physically and mentally, if you had any, which is doubtful. You are both the embodiment of delicacy and refinement, artistic taste and sensitiveness, without one element of robust physique or business ability. You never made a dollar in your life.”
“No,” said the young man, “my father supports me.”