“Now,” said Prof. Windsor to a representative of the Times last evening at the Opera-house as they took seats commanding a view of the audience, “if you’ll pay attention I’ll give you some points on matrimony from a phrenological standpoint, illustrated with practical examples from this audience:
“Notice that couple just behind the usher in the middle aisle. The gentleman, as you see, is a brunette, tall, angular, with a prominent Roman nose, and a firm step. He is one of our promising young attorneys, as the papers say. An aggressive executive disposition is written in every line of his face. He is not so noted for legal knowledge as for his ability in handling the facts in the case. Notice his chin, which is rather narrow, round, and projects well forward.”
“What does that signify?”
“An intense desire to love. His affections, like the rest of his character, are aggressive and must find expression. His conjugality is large and he will center all his affections on one beloved object.
“Now, notice the lady. She has taken the seat beside him, and the average observer would not detect anything wrong, but I can see from here that she does not enjoy his company. There is no compatibility between them, and if they marry they can expect nothing but misery.”
“Upon what evidence do you base these conclusions?”
“Well, her temperament is similar to his, as you will see if you notice her features and complexion; but that isn’t all. Notice her position. The lines of her figure are all inclined away from him. She smiles at his conversation, out of politeness, and is not conscious of the fact that she is betraying her dislike by any act; but she is, nevertheless.
“Now notice that couple over there on the left, three seats back of the one we have just observed. You see the lady is a blonde with a wide forehead and a nose which has a regular curve from the root to the tip. That is what we call the celestial nose, because it is always pointing skyward and serves as a perpetual interrogation point. She can ask more questions between the acts than her companion can answer in a fortnight. Her chin is narrow and pointed, which signifies congenial love and a wealth of affection which she is anxious to bestow on somebody. Her companion, you see, is a semi-brunette with a rather wide head. He is one of our prominent retail merchants and the lady is his fiancée.”
“What are the prospects for their future happiness?”
“Good. Notice that indentation in the middle of his chin, signifying an intense desire to be loved, a passive form of the passion, but admirably adapted to her equally strong desire to manifest the active form by caresses and endearments. Notice how closely they sit together, the lines of both figures inclining to each other. Why, you couldn’t put a piece of tissue paper between their shoulders. His nose is slightly modeled after the Roman type, and as hers curves the other way the circle of adaptability is complete.”