“But why—why are you doing this?”
I would have recalled the words as soon as I had spoken them. There was the slightest unsteadiness in her voice as she replied:—“Is it necessary to go into that, Hugh? Wouldn't it be useless as well as a little painful? Surely, going to Europe without one's husband is not an unusual thing in these days. Let it just be understood that I want to go, that the children have arrived at an age when it will do them good.”
I got up and began to walk up and down the room, while she watched me with a silent calm which was incomprehensible. In vain I summoned my faculties to meet it.
I had not thought her capable of such initiative.
“I can't see why you want to leave me,” I said at last, though with a full sense of the inadequacy of the remark, and a suspicion of its hypocrisy.
“That isn't quite true,” she answered. “In the first place, you don't need me. I am not of the slightest use in your life, I haven't been a factor in it for years. You ought never to have married me,—it was all a terrible mistake. I began to realize that after we had been married a few months—even when we were on our wedding trip. But I was too inexperienced—perhaps too weak to acknowledge it to myself. In the last few years I have come to see it plainly. I should have been a fool if I hadn't. I am not your wife in any real sense of the word, I cannot hold you, I cannot even interest you. It's a situation that no woman with self-respect can endure.”
“Aren't those rather modern sentiments, for you, Maude?” I said.
She flushed a little, but otherwise retained her remarkable composure.
“I don't care whether they are 'modern' or not, I only know that my position has become impossible.”
I walked to the other end of the room, and stood facing the carefully drawn curtains of the windows; fantastically, they seemed to represent the impasse to which my mind had come. Did she intend, ultimately, to get a divorce? I dared not ask her. The word rang horribly in my ears, though unpronounced; and I knew then that I lacked her courage, and the knowledge was part of my agony.