Now, for the instruction of our readers in this elegant,[Pg 79] nay, necessary accomplishment, we must begin by observing that the Asyndeton may be practised in various manners and matters. There is the Asyndeton in actions, the Asyndeton in dress, and the Asyndeton in conversation. The first of these is adapted to the capacities of promising young men, who have some talent, some wit, and just sufficient vanity to render both of no service. The second is very proper to be used by the lady with little beauty, who wishes to be brillante; and the third is equally suitable to the lady with little wit, who wishes to be piquante. We have made our treatise so prolix, and indulged in such frequent digressions, that we fear our description will be considered a specimen of the figure we are describing; we will therefore briefly conclude this, as we concluded our former essay, by throwing together a few promiscuous specimens of the Asyndeton, in the above classes of its professors:—
William Mutable.—Jan. 31, 1820, left Cambridge a wrangler.—Feb. 12, studied “Fancy” with Jackson.—March 10, entered the “Bachelors’ Club.”—April 1, married! the day was ominous.
Charles Random.—Feb. 20, 1820, bought a commission.—26th ditto, entered himself of the Temple.—March 1, entered the Church, and sported a wig.—March 6, left off the wig and fell in love.—March 20, despaired, and turned Quaker.—March 30, caught a fever by dancing.—Feb. 1, quite recovered.—Feb. 2, died.
Sophia Mellon.—First Masquerade in the season, a Venus.—2nd, a Vesta.—3rd, a Georgian.—4th, a Gipsy.
Laura Voluble.—Seven o’clock, talking morality with the Doctor.—Eight, nonsense with the Captain.—Nine, Greek with the pedant.—Ten, love with the Poet.—Eleven,—Silent!—This was the most marvellous change of all, and Laura is without a rival in the Practical Asyndeton.
ON HAIR-DRESSING.
“Jamque à tonsore magistro
Pecteris.” Juv.
We intend, with the permission of Mr. John Smith, to present our readers with a few observations upon Hair-dressing. Before we enter upon this topic, which we shall certainly treat capitally, we must assure the respectable individual above alluded to, that it is our intention in no respect to assume to ourselves the shears which he has so long and so successfully wielded. We should be sorry to encroach upon the privileges, or to step into the shoes, of so respectable a member of the community. We have a real veneration for his pointed scissors, and his no less pointed narratives, although our ears are occasionally outraged by both, since the first deal occasionally in the Tmesis, and the latter more frequently in the hyperbole. Long may he continue in the undisturbed possession of those rights which he so deservedly enjoys; long may he continue to restore its youthful polish to the whiskered lip, and to prune with tonsoric scythe the luxuriance of our capillary excrescences: