I wonder that God did not cut me off in my sins, after grieving his spirit so long. He is not willing that any should perish. I had felt for several years that I should not have the strivings of the Spirit but once more, and then, if I did not yield, I should be left to myself, abandoned of God.
On the fifth of February, 1857, God met me in the road. These words came with great force to my mind: “Choose you this day whom ye will serve. Come, decide the matter now. If you mean to serve the devil the remainder of your life, say so right here. Have this matter settled forever. If you mean to give yourself to God, do it now! This is the time.”
These were awful moments to me. “Choose you this day whom ye will serve.” I was pressed to a decision. My immortal spirit seemed to balance between heaven and hell. Heaven, with all that is lovely, joys immortal forever at God’s right hand, seemed to be clearly presented on the one hand; and the damnation of hell on the other. Which will you have? I resolved from that time, henceforth and forever, to seek after and serve God with all my redeemed powers. That evening I erected a family altar, and commenced calling upon the name of the Lord. The next morning I thanked God for keeping me and mine through the night; and when seated around the table I thanked God for the food prepared for us. This was really a great cross. I had vowed to God, the residue of my life should be spent in His service. I continued to seek the Lord by doing everything I thought a Christian ought to do. I made it a specialty to get religion. I cried unto the Lord with all my heart, and the more I prayed the worse I felt. For three days and nights I was wrestling with God in prayer. I confessed my sins. I did all that I could. After continuing in this way for about three days, it occurred to me that there was no mercy for me. I had sinned away the day of grace. These were truly awful moments to me. No hope! No mercy! No salvation! Right here the spirit whispered to my aching heart, “Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved;” and blessed be God, right here I was enabled to believe that Jesus Christ was my Saviour. My weight of guilt was gone. Joy and peace filled my heart. Old things had passed away, and behold! all things had become new. I sprang to my feet and praised God aloud! At this point in my experience, my feelings are well described in those beautiful lines of Dr. Hunter:
Sinking and panting, as for breath,
I knew not help was near me,
And cried, “O, save me, Lord, from death!
Immortal Jesus, hear me!”
Then, quick as thought, I felt Him mine,
My Saviour stood before me!
I saw his brightness round me shine,