THE
Cinnamon Heart,

A Mediæval Candy Scrape,

In 3 Acts.

WRITTEN BY
Mr. Arthur L. Brown and Mr. Howard Hoppin.

Authors’ Copy.

PROVIDENCE:
J. A. & R. A. REID, Printers, 24 Custom House Street.
1883.

Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1881, by Arthur L. Brown
and Howard Hoppin, in the office of the Librarian of
Congress, at Washington.

All Rights Reserved.

Address,
ARTHUR L. BROWN, or
HOWARD HOPPIN,
Providence, R. I.

Dramatis Personæ.

Synopsis of Scenery.

ACT I.

Castle Courtyard of Nougat I.:

• Back drop, landscape.
• Castle and tower back L. centre, with door and window over—Door bell.
• Low stone wall back R. centre from castle.
• High stone wall R. (boxed), with large gate.
• Stone castle (boxed) L., with door.

ACT II.

Chemist’s Laboratory:

• Back flat.
• Large stone arched window in it, R.
• Concealed door (on pivot) L. centre.
• Stone forge and chimney R. front.
• Door L.
• Sides boxed—stone walls—covered with small shelves—bottles, skulls, skeletons, etc.

ACT III.

Same as Act I., but with window broken and signs of devastation.

The Cinnamon Heart.

Note.—The marginal lines indicate portions to be sung.

ACT I.

Castle Courtyard of Nougat I.—Suitors grouped about stage, looking up at window, L. C. All with guitars. All singing.

No. 1.

Suitors.—

The breezes of morning,

Softly laden with perfumes,

Betoken that breakfast is on the table,

And the Royal family finishing

The Charlotte Russe and lobster

Salad, ’scolloped oysters, lemonade,

And melted ice-cream,—left

From last night’s party.

’Twas there we met her.

Ah! ’twas there we lost our hearts.

And early this morning we’ve come

To make our party calls,

To ask her hand,

And serenade this lovely

Princess Caramella.

(Then accompany upon guitars.)

Song.—

Maiden with golden hair,

Maiden of beauty rare,

List to our humble prayer,

E’er we get thinner.

Look out, we humbly pray,

Turn not your eyes away,

Ask us to call to-day,

Also to dinner.

Of this, would’st know the cause,

Say we, without a pause,

It is what we all love to do,

All love to do.

Hunger and love combined

In us are closely twined.

It is what we all love to do,

All love to do.

(Interlude, with guitar accompaniment. All change to another position and sing.)

2nd Verse.

Why doth the Chicadee

Eat up the bumble bee?

Why doth the sangaree

Soak up the sugar?

Why doth the little lamb

Dance round the parent ram?

Why doth the juicy clam

Stay in salt water?

Why doth the pretty fly

Die in the apple pie?

It is what they all love to do,

All love to do.

Why are we singing here

To Caramella dear?

It is what we all love to do,

All love to do.

(Suitors all crowd together at castle door, and consult.)

1st S.—

Oh! where are servants? She’s at home, I trust.

Let’s ring.

2d S.—

We dare not!

3d S.—

Oh! we can’t!

1st S.—

We must!

There’s no one here; we’ll have to ring this bell.

You do it. I’m too tired (to 2d S.).

2d S.—

Very well.

But stay! ’twill jar my nerves. (To 3d S.) You ring.

3d S.—

What! I?

With feelings so depressed? Oh, no! You try (to 4th).

Here, ring!

4th S.—

Ah! well, if so, I must. But, oh!

Suppose there is a dog. You ring (to 5th S.).

5th S.—

No! no!

Perhaps they have a gun that shoots. Oh! dear.

I am afraid. You ring (to 6th S.).

6th S.—

I’m dead with fear.

I wonder if she’s in. What shall we do?

You ring (to 1st S.).

1st S.—

No. You (to 2d).

2d S.—

No. You (to 3d).

3d S.—

No. You (to 4th).

4th S.—

No. You (to 5th).

2d S.—

How can we do it?

1st S.—

Do it in a crowd!

By ringing all together—quick and loud.

(Suitors all take hands down stage; go up hand in hand cautiously, and prepare to ring. 1st S. holding bell.)

No. 2.

Music.—Prelude. (All pull and sing.)

All.—

Ring at the door-bell,

Pull at the knocker;

Ring at the door-bell. Pull!

(Pull door-bell out. All fall down stage. Music. Enter Sassy and Maids C. door.)

Sassy.—

Gentlemen, why do you ring so loudly

That our door-bell gives away?

Suitors.—

We have come to see your Royal Mistress,

Is she to be seen to-day?

Maids.—

{ No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Suitors.—

{ Oh! in love, in love we are.

Maids.—

{ You must see her Pa.

Suitors.—

{ Not with her Pa.

Maids.—

{ For you strangers are.

Suitors.—

{ We’re from afar, we are.

Maids.—

{ No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Suitors.—

{ To see our love.

Maids.—

{ You must talk with her Papa-a-a-a-a-a.

Suitors.—

{ Not her Papa a-a-a-a-a.

(Suitors step forward and show cards.)

2d Verse.

Suitors.—

Here you have our cards all neatly made by

Tiffany, of New York city.

Sassy.—

That establishes your reputation.

We will take them unto her.

Suitors.—

{ Please be sure they go to her.

Maids.—

{ We’ll be sure they go to her.

Suitors.—

{ Please be sure they go to her.

Maids.—

{ We’ll be sure they go to her.

(Suitors give cards to Maids. Exeunt Sassy and Maids into house C.)

Interlude.

(Suitors come down R. front and sing.)

No. 3.

Suitors.—

When you love a Royal Princess,

If it’s hard—send your card;

She will have to marry, since es-

Cape is hard, very hard;

For she never likes to forfeit,

Or retard, your regard;

So you always can with profit,

Send your card.

(King looks out of window C.—takes up retarded note, and sings.)

King.—

Good morning, sirs, just wait until

I can arrange my dish-y-bill.

I have your cards, and will be down

As soon as I can find my crown,

My gilded sceptre, and my purple shirt.

(Shuts window.)

Suitors.—

Now we’re certain of the Princess

For her dad has our card.

She will have to marry, since es-

Cape is hard, very hard;

For the King won’t let her forfeit,

Or retard, our regard;

Thus we have, this time, with profit,

Sent our card.

(All talk together back R. Music. Enter King with cards, to slow dance.—King comes down C., and sings.)

No. 4.

King.—

Of all the jolly fellows,

The jolliest are Kings;

They are utterly oblivious

Of disagreeable things.

Now I have been a pauper

For the devil of a while,

But as a King, I hide it

With a long-drawn smile.

(Smiles broadly.)

With a side-long smile,

With a long sighed smile,

But as a King, I hide it

With a long-drawn smile.

Ha! Ha! (Very joyful.)

Ha! Ha! (Melancholy.)

Ha! Ha! (Very sadly.)

Music.

(King takes slow dance up stage.)

(2nd Verse.)

Secure in his position,

A monarch never cares

If all his clothes are tattered,

And filled with holes and tears.

Just gaze upon this mantle,

It’s nearly torn in half,

But as a King I view it,

With a long-drawn laugh.

(Smiles.)

With a side-long laugh,

Yes!—a long sighed laugh,

But as a King, I view it,

With a long-drawn laugh.

Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha!

(Dances slowly around stage. Sees Suitors and speaks.)

King.—

Ah! gentlemen! Good morning—hope you’re well.

Suitors.—

Yes!—thank your Highness!

King.—

That is good—now tell

Your business here.

Suitors.—

Yes—thank your High—

King.—

(Interrupting.)—Proceed!

You come as suitors,

Suitors.—

Yes, my liege!

King.—

Indeed!

(Aside.) Our daughter seems to be in great demand;

I wonder if they only want her hand.

That’s all that they can get—for I’m so poor

I don’t know where to find my lunch. I’m sure

The man that marries her must furnish gold,

And do it now—at once—they must be told.

(Turning to Suitors. Aloud.)

Now, gentlemen, to business—you are here

As suitors for our daughter, that is clear.

You love our daughter—if aright we read.

Suitors.—

Oh, yes, your Highness, very much indeed.

King.—

Yes!—that is clear—now, as to worldly things

Pray—let us see the gifts that each one brings.

Suitors.—

The gifts! Your Highness— (Astonished.)

King.—

Certainly—of course

Some compensation equal to the loss

To us—both for the time we’re wasting here,

And for the losing of our daughter dear.

Suitors.—

Good Gracious! (Low to each other.)

King.—

(Impatiently.) Well!—be quick!—here is our crown.

Out with your money, now, and put it down.

(King holds crown behind him. Suitors all advance, and put in money.)

’Tis our unfailing custom—ever since

The time when we became a Sovereign Prince,

And had a daughter with enough good looks

To ope to me—her suitors’ pocket-books—

(Takes money from crown and puts it in pocket.)

And now as this small point of etiquette

Has been so easily and surely met,

We’ll ask you to excuse us for a while,

Until we go and put your cards on file.

And with the Princess, we’ll return again

Within this court about the hour of ten.

(King bows, and exit C. door. Suitors stand in same positions looking at each other in silence, feeling in pockets.—Pause.)

1st S.—

Ah well! we’ve done it now. He has the gold;

It’s customary I suppose, and old—

It’s very sad—but stay! ’tis nearly ten,

Let’s brush ourselves a bit and try again.

(Music and jingling of bells outside.)

1st S.—

What sound is that—how palpitates my heart,

They must be coming—do you know your part?

Get in your places—don’t appear to see,

But fold your hands and sigh—and copy me.

(Suitors form at back L. Music and bells. Enter Caramella and King, dancing, hand and hand.)

No. 5.

Cara.—

I have no village cart,

No pony phaeton;

But out with Pa I start,

And him I lay it on.

King.—

We run our own coupés,

Cara.—

Gig, landeau, coach and chaise,

King.—

Hack, cab, and jaunting car,

Cara.—

Trap and Victoria.

Chorus. (Cara. and King dance around stage.)

Suitors.—

Hi yar! Hi yar! Just see her run her Pa-ha-ha.

Hi yar! Hi yar! She ought to drive a car-ha-ha.

Hi yar! Hi yar! This beats a jaunting car-ha-ha.

Hi yar! Hi yar! A swell Victoria. Ha-ha.—(Repeat faster.)

2d Verse.

Cara.—

On every pleasant day

Driving is our resource,

We wander far away;

Nor do we need a horse?

King.—

If rain begins to fall,

Cara.—

We take the carryall,

King.—

Or if the skies are free,

Cara.—

Jump in the light buggee.

Chorus.—

Hi yar! Hi yar! etc. (Repeated like 1st verse.)

(Cara. suddenly sees Suitors—stops, changes manner—then to Suitors.)

Cara.—

Hey-day! what’s this?

King.—

These gentlemen, my dear,

Are suitors for your hand.

(Suitors all look down, meekly.)

Cara.—

So they appear.

I’m bored to death by suitors,—go away.

King.—

Just listen first to what they have to say,

They surely are entitled to be heard,

(Aside.) Besides, they’ve paid out money for a word.

Cara.—

Indeed. Well, let them talk, I’m all suspense;

Proceed, kind gentlemen, but utter sense.

(SUITORS all come down meekly and sing.)

No. 6.

(Music.)

Suitors.—

Oh! Princess, we can talk and warble

In a most agreeable way,

At tennis we are very prominent,

And also great at croquet.

We play at battledore and shuttlecock—

In knickerbockers arrayed,

But are particularly pleasant

While we trill this sweet serenade.

Zum-la-la-la-la-la, (Playing on guitars.)

Zum-la-la-la-a.

Just give to this a passing glance.

See, in what harmony we dance—

Easy and graceful, lightly we tread.

Please, Miss Caramella, look with

Favor on our suit.

Oh! marry us.

Suitors.—

{ Come dance, boys—kick up, boys,

Cara. & K.—

{ Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Suitors.—

{ And cut the pigeon wing.

Cara. & K.—

{ How perfectly absurd.

Suitors.—

{ Again, boys. Put in, boys,

Cara. & K.—

{ Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Suitors.—

{ And show her how we fling.

Cara. & K.—

{ How perfectly absurd.

Suitors.—

{ To right—to left—in front—

Cara. & K.—

{ How perfectly absurd.

Suitors.—

{ Behind—below—oh—oh—oh—oh—

Cara. & K.—

{ How perfectly absurd.

(All dance furiously, Cara. and King laughing. At end of music Suitors all get down on knees and wait.)

Cara. (sarcastically).—

And is this all? Quite finished? Surely done?

Not overlooked a single charm—not one?

You all excel in something—so you say;

(Changing tone quickly.)

You don’t excel enough—please go away.

(Turns back on Suitors and goes down R.)

Suitors.—

Alas!

King.—

We feel most sorry for your woe,

But such is fate. We fear you’ll have to go.

1st S.—

Have pity, oh! your Highness. See us here

Most miserable suitors. See that tear.

(Showing handkerchief.)

Be kind to us poor suitors.

King (sternly.)—

Gentlemen!

We are surprised to hear that word again;

You are not suitors!

1st S.—

Yes, your Highness.

King.—

No!!

Didn’t you hear our daughter tell you so?

How can you suitors be when you don’t—

Cara.—

Hush!

Oh, father, do not say it—please don’t.

King.—

Tush!

It is our duty as a crownèd Prince;

We can’t descend from speaking plain, to hints.

You can’t be suitors.

Suitors.—

Tell at any cost!

King.—

Because you do not suit her!

(King and Cara. burst out into laughter. Suitors get up slowly and brush dust off knees.)

1st S.—

Of course, if you choose to treat us in this way,

We obey.

2d S.—

I suppose you have the right to be gay

At our expense—but it won’t pay.

3d S.—

You of course can say—anything you choose,

Certainly you may.

4th S.—

But here we shall not stay

5th S.—

To hear all the mean things you say,

6th S.—

In this disagreeable way.

All.—

Good day.

(Exeunt R. gate quickly.)

King (turning.).—

Hey?

Ah! they have gone.

(Cara. begins to cry. King turns and sees her.)

Hullo! Why how is this?

What, crying, daughter? Didn’t you dismiss

These silly men because they didn’t suit?

I do not understand it—I’m a brute!

Cara.—

Oh! dearest father (aside, Yes, I’ll tell,) my heart

Is sad beyond the power of suitor’s art;

I sigh for other things, and sigh again

For something else; but always sigh in vain.

I wait with eager longing for the time

When I can reach that altitude sublime,

For which I hope—which in my dreams I see—

Oh! dearest father, don’t you pity me?

King.—

Alas! my daughter, this is hard to hear—

You’re eating candy far too much, my dear.

Cara.—

Oh! no, dear pa.

King.—

Then you in love must be,

Those symptoms indicate a heart not free.

You love!!!

Cara.—

Ah, yes!

King (starting).—

What!! Do I hear aright?

You love! (Aside.) Great guns! my income put to flight.

When this unfortunate result is told,

Good-bye to suitors, and to all their gold.

(Aloud.) Oh, daughter! daughter! this will never do.

(Fiercely.) Who is this creature that’s beloved by you?

Cara.—

Ah! yes, I love! but in a different way

From that expressed by those buffoons to-day.

My love is sticky.

King.—

Sticky??

Cara.—

Yes, and sweet.

And almost—but not quite—too good to eat.

King.—

Who is he? Are you raving?

Cara.—

No, dear pa.

How impolite and curious you are.

I love!—oh heavens!—even in my dreams,

Molasses candy! gum drops! choc’late creams!

’Tis that I love—’tis candy I adore.

King (aside).—

The danger is averted.

(Aloud to Cara.) Tell me more.

(Music.) (Cara. comes down front and sings.)

No. 7.

Cara.—

Candy—sweetest word e’er spoken;

Candy—whether mixed or broken.

Tender dreams of candy pulling;

Visions sweet, of buttered pans;

Anxious longing, while it’s cooling;

He is blest who understands.

Ah! thou delicious molasses,

And thou glorious chocolate creams.

Oh candy!—thy beauty surpasses,

Surpasses our most roseate dreams.

Ah!

Beautiful, tender caramel,

Soothing to taste, and pleasant to smell;

Vanilla, lemon, chocolate, move

My sensitive heart far more than suitor’s love.

King (aside).—

Her heart is moved by candy more than love.

Cara.—

Ah!

Beautiful, tender caramel,

Soothing to taste, and pleasant to smell;

Vanilla, lemon, chocolate, move

My sensitive heart far more than suitor’s love.

Tender and fragrant is the smell,

And soothing is the caramel;

Lemon, vanilla, and chocolate, move

My heart far more than suitor’s love.

Lemon, chocolate, sweeter than suitor’s love,

Sweeter than love.

2nd Verse. (For encore.)

Who would care for man’s affection.

Who would wish engagement rings;

When, in every known direction,

You can find sweet sugar things.

Ah! thou delicious molasses.

(Et sequitur—same as first. Exit Cara.—up stage L. while singing.)

King.—

(Solil.) All this is very nice, but as it sounds

Experience was gained by eating pounds

Of candy—ah! who’s this—

(Enter Sassyfrass C.)

Oh! Sassyfrass,

I want some information here—my lass.

How many pounds of candy, in a day,

Can you and Caramella put away.

Sassy.—

Excuse me—“Put away.”

King.—

Eat!!

Sassy.—

Oh!—I see!

In pounds?

King.—

Yes!

Sassy (counting).—

Eighteen, twenty, twenty-three.

King.—

Great guns!

Sassy.—

Why, that’s not much.

King.—

You mean to say

That she eats three-and-twenty pounds a day?

Ah!—that’s the reason why she fails to see

The sweetness in her lovers—twenty-three.

(Aside.) Good gracious!—twenty-three!!—and I to pay;

I’ll marry her this very blessed day,

I will!—What, twenty-three—as I’m a king—

We change all this.

(Chemists heard singing outside. Music.)

(Aloud.) Ah! listen! just the thing;

Those celebrated chemists walking near;

Quick, Sassyfrass—go out and bring them here.

(Exit Sassy. R. gate.)

I’ll get advice—but I’m reduced, and hence,

I’ll only give a dollar-and-seventy cents.

(Takes out money from pocket.)

That’s all those suitors gave me—but that sum

Will surely be sufficient—here they come.

(Music.)

(Enter Sassy., followed by Chemists, R. gate. Chemists dancing.)

No. 8.

(Enter Maids from back, creeping down, curiously.)

Chemists.—

When you are ill, or blue in the gill,

If you’re shaking with a chill—

You’ll shake until—you take our pill.

It will either cure or it will kill—

It will either cure or kill.

This priceless balm we have brought from far,

The sweet-scented spirits of ammonia.

Maids.—

(Lean over, smell bottles, and sneeze.) Kechew!!

Chemists.—

Sweet spirits of ammonia.

All.—

Spirits of ammonia.

Chemists.—

We are allopathic—

Maids.—

Kechew!

Chemists.—

Or homœopathic—

Maids.—

Kechew!

Chemists.—

We cure all diseases by rule mathematic.

All.—

Kechew! Kechew! Kechew! (Sneezing violently.)

This precious balm { they } have brought from far,

{ we }

Is the “spirits ammonia.”

(Repeat chorus, with drum and cymbals, on “Kechew.”)

No. 9.

King.—

But where is the Professor?

Chemists.—

He is coming now; don’t you hear the row.

(Cymbals and gong.)

He is coming in all his greatness—

Tremble!!

(Enter Professor R. gate.)

All.—

I wonder what he’s going to say,

Doesn’t he look awful wise?

He has an interesting way,

And also an imposing size—

(Music leads up to note, and gives chord. Prof. comes forward as if to sing, but bows, and says, sweetly,)

Prof. (spoken).—Good morning!

All (disappointedly).—Good morning!

No. 10.

Prof.—

On second thoughts,

It is not a good morning;

For though the sun shines bright,

Take warning—

Southerly wind, and a cloudy sky

Winds northwest, perhaps, by and by,

For New York and Pennsylvania,

And the states on the Gulf of Mexico.

For Arkansas there will be

A great disturbance in mercuree;

And for all the other states that remain

They will have local rain,

Frost and hail, and ice and snow,

And cold winds will rage and blow;

Earthquakes, water-spouts, cyclones, thunder-storms,

Whirlwinds, tidal waves, very bad tempests;

But in spite of this there will be

Pleasant weather generallee.

But you’d better all take pains

To look out for local rains.

No. 11.

This I know for—

Sings.—

I am a great astrologer.

All.—

A regular sockdologer.

Prof.—

A graduated colledger.

My name is Finigin;

I get my knowledge from the stars

From pickled snakes put up in jars,

From dead men’s wired vertebras,

From skulls of apes and men.

All.—

He is a great ass—

(Prof. turns and scowls.)

——trologer.

He is a great ass—trologer.

He is a great ass—trologer!

2nd Verse.

Prof.—

I take a pint of kerosene,

Chem.—

Tremendous pint of kerosene.

Prof.—

And let two hours intervene,

Then mix it in a pill,

Four candle ends, molasses too,

With squills and ginger-snaps and glue,

’Twill settle any one of you,

And cure your every ill.

All.—

That is a great li——

(Prof. turns and scowls.)

——fe preserver.

That is a great li——fe preserver.

That is a great li——fe preserver!

(Prof. turns and comes down front to King.)

Prof.—

That’s but the smallest part of what I know;

Now, if you like, I’ll go ahead and show

The relative conditions that appear

In pharmacologistic law.

(Opens large dictionary.)

Sassy.—

Oh dear!

(Prof. scowls, looks severely at Sassy, then to all.)

Prof.—

Apparently this subject isn’t one

Of universal interest—

(Shuts dictionary with a bang.)

I’m done!!

King.—

Well, yes! as you were saying—it is late,

(Cheerfully.) And we have some important things to state.

(Calling)—Hey! Caramella!!

(Enter Cara., L.)

Here’s the first of men,

Professor Paracelsus Finigin.

(Prof. and Cara. bow.)

Cara. (frightened).—

Oh, thank you!

Prof.—

Charmed! I do assure you, me’m,

Quite pretty well, considering?

Chemists (very loudly).—

Ahem!!

Cara. (starting).—

O dear! What’s that?

Prof.—

Excuse me, I forgot—

(To chemists.)

You want an introduction, do you not?

Chem.—H’m, H’m! (Assenting.)

Prof.—Well, this is Princess Caramella, daughter of our honored king, Nougat First.

Chem.—Ho! Ho! (Surprised.)

Prof. (to Cara.)—And these gentlemen are followers in my footsteps and like me, though in a minor degree. Doctors of Science and Registered Pharmacists.

Chem.—Ha! Ha! (Satisfaction.)

Prof. (introducing).—Princess Caramella—Registered Pharmacists. Registered Pharmacists—Princess Caramella.

Chem.—He, he! (Laughing.)

(Cara. and Chemists bow.)

King.—

And now, most learned gentlemen, we’ll tell

The reason why we want you.

Chem.—

Very well.

King.—

Our daughter here is sad and sick at heart,

And very much in need of all your art.

She’s eaten so much candy here and there,

That for a lover’s sweetness she don’t care,

And seems unable to pick out, or know

A husband, when she sees him.

Prof.—

Strange!

Chem.—

Ho! Ho!!

King.—

What shall we do?

Cara.—

Oh yes! what shall we do?

Please think of something nice, I trust in you.

Prof.—

H’m, h’m, the case is bad.

Cara.—

Oh, say not so!

I think I’d like to have a real nice beau;

An interesting lover—brave and strong,

And handsome, too—with ringlets light and long,

Yes, find me such an one—

(Long pause. By-play. Prof. and all thinking.)

Prof. (suddenly).—

I have it—stop!

I think I have a meal-bag in my shop,

’Twill make a first-rate stomach, filled with straw;

I’ll warrant it to last six years and more.

A pair of wooden legs—keep still! be calm,

If I remember right, I have an arm.

Cara.—

Oh! that’s just splendid!

King.—

We don’t understand.

A pair of legs—explain it—we command!

Cara.—

Why father, don’t you see? He’ll make a beau.

Prof.—

Yes; manufacture one to order.

King.—

Oh!

Prof.—

I’ve often made ’em—nothing new to me—

Alchemic science—chemistry.

King.—

We see!

Prof.—

And now, as that is all arranged, my lord,

Suppose we shape and settle my reward.

King.—

Oh, yes! most true—we’re sorry it is so,

But as it happens—Saturday, you know—

On Saturday we’re always short. Good-bye!

We’ll see you soon, and settle. (Aside.) What a lie!

Prof.—

Excuse me, an advance must now be made,

Or else the lover’s clothes will be delayed.

Some money I must have to buy his hat,

His shoes and stockings, coat, and this and that.

King.—

Well, how much, then? (Angrily.)

Prof.—

Two dollars.

King.—

That’s too steep.

We haven’t it!

Prof.—

Well, then, the beau I’ll keep.

(Prof. turns to go out.)

Cara.—

Oh, pa!

King.—

We haven’t it!

(To Prof.) Now, look’ee here,

We think that price is very much too dear;

But we can make a compromise, we think,

We’ll give a dollar and seventy cents—in chink.

The other thirty cents cannot be paid

In cash; but take your pick of any maid

Of all these!

Maids.—

We won’t go!!

King (angrily shouting).—

The entire crew!!

Maids.—

No, sir!

Sassy.—

No, sir! (Coming forward.)

King.—

We’ll throw in Sassyfrass, too!!

(Maids and Sassy. all crowd together L. and talk.)

Prof.—

It’s done! (Joyfully).

Maids.—

We won’t!

King.—

What!!

Sassy.—

We don’t mean offence,

But we’re not going to be sold for thirty cents.

We don’t mind being sold at our own price,

But sold for thirty cents—it isn’t nice.

(Music. Maids and Sassy. all talk together—then on last note all scream—Sassy. takes up note.)

No. 12.

Sassy.—

We won’t be sold for thirty cents.

S. & Maids.—

{ No, we won’t. No, we won’t.

Others.—

{ Yes, you will. Yes, you will.

Sassy.—

We’ll scratch and bite in our defence.

S. & Maids.—

{ Yes, we will; we will.

Others.—

{ No, you won’t; you won’t!

Prof.—

Just listen now to reason.

S. & Maids.—

No, we won’t. No, we won’t.

King.—

We’ll hang you all for treason.

S. & Maids.—

No, you won’t. You can’t!

S. & Maids.—

{ No, you won’t; we’ll scratch.

Others.—

{ Yes, we will.

S. & Maids.—

{ No, you won’t; we’ll scream.

Others.—

{ Yes, we will; we will.

(Maids and Sassy. all scream.)

2d Verse.

Sassy.—

We won’t go with him anywhere.

S. & Maids.—

{ No, we won’t. No, we wont.

Others.—

{ Yes, you will. Yes, you will.

Sassy.—

Stick pins and needles in his chair.

S. & Maids.—

{ Yes, we will; we will.

Others.—

{ No, you won’t; you won’t.

Chorus.—Same as first.

(Maids and Sassy. scream, then talk loudly by themselves, till stopped by King.)

King.—

Young females! stop this most unseemly burst,

You’re in the presence high of Nougat First.

(To Prof.) Professor! it is settled. Here’s the cash;

(Gives money to Prof.)

We’ll send these maids when they have grown less rash.

(Prof. bows—takes money—turns to Cara.)

Prof.—

Now, Princess, I can find, as I have said,

The stomach, legs, an arm—perhaps a head.

We’ll put all these together in a wink;

With glue and hinges—then we’ll paint him pink;

But as to features—eyes, and hair, and nose,

As fine as we can make them, I suppose.

Cara.—

Oh yes!—a poem of beauty he must be,

As beautiful—as beautiful—let’s see. (Thinks.)

As beautiful as candy—Oh!—what fun—

Quick Sassyfrass!—a box of candy—run!

(Exit Sassy. C. door.)

Oh won’t it be delightful—listen well,

And how I want his features made—I’ll tell.

(Music.) Prelude.

No. 13.

(Recit.) A box of candy I will give to you. In it you will find delicious choc’late creams and lemon drops, rose lozenges and sugar almonds, molasses candy, too, and soothing juju paste—but far above all others, you will find my caramels, of which his noble heart is to be made.

(Sings.) He must be fair.

King.—

(Explaining to Chemists.) He must be fair.

Prof. and Chemists.—

(Writing on slates.) He must be f-a-r-e. (Spelling word.)

Cara.—

With golden hair.

King.—

With golden hair.

Prof. and Chemists.—

(Writing.) With golden h-a-r-e.

All.—

He must be fair, with golden hair.

Cara. & King.—

{ Be ye sure to have it done.

Prof. & Chem’s.—

{ We’ll be sure to have it done.

All.—

He must be fair, with golden hair.

Cara. & King.—

{ Please attend to number one.

P. & Chem’s.—

{ We’ll attend to number one.

(Chemists keeping time by scratching on slates with Pencils.)

2d Verse.

Cara.—

Voice free from screams.

King.—

Voice free from screams.

Prof. & Chemists.—

Voice free from s-k-r-ee-m-s.

Cara.—

Like choc’late creams.

King.—

Like choc’late creams.

Prof. & Chemists.—

Like choc’late——

(Prof. speaks.) How do you spell creams?

Chemists.—

With a K.

All.—

Voice free from screams, like choc’late creams.

Cara. & King.—

{ As we say, so you must do.

P. & Chem’s.—

{ As you say, so we will do.

All.—

Voice free from screams, like choc’late creams.

Cara. & King.—

{ Please attend to number two.

P. & Chem’s.—

{ We’ll attend to number two.

3d Verse.

Cara.—

Heart which excels.

King.—

Heart which excels.

Prof. & Chemists.—(Writing.)

Heart which ex-c-e-l-z.

Cara.—

Like caramels.