GOOPS
AND HOW TO BE THEM
GOOPS
AND HOW TO BE THEM
A Manual of Manners for Polite Infants
Inculcating many Juvenile Virtues
Both by Precept and Example
With Ninety Drawings
By GELETT BURGESS
New York
Frederick A. Stokes Company
Publishers
Copyright, 1900,
By Gelett Burgess
TWENTY-THIRD PRINTING, MAY 9, 1935
Printed in the United States of America
| Introduction | Page [1] |
| Table Manners—I | [3] |
| Table Manners—II | [5] |
| Cleanliness | [7] |
| Neatness | [9] |
| Courtesy | [11] |
| Generosity | [13] |
| Consideration | [15] |
| Miss Manners | [17] |
| Borrowing | [19] |
| Memory | [21] |
| Books | [23] |
| Honesty | [25] |
| "Why?" | [27] |
| Bed-Time | [29] |
| Modesty | [31] |
| Disfiguration | [33] |
| Bravery | [35] |
| Tidiness | [37] |
| Patience | [39] |
| Fortitude | [41] |
| George Adolphus | [43] |
| Politeness | [45] |
| Gentleness | [47] |
| Hospitality | [49] |
| Pets | [51] |
| Remember | [53] |
| Curiosity | [55] |
| Willy | [57] |
| Clothes | [59] |
| Helpfulness | [61] |
| Quietness | [63] |
| Order | [65] |
| Teasing | [67] |
| Interruption | [69] |
| Cry-Baby | [71] |
| Caution | [73] |
| Tardiness | [75] |
| Obedience | [77] |
| Church Headaches | [79] |
| Perseverance | [81] |
| Doll-Time | [83] |
| Combing and Curling | [85] |
| Cheerfulness | [87] |
Of these Rhymes, ten first appeared in "St. Nicholas," and are here reprinted by permission of the Century Company.
INTRODUCTION
Let me introduce a Race
Void of Beauty and of Grace,
Extraordinary Creatures
With a Paucity of Features.
Though their Forms are fashioned ill,
They have Manners stranger still;
For in Rudeness they're Precocious,
They're Atrocious, they're Ferocious!
Yet you'll learn, if you are Bright,
Politeness from the Impolite.
When you've finished with the Book,
At your Conduct take a Look;
Ask yourself, upon the Spot,
Are you Goop, or are you Not?
For, although it's Fun to See them
It is Terrible to Be them!
TABLE MANNERS.—I.
The Goops they lick their fingers,
And the Goops they lick their knives;
They spill their broth on the tablecloth—
Oh, they lead disgusting lives!
The Goops they talk while eating,
And loud and fast they chew;
And that is why I'm glad that I
Am not a Goop—are you?
TABLE MANNERS.—II.
The Goops are gluttonous and rude,
They gug and gumble with their food;
They throw their crumbs upon the floor,
And at dessert they tease for more;
They will not eat their soup and bread
But like to gobble sweets, instead,
And this is why I oft decline,
When I am asked to stay and dine!
CLEANLINESS
The Goops they are spotted on chin and on cheek,
You could dig the dirt off with a trowel!
But you wash your face twenty times every week,
And you don't do it all with the towel!
The Goops are all dirty, and what do they do?
They like to be dirty, and stay so.
But if you were dirty, you'd wash, wouldn't you?
If you needed a bath, you would say so!
NEATNESS
Goops leave traces everywhere—
Gum stuck underneath the chair,
Muddy footprints in the hall,
Show that Goops have been to call;
Shoes and stockings on the floor
Show where Goops have been before!
COURTESY
I wonder why it is polite
In shaking hands, to give your right.
I wonder why it is refined
In passing one, to go behind.
I wonder why it is well-bred,
If you must sneeze, to turn your head.
Perhaps the reason is because
The Goops, they never have such laws!
GENEROSITY
When you have candy, do you go
And give your sister half?
When little brother stubs his toe,
Do you look on and laugh?
The greediest Goop would give away
The things he didn't need—
To share the toys with which you play,
That's generous, indeed!
CONSIDERATION
When you're old, and get to be
Thirty-four or forty-three,
Don't you hope that you will see
Children all respect you?
Will they, without being told,
Wait on you, when you are old,
Or be heedless, selfish, cold?
I hope they'll not neglect you!
MISS
MANNERS
No matter how you wish
For the last one on the dish,
Miss Manners has a right
to it, not you;
And the largest one of all,
Or the nicest, big or small—
Well, I think you'd better
leave her that one too!
BORROWING
Whose doll is that on the table?
Whose book is that on the chair?
The knife and the pencils and other utensils,
Now how do they come to be there?
Didn't you say they were borrowed?
You'd better take back just a few!
If you lent your playthings, I think you would say things
If no one returned them to you!
MEMORY
My teacher taught me, yesterday,
A very pretty piece to say;
But when I try to think of it,
I can't remember it a bit!
My head's so full of toys and such,
I can't remember very much!
My teacher told me yesterday
"Work when you work; Play when you play!"
When I am playing with my toys
I am the busiest of boys;
But when I study or I work
I'm 'fraid I am inclined to shirk!
BOOKS
I have a notion
The Books on the shelves
Are just as much persons
As we are, ourselves.
When you are older,
You'll find this is true;
You'd better be careful
To make Books like you!
HONESTY
The boy who plays at marbles and doesn't try to cheat,
Who always keeps his temper, no matter if he's beat,
Is sure to be a favorite with all upon the street.
The girl who counts her hundreds very fairly, when she's "it"
Who doesn't peep or listen, nor turn around a bit,
I'm sure she's not a Goop, in fact, she's quite the opposite!
"WHY?"
Josephus never yet was heard
To say but just one single word!
When father said to go to bed,
Then "Why?" was all Josephus said.
When mother bade him stop his play,
Then "Why?" Josephus used to say.
He always made the same reply.
'Twas never anything but "WHY?"
BED-TIME
The night is different from the day—
It's darker in the night;
How can you ever hope to play
When it's no longer light?
When bed-time comes, it's time for you
To stop, for when you're yawning,
You should be dreaming what you'll do
When it's to-morrow morning.
MODESTY
The proper time for you to show
Whatever little tricks you know
Is when grown people ask you to;
Then you may show what you can do!
But sometimes mother's head will ache
With all the jolly noise you make,
And sometimes other people, too,
Can't spend the time to play with you!
DISFIGURATION
Have you ever seen the scrawls
On the fences and the walls,
All the horrid little pictures and the horrid little names?
Don't you think it is a shame?
Are the Goops the ones to blame?
Did you ever catch them playing at their horrid little games?
BRAVERY
It's terrible brave
To try to save
A girl on a runaway horse;
You could do that, of course!
But think of trying
To keep from crying,
When you're hungry and tired and cross—
You couldn't do that, of course!
