John Leech's Pictures of Life and Character, Vol. 2 (of 3) / From the Collection of 'Mr. Punch' - John Leech

TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE.
Some pages of this work have been moved from the original sequence to enable the contents to continue without interruption. Minor typographical errors have been corrected without note. Irregularities and inconsistencies in the text have been retained as printed.

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"From the Collection of Mr. PUNCH."
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LONDON:
BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO., 8, 9, 10, BOUVERIE STREET, E.C.
1887.

CAUTION DURING THE MISTLETOE SEASON.
Pretty Cousin. "WHAT A TIRESOME GREAT AWKWARD BOY YOU ARE!—JUST SEE HOW YOU HAVE SCRATCHED MY CHIN!"

[Young Gentleman apologises amply.

NONE BUT THE BRAVE DESERVE THE FAIR.
Augustus. "NOW, I'VE GOT YOU!"

OBVIOUS.

Old Party from the Country (with much wheezing and embarrassment). "I—I—WANT TO GO TO—TO—TO——"

Conductor (with alacrity). "ALL RIGHT, OLD BOY! JUMP IN! I KNOW—CATTLE SHOW!"

A PIG PEN AT A CATTLE SHOW.
Harriet. "THEN, I SUPPOSE, PAPA DEAR, THAT THESE ARE LEARNED PIGS, AS THEY HAVE ALL GOT GOLD MEDALS?"

A PLEASANT HOLIDAY TASK.
Mr. Punch. "NOW, BOYS AND GIRLS! YOU MUST FIND OUT THE USE OF THESE GLOBES BEFORE YOU GO BACK TO SCHOOL!"

COMPLIMENTS OF THE SEASON.
Reynard the Fox. "HERE'S AN OLD-FASHIONED CHRISTMAS, MY BOYS, FOR YOU, AND MANY OF 'EM."

THE SNOW.
"NOW, YOU BOYS HAD BETTER BE QUIET, OR I SHALL CALL THE POLICE, AS SURE AS YOU'RE BORN."

JUVENILE ETYMOLOGY.
Master Jack. "MAMMA, DEAR! NOW ISN'T THIS CALLED KISSMAS TIME, BECAUSE EVERYBODY KISSES EVERYBODY UNDER THE MISTLETOE? ADA SAYS IT ISN'T."

MISS AND MISTLETOE.
Miss Gushington. "OH, DON'T YOU LIKE CHRISTMAS TIME, MR. BROWN, AND ALL ITS DEAR OLD CUSTOMS?"

[BROWN don't seem to see it.

CHRISTMAS EVE.
Ellen (who is so simple). "NOW, PRAY TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, FRANK! WHAT IS IT THESE DREADFUL GAROTTERS CALL 'GIVING ONE THE HUG?'"

[FRANK shows her presently.

UNDER THE MISTLETOE.

A FAMILY GROUP—BABY STIRRING THE PUDDING.

"A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!" A JUVENILE PARTY.

GOOD CHEER.
RICH OLD LADY IS OVERWHELMED WITH BARRELLED OYSTERS FROM DISTANT RELATIVES.

ROOTI-TOOIT—I'VE GOT CHER!

A JOLLY OLD PATERFAMILIAS, WITH SOME AIR-BALLOONS FOR THE CHICKS.

A CHRISTMAS PARTY.—GRANDPAPA DANCES "SIR ROGER"—AND MAY HE DANCE IT FOR MANY, MANY YEARS TO COME.

VOLUNTEER MOVEMENT.

THAT DISTINGUISHED RIFLE-SHOT, MR. PUNCH, HAVING DONE HIS DUTY LIKE A MAN, THROWS HIMSELF UNDER THE MISTLETOE, AND RECEIVES HIS JUST REWARD.

BROWN ENTERTAINS HIS FRIENDS WI' A HAGGIS!

A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!

OF A VERY STUDIOUS TURN.

Mamma. "WHO IS THIS HAMPER FOR?—WHY, FOR POOR JERRY, WHO IS AT SCHOOL, YOU KNOW."

Darling (reflectively). "OH!—DON'T YOU THINK, MA, I HAD BETTER GO TO SCHOOL?"

WHOLESOME FEAST.

Jessie. "AND SO, WALTER, YOU HAVE LITTLE PARTIES AT YOUR SCHOOL, EH?"

Walter. "AH! DON'T WE, JUST!—LAST HALF THERE WAS CHARLEY BOGLE, AND GEORGE TWISTER AND ME—WE JOINED YOU KNOW—AND HAD TWO POUNDS OF SAUSAGES, COLD, AND A PLUM CAKE, AND A BARREL OF OYSTERS, AND TWO BOTTLES OF CURRANT WINE!—OH, MY EYE! WASN'T IT JOLLY, NEITHER!"

QUITE A NICE PARTY.

Georgina. "WELL, GUS! AND HOW DID YOU LIKE YOUR PARTY LAST NIGHT?"

Gus. "OH, JOLLY—I GOT ELEVEN ICES, AND NO END OF NEGUS, AND WENT DOWN FOUR TIMES TO SUPPER!!"

LITTLE MEN.

"BEEN TO THE PLAY MUCH THESE HOLIDAYS, FRED?"

"AW—I WENT THE OTHER NIGHT. BUT, AW—I DON'T KNOW—SOMEHOW, PANTOMIMES ARE NOT WHAT THEY USED TO BE IN MY TIME; AND AS FOR THE GURLS, THERE WASN'T A GOOD-LOOKING ONE IN THE HOUSE."

HOME ENJOYMENTS.

A DISCREET (!) FRIEND HAVING PRESENTED MASTER TOM WITH A TOOL-BOX AS A NEW YEAR'S GIFT—THE FURNITURE IS PUT INTO THOROUGH REPAIR

HOME AMUSEMENTS.
GRAND PEACE DEMONSTRATION IN OUR NURSERY!

AMATEUR PANTOMIME.

A HAPPY NOTION.

Delightful Boy. "OH! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'LL DO! I'LL GO AND PLAY MY DRUM AT UNCLE FOOZLE'S DOOR!"

HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS.

Arthur (on Pony). "HOLLO! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT ON YOUR HEADS?"

Juvenile Swell. "WHY, YOU SEE, EVERY SNOB WEARS A CAP OR A WIDE-AWAKE NOW! SO THE MEN OF OUR SCHOOL HAVE RETURNED TO THE OLD CHIMNEY-POT!"

[As Paterfamilias, we are sorry to say that we have observed this monstrosity many times this Christmas.

IN SOCIETY.

Small Boy. "GOING TO THE PANTOMIME, CLARA, THIS AFTERNOON?"

Clara. "A—NO—I'M AT HOME—AND HAVE A KETTLEDRUM AT THREE O'CLOCK!"

PATRONISING.

"PRETTY SIGHT, AIN'T IT, CHARLEY, TO SEE THE YOUNGSTERS ENJOYING THEMSELVES?"

PRIVATE THEATRICALS.

THE JOLLY GAME OF SNOWBALLING, AS PLAYED IN OUR SQUARE.

THE JUVENILE PARTY.—A GREAT LIBERTY.
Juvenile. "MAMMA, DEAR! DO YOU KNOW THAT GENTLEMAN TICKLED ME WITHOUT BEING INTRODUCED!"

THE MORNING AFTER THE JUVENILE PARTY.

Papa. "WHY, TOM, I'M AFRAID YOU MUST HAVE EATEN TOO MUCH CAKE LAST NIGHT. YOU LOOK QUITE SEEDY THIS MORNING!"

Little Sister. "OH, NO, PAPA DEAR, IT CAN'T BE THAT. HE EAT THE THINGS OUT OF THE CRACKERS, BUT HE DIDN'T TOUCH THE SEED CAKE!"

AN ENVIOUS YOUTH.

Sensitive Young Lady. "POOR CREATURES! NOTHING BUT EATING AND SLEEPING! WHAT A DREADFUL EXISTENCE!"

Stout Youth. "DREADFUL EXISTENCE!—OH, AH! I DARE SAY. WHY, THAT'S JUST THE VERY THING OF ALL OTHERS I SHOULD LIKE THE BEST!"

THROWING STONES THROUGH ICE.

A DELIGHTFUL RECREATION FOR YOUTH, WHICH COMBINES HEALTHFUL EXERCISE WITH THE LUXURY OF WINDOW-BREAKING, WITHOUT DANGER OR EXPENSE.

URGENT.

Street Boy. "I SAY, COOKY? THEY JUST ARE A-FININ' OF 'EM ALL ROUND THE SKVARE—GIVE US A SHILLIN' AND I'LL SWEEP YOUR DOOR AFORE THE PLEECEMAN COMES."

THE MISTLETOE BOUGH.—IN LEAP YEAR, THE LADIES TAKE THE INITIATIVE.

THE CHAMPION.

THE WEATHER IN THE PARKS.
Skate Proprietor. "Now Marm! 'Ave A Pair On?"

NEW CHRISTMAS GAME FOR FOXHUNTERS DURING A LONG FROST.

THE CRACKER BON-BON.

Two little Stoopids (with one voice). "I KNOW I SHALL SCREAM—I'M SURE I SHALL!"

A MAN OF SOME CONSEQUENCE.

Elder Sister. "WHY, GEORGE NOT DRESSED! PRAY ARE YOU NOT GOING WITH THE OTHER CHILDREN?"

George. "H'M! I SHOULD RATHER FANCY NOT.—YOU DON'T CATCH ME GOING OUT OF AN EVENING JUST TO FURNISH PEOPLE'S ROOMS. WHERE I GO—I DINE!"

THE WEATHER AND THE STREETS.

Boy of the Period. "GO IT TOMMY! THERE'S NO PERLICE, AND THE OLD GENT'S AFRAID TO COME OUT!"

PATERFAMILIAS SUPERINTENDS IN PERSON THE REMOVAL OF THE SNOW FROM THE ROOF OF HIS HOUSE.—

PLEASING EFFECT BELOW.

WHAT A TERRIBLE TURK!

"OH! HERE'S A JOLLY SNOWBALL. LET'S TAKE and PUT IT AGIN SOMEBODY'S DOOR!"

PUTTING A GOOD FACE ON IT.

OF ALL FOOLISH THINGS, THE MERE PUN IS PERHAPS THE MOST FOOLISH.—NOW, HERE'S A FELLOW (PROBABLY A MEMBER OF THE ST—CK EXCH—GE) WHO, IN SPITE OF HIS REALLY PERILOUS CONDITION, SAYS, "THAT HE CAME OUT FOR A (W)HOLE HOLIDAY—AND HAS GOT IT!"

FLUNKEIANA RUSTICA.

Mistress. "NOW, I DO HOPE, SAMUEL, YOU WILL MAKE YOURSELF TIDY, GET YOUR CLOTHES LAID IN TIME—AND TAKE GREAT PAINS WITH YOUR WAITING AT TABLE!"

Samuel (who has come recently out of a Strawyard). "YEZ, M'! BUT PLEAZ M', BE OI TO WEAR MY BREECHES?"

IMPUDENCE.
"NOW, LOBSTER! KEEP THE POT A-BILING!"

THE FESTIVE SEASON.

Amy (to Rose). "GOOD GRACIOUS, ROSE—I'M AFRAID, FROM THE WAY THE MAN TALKS, THAT HE IS INTOXICATED!"

Cabby (impressively). "BEG PARD'N, MISS!—N-N-NOT (HIC)—INTOSSI-TOSSI-CATED (HIC)—ITSH ONLY SHLIGHT 'PED-PED-PEDIMENT IN SPEESH, MISS!"

THE NOSE-COMFORTER.
Sensible Man (who despises conventionality). "HAH! THE WORLD MAY SMILE, BUT IT'S VERY WARM AND COMFORTABLE."

DELIGHTFUL PRIVILEGE DURING THE WINTER MONTHS.
YOU MAY BATHE IN THE SERPENTINE FROM 6 UNTIL 7 IN THE MORNING, AND 7 UNTIL 8 IN THE EVENING.

ARTIFICIAL ICE—GRAND PAS DES PATINEURS.

HOW DISAGREEABLE THE BOYS ARE.
Boy. "MY EYE, TOMMY! THERE'S THE HELEPHANT FROM THE S'LOGICAL GARDENS GOING A-SKATING!"

HOW TROUBLESOME THE BOYS ARE.

Juvenile. "I SAY, HARRIET—DO US A FAVOUR?"

Pretty Cousin. "WELL, WHAT IS IT?"

Juvenile. "GIVE US A LOCK OF YOUR HAIR TO TAKE BACK TO SCHOOL."

WINTER IN THE SUBURBS.
OUR DEAR OLD PATERFAMILIAS TAKES HIS OFFSPRING TO SEE THE PANTOMIME. UNFORTUNATELY, "THE ROADS" (AS THE CABMAN SAYS) "IS SO ORRIBUL BAD AND SLIPPY," THAT HE IS OBLIGED TO WALK WITH HIS DARLINGS THE GREATER PART OF THE WAY HOME.

THE FOG IS SO VERY THICK THAT FREDERICK AND CHARLES ARE OBLIGED TO SEE CLARA AND EMILY HOME.

THE JUVENILE PARTY.

Paterfamilias (to Youth who goes with his Pony well across country). "HOLLO! HUGH, MY BOY! DON'T YOU LIKE DANCING?"

Youth. "A—NO! I DON'T SEEM TO CARE FOR BALLS—FEW HUNTING MEN DO!!!"

COLD WEATHER.

Omnibus Driver. "BILL! JIST BREAK THIS 'ERE ICICLE ORF MY NOSE WITH YER WHIP, THAT'S A GOOD FELLER! IT TAKES BOTH MY HANDS TO KEEP THESE 'OSSES ON THEIR LEGS."

A VERY GREEN-EYED MONSTER!

First Juvenile. "I WONDER WHAT CAN MAKE HELEN HOLDFAST POLK WITH YOUNG ALBERT GRIG?"

Second Ditto. "DON'T YOU KNOW? WHY, TO MAKE ME JEALOUS! BUT SHE HAD BETTER NOT GO TOO FAR!"

WHAT A SHAME!

Grandpapa. "HEYDAY! WHAT MAKES MY LITTLE DARLING SO CROSS?"

Little Darling. "WHY, GRANDPA, MAMMA WANTS ME TO GO TO A PANTOMIME IN THE DAY-TIME, AS IF I WAS A MERE CHILD!"

THE NEW STYLE.
HOW YOUNG GENTLEMEN FROM SCHOOL GO TO SEE A PANTOMIME NOW-A-DAYS.

UNDIGNIFIED REMINDER.
Boy. "I SAY, JOHN, AIN'T YOUR MASTER A LOOKIN' FOR YOU, NEETHER!"

FAIR AND EQUAL.

Sister. "NOT GIVE A BALL, CHARLES! FIDDLE! WHY NOT? I TELL YOU WHAT,—IF YOU WILL FIND THE ROOM, AND THE MUSIC, AND THE SUPPER, AND THE CHAMPAGNE, AND THE ICES,—I'LL FIND THE LADIES! COME NOW!"

FROZEN-OUT FOXHUNTERS.

ODIOUS TYRANNY.

PATERFAMILIAS INSISTS THAT THE GIRLS SHALL WEAR VERY STOUT BOOTS IN THE WET WEATHER; BUT THE GIRLS DON'T AT ALL LIKE "THE NASTY, GREAT, UGLY, CLUMSY, THICK THINGS!"

SERIOUS ACCIDENT DURING THE FROST.

AS MAJOR—AND CAPTAIN—OF THE 13TH LIGHT POLKERS WERE SKATING WITH THE LOVELY AND ACCOMPLISHED EMILY D—— AND HARRIET V——, THEIR FEELINGS SUDDENLY GAVE WAY; THEY BROKE THE ICE, AND WE HEAR THEY HAVE NOT YET BEEN EXTRICATED FROM THEIR PERILOUS SITUATION.

HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS.

Paterfamilias. "WELL, BOYS! I DARE SAY YOU'RE GLAD TO GET HOME; AND HOW DO YOU AND THE DOCTOR AGREE!"

Harry. "OH! WE LIKE HIM VERY MUCH."

Paterfamilias. "HAH! AND DO YOU THINK YOU ARE MAKING GOOD PROGRESS?"

Harry. "OH! PRETTY GOOD! I CAN LICK THREE FELLOWS! BUT FRED, HERE, CAN LICK SIX, COUNTING ME!"

A BON-BON FROM A JUVENILE PARTY.

First Juvenile. "THAT'S A PRETTY GIRL TALKING TO YOUNG ALGERNON BINKS!"

Second Juvenile. "HM—TOL-LOL! YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HER SOME SEASONS AGO!"

TOO BAD.

Rude Boy. "AH! HERE'S THE P'LEECE A-COMIN'; WON'T YOU CATCH IT FOR SLIDING ON THE PAVEMENT!"

OLD MR. JONES AS HE APPEARED WHEN ASKED FOR THE TWENTIETH TIME IF HE WOULD HAVE HIS DOOR DONE.

THE THEATRE OF WAR.
A PRIVATE BOX FOR ENGLAND'S DEAR BOYS ON FOREIGN SERVICE.

A KINDLY OFFER.

Skate Proprietor (to Spectator with wooden leg). "'AVE A PAIR ON, SIR!—AX YER PARDIN, SIR—DIDN'T TWIG YER MISFORTIN. I'VE A HODD 'UN YOU CAN 'AVE, SIR!"

DISTRESSING RESULT OF EATING TURKEY DAY AFTER DAY.
THE POOR OLD PARTY HAS COME OUT ALL OVER FEATHERS.

GLORIOUS NEWS FOR THE BOYS.

Billy Wilkins. "HI! LOOK HERE! COME! SUCH A LARK! HERE'S A PERLICEMAN FELL ON A SLIDE!"

THE THAW AND THE STREETS!

TOMKINS, WHO HAS JUST PAID HIS RATE FOR PAVING, CLEANSING, &C., GOES FOR A WALK IN HIS IMMEDIATE NEIGHBOURHOOD. HE IS, OF COURSE, MUCH GRATIFIED AT THE WAY IN WHICH THE CLEANSING PART OF THE BUSINESS IS MANAGED.