THE DIARY OF DELIA

“‘Dying!’ ses I.”

The
Diary of Delia

Being a Veracious Chronicle of the Kitchen

with Some Side-lights on the Parlour

By

ONOTO WATANNA

Author of “A Japanese Nightingale,” etc.

Illustrated by

May Wilson Preston

New York

Doubleday, Page & Company

1907

Copyright, 1906, by

The Curtis Publishing Company

Copyright, 1906, 1907, by

Doubleday, Page & Company

Published, May, 1907

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED INCLUDING THAT OF TRANSLATION INTO FOREIGN LANGUAGES, INCLUDING THE SCANDINAVIAN

ILLUSTRATIONS

THE DIARY OF DELIA

THE DIARY OF DELIA

CHAPTER I

I got up at siven. Washed. Dressed. Made me bed. I set the kittle on the gas stove and then furyissly rung the brikfust bell. The famly begun to get up about 9. Mr. John was the first to ate. He guv a look sideways at the appytising eggs befure him and the luvly staming coffee and thin wid a shuv pooshed thim aside. He tuk up his paper and begun to reed ignoaring me and the brikfust as if we wus durt. Me mouth being open I spoke up.

“Won’t you be after ating this morning” says I.

“Its all rite” says he. “Its all rite Delia.”

I lingered hoping to help him a bit. He russelled up the paper the way he has of doing when provoaked and says in that cam and gintle way he talks when turribly excited:

“Delia—what are you waiting for?”

“Nothing—says I—but won’t you be ating a bite Mr. Johnny.”

He controlled himsilf wid diffyculty his voyce all the cammer for his inwurd anger.

Now me girl says he—you attind to your own ating. Never mind me.

I shugged me sholders in the disdainful way I have and walked kitchen-wurd. I’d jest reeched the swinging door when “Delia!” ses he, calling very perlitely now.

“Well sir?”

“Will you kindly bring me” ses he “a cup of hot water.”

“Hot water is it?”

“Yep. I’m dying Delia” ses he.

“Dying!” ses I, shocked so that I drapped and broke the china in me hands.

“Confound you!” ses he, starting up in his seet “Dy-et-ing I said.”

“Its the same thing!” I showted back at him, and I marched out in a huff.

By and by I heard Miss Claire go into the dining-room and I let her ring the table bell awile befure ansering. Her payshunce gitting the better of her sense she pokes her hed into me kitchen. Now I happened to be standing neerby the dure, wayting for further ivints. Well, as I sed, out popped Miss Claire’s hed throo the dure which banged against me own, while me frying-pan wint flying up on hers.

“O! O! O!” crys she.

Her mother come running down the passage in her nitegown her hair scrooed up in them kid curlers.

“What is the matter?” crys she. Thin she seen the cundition of her dorter. The eggs had landed on her hed, and the fat run down her face in streams wid the yokes for company. The mother guv me a shove, and at that I boorst out in me rarth.

“Its no lady you are” ses I. “The whole boonch of you is bad. Gitting up at these unairthly ours and bullying the life out of a poor loan hard working girl.”

Wid that I tuk aff me aprun and throwed it at the madams feet.

“Will you be good enuff” ses I “to pay me me wages, for I’m for going.”

“Delia” ses she in the voyce she spakes whin drissed up fine for the opery or there’s company for dinner. “Delia” ses she, “Your month is up on the 24th. You will get nothing till then.”

“Indade” ses I, “Then I’ll set here till the 24th, but divil a bit of work will I be doing,” and wid that I set down on me chare and faulded me arms firmly across me brist.

“Delia” ses the lady, “Mr. Wolley will want his chop in a minit. Master Willie will have fareena and a poched egg. Shedded weet biskits for Miss Claire——”

“Mummer” ses she, washing her hed over me tubs, “I want nothing—nothing.”

Just then Mr. James wint into the dyning-roon and rung the bell lowdly.

“Peeches and pancakes” ses Mrs. Wolley coldly.

Miss Claire has her hed washed be this time, and she stands oop, wid it rolled oop in a towl. She guv me wan look—a cross betwane a shmile and a frown, and ses she:

“Delia, do you wish me to get brikfust to-day?”

“God forbid, Miss” ses I, and wint to wark.

Miss Claire is horty agin, and she ses wid a cold look at me:

“Very well thin Delia, till the 24th then. Come mother.”

CHAPTER II
NEXT DAY

Its a weery world. Here I be, a poor loansome female alone in this crool city warking for foaks wid lether harts.

“O wirra, wirra, wirra” as me auld mother used to say.

Aroze. Dressed. Washed.

I wint to see me frind Minnie Carnavan last nite and feel better the day. Ses she:

“Its a fool you be Delia O’Mally. The Idear of you doing all the wark in a family of 6. Its no more sinse you seem to have than an eediot. Delia ses she, its the gurls thats been here long thats foolish like yursilf. They get stook wid wan famly who hangs on to thim for deer life. The new wans—green from the auld cuntry arent hiring out to do gineral housewark. Its cooking in a family of 1 or 2 theyre looking for and getting. Its lite chamberwark or waiting on a table or the like. Theres never a one so green as to hire out to do the hole wark of a family. Your auld fashuned and saft” ses she, “Go down to Mack’s on 3rd Ave. Git a job for a munth or so as capper.”

“And what is that?”

“Well you tak a job” ses Minnie, “but you don’t kape it.”

“And what wud be the sinse of taking it for thin?”

“Why you gump for ivery place you tak Mack gits a fee of $3. You get harf for fooling thim.”

“Its an onest gurl I am” ses I wid scorn, “and its ashamed I’d be to mix mesilf in any such mess as that.”

“Well then” ses she “go down to the Alluyance. Its a place where they get jobs for the rich.”

“And what wud I be doing there?”

“Don’t you mind what I’m after meening? Its the rich ladies who pathronize them. Its a foine thing indade for thim. The Alluyunce fills oop there houses wid the sarvants. If a lady walks in modestly asking swately for a gurl for gineral housewark, they taks the fee of two or three or maybe five dollars, and thin smilingly infarm her that gineral housewarkers are an oonown quolity. ‘Tak a cook’ ses Miss Flimflam, seeted at a desk. ‘But’ ses the lady, luking very thrubbled, ‘a cook wont do anny other work at all.’”

“Sumtimes they do lite londry wark.” ses Miss Flimflam, yoning perlitely in her hand.

“Will they clean?”

“Land no!”

“Wate on table?”

“Certainly not.”

“Thin” ses the lady in disthress, “What am I to do? I moost have me wark dun.”

“Why” ses the clerk, a little more awake, “hire other girls, as the rist of our pathrons do.”

“Oh” ses the lady. “I suppose” ses she after a moment of deep and thrubbled thort, “if I get an exthra woman in to clean and wate on table the cook will wark cheeper?”

“Hm?” ses the lady at the disk. “I big yure pardin?”

“She’d wark cheeper, I sed?”

“Well to be frank, Mrs. Hodge Podge” answers Miss Flimflam at the desk, “a cooks an expinsive proppysition in these days. Now we have thim all the way down from $200 a munth to—er—well, you mite git an inexperienced beginnir for about $30, tho I cant promise.”

“Your fooling Minnie. Shure no cook gits such a forchune” ses I.

“Its thruth I’m telling you. Why I heard the uther day that Mrs. Vanderfool do be paying her cook $20,000 a year, and whats more the papers state theres an agytation now on foot among the bizzy club wimmin to let the poor hard warking girls, whose been impoased upon for sinturies, yuse the parlor wance a week to see there company in.”

“You don’t say” ses I, “and to think of me drudging for the starving wage of $20 per month.”

“Well” ses Minnie, “I wont misguide you Delia. $20 is the wages of a green girl who niver saw a Frinch pertater fryed on airth and who broils a stake in a sorspan cuvered snug wid water.”

CHAPTER III
THE TWENTY-FOURTH

I aroze at the ushil our. Washed. Dressed in me best. Miss Claire cum into me room brite and airly. Ses she: “O Delia, heres that auld green skurt of mine you always liked. Your welcame to it.”

“Thanks” ses I, “but I expect to be making sooch grand wages soon, Miss Claire, I’ll be bying finer skurts than that.” Wid that I pushed the skurt aside with contemshus tooch.

She got all red and pretty, as she has a habit whin angry, and she put up her hed hy in the air.

“O well, if that’s the way you feel!” ses she and marched out.

Mr. John cum into me kitchen.

“Delia” ses he “heres a quarter. Now hussle wid me brikfust, will you?”

I took the quarter and flipped it round.

“Mr. Johnny” ses I, “me munth is oop at 7 A.M. this marning. I’m after waiting for me wages.”

He drew up his brows frowning and wint aff into his mothers room.

A moment later the auld gintleman himsilf cum bloostering out. Its his ushil custum to get up at 10.

“Whats up! Whats up!” ses he.

“Wheres me chop? Wheres me chop?”

Master Will started in to ball and Mr. James kept ringing the table bell. Such a house I never seen. Out came the madame in her ushil nitegown.

“Delia” ses she “didn’t I tell you yesterday I’d decided to guv you anuther chance.”

“You did mam, but I’m for going now” ses I.

“Go about your wark” ses she, her proud voice becoming a bit narvous in toan.

“I’m waiting for me wages mam” ses I.

“Delia——” she guv a hasty look about her, thin she spakes in a coaxing vyce:

“Now Delia, be sinsible. You no we think warlds of you. Now——”

Joost then, Miss Claire looks in, her face still red wid the snub I’m after giving her about the skurt.

“Muther” ses she, “don’t descind to begging Delia to remane. Let her go. We can get on famissly widout her.”

“What!” shourts Mr. James, sticking in his hed at the dure, “No cook! Whats to becum of us. Are we” ses he “to go throo a like nitemare such as we injured befure the advent of Delia?”

Willie now cum poking his hed in between his daddy’s legs.

“Pleese Delia” ses he “guv me my fareena. I love you, Delia” ses he.

“God love the lamb!” ses I and flew to the stove, me hart going out of me body to the child.

“Hold!” ses Miss Claire, very loftily, and she cum over to me and tuk the dubble boyler out of me hand. “Put on yure things” ses she “and go. At once” ses she “at once!”

Then she turned to her brothers and parents.

“Go back to the dining-room” ses she “I’ll get brikfust to-day.”

Mr. James guv a dridful groan, and sloonk off to the dining-room, wid his hands on his stummick.

“Mamma” ses Miss Claire, “pay off Delia. Youve been composed upon long enuff” ses she. “Hereafter I’ll manage things.”

And me, the last of 1,700 girls in the same place—for so I larned from me frind the janitor’s wife—walked out wid me $20 in me pocket.

CHAPTER IV
THE FOLLOWING DAY AT MINNIE CARNAVAN’S HOUSE

Aroze at 8:30. Washed—all over. Dressed in me best. Borrowed Minnie’s hat wid the grand white ostrich fether. Minnie wint along wid me to the Alluyunce. “For” ses she “its saft you are, mavorneen.”

After paying our fee of $1 we set around thegither wid mebbe 40 uther unforchnut girls in a room on the sicond flure. “Now remimber” ses Minnie, “no gineral housewark for you. Its a grand cook you be, or a foine first-class waitress, or an illigunt chamber-made, or a nurse to a babby oonderstanding all about bottle feeding. Now raymimber what you are.”

“I begin to have mis doubts, Minnie” ses I, trimbling inwardly.

“Ah go wan” ses Minnie, wid contimp, and just thin wan of the Miss Flimflams (for so Minnie had them all named), cum into the room and ses in a loud voyce:

“A nurse! I’ve a call here for a nurse. Must be first-class. Consumtive. Wages $10 a week.”

“Tak it!” wispers Minnie, excitedly and she pushed me along.

“Are you a nurse?” arsks Miss Flimflam, looking at me misdoubtfully.

“Well mam” ses I “Its manny a yung wan——”

“O deer!” ses she impayshuntly, “a trayned nurse is what I want. Are there any trayned nurses here?”

There wint a little pockmarked woman forward.

“What have you dun?” arsks Miss Flimflam.

“‘Now remimber,’ ses Minnie, ‘no gineral housework for you.’”

“Well deerie” ses the pockmarked lady, “I’ve tinded to invaleeds since I was so high deerie. Me speshultys obstetery.”

“Obstetery? Whats that?” arsks Miss Flimflam opening oop her eyes wide.

“Why I’m a midwife, to spake voolgarly deerie” ses the pockmarked wan.

“Oh” ses Miss Flimflam, and wint out larfing.

Shed been gone but a minit whin a stout miss Flimflam cums in in a hurry. She reeds frum a paper in her hand:

“2 lady’s maids, bootler, 3 chamber-mades—cook—in fack all nicessary sarvants for a big coontry place. Now first of all—a thoruly first-class cook—er——”

Minnie had pushed me forward and I wint up bashfully befure her.

“Cum along” ses she, and she tuk me down stares into a grate long room, wid about twinty or thirty ladies sitting in grand drisses on sofies. She leeds me up to a stout old-yung lady sitting forward on the idge of wan of the sofies. “This” ses Miss Flimflam in the swatest voyce, “is Mrs. Regal. Tell her all about yersilf Delia.”

The lady sits a bit further forward and lifts up wan of thim spicticles on top of a reel gold shtick called in Frinch Lorgons.

“How old are you?” ses she.

“Twinty” ses I.

“——five” puts in Minnie quickly, for she’d cum down wid me.

“Ah 25. How minny yeers have you cooked?”

“Well mam—” I began, whin Minnie put in—“Tin yeers.”

“What wages did you get at your last place?”

“Twinty——” I began.

“Twinty a week” ses Minnie boldly.

The lady looked tarribly startled. “Hoo did you wark for? Lit me see your riferinces” ses she.

Minnie hands her the boonch of papers shes after bringing along for me, and the lady looks at them throo her lorgon. Me own riference from Mrs. Wolley, which Miss Clare handed me proudly as I was stipping out, I also had handed to the lady, and I’m all oopset and red wid anger at the pinch on me arm Minnie is after giving me. The lady looks up wid her eyes frowning.

“Why these riferinces are for 2 differunt girls” ses she.

“Luk at that, wud yer?” ses Minnie, playfully. “Now didnt she after be giving you my riferences too by mishtake? This is mine” ses she, and tuk the letter frum Mrs. Wolley frum the lady’s hand.

“Hoom.” Ses the lady, and looks me over frum hed to foot throo her lorgon.

“Whats your name?” ses she, and refers to the letters.

“Delia” ses I innercently, “Miss Delia O’Malley if you plaze mam.”

She set up stiff. Then she got up and putrified me wid a horty stare. Then she swipt over to Miss Flimflam, her silk pitticoat swishing behind her wid anger. Miss Flimflam cum over to me and grabbed me by the arm. She pushed me tord the stair.

“Minnie” ses I upstares, “its seeries throuble youve got me into now.”

“Shaw!” ses Minnie, “Its dun ivery day. They no it. Delia theres twinty ladies for ivery wan girl. Your safe from anny blacklist darlint.”

We seen Miss Flimflam cuming in at the door, and me gilty hart misgiving me, I grabbed Minnie by the arm and we wint out of wan dure as Miss Flimflam wint in by anuther.

“Delia, its a gump you are” ses Minnie with scorn, “but never mind, ye’ve dun enuff for to-day. We’ll be back to-morrow.”

CHAPTER V
FOLLOWING DAY

Awoke. Arose again at 8:30. Dressed. Washed.

Minnie and I interfiewed the follering ladies in regard to a position.

Mrs. Spunk. She offered me $20 for cooking—2 in family. The wages were too small. I refused it wid contimt.

Mrs. Drool. $25. cook and londress. Minnie told her londry work wud spyle me hands.

Mrs. Lambkin—8 in family—Cooking. $30. Minnie sed Id be after waring the souls of me feet off rooning oop and down for the 8 of thim.

Mrs. Colebin: $30. Cooking and waiting on table. Minnie sed no cook cud be expicted to wate on table orlso. Me arms wud be after aking wid passing the hivvy dishes around.

Mrs. Sesick $40. Minnie sed we was above warking for sporting ladies at any price. Any lady, ses Minnie, who paints her hair and eyes and mouth and cheeks, and pads oop her natchurall hooman body isnt a lady at all, but a plane sporting woman.

CHAPTER VI
TWO WEEKS LATER

I wint to the Alluyunce to-day for the first time alone. Minnie sed she was after being worn out wid kaping me frum accipting the woorthliss places offered by the pathrons of the Alluyunce. “Ye shud have enuff spunk yersilf by now” ses she. “Don’t be saft. Raymimber ladies is your natrel inimies and beests of prey on poor hilpless sarvant girls.”

Miss Flimflam spyed me as soon as I intered, and tuk me by the arm just as I was going to the room upstares.

“I’m glad” ses she corjully, “youve cum alone. Your frind was a inkubust” ses she. “Now cum rite along wid me. Theres a swate little lady wants a girl just like you” ses she, “and shes willing to pay you well and treet you” ses she, shmiling, “like a lady.”

Wid that she leeds me acrost the room to wan of the sofies, and pushes out wid her foot wan of thim camp stules for the girls to sit upon.

“Good marning mam” ses I, lifting up me eyes modestly, and then I give sooch a joomp the dummed stool dubbles up under me and down I cum wid a boomp on the flure. For there sitting looking at me, very much surprysed and horty is Miss Claire hersilf. She smiled a bit whin I picked mesilf up, and ses I:

“Why, miss, the site of your pretty face just about flabbergasted me. How are you?” ses I.

“Quite well, thank you” ses she, very stiffly.

“And your mother?”

“—er mother is pretty well” ses she.

“Your father.”

“Papa is—er—about the same” ses she.

“Mr. Johnny?”

“Still dy-et-ing, Delia.”

“And Mr. James——”

“James——well, Delia, nun of us are very well. James ses he has intygischun.”

“And what is that?” I inquires cooryissly

“—er—a sort of pane in the—er—stummick” ses she.

“Is it billy ake yure meening?”

She blushes, and ses:

“I suppose so.”

“Who do be doing the cooking?” I arsks.

“Well—er—I tried. Delia don’t you dare to larf” ses she indignantly.

“Larf!” ses I, “Why Lor bless your hart darlint, I’d more likely be weeping for the unhappy family.”

She leened tords me, Wid her horchure quite gone, and looking as meek and swate as a kitten in thrubble.

“Delia” ses she, “Ive had elivin girls in since you left” ses she.

“You poor lamb!”

She puts on that weedling voyce she has whin bothering me to let her make mussy foodge in me frying pans:

“Delia” ses she, “w-wudnt you like to cum back?”

I shuk me hed. Then she set back, her horchure cuming back agin.

“O well” ses she, “theres hundreds of uther girls.”

“Yes” ses I “the same as the elivin yourve had.”

“Delia” ses she wid pashion “for pity sake do come back. I did thry to do my best but its like attempting to pleese a family of porkypines since you left and O! those awful craychures that came after you left. Why wan of thim” ses she indignantly “was want to tak the soyled table linen—aven the lace doylies—for dish cloths.”

“My God! miss” ses I “you don’t meen them buties you made yersilf?”

“Yes indade,” ses she turning her face away.

“Miss Claire” ses I.

“Yes Delia” ses she quickly, turning round in a bounce.

“Nothing” ses I, angry wid mesilf for me meekness.

“Delia” ses she despritly, “we’ve tuk a place in the cuntry. We must have a girl. Its dredful to think of being widout one. O Delia, do please cum wid us.”

“No-o—Miss—” ses I a bit tremendulussly.

“I’ll—I’ll—give you that old—er—its not relly old—black taffita jacket of mine” ses she.

I skuk me hed.

“—and the skurt wid the box plates” ses she “and you can have that tucked shemysett—you no, the one you do up so luvly.”

“No Miss Claire” ses I firmly, getting up. “I’m for uther wark than gineral housewark.” She got up also, and her voyce sounds a bit shakey.

“Very well Delia” ses she. “Its hard on me——so much trubble——” Thin her blue eyes run over, and she walked away, wiping thim wid her handkychiff. I seen her go out the dure. I filt a sinking at me hart. Minnie Carnavan was forgotten, and like the gump she ses I am I made a grand dash fur the dure, wid all the Miss Flimflams of the Alluyunce, and the ladies thimsilves gaping after me in horrow. I seen Miss Claire half a block away, and I run after her puffing:

“Miss Claire! Darlint! Miss Claire!” I called after her. She turned about and guve me wan look. Then she made a like grand dash as mesilf. Her parrysol flew out of her hand, also her rist bag.

“‘Very well, Delia,’ ses she. ‘It’s hard on me ...
so much trouble!’”

“O Delia—you duck” ses she, and kissed me wid a smack, hugging and squazing me manewile.

There cum three yung doods marching down the Avenoo, and as Miss Claire taks me in her arms the bauld yung chaps stud still and looked at us and shmiled. Thin one bint down and keerfully picked up the parrysol and wiped it wid the sleeve of his foine gray coat. As me and Miss Claire extrycate ourselves he offers it to her wid a bow. She toorned red as a peeney and her bloo eyes guv one luk up at the dood, then drapped demoorly:

“Thanks” ses she, “Thanks agin” ses she, as he likewise returns her rist-bag. He lifted up his hat, waited a bit for more thanks, and thin marched aff, shmiling like his face wud bust. She smiles too, and ses I, boorsting:

“A roomance, Miss Claire! Be all the saints in hivin and airth, ye’ve luked into the eyes of your hoosband.”

“Nonsense” ses she, laffing, “you’re the same old silly sintimental Delia. Cum home deer.”

CHAPTER VII
TWO WEEKS LATER.

Awoke, aroze, washed, dressed, made me bed. Spint the bitter part of a our or more trying to make that dummed stove burn. Its a wild wilderniss of a place is this and its hard indade for a pure loansum innercent female to bare the silence of the atmust-fear. Whin Miss Claire a spoke of the country I had thort of Asbry Park or Coney Island and such like sinsible places, but indade theres no bordwalk here at all at all and the only kinds of bands and orkistrys is in the trees. Wirra, wirra, wirra! The kitchens in the bastement and the dining-room a flure above. I shuk me hed over this contrivance whin I first seen it, but Miss Claire ses very swately:

“Now doant you be arfter wurrying about that” ses she “fur theres a dumm waiter in the butlers pantry.”

Wid that she showed me a contrapshon in the wall, and wint to work pulling at the ropes.

“Dumm!” ses I, shouting wid me rarth, “Is it dumm you call the dumm thing. My God, Miss,” ses I “Its noysy enuff to waken the deff.”

“Nonsense” ses she “and down stares” ses she, “there do be anuther nice little dyning room, Delia, wich you can have all for yoursilf. Think of it!” ses she, “How many poor girls in New York has a privit sitting room and dining-room all to thimsilves” ses she.

“My God Miss” ses I, “Am I to set alone in that privit room?”

“Of coorse” ses she, “and by and by” she adds consoalingly, “yell git aquainted in the naybyhood, and who knows but a Nite will come your way! Hay ho!” ses she.

“Nites enuff” ses I me milincoly hivvy on me chist, “it’ll be all nites now for me Miss Claire.”

“You Goose!” ses she, “I don’t meen that kind of Nite, but—but—you know—a grate handsome fellar of a Nite” ses she.

“Is it a bow ye’re maning?” I arsks sarcarskullully.

“Yes Delia dear.”

“And sorrer a Nite of that kind will I get Miss” ses I moanfully.

She opened her blue eyes big, and shuk her hed mysteerissly.

“Its in the cuntry they abownd” ses she.

“And lit them cum abownding” ses I snorting, “Its a foine gintlemanly sort” ses I “wud abound into the prisince of a loidy. If it’s oanly the bounding kind ye’re haveing here, Miss Claire, theyd bitter kape their distance frum me kitchen.”

CHAPTER VIII
A FEW DAYS LATER

Awoke—aroze—washed—dressed—made me bed—Imtied me slops.

I tuk a bit of paper from Mr. John’s desk, and I penned the follering warning in plane litters and langwidge:

BRIKFUST SARVED

AT 8 OANLEY

NO BRIKFUST

SARVED LATER

This I taxed artiskully upon the dining-room door—facing all eyes.

Mr. John—ating his loan cup of hot water looks up. Hes a gintle spaking gintleman in contrarst to his bruther James. The rayson of this Mr. Wolley explayned to me wanse was that Mr. John is an eediotor wile Mr. James is a bawld voiced orthor, spaking, ses Mr. Wolley, wid the orful tung of the muck raker. Well Mr. John looks up gintly and fidgets his paper and ses mildly:

“Er——Delia—er——”

“Well?” ses I, fite in me toans.

“Another cup of hot water if you plase” ses he.

He hild up the cup befure his eyes suspishussly.

“—er Delia” ses he, making an effet to mollyfy me timper. “How do you like it here” ses he.

“Like it! My God its a loan wilderniss of a place, sor,” ses I.

“Shaw!” ses he, “Why theeres forty-two families on the Poynt.”

“The Poynt?”

“I tuk a bit of paper from Mr. John’s desk, and I penned the following warning in plane litters and langwidge.”

“Yes. They call this neck of land the Poynt” ses he “I suppose becorse its just a poynt of land running into the Sound.”

“Its a bloont poynt” ses I.

“It is” ses he, “but down at the ind of it, there is a very fine poynt of land. Me brother waggushly corls it ‘Rogues Poynt’” ses he.

“And why sor?”

“Haw, haw!” ses he, larfing into his napkin.

Mr. James cum sontering in joost thin in tinnis pants. He tramped acrost me imacklate floor, banged out a chare and doomped himself into it.

“Me brikfust in a hurry Delia” ses he. “Whats the joke Johnny” ses he to his larfing brother.

“I was telling Delia the name ye’ve given the Poynt—Rogues Poynt.”

“Hum!” ses Mr. James, ating amorosly on a grape froot. “Its like this Delia” ses he, guving me a seeriess look, “The 2 show places on the ind of the Poynt are occipied respictably by an Oil magnut and a Insurince Prissydint.”

“And be they rogues?” asks I innercently.

“Dammed raskils” ses Mr. James sollemly.

CHAPTER IX
ANOTHER DAY

Aroze. Got up. Dressed. Made me bed. Imtied me slops.

“I want you all to lissen to me” ses Miss Claire, adrissing the assimbled family in the dining-room. “Now” ses she, “if I’m to be housekaper and we cant afford but wan girl and the works altogether too hevvy for Delia alone and shell be laving us if——”

“Sh!” says her mother, “spake lower. Shes in the bootlers pantry, making the salad.

“Nonsinse” ses Mr. James, “shes at the keyhole lissening.”

“Well, but do lissen all,” airges Miss Claire. “Iverybody” ses she, “has got to do his indivijool share of work. The lons must be cut. A garden must be planted. Frish vegitables are absolootely nicissiry. James” ses she swately, “You can cut the lons.”

“Lons!” cryes he in thoondering toans. “I cut lons! Why me deer sister its aginst me most artistick instink” ses he. “Its wan of me firm and uncontradictible opinyons that lons shud remane uncut. Why annyone can have cut lons. Luk at the places around us, widout an ixcipshun the lons are cut slick and smooth as a yooths chin. I tell you sister mine” ses he “its more artistick to let your grass grow long.”

“Nonsinse” ses Miss Claire.

Here Mr. John tuk up the coodgills for his sister.

“Unkemp lons” ses he, “are artistick on the same principle as the ass is a boheemyun who smoaks and drinks in out of way outlandish joynts and has an inborn prejydiss aginst a manicar parlor. ‘Dirty nales’ ses he, in the like toan of me brother ‘is artistick.’ Jimmy, boy, explane the artistick sinse of uncut lons?”

“Deny it if you can” shouted Mr. James, thoomping on the table “I challinge you. Do you mane to assert that the fat broaker who kapes his lons and drives clane as a well swipt parlor has the same artistick sinse as the chap who lets his grarss grow gracefully aloft kissing the gintle seffers which swape the jewey——”

Here I heard the contemshus russel of Mr. John’s paper.

“Do be sinsible Jimmy” ses Mrs. Wolley. “Claire is quite right. The lons must be cut. If we don’t cut them nobody’ll call on us. We’ll be marked and shunned in this community.”

Here both Mr. James and John assayed to spake at wanse, the latter aisily being drowned out by the thoonder toans of the hedstrung orthor.