He shot his hand across an’ pulled his gun quick as a flash; but Horace didn’t move, he just sat still, with a friendly smile on his face
FRIAR TUCK
BEING THE CHRONICLES OF THE REVEREND
JOHN CARMICHAEL, OF WYOMING, U.S.A.,
AS SET FORTH AND EMBELLISHED BY
HIS FRIEND AND ADMIRER
HAPPY HAWKINS
AND HERE RECORDED BY
ROBERT ALEXANDER WASON
AUTHOR OF
HAPPY HAWKINS,
THE KNIGHT-ERRANT, ETC.
ILLUSTRATED BY
STANLEY L. WOOD
NEW YORK
GROSSET & DUNLAP
PUBLISHERS
Copyright, 1912
By Small, Maynard and Company
(Incorporated)
Entered at Stationers’ Hall
Published, September 7, 1912; sixth edition, November, 1912
Many there are who respond to the commonplace, monotonous call of Duty, and year after year uncomplainingly spend their lives on the treadmill of Routine; but who still feel in their hearts the call of the open road, the music of the stars, the wine of the western wind, and the thrilling abandon of a mad gallop out beyond speed limits and grass signs to where life has ceased to be a series of cogs and—a man is still a man.
To the members of this fraternity, whose emblem, hidden behind deep and steadfast eyes, is often missed by man, but always recognized by dogs and horses, I dedicate this book, in the hope that for an hour or two it may lift the pressure a little.
R. A. W.
JUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME
Reviews are not infrequently colored by a temporary elevation of the critic’s mind (or a temporary depression of the critic’s liver), advertisements are not invariably free from bias; so, perhaps, a few words of friendly warning will not be considered impertinent.
Whosoever is squeamishly sensitive as to the formal technique of literary construction will save himself positive irritation by avoiding this book. It is a told, rather than a written story; and this is a compromise which defies Art and frankly turns to the more elastic methods of Nature.
It is supposed to be told by an outdoor man in those delightful moments of relaxation when the restraint of self-consciousness is dropped, and the spirit flows forth with a freedom difficult to find, outside the egoism of childhood. This general suggestion is easily tossed out; but the reader must supply the details—the night camps with the pipes sending up incense about the tiny fires, the winter evenings when the still cold lurks at the threshold or the blizzard howls around the log corners; or those still more elusive moments when the riding man shifts his weight to a single thigh, and tells the inner story which has been rising from his open heart to his closed lips for many a long mile.
Nor will these details suffice to complete the atmosphere in which, bit by bit, the story is told. The greatest charm in the told story comes direct from the teller; and, toil as we will over printed pages, they obstinately refuse to reproduce the twinkle of bright, deep-set eyes, the whimsical twist which gives character to a commonplace word, the subtile modulations of a mellow voice, the discriminating accent which makes a sentence fire when spoken, and only ashes when written; or, hardest of all, those eloquent pauses and illuminating gestures which convey a climax neither tongue nor pen dare attempt.
Happy Hawkins is complex, but the basic foundation of his character is simplicity. His audience is usually a mixed one, men of the range and an Easterner or two, fortunate enough to find the way into his confidence. Occasionally he amuses himself by talking to the one group over the heads of the other; but even then, his own simplicity is but thinly veiled. The phases of life which he holds lightly are exploited with riotous recklessness; but whoever would visit his private shrines must tread with reverent step.
His exaggerations are not to deceive, but to magnify—an adjunct to expression invariably found among primitive people. A brass monkey is really not sensitive to variations of temperature; and yet, even among the civilized, a peculiarly vivid impression is conveyed by stating that a particular cold snap has had a disintegrating effect upon the integrity of a brass monkey. There is a philosophy of exaggeration which is no kin to falsehood.
Happy has an eager, hungry, active mind, a mind worthy of careful cultivation; but forced by circumstances to gather its nourishment along lines similar to those adopted by the meek and lowly sponge. A sponge is earnest, patient, and industrious; but, fixed to a submerged stone as it is, it is hampered by limitations which no amount of personal ambition is quite able to overcome. As Happy himself was fond of saying: “The thing ’at sets most strangers again each other, is the fact that each insists on judgin’ everything from his own standpoint. A cow-puncher gets the idee that because an Eastener can’t sit comfortable on a bronco when it’s sunfishin’ or twistin’ ends, he jes nachely ain’t fit to clutter up the surface o’ the earth; while the Eastener is inclined to estimate the puncher an’ his pony as bein’ on the same intellectual level. If they’d just open up an’ examine each other impartial, they’d mighty soon see ’at the difference in ’em came from what they did, instead o’ the choice o’ their lines o’ business dependin’ on their natural make-up. I once had a no-account pinto which refused to squat back on the rope, and I rejoiced exceeding when I got seventy-five bucks for him; but the feller I took advantage of clipped his mane, docked his tail, introduced him into swell-society, and got three hundred for him as a polo pony; which all goes to show—” (The finish of this is an expansive wave of the hand, a tilt of the head to the right, and an indescribably droll expression.)
The above is a fair sample of the leisurely way in which Happy Hawkins tells a story. This is not the proper way to tell a story. A story should travel an air-line and not stop at the smaller stations, while Happy prefers to take his bed along on a spare horse and camp out wherever the mood strikes him. The reader who delights in a story which speeds along like a limited, will probably be disappointed in this book; while, on the other hand, the reader who enjoys the intimate association which is lighted with the evening camp fire, runs a risk of finding some relaxation in taking another little trip with Happy Hawkins.
R. A. W.
CONTENTS
[CHAPTER ONE—THE MEETING]
[CHAPTER TWO—THE BETTIN’ BARBER O’ BOGGS]
[CHAPTER THREE—ABOVE THE DUST]
[CHAPTER FOUR—TY JONES]
[CHAPTER FIVE—THE HOLD-UP]
[CHAPTER SIX—A REMINISCENCE]
[CHAPTER SEVEN—HORACE WALPOLE BRADFORD]
[CHAPTER EIGHT—A CASE OF NERVES]
[CHAPTER NINE—TREATING THE CASE]
[CHAPTER TEN—INJUNS!]
[CHAPTER ELEVEN—BENEFITS OF FASTING]
[CHAPTER TWELVE—A COMPLETE CURE]
[CHAPTER THIRTEEN—AN UNEXPECTED CACHE]
[CHAPTER FOURTEEN—HAPPY’S NEW AMBITION]
[CHAPTER FIFTEEN—TENDER FEELINGS]
[CHAPTER SIXTEEN—THEMIS IN THE ROCKIES]
[CHAPTER SEVENTEEN—KIT MURRAY]
[CHAPTER EIGHTEEN—TESTING THE FRIAR’S NERVE]
[CHAPTER NINETEEN—OTHER PEOPLE’S BUSINESS]
[CHAPTER TWENTY—QUARRELING FOR PEACE]
[CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE—PEACE TO START A QUARREL]
[CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO—A PROGRESSIVE HUNT]
[CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE—A LITTLE GUN-PLAY]
[CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR—NIGHT-PROWLERS]
[CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE—THE TRADE-RAT’S CHRISTMAS-GIFT]
[CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX—A CONTESTED LIFE-TITLE]
[CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN—A STRANGE ALLIANCE]
[CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT—THE HEART OF HAPPY HAWKINS]
[CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE—THE LITTLE TOWN OF BOSCO]
[CHAPTER THIRTY—TY JONES GETS A WOMAN]
[CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE—JUSTICE UNDELAYED]
[CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO—THE FRIAR GOES ALONE]
[CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE—THE FRIAR GIVEN TWO WEEKS]
[CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR—A CROSS FOR EVERY MAN]
[CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE—THE FRIAR A COMPLICATION]
[CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX—A SIDE-TRIP TO SKELTY’S]
[CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN—PROMOTHEUS IN THE TOILS]
[CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT—OLAF RUNS THE BLOCKADE]
[CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE—SKIRMISHES]
[CHAPTER FORTY—AN IRRITATING GRIN]
[CHAPTER FORTY-ONE—THE NIGHT-ATTACK]
[CHAPTER FORTY-TWO—HAND TO HAND]
[CHAPTER FORTY-THREE—THE GIFT OF THE DAWN]
[CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR—TY JONES NODS HIS HEAD]
[CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE—THE LITTLE GUST O’ WIND]
[CHAPTER FORTY-SIX—THE FINAL MOVES]
ILLUSTRATIONS
He shot his hand across an’ pulled his gun quick as a flash; but Horace didn’t move, he just sat still, with a friendly smile on his face
We found the singer on foot with a noose about his neck an’ nine rather tough-lookin’ citizens holdin’ a parley with him
The cow had forgot all about havin’ had her hoofs pared, an’ she took after him like a hungry coyote
“I intend to kill you,” said Olaf, as calm as though talkin’ about a sick sheep.
“It would be a foolish waste of time,” replied the Friar, as if he was advisin’ a ten-year-old boy not to fish when the Blue Bull was high and muddy. “It wouldn’t do any good, and I shall not allow it.”
[CHAPTER ONE—THE MEETING]
It’s a curious thing—life. Ya might just as well ask a kitten to chase her own tail or a dog to bay at the evenin’ star, or a periodical spring to run constant, as to ask a feller right out to tell a story. Some things can only be done spontaneous.
Friar Tuck used to say ’at whenever he could cut it, he allus got on the lee side o’ human nature and let it blow down on him natural; and my way o’ gettin’ to the lee side o’ human nature in story-tellin’ is not to ask for a story, but to start tellin’ one myself. And it’s a good plan not to put over too good a one either; ’cause if it seems as though a feller is short run on stories, some listener is likely to take pity on him and fit him out with a new assortment so as he won’t be such bad company for himself when he’s alone again. This is the way I’ve picked up most o’ my stories.
Then again, it’s allus hard for me to tell what is the true beginnin’ of a story. It’s easy enough to tell cream from milk—after the milk has stood long enough for the cream to rise to the top; but the great trouble is, that a man’s own recollections haven’t stood long enough for him to skim out just what part he might be in need of.
Without meanin’ the least mite o’ disrespect to any one, it does seem to me that if I was able to plan out any sort of a memory at all, I could have made a few improvements on the ones we now have.
My own memory is as stubborn as a mule and as grippy as a bulldog. What it does remember, it calls up in the shape o’ pictures; and I see old things just as plain as livin’, breathin’ beings; but try as I would, I never could keep my memory from loadin’ herself down with so many trifles that sometimes I’ve had to spade it over as many as six times to turn up some important item which I was actually in need of. When my memory’s in a good humor, I like to start a pipe and lean back and just watch old scenes over again, the same as if I was in a the-ater; and I can see every twinkle in a pair o’ well-known eyes, which have been lookin’ up through six feet of earth for this many a long year, and I can hear—actually hear—the half tones ripplin’ through voices which have no more part in my to-day than the perfume o’ last year’s flowers; and then, like as not, my memory’ll lay her ears back and refuse to confide what I did with my shavin’ soap.
When I look back at my own life and compare it with others, it seems like a curious, patch-worky sort of affair, and not much more my own than the lives o’ those others with which I compare it. I allus liked my work, and yet it never attracted my attention much. Side-trips and such-like stand out plain as figures in a hand-painted picture, such as I’ve seen in hotels down at Frisco; but the work part is just a blotchy, colorless sort of smudge, the same as the background o’ one o’ these pictures.
When I first took on with Jabez—every one called him ol’ Cast Steel Judson at this time—they wanted to know if I could ride. I was nothin’ but a regular kid then, so I handed in a purty high average as to my ridin’ ability; though, truth to tell, I wasn’t no bronco buster those days. They gave me a genuwine mean one as a starter, and told me to ride him clean or step off and walk.
At that time I didn’t even know how to discard a hoss when I couldn’t stand the poundin’ any longer; so when I felt my backbone gettin’ wedged too far into my skull, I made a grab for the horn. My luck was on the job that day and I got the quirt, instead. At his next pitch, my hand went up as natural as ever, and I slammed down the quirt as hard as I could. It landed on a ticklish spot and before he had time to make up his mind, the cayuse had started to run, me whalin’ him at every jump and givin’ thanks between ’em. I rode him good and out as soon as he started to stampede, and they all thought I was a real rider. Well, this gave me a lot o’ trouble—tryin’ to live up to my reputation—but that’s a good sort o’ trouble for a kid to have.
Now I can feel all the sensations o’ this ride as plain as though it was this mornin’; but the’s a thousand rides since then which have all melted an’ run together. The same with most o’ the rest o’ my work: I allus aimed to do my bit a little quicker and cleaner ’n the rest; but as soon as I learned all the tricks of it, it fell into a rut, like breathin’ and seein’. Easteners seem to have an idee that our life must be as carefree and joyous as goin’ to a different circus every day in the year; but it ain’t: it’s work, just like all other work. We’re a good bit like our ridin’ ponies: when we’re in the thick of it we’re too busy to take notice; and when we’re through, we’re hungry—and that’s about the whole story.
Jabez Judson was a high peak, and once a feller knew him, he never ran any risk o’ gettin’ him mixed up with any one else. He was the settest in his ways of any man I ever had much doin’s with; but he didn’t change about any—if he faced north on a question one day, he faced north on it always; so a feller could tell just how any action would strike him, and this made livin’ with him as accurate as workin’ out a problem in multiplication, which I claim to hold qualities o’ comfort.
His daughter, Barbie, was a little tot when I first took on; and she was the apple of ol’ Cast Steel’s eye; an’ his curb bit, and his spurs as well. Barbie and I were pals from one end o’ the trail to the other, and this explains a lot o’ my life which otherwise wouldn’t have any answer. My ordinary work at the Diamond Dot wasn’t out-standin’ enough to give me any special privileges; but I happened to come back one time when the Brophy gang was about to clean things out, and Jabez gave me credit for savin’ Barbie’s life; so ’at he didn’t check up my time any and I did purty much as I pleased, only quittin’ him when I couldn’t put up with his set ways any longer. I aimed to play fair with Jabez, and he with me; but once in a while we locked horns, though not often, takin’ everything into account.
It was shortly after ol’ Cast Steel had bought in the D lazy L brand, an’ we was still pickin’ up strays here an’ there. Whenever he bought up a brand he allus put the Diamond Dot on the stuff as soon as he could, his mark commandin’ more respect than some o’ the little fellers’.
When I’d get tired o’ loafing about the home place, I’d take one o’ the boys an’ we’d start out to look for stray hosses. Spider Kelley was with me this time, an’ we had meandered here an’ there until we had picked up a big enough string to stand as an excuse for our trip, and were about minded to start back.
We had just forded a little crick when we heard a man’s voice singin’ off to the right. The’ was a mess o’ cottonwoods between us, an’ we stopped to listen. Now I had never heard that voice before, an’ I had never seen the man who was running it; but right then I was ready to believe anything he had a mind to tell me. It was a deep, rich voice; but mellow an’ tender, an’ a feller could tell that he was singin’ simply because he couldn’t help it.
Spider looked at me with his face shinin’, an’ I could feel a sort o’ pleasant heat in my own face. The’ was a lift an’ a swing, and a sort of rally-around-the-flag to this voice which got right into ya, an’ made you want to do something.
“’T is thine to save from perils of perdition
The souls for whom the Lord His life laid down;
Beware, lest, slothful to fulfill thy mission,
Thou lose one jewel that should deck His crown.
Publish glad tidings; tidings of peace;
Tidings of Jesus, redemption and release.”
“That feller can sing some,” sez Spider Kelley; but just then the ponies turned back on us an’ by the time we had started ’em on again, the singer had passed on up the trail, so I didn’t make any reply.
I was tryin’ to figure out whether it was the words or the tune or the voice, or what it was that had made my whole body vibrate like a fiddle string. As I said before, I see things in pictures an’ I also remember ’em in pictures: a sound generally calls up a picture to me an’ it ain’t allus a picture anyways connected with the sound itself. This song, for instance, had called to my mind a long procession of marchin’ men with banners wavin’ an’ set faces, shinin’ with a glad sort o’ recklessness. There ain’t no accountin’ for the human mind: I had never seen such a procession in real life, nor even in a picture; but that was what this song out there on the open range suggested to me, an’ I hurried out o’ the cottonwoods eager to measure the singer with my open eyes.
When we climbed up out of the woods, we saw him goin’ up the pass ahead of us with our ponies followin’ behind as though they was part of his outfit. We could just catch glimpses of him; enough to show that he was a big man on a big roan hoss, an’ that he was a ridin’ man in spite o’ the fact that he was wearin’ black clothes made up Eastern style. He was still singin’ his song, an’ I straightened up in my saddle, an’ beat time with my hand as though I held a genuwine sword in it; which is a tool I’ve never had much doin’s with.
We scrambled on up the trail, an’ when we reached the top we found a little park with the grass knee high an’ a fringe o’ spruce trees about it. The song had come to a sudden end, an’ we found the singer on foot with a noose about his neck an’ nine rather tough-lookin’ citizens holdin’ a parley with him. We came to the same sort of a stop the song had, an’ Spider Kelley sez in a low tone, “What do ya suppose this is?”
“I don’t know,” sez I, touchin’ my pony, “but I’m with the singer”; so me an’ Spider rode on down to ’em.
I purty well sensed what it was: the’ was a heap o’ rebrandin’ bein’ done at that time, an’ stringin’ a man up was supposed to be the only cure; but I was willin’ to bet my roll that this singer wasn’t a rustler. The feller in charge o’ the posse was an evil-lookin’ cuss, an’ if he’d ’a’ had the rope around his neck, it wouldn’t have looked so misplaced. He was ridin’ a Cross brand hoss; so I guessed him to belong to the Tyrrel Jones outfit. Most o’ the others in the posse was ridin’ the same brand o’ hosses an’ wearin’ the same brand of expressions. It was a tough-lookin’ bunch.
We came up to ’em an’ they looked our ponies an’ us over an’ nodded. We nodded back an’ I asked ’em what seemed to be the trouble.
“We’ve finally got the feller who has been doin’ the rustlin’ out this way,” sez the leader, whose name was Flannigan, Badger-face Flannigan.
“That’s good,” sez I; “but he don’t look the part.”
“He acts it all right,” growls Badger-face, showin’ his fangs in what was meant for a grin. “He’s ridin’ one of our hosses, an’ leadin’ a string o’ D lazy Ls.”
“Leadin’ ’em?” sez I.
“Yes, he’s got some sort of a charm in his voice. Whiskers, here, saw him go up on foot an’ rope this colt an’ lead him off the same as a plow hoss.”
“Did Whiskers, here, see him charm the loose string, too?” I asked.
“No, he came in an’ collected the posse, an’ we decided that this would be a good place to try him; so we cut up the other pass an’ waited for him. When he came up, this bunch o’ ponies was taggin’ after him.”
I looked at the man with the noose about his neck, an’ he was grinnin’ as easy an’ comfortable as I ever saw a man grin in my life. He was wearin’ a vest without buttons an’ a gray flannel shirt. He had a rifle on his saddle an’ a sixshooter on his right hip. He had big gray eyes set wide apart under heavy brows, an’ they were dancin’ with laughter. I grinned into ’em without intendin’ to, an’ sez: “Well, I don’t really think he charmed these loose ponies intentional. Me an’ Spider was takin’ ’em in to the Diamond Dot an’ we had a hard time makin’ ’em ford the crick. I’m some thankful to him for tollin’ ’em up the pass.”
Badger-face scowled. “Well, anyhow, he charmed the beast he’s ridin, all right; an’ he has to swing for it.”
“Are you all done with tryin’ him,” sez I.
“What’s the use of a trial?” snarled Badger-face. “Ain’t he ridin’ a Cross brand hoss, ain’t the brand unvented, don’t every one know that we never sell a hoss without ventin’ the brand, an’ can’t any one see ’at this hoss was never rode before?”
“Got anything to say for yourself, stranger?” I asked.
“Not much,” sez the prisoner. “I have an appointment to keep at Laramie; my hoss gave out; so I just caught a fresh one an’ started on.”
“What more do you want?” asked Badger-face of me.
“Well, now, the’ ain’t any particular hurry; an’ I’m kind o’ curious to learn a little more of his methods,” sez I impartial. “Don’t ya know ’at this is what they call hoss-stealin’ out this way?” I asked of the stranger.
“No, this is not stealin’,” he replied. “I turned another hoss loose that I had picked up a hundred miles or so farther back; and I should have turned this one adrift as soon as he had tired. They allus wander back to their own range.”
This wasn’t no unheard-of custom to practice out our way; but it was a new sort o’ defence for a man with a noose about his neck to put up, an’ I see that some o’ the others was gettin’ interested. The big man had a smile like a boy, an’ steady eyes, an’ a clear skin; an’ he didn’t look at all the kind of a man to really need stretchin’.
“What’s your plan for earnin’ a livin’?” I asked.
“I am a kind of apostle,” sez he, “an’ I live on the bounty of others.”
“Do you mean ’at you’re a preacher?” asked Badger-face.
“Yes,” the stranger replied with a smile.
We found the singer on foot with a noose about his neck an’ nine rather tough-lookin’ citizens holdin’ a parley with him
“Well, I never see a preacher with as short hair as yours, nor one who carried so much artillery, nor one who made a practice o’ pickin’ up a fresh hoss whenever he felt like it. Where’d you learn to ride, an’ where’d you learn to rope?”
“Eastern Colorado. I lived there four years, an’ travelled on hossback,” sez the stranger.
“I’ll bet you left there mighty sudden,” sez Badger-face with an evil leer.
“Yes,” replied the stranger, with a grin, “an’ I also left on hossback.”
“Well, ya satisfied now?” grunted Badger-face to me.
Livin’ out doors the way I had, I naturally had a big respect for brands. It’s mighty comfortin’ to feel that ya can turn your stuff loose an’ know that it’s not likely to be bothered; so I was up something of a stump about this new doctrine. “Where’d you get your commission from to pick up a hoss whenever you feel like it?” sez I to the stranger.
He had a little leather sack hangin’ from his saddle horn, an’ he reached into it an’ fished out a small book with a soft leather cover. The feller ’at was holdin’ his hoss eyed him mighty close for fear it was some sort of a gun; but the stranger ran over the leaves with his fingers as ready as a man would step into the home corral an’ rope his favorite ridin’ pony.
“Here’s my commission,” sez he, as self-satisfied as though he was holdin’ a government document; an’ then he read aloud with that deep, mellow voice o’ his, the story of the time the Lord was minded to let himself out a little an’ came into Jerusalem in state. He read it all, an’ then he paused, looked about, holdin’ each man’s eyes with his own for a second, an’ then he read once more the part where the Lord had sent in a couple of his hands after the colt that no man had ever backed before—an’ then he closed the book, patted it gentle an’ shoved it back into the leather bag. I looked around on the posse, an’ most of ’em was rubbin’ their chins, an’ studyin’. I’ve noticed that while the earth is purty well cluttered up with pale-blooded an’ partially ossified Christians, the’s mighty few out an’ out atheists among ’em.
“That don’t go,” sez Badger-face, after he’d taken time to pump up his nerve a little.
No one said anything for a space, an’ then the stranger put a little edge on his voice, but spoke in a lower tone than before: “That does go,” he said. “No matter what else in life may be questioned, no matter how hard and fast a title may stick, it must crumble to dust when one comes and says, ‘The Lord hath need of this.’ It may be your life or it may be your property or it may be the one being you love most in all the world; but when the Lord hath need, your own needs must fall away.
“Now, boys, I love the West, I glory in the fact that I can lay something down and go on about my business an’ come back a month later and find it just where I left it; and if I was takin’ these hosses to sell or trade or use for my own selfish ends, why, I wouldn’t have a word to say again’ your stringin’ me up. I brought my own hoss into this country and when it gave out I didn’t have time to barter an’ trade for another one; so I just caught one, and when it grew weary, I turned it adrift. I don’t claim the hosses I ride; I don’t want to own them; I simply borrow them for a while because my Lord hath need of them. I treat them well, and when they weary, send ’em back to their own range with a pat, and pick up another. The next fellow who rides that hoss will find it a little less trouble than if I hadn’t used it, and there’s no harm done at all. I’m working with you, I’m going to make your own work easier out here by raisin’ the respect for brands, not by makin’ property rights any looser; and you are goin’ to work with me—whether you want to or not. Now then, how much longer are you goin’ to keep this fool noose about my neck?”
That posse wasn’t easy minded, not by a jugful. This stranger was speakin’ as though he had power an’ authority an’ public opinion all on his side, and they felt consid’able like the tenderfoot who’d roped the buffalo—they was willin’ to quit any time he was.
The Cross brand boys were purty sullen an’ moody; but four o’ the posse belonged to another outfit, an’ they couldn’t stand the strain. One of ’em, a grizzled old codger with one lamp missin’, lifted the noose from the prisoner’s neck, an’ sez most respectful: “Parson, I’m an old man. I ain’t heard a sermon for forty years, an’ I’d be right obliged to ya if you’d make us one.”
Badger-face, he snorted scornful; but the rest of the posse was scattered all the way from repentance to sheepishness, an’ the stranger he stepped to a little rise an’ he certainly did speak us a sermon. First off, he sang us St. Andrew’s hymn—I got to learn a good many of his songs after this, but o’ course at that time I was as shy on hymns as the rest o’ the crowd.
I tell you it was wonderful up in that little park, with the lush grass for a carpet, the spruce trees for panelin’, the bare peaks stickin’ out for rafter-beams, the blue sky above for ceiling, and that soft, deep voice fillin’ the whole place an’ yet stealin’ into a feller’s heart as easy an’ gentle as a woman’s whisper. He sort o’ beat time as though playin’ on an instrument, until before he was through we were all hummin’ in time with him—an’ then he preached.
He told us about the fisher folks an’ how they lived out doors under the stars the same as we did; and that this was probably why the Lord had chose ’em first to follow him. He said that city folks got to relyin’ on themselves so much ’at they was likely to forget that the whole earth was still held in the hollow of the hand which had created it; but that men who lived with nature, out under the sun and the stars, through the heat and the cold, the wind and the rain, the chinook and the blizzard, felt the forces and the mysteries all about them and this kept ’em in touch, even when they didn’t know it themselves, with the great central Intelligence back o’ these forces and mysteries. Then he told ’em how grand their lives might be if they would only give up their nasty little habits of thought, and learn to think broad and free and deep, the same as they breathed.
He told ’em ’at their minds could breathe the inspiration of God as easy as their lungs could breathe the pure air o’ the mountains, if they’d only form the habit. Then he talked to ’em friendly an’ confidential about their natural devilment. He didn’t talk like a saint speakin’ out through a crack in the gates o’ Paradise, like most preachers do. He called the turn on the actual way they cut up when they went to town, and just how it hurt ’em body an’ soul; and his face grew set and earnest, and his eyes blazed; and then he said a few words about mothers an’ children and such, and wound up with a short prayer.
Well two o’ those fellers owned up right out in public and said that from that on they was goin’ to lead a decent sort of life; and one other said ’at he didn’t have any faith in himself any longer; but he insisted on signin’ the pledge, and said if that worked, why, he’d go on an’ try the rest of it.
The preacher shook hands with ’em all around—he had a grip ’at wouldn’t be no disgrace for a silver-tip—an’ then he sez that if any of ’em has the notion that bein’ a Christian makes a weakling of a man, why, he’s willin’ to wrastle or box or run a race or shoot at a mark or do any other sort of a stunt to show ’at he’s in good order; but they size him up and take his word for it.
“Now, boys,” sez he, “I hope we’ll meet often. I’m your friend, and I want you to use me any time you get a chance. Any time or any place that I can serve one of you, just get me word and I’ll do the best I can. It don’t matter what sort o’ trouble you get into, get me word and I’ll help—if I can find a way. And I wish ’at you’d speak it around that I’m hard on hosses, so that the other fellows will understand when I pick one up, and not cause any delay. I’ll have to hurry along now. Good-bye; I’m sorry I’ve been a bother to ya.”
He swung up on the big roan, waved his hand and trotted out o’ the park; and just as he went down the pass on the other side, it seemed that he couldn’t hold it in any longer; so he opened up his voice in his marchin’ song again, an’ we all stayed silent as long as we could hear the sound of it.
“Well we are a lot of soft marks!” sez Badger-face at last.
“That there is a true man,” replied old Grizzly, shakin’ his head, “an’ I’ll bet my boots on it.”
This seemed to be the general verdict, an’ the Cross brand fellers went off discussin’ the parson, an’ me an’ Spider Kelley collected our ponies an’ went along to the ranch, also discussin’ him.
That was the first time I ever saw Friar Tuck; I made up my mind about him just from hearin’ his voice, an’ before I ever saw him; but I never had to make it up any different. New lead an’ new steel look consid’able alike; but the more ya wear on lead, the sooner it wears out, while the more you wear on steel, the brighter it gets. The Friar was steel, an’ mighty well tempered.
[CHAPTER TWO—THE BETTIN’ BARBER O’ BOGGS]
Yes, this was about the time I got interested in the bettin’ barber over at Boggs. He hasn’t anything to do with this story I’m about to tell ya, except that it was him ’at give the Friar his name; so I’ll just skim through this part as hasty as possible. When a feller is tellin’ me a story, I want him to stick to the trail of it; but it seems like when I try to tell one, myself, some feller is allus askin’ me a question ’at takes me clear out o’ range.
All barbers are more or less different, except in what might be called the gift o’ gab. This one came out to Boggs station, an’ started a shop. His name was Eugene, an’ he was a little man with two rollin’ curls to his front hair, which he wore short behind. A curious thing about little men is, that they don’t never find it out. A little man produces more opinions ’n airy other kind, an’ being small, they haven’t no place to store ’em up until they get time to ripen. A little man gives out his opinion an’ then looks savage—just as if he’d get a switch an’ make ya believe it, whether you wanted to or not.
Eugene had come from every city the’ is in the world, an’ he used to tell scandalous tales about the prominent people who lived in ’em whose hair he had cut. He was also familiar with the other things which had happened since they’ve begun to write history, an’ if any one would doubt one of his statements, he’d whirl about holding up his razor, an’ say: “I’ll bet ya a dollar I can prove it.”
All of us fellers used to go in as often as we got a chance to get our chins shaved an’ our hair shampooed—just to hear Eugene get indignant about things which wasn’t none of our business. We used to bet with him a lot, just for the fun o’ makin’ him prove up things; which he did by writin’ letters to somebody an’ gettin’ back the answers he wanted. We didn’t have any way to prove our side; so Eugene got the money an’ we had the fun.
Ol’ man Dort ran the general store and kept a pet squirrel in a whirlabout cage, which was the biggest squirrel I ever see, an’ had its tail gnawed off by a rat, or something, before Eugene came. Ol’ man Dort had a reputation for arguin’, which spread all over our part of the earth. We had made a habit o’ goin’ to him to get our discussions settled an’ when we began to pass him up for Eugene, he foamed about it free an’ frank.
He wore a prodigious tangle o’ hair and a bunch o’ grizzled whiskers, about as fine an’ smooth as a clump o’ grease-wood. He used to brag that razor nor scissors hadn’t touched his hide for twenty years, an’ one of us boys would allus add, “Nor soap nor water, neither,” an’ ol’ man Dort would grin proud, ’cause it was a point of honor with him.
Eugene used to send out for his wearin’ an’ sech, so ol’ man Dort didn’t get a whack at him in his store; ol’ man Dort batched, an’ Eugene boarded, so they didn’t clash up at their meals; an’ finally ol’ man Dort swore a big oath that he was goin’ to be barbered. The news got out an’ the boys came in for forty miles to see the fun—an’ it was worth it.
We went early to the shop an’ planted ourselves, lookin’ solemn an’ not sayin’ anything to put Eugene on his guard. When at last ol’ man Dort hove in sight with his brows scowled down an’ his jaws set under his shrubbery, we all bit our lips; an’ Eugene stopped tellin’ us about the hair-roots o’ the Prince of Wales, an’ stood lookin’ at ol’ man Dort with his mouth gapped wide open.
The ol’ man came in, shut the door careful behind him, glared at Eugene, as though darin’ him to do his worst, an’ said: “I want my hair shamped, an’ my whiskers shaved off.”
“If you expected to get it all done in one day, you should ought to have come earlier,” sez Eugene soberly, but tossin’ us a side wink.
“Well, you do as much as you can to-day, an’ we’ll finish up to-morrow,” sez ol’ man Dort, not seein’ the joke.
Ol’ man Dort peeled off his coat, rolled up his sleeves, an’ climbed into the chair as if he thought it was liable to buck him off. Then he settled back with a grunt, an’ Eugene tucked the bib in around his neck, combed his fingers through ol’ man Dort’s hair a minute, an’ sez; “Your hair’s startin’ to come out. You should ought to use a tonic.”
“Tonic, hell!” snaps the ol’ man. “My hair sheds out twice a year, same as the rest o’ the animals.”
“Then you should ought to comb it,” sez Eugene. “I’ve got some hair here in my hand which was shed out two years ago. Leavin’ dead hair an’ such rubbish as that layin’ around on your scalp is what kills the hair globules.”
“It don’t either; it acts like fertilizer, the same as dead grass does,” sez ol’ man Dort. He had made up his mind to take the contrary side of everything ’at Eugene said, an’ it was more fun than a dog fight.
Eugene started in by mowin’ away the whiskers, an’ it was a long an’ painful job; ’cause it was almost impossible to tell where they left off an’ ol’ man Dort began, an’ then they was so cluttered up with grit an’ dead hair and kindry deb-ris that his scissors would choke up an’ pull, an’ then ol’ man Dort would bob up his head an’ yell out a bunch o’ profanity, and Eugene would stand back an’ say that he was a barber, not a clearer of new ground, an’ that the job ought to be done with a scythe and hoe, not with scissors an’ razor. Eugene wasn’t covetous of ol’ man Dort’s trade an’ didn’t care whether he insulted him or not.
The most fun came, though, after Eugene had got down to where he could tell the outline of ol’ man Dort’s face. First he soaked it with lather, combin’ it in with a comb, an’ puttin’ hot towels on it to draw out the alkalie grit an’ give his razors some show.
One of ol’ man Dort’s manias was, that a man ought to pay his debts, whether it killed him or not; so as soon as Eugene had him steamin’ under the towels we begun to talk about a man’s first duty bein’ toward his kin, an’ that if he couldn’t pay his debts without bother, he ought to let the debts go an’ show his relatives a good time while they was still on earth an’ able to enjoy themselves.
Ol’ man Dort couldn’t stand it, an’ tried to answer back from under the towels; but got his mouth full o’ suds, an’ choked on the corner of a towel until Eugene said that if he couldn’t sit still an’ behave himself he could go out to some alfalfa farmer to get his tonsoral work completed.
It wasn’t the ol’ man’s fault—he simply couldn’t help it. Touch him up on a ticklish subject, an’ he just had to come back at ya, same as a rattler. Finally, however, Eugene had the stubble wore down an’ softened until he decided that he stood a chance again’ it, an’ then he lathered an’ rubbed, an’ lathered an’ rubbed, until nothin’ stuck out below ol’ man Dort’s eyes except the peak of his nose; an’ then us boys pulled out our trump card an’ played it strong. We began to talk about red squirrels.
Now, we didn’t know anything professional about squirrels, except what ol’ man Dort had told us; but we slewed his talk around this way an’ that as if it was our own private opinions; an’ the ol’ man began to groan audible. He gritted his teeth, though, an’ bore up under it like a hero, until Eugene begin to chip in with what he knew about squirrels.
Eugene was never content to just speak of a thing in a general way—his main method of convincin’ us was to allus fall back on his own personal experience; so this time he began to tell of squirrels what he had been full acquainted with. He called ’em by name an’ told how they would run to meet him an’ climb up on his shoulders an’ chatter for nuts, an’ so on; until the ol’ man’s ears turned red with the strain he was under. And then, we got to discussin’ the size o’ squirrels.
We told about squirrels we had heard about, an’ contested again’ each other to see which had heard o’ the biggest one; but we never even mentioned ol’ man Dort’s squirrel. Eugene had shaved his way down to below the lobe of ol’ man Dort’s right ear, slippin’ in a side remark to our talk every minute or so; an’ purty soon he sez ’at he knows a squirrel by the name o’ Daniel Webster back in Montpelier, Vermont, which was a full half inch longer ’n airy red squirrel we had spoke of. The ol’ man couldn’t stand this. His head bobbed up, cuttin’ a gash on the crook of his jaw, and as soon as he could blow the foam out of his mouth, he sez, “I’ll stake my life, the’ ain’t another squirrel in this country as big as my own Ben Butler.”
Eugene put his hand on ol’ man Dort’s forehead an’ pushed him back into the headrest. “You lie there,” sez he, “until I get done shavin’ ya. Then, I’ll bet ya a dollar that I can produce a livin’ squirrel which’ll out-stand, outweigh, an’ out-fight your squirrel—an’ I ain’t never seen your squirrel.”
“A dollar!” snorts the ol’ man, flickin’ up his head. “I wouldn’t bother wakin’ Ben Butler up for a measly dollar. I’ll bet ya ten dollars.”
“Get back on that headrest,” orders Eugene. “Ten dollars looks a heap sight better to me than one, an’ I’ll be mighty glad to accommodate ya.”
Eugene took his fire-stick an’ burned the ol’ man’s cut, an’ the ol’ man had to scruge up his shoulders with the pain of it; but he did it without noticin’, ’cause his mind was on squirrels. “What breed o’ squirrels is yours?” he asked.
“If you don’t keep your head where I put it, I’ll throw up the job an’ let you go forth lookin’ like the lost Goog o’ Mayhan,” sez Eugene, raisin’ his voice. Ol’ man Dort was a whalin’ big man, an’ it tickled us a heap to see little Eugene givin’ him directions, like as if he was nothin’ but a pup dog.
Ol’ man Dort settled back with a sigh, an’ Eugene leathered up his razor without sayin’ anything for a minute or two. Then he sez, as he begins shavin’ again: “That squirrel I have in mind for ring contests is the short-tailed grizzly ground-squirrel; and it’s the biggest breed of squirrels the’ is.”
“The’ ain’t no such a breed of squirrel as that!” yells ol’ man Dort, springing erect in his chair, an’ dullin’ Eugene’s razor by the operation.
Eugene stepped back an’ looked at the blood flowin’ from the fresh cut, an’ he sez slow an’ sarcastic; “If it don’t make any difference to you whether you have any skin on your face or not, why I’ll just peel it off an’ tack it on a board to shave it; but hanged if I’m goin’ to duck around tryin’ to shave you on the jump. The’ is too grizzly ground-squirrels.”
Well, that’s the way they had it back and forth: every time they would settle down to business an’ Eugene would get a square inch o’ the ol’ man’s face cleared up, one of us boys would speak something in a low tone about there bein’ rumors of an uncommon big squirrel out at some ranch house a hundred miles or so from there. Eugene would ask what breed of squirrel it was, an’ then decide that it couldn’t be a patchin’ on a genuwine short-tailed grizzly ground-squirrel, an’ then ol’ man Dort couldn’t stand it no longer an’ he would forget what he was doin’, bob up in his chair, an’ lose some more of his life fluid.
Eugene scraped down both sides o’ the ol’ man’s face, givin’ all of his razors a chance to take part in the job, an’ then he set his lips an’ started in on the chin.
“What does short-tailed grizzly ground-squirrels eat, Eugene?” asked Spider Kelley, as innocent as an infant pigeon.
“They eat chickens,—” began Eugene, but ol’ man Dort flew clean out o’ the chair an’ stood over Eugene shakin’ with rage.
“Chickens?” he roars. “Chickens! The’ never was a squirrel foaled into this world what et chickens.”
Eugene looked at ol’ man Dort, an’ then he wiped his razor an’ sat down on a chair, so full of disgust that he could hardly breathe.
“I wish you’d take off that apron an’ bleed into the spittoon,” he said as calm as he could. “I’ve got customers whose patronage is what makes up my living expenses; an’ I don’t want ’em to come in here an’ see the whole place a welter of gore.
“What do you think this shop is, anyway?” yelled Eugene springing to his feet an’ entirely losin’ his patience. “Do you think that I make my livin’ by grubbin’ down wire grass which has been let grow for fifty years, an’ educatin’ ignoramuses in the knowledge of squirrels? I don’t care whether you believe in short-tailed grizzly ground-squirrels or not; but if you don’t let me tie your head down to that chair, I won’t shave another sprout off your chin. I take some pride in my profession, an’ I don’t intend to have no man go out o’ my shop leavin’ a trail o’ blood which will draw all the dogs for miles around. Now, you can take your choice.”
Ol’ man Dort had to give in that this was reasonable enough; so he climbed back into the chair, an’ Eugene tied down his head an’ finished him off without any more trouble. As soon as he had stopped the bleedin’ an’ put on the perfume an’ oil an’ powder, he sez: “Now, what I am goin’ to do is to get some nourishment to recuperate back my strength, an’ if you want the waste products washed out o’ your hair, you come back here at one o’clock prompt.”
“I want to settle on that bet first,” said ol’ man Dort, who was just as pernicious as Eugene, once you got him riled up.
“I’ll make that bet with you after dinner,” sez Eugene, “but first off I got to have food; I’m faint with weakness. Now, I’m goin’ to lock up my shop.”
After Eugene had marched off to his boardin’ house, we all gathered around ol’ man Dort, an’ complimented him on his improved appearance, though to be strictly honest, the’ was considerable doubts about it. He had two teeth out in front, an’ the tobacco habit; and now, with no shrubbery to catch the spray, he spluttered terrible when he tried to talk fast. He said, though, that as long as he had started in he intended to take the full course, an’ was comin’ back, as soon as he’d had a bite to eat, to get his hair laundried an’ trimmed up some around the edges; an’ then he was goin’ to make that bet about the squirrels.
It was some amusin’ to see the ol’ man get his hair sluiced out, but not near as much fun as seein’ him shaved. Whenever Eugene found any stray product, he’d call us all over an’ show it to us, an’ this riled the ol’ man up considerable; but the best joke was when Eugene found a woman’s hairpin.
The ol’ man vowed an’ declared an’ carried on somethin’ fierce; but there was the hairpin, an’ we made him pay for three rounds on the strength of it. As soon as Eugene was all through, the ol’ man settled the bill, payin’ for a full day’s work like a regular sport, an’ not tryin’ to beg off at the ordinary retail price; and then he hardened his face an’ sez: “Now I bet you ten dollars, that you can’t bring forward a squirrel as big as my Ben Butler.”
“I’ll take that bet,” sez Eugene, “but you got to give me time to locate a short-tailed grizzly. It’s the scarcest breed the’ is, an’ it’ll probably cost me twice the sum to get one, but I don’t care about that. What I want is to vindicate myself. I’d like to see that squirrel o’ yours.”
“You come right along,” sez ol’ man Dort, glowin’ with pride. “I reckon when you see him, you’ll just hand over the money at once—That is, if you know anything at all about squirrels.”
We all marched around to the general store, an’ ol’ man Dort pounded on the cage. When Ben Butler sat up an’ looked around to see what was up, the ol’ man waved his hand at him, looked down at Eugene, an’ sez: “Well?” He said it just like that: “Wu-el?”
Ben Butler was rollin’ fat, an’ he certainly did look like some squirrel to us; but Eugene merely glanced at him, an’ sez: “Hum, what we call a dwarf red squirrel, up in Nova Scotia. They have tails, though, up there.”
The ol’ man spluttered till we had to pound him on the back. “Dwarf?” he chokes out. “Dwarf! You produce a squirrel to match him, will ya, or else you pack up your truck an’ move on. I don’t intend to have no—”
“See here, ol’ man,” sez Eugene, pointin’ a finger at him the same as if he’d been a naughty child. “A short-tailed grizzly ground-squirrel is from two to four times as big as this one, so if you want to sidestep the bet, you can do it; but if you want to have some show for your money, I bet you fifty to ten that I can get a squirrel three times as big as this one. I own up that for its kind, this squirrel is of fair, average growth; but—”
“I’ll take that bet!” yelled the old man. “We’ll put up our money with Ike Spargle this minute; but I don’t want your odds. I’ll bet you even money.”
Eugene shook his head as if he pitied the ol’ man, an’ he sez, “Haven’t you never travelled none, or seen a zoological garden?”
“Yes, I’ve travelled some, an’ I’ve seen all kinds o’ gardens,” flares back the ol’ man; “but what I want now is to fix up this bet.”
“Who’ll be the judges?” sez Eugene.
“I don’t care a snap. Any man who can see through the holes in a ladder’ll be able to decide between the claims o’ two squirrels. Ike Spargle an’ Bill Thompson can be the judges.”
“There has to be three,” sez Eugene. “We’ll have Dan Stedman be the other.”
So they put up the money an’ Eugene was to have six weeks to get his squirrel; an’ from that on we begun to divide up into rival camps. The’ wasn’t any tree squirrels out in that neck o’ the woods, an’ we had all forgot what wild squirrels really was like. We knew the’ was ground-squirrels, red squirrels, gray squirrels, an’ flyin’-squirrels—although an argument was started about there bein’ flyin’-fish all right, but no flyin’-squirrels, which would have ended in warfare if Eugene hadn’t been handy to settle it.
You wouldn’t think that a little thing like a bet about the size of a squirrel would take the way it did; but Eugene was so confident on his side, an’ ol’ man Dort was so dead sure of Ben Butler, that the rest of us split up an’ we each had a little side bet on the outcome. It seemed a tarnation long time while we was waitin’; but in a little over a month, Eugene got a big box which he took into his back room without lettin’ even the fellers who had backed his squirrel get a peep at it.
From that on we got shaved twice a day an’ our heads washed till the hair started to change color; so that Eugene’s trade was so improved that even if he lost the bet, he was money ahead; but he scoffed the idy o’ losin’ the bet, even after his squirrel arrived; and as he was the only man who had seen both the contestants, he had the whole country up in the air.
Ol’ man Dort had made his squirrel run around the wheel four hours a day, pokin’ him up with a stick when he got lazy; an’ this gave Ben Butler sech a prodigious appetite that the ol’ man had to set up late at night to give him an extra meal. As the day o’ settlement came closer, the ol’ man tapered off on the exercise, an’ doubled up on the feed, until Ben Butler looked a full size larger, an’ us fellers who had our money on Eugene’s squirrel began to get shaky. If it had been just an even race, it would have been a fair deal; but to have to show a squirrel three times larger than Ben Butler seemed an impossibility.
Eugene had been fussin’ over his entry too, an’ we used to sneak up behind his shop at nights to listen to him. We could hear him snippin’ with scissors and pullin’ stoppers out o’ bottles and when he was through he’d say: “Stand up there, Columbus”—which was the name of his champion, an’ then he would seem to pass in a bunch o’ feed, an’ say—“Good boy, Columbus! that dwarf red squirrel can turn a double handspring in your shadder.”
This used to hearten us up again, and we’d lay a little more money on Eugene’s squirrel. Ike, an’ Bill, an’ Dan—the judges—said that they didn’t claim to know anything about the breeds o’ squirrels, an’ all they was to judge on was the size, which would be settled by weight if the’ was any dispute. They got kind o’ nervous toward the end, ’cause the fellers were all on edge, an’ a rank decision meant trouble in bunches.
When the final day o’ settlement arrived, Boggs was seven deep with fellers on edge to see the outcome. Most of us had all we could spare hung up in bets; but the’ was still a lot o’ coin in the crowd, and a crew came over from Cheyenne to take charge of it.
They had a game which certainly was attractive, I’ll say that much for it. It was a round board full o’ numbers, and up the middle was a tower with slopin’ sides covered with nails. A marble was dropped into a hole at the top and bobbled on the nails until it went into a row of holes at the bottom, and came out in a groove leadin’ to one o’ the numbers. Some o’ these numbers doubled the player’s money, some of ’em paid it over to the table; but most of ’em was neutral, and a feller had to double what he already had up, in order to stand a show. It was an innocent-appearin’ game, but deceptive. When a feller had up all he could raise, some stranger would offer him two bits for his chance, put up the doublin’ money—and win. This was a capper o’ course; but crowds don’t have any sense when they start gamblin’, and this crew was cleanin’ us out until, all of a sudden, I heard a clear, low-toned voice say: “If one o’ you boys would upset that table, you’d see the lever which controls the marble.”
I glanced up, and there was the Singin’ Parson, as cool as a frozen fish. Ol’ Tom Williams, commonly known as “Tank,” had just lost six dollars, and he upset the table and saw just how tight braced the blame game was. Then he unlimbered his gun, and suggested that he would feel calmer if he had the six dollars back, and the Cheyenne gambler looked into Tank’s free eye, which was pointin’ at the ceilin’, and he seconded Tank’s motion. After this the rest o’ the boys collected what they felt was due ’em, and the Cheyenne crowd had to fall back on charity for their noon lunch.
Just about one o’clock, the head crook saw the Singin’ Parson standin’ close to Eugene’s barber shop. The shop was locked, and the crowd around was lookin’ at it. The crook didn’t want to attract any attention; so, instead o’ usin’ a gun, he struck at the Parson with a club. He miscalculated, and hit the shoulder instead o’ the head. The Parson whirled, grabbed the club with his left hand, and the crook’s shirt collar with his right. The crook started to pull; but we settled down on him, and were all ready to serve out justice, when the Parson interrupted to say that it was none of our business, and if we’d just form a ring, he’d settle it to everybody’s satisfaction. He said he expected to live among us for the rest of his life, and this would be a good time to introduce his methods.
We took off the crook’s weapons, and then formed a big ring. The Parson was smilin’ a business-like smile, while the crook was palin’ up noticeable. “I am convinced that a man must settle some things, himself, in a new country,” sez the Parson. “I am larger than you, so it is fair for you to use this club; but I warn you in advance that I understand how to guard again’ clubs, so do your best. I’m ready, begin.”
It was quite eddifyin’ to behold: the crook made a vicious smash at the Parson’s head, the Parson bent his arm at the elbow, muscle out, so the bone wouldn’t get bruised, stepped in, and hit the crook a swing in the short ribs. Some say it lifted him ten feet, some say only eight; but any way, when he lit, he gave a grunt like an empty barrel, and the Parson had no trouble in layin’ him over his knee and givin’ him the most liberal spankin’ with that club I ever was spectator to; while the crowd howled itself hoarse in the throat.
Now the Parson wasn’t angry, he grinned all the way through, and when he had taken as much exercise as he felt was good for him, he set the crook on his feet, and talked fatherly advice to him as sober an’ dignified as was possible—considerin’ the fact that the crook was dancin’ about like a spider on a hot skillet, and rubbin’ the part which had got most intimate with the club.
Eugene had seen it all through his window, and when it was over, he came out and shook the Parson’s hand, and said he was just the kind needed in such an ungodly community, and that he reminded him for all the world of Friar Tuck in Robin Hood. Now, we hadn’t none of us heard of Friar Tuck up to that time; but it was a name well fitted to the tongue, and from the way Eugene said it, we elected it was a compliment; so we gave it to the Singin’ Parson on the spot, and it soaked into his bones, and he hasn’t needed any other since.
This little incident kept us all in a good humor until three o’clock, which was the fatal hour for the squirrel-contest.
Then ol’ man Dort marched to the center o’ the street, carryin’ his cage as though it was full o’ diamonds; an’ Ben Butler sat up an’ chattered as if he was darin’ the whole race o’ squirrels to bring forth his equal.
“I don’t reckon a squirrel could get three times as big as him without explodin’,” sez Spider Kelley, who also had his money on Eugene’s squirrel.
“Here comes Eugene with Columbus,” sez I, not carin’ to waste breath on an opinion I had backed up with good money.
Eugene came down the street carryin’ one end of a box, with Doc Forbes carryin’ the other. The box was covered with a clean apron, an’ Eugene wasn’t lookin’ down in the mouth or discouraged.
“From the size o’ that box, we’re goin’ to have a run for our money,” sez Spider. “If Columbus just looks good enough to make ’em settle by the scales, I haven’t any kick comin’.”
Well, as Eugene drew closer, that crowd fell into a silence until all a body could hear was Ben Butler braggin’ about all the nuts he had et, an’ what a prodigious big squirrel he was; but Eugene never faltered. He walked up an’ set his box down careful, motioned Doc over to the side lines, made a graceful motion to ol’ man Dort, an’ sez: “As yours is the local champion you introduce him first, an’ make your claim.”
Ol’ man Dort removed his tobacco, wiped his forehead, an’ sez: “Feller citizens, I make the claim that Ben Butler is the biggest full-blooded squirrel ever sent to enlighten the solitude of lonely humanity. This is him.”
The ol’ man looked lovin’ly down at his squirrel, an’ we every one of us gave a rousin’ cheer. It was all the family the ol’ man had, an’ it meant more to him ’n a body who hadn’t never tried standin’ his own company months at a time could realize. Ol’ man Dort thrust some new tobacco into his face, bit his lips, winked his eyes rapid, an’ bowed to us, almost overcome.
Then Eugene stepped a space to the front, bowed to the crowd in several directions, an’ sez: “Gentlemen, an’ feller citizens—From Iceland’s icy mountains to India’s coral strands an’ Afric’s sunny fountains, every nation an’ every clime has produced some peculiar product o’ nature which lifts it above an’ sets it apart from all the other localities of the globe. When you speak of the succulent banana, the golden orange, or the prickly pineapple, Nova Scotia remains silent; but when you speak of varmints, she rears up on her hind legs and with a glad shout of triumph, she hands forth the short-tailed grizzly ground-squirrel, an’ sez, ‘Give me the blue ribbons, the gold medals, an’ the laurel crowns of victory.’ I have the rare pleasure an’ the distinctive honor of presenting to your notice Columbus, the hugest squirrel ever exhibited within the confines of captivity.”
We was so took by Eugene’s eloquence that we hardly noticed him slip the apron from in front of his cage; but when we did look, we could hardly get our breath. I was standin’ close to the Friar; and at first he looked puzzled, and then his face lit up with a regular boy’s grin; but he didn’t say a word.
Columbus was certainly a giant; he stood full two feet tall as he sat up an’ scrutinized around with a bossy sort of grin. He was dappled fawn color on the sides with a curly black streak down the back an’ sort o’ chestnut-red below, with a short tail an’ teeth like chisels. He won so blame easy that even us what had bet on him didn’t cheer.
Ol’ man Dort give a grin, thinkin’ Ben Butler must have won, an’ then he stepped around an’ looked into Eugene’s cage. He looked first at Columbus, an’ then at Ben Butler, then he looked again. “That damned thing ain’t alive,” he sez. “It’s made up out o’ wool yarn. Poke it up an’ let me see it move.”
“Poke it yourself,” sez Eugene. He was one o’ these cold-blooded gamblers who ain’t got one speck o’ decent sentimentality; an’ he was mad ’cause we hadn’t cheered.
Ol’ man Dort took a stick an’ poked Columbus, an’ Columbus give a threatenin’ grin, chattered savage, an’ bit the stick in two. “Give him the money, Ike,” sez ol’ man Dort. “I own up I never was in Nova Scotia, an’ I never supposed that such squirrels as this grew on the face o’ the whole earth. What’ll you take for him?” he sez to Eugene.
“It ain’t your fault that you didn’t know about him,” sez Eugene, thawin’ a little humanity into himself. “I don’t want to rub it in on nobody; and I’ll give you this here squirrel free gratis, ’cause I admit that you know more about squirrels ’n anybody else what ever I met; an’ you have the biggest red squirrel the’ is in the world.”
Then we did give Eugene a cheer, an’ everything loosened up, an’ we all crowded into Ike Spargle’s so that them what won could spend a little money on them what lost.
After a time, ol’ man Dort got up on a chair, an’ sez: “I want you fellers to know that Columbus won’t never be my pet. Ben Butler has been the squarest squirrel ever was, an’ he continues to remain my pet; but I’ll study feedin’ this condemned foreign squirrel, an’ give him a fair show; so that if any outsiders come around makin’ brags, we will have a home squirrel to enter again’ ’em an’ get their money.”
Eugene led the cheerin’ this time, which made Eugene solider than ever with the boys, an’ when Spider an’ me got ready to ride home, he an’ ol’ man Dort had their arms around each other tryin’ to sing the Star Spangled Banner.
Spider talked about Columbus most o’ the way home, but I was still. The’ was somethin’ peculiar about the Friar’s grin when he first sighted Columbus, and the’ was somethin’ familiar about that squirrel, an’ I was tryin’ to adjust myself. Just as we swung to the west on the last turn, I sez to Spider: “Spider, I don’t know what I ought to do about this?”
“About what?” sez Spider.
“About this bet?”
“Well, it was a fair bet, wasn’t it? Columbus is full four times as big as Ben Butler.”
“Yes,” sez I, “but he ain’t no squirrel.”
Spider pulled up to a stop. “Ain’t no squirrel?” he sez. “What do you take me for, didn’t I see him myself? What is he then?”
“He’s a woodchuck, that’s what he is,” sez I. “He’s a genuwine ground hog with his hair cut stylish and died accordin’ to Eugene’s idy of high art. I remember now that I used to see ’em when I was a little shaver back on my dad’s farm in Indiana.”
Spider give a whoop, an’ then he laughed, an’ then he sobered up, an’ sez: “Well, you can’t do nothin’ now, anyway. The judges have decided it, ol’ man Dort has give it up, it ain’t your game nohow, an’ if you was to try to equal back those bets after they have been paid an’ mostly spent, you’d start a heap o’ blood-spillin’; an’ furthermore, as far as I’m concerned, I ain’t right sure but what a woodchuck, as you call it, ain’t some kind of a squirrel. We’ll just let this go an’ wait for a chance to put something over on Eugene.”
So that’s what we made up to do; but this gives you an idy of how fine a line the Friar drew on questions o’ sport. He knew ’at we weren’t full fledged angels, and that we had to have our little diversities; but when any professional hold-up men tried to ring in a brace game on us, he couldn’t see any joke in it, and he upset the money-changers’ tables, the same as they was upset that time, long ago, in the temple.
[CHAPTER THREE—ABOVE THE DUST]
I’m only about twice as old as I feel; but I’ve certainly seen a lot o’ changes take place out this way. I can look back to the time when what most of us called a town was nothin’ but a log shack with a barrel of cheap whiskey and a mail-bag wanderin’ in once a month or so, from goodness-knows-where. I’ve seen the cattle kings when they set their own bounds, made their own laws, and cared as little for government-title as they did for an Injun’s. Then, I’ve seen the sheep men creep in an inch at a time until they ate the range away from the cattle and began to jump claims an’ tyrannize as free and joyous as the cattle men had. Next came the dry farmer, and he was as comical as a bum lamb when he first hove into sight; but I reckon that sooner or later he’ll be the one to write the final laws for this section.
We’re gettin’ a good many towns on our map nowadays, we’re puttin’ up a lot o’ hay, we’re drinkin’ cow milk, and we’re eatin’ garden truck in the summer. The old West has dried up and blown away before our very eyes, and a few of us old timers are beginnin’ to feel like the last o’ the buffalo. The’s more money nowadays in boardin’ dudes ’n the’ is in herdin’ cattle, an’ that’s the short of a long, long story.
But still we hammered out this country from the rough, and no one can take that away from us. The flag follers trouble, an’ business follers the flag, an’ law follers business, an’ trouble follers the law; but always the first trouble was kicked up by boys who had got so ’at they couldn’t digest home cookin’ any longer and just nachely had to get out an’ tussle with nature an’ the heathen.
They’re a tough, careless lot, these young adventurers; an’ they’re always in a state of panic lest the earth get so crowded the’ won’t be room enough to roll over in bed without askin’ permission; so they kill each other off as soon as possible, and thus make room for the patienter ones who follow after. From what I’ve heard tell of history, this has been about the way that the white race has managed from the very beginning.
As a general rule it has been purt’ nigh a drawn fight between the dark-skins an’ the wild animals; then the lads who had to have more elbow-room came along, and the dark-skins and the wild animals had to be put onto reservations to preserve a few specimens as curiosities, while the lads fussed among themselves, each one tryin’ to settle down peaceable with his dooryard lappin’ over the horizon in all directions. Room, room, room—that was their constant cry. As soon as one would get a neighbor within a day’s ride, he’d begin to feel shut in an’ smothered.
Tyrrel Jones was one o’ the worst o’ this breed. He came out at an early date, climbed the highest peak he could find, and claimed everything ’at his gaze could reach in every direction. Then he invented the Cross brand, put it on a few cows, and made ready to defend his rights. The Cross brand was a simple one, just one straight line crossin’ another; and it could be put on in about one second with a ventin’ iron, or anything else which happened to be handy. Tyrrel thought a heap o’ this brand, an’ he didn’t lose any chances of puttin’ it onto saleable property. His herd grew from the very beginning.
His home ranch was something over a hundred miles northwest o’ the Diamond Dot; but I allus suspicioned that a lot of our doggies had the Cross branded on to ’em. Tyrrel was mighty particular in the kind o’ punchers he hired. He liked fellers who had got into trouble, an’ the deeper they was in, the better he liked ’em. Character seeks its level, the same as water; so that Tyrrel had no trouble in gettin’ as many o’ the breed he wanted as he had place for. They did his devilment free and hearty, and when they had a little spare time, they used to devil on their own hook in a way to shame an Injun.
The sayin’ was, that a Cross brand puncher could digest every sort o’ beef in the land except Cross brand beef. Tyrrel used to grin at this sayin’ as though it was a sort of compliment; but some o’ the little fellers got purty bitter about it. When a small outfit located on a nice piece o’ water, it paid ’em to be well out o’ Ty’s neighborhood. No one ever had any luck who got in his road; but his own luck boomed right along year after year. He allus kept more men than he needed; an’ about once a month he’d knock in the head of a barrel o’ whiskey, an’ the tales they used to tell about these times was enough to raise the hair. Ty would work night an’ day to get one of his men out of a scrape; but once a man played him false, he either had to move or get buried. He wasn’t a bad lookin’ man, except that he allus seemed keyed up an’ ready to spring.
His men all had to be top-notch riders, because he hadn’t any use for a gentle hoss; he didn’t want his hosses trained, he wanted ’em busted, an’ the cavey he’d send along for a round-up would be about as gentle and reliable as a band o’ hungry wolves. If a man killed a hoss, why Ty seemed to think it a good joke, an’ this was his gait all the way along—the rougher the men were, the better they suited him. He kept a pack o’ dogs, and the men were encouraged to kick an’ abuse ’em; but if one of ’em petted a dog, he was fired that instant—or else lured into a quarrel. The’ didn’t seem to be one single soft spot left in the man, an’ when they got to callin’ him Tyrant Jones instead of Tyrrel, why, it suited him all over, an’ he used it himself once in a while.
The next time I saw Friar Tuck, he recognized me at first glance, an’ his face lit up as though we had been out on some prank together an’ was the best pals in the world ever since. He wanted to know all I knew about the crowd that had started to string him up; and when I had finished paintin’ ’em as black as I could, what did he do but say that he was goin’ up their way to have a talk with ’em.
I told him right out that it was simply wastin’ time; but he was set in his ways, so I decided to ride part way with him. He had two hosses along this trip, with his bed an’ grub tied on the spare one; and on the second day we reached a little park just as the sun was setting. It was one o’ the most beautiful spots I ever saw, high enough to get a grand view off to the west, but all the rest shut in like a little room. He jumped from his hoss, had his saddle off as soon as I did, and also helped me with the pack. Then he looked about the place.
“What a grand cathedral this is, Happy!” he sez after a minute.
I didn’t sense what he meant right at first, and went on makin’ camp, until I happened to notice his expression. He was lookin’ off to the west with the level rays of the sun as it sank down behind a distant range full in his face. The twilight had already fallen over the low land and all the hazy blues an’ purples an’ lavenders seemed to be floatin’ in a misty sea, with here an’ there the black shadows of peaks stickin’ out like islands. It really was gorgeous when you stopped to give time to it.
It had been gruelin’ hot all day, an’ was just beginnin’ to get cool an’ restful, and I was feelin’ the jerk of my appetite; but when I noticed his face I forgot all about it. I stood a bit back of him, half watchin’ him, an’ half watchin’ the landscape. Just as the sun sank, he raised his hands and chanted, with his great, soft voice booming out over the hills: “The Lord is in His holy temple—let all the earth keep silence before Him.”
He bent his head, an’ I bent mine—I’d have done it if the’d been a knife-point stickin’ again’ my chin. I tell you, it was solemn! It grew dark in a few moments an’ the evening star came out in all her glory. It was a still, clear night without a speck in the air, and she was the only star in sight; but she made up for it, all right, by throwing out spikes a yard long.
He looked up at it for a moment, and then sang a simple little hymn beginnin’, “Now the day is over, night is drawing nigh; shadows of the evening steal across the sky.” It didn’t have the ring to it of most of his songs; it was just close an’ friendly, and filled a feller with peace. It spoke o’ the little children, and those watchin’ in pain, and the sailors tossin’ on the deep blue sea, and those who planned evil—rounded ’em all up and bespoke a soothin’ night for ’em; and I venture to say that it did a heap o’ good.
Then he pitched in an’ helped me get supper. This was his way; he didn’t wear a long face and talk doleful; he was full o’ life an’ boilin’ over with it every minute, and he’d turn his hand to whatever came up an’ joke an’ be the best company in the world; but he never got far from the Lord; and when he’d stop to worship, why, the whole world seemed to stop and worship with him.
We had a merry meal and had started to wash up the dishes when he happened to glance up again. He had just been tellin’ me a droll story about the first camp he’d ever made, and how he had tied on his pack so ’at the hoss couldn’t comfortably use his hind legs and had bucked all his stuff into a crick, an’ I was still laughin’; but when he looked up, my gaze followed his. It was plumb dark by now, an’ that evening star was fair bustin’ herself, and the light of it turned the peaks a glisteny, shadowy silver. He raised his hands again and chanted one beginning: “Praise the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, praise His holy name.”
The’ was a part in this one which called upon all the works o’ the Lord to praise Him, and I glanced about to see what was happenin’. A faint breeze had sprung up and the spruce trees were bowin’ over reverently, the ponies had raised their heads and their eyes were shinin’ soft and bright in the firelight as they looked curiously at the singer; and as I stood there with a greasy skillet in my hand, something inside of me seemed to get down on its knees, to worship with the other works o’ the Lord.
It was one o’ those wonderful moments which seem to brand themselves on a feller’s memory, and I can see it all now, and hear the Friar’s voice as it floated away into the hills until it seemed to be caught up by other voices rather than to die away.
Well, we sat up about the fire a long time that night. He didn’t fuss with me about my soul, or gettin’ saved, or such things. I told him the things I didn’t understand, and he told me the things he didn’t understand; and I told him about some o’ my scrapes, and he told me about some o’ his, and—well, I can’t see where it was so different from a lot of other nights; but I suppose I’d be sitting there yet if he hadn’t finally said it was bedtime.
He stood up and looked at the star again, and chanted the one which begins: “Lord, now let thy servant depart in peace”; after which he pulled off some of his clothes and crawled into the tarp. I crawled in beside him about two minutes later; but he was already asleep, while I lay there thinkin’ for the best part of an hour.
Next mornin’ he awakened me by singin’, “Brightest and best of the sons of the morning”; and after that we got breakfast, and he started on to Ty Jones’s while I turned back to the Diamond Dot. I didn’t think he’d be able to do much with that gang; but after the talk I’d had with him the night before, I saw ’at they couldn’t do much to him, either. I had got sort of a hint at his scheme of life; and there isn’t much you can do to a man who doesn’t value his flesh more ’n the Friar did his.
[CHAPTER FOUR—TY JONES]
Ty stood in his door as the Friar rode up, and he recognized him from the description Badger-face had turned in. Badger-face had been purty freely tongue-handled for not havin’ lynched the Friar, and Ty Jones was disposed to tilt his welcome even farther back than usual; so he set his pack on the Friar. He had six dogs at this time, mastiffs with a wolf-cross in ’em which about filled out his notion o’ what a dog ought to be.
The Friar had noticed the dogs, but he didn’t have an idee that any man would set such creatures on another man; so he had dismounted to get a drink o’ water from the crick, it havin’ been a hot ride. The pack came surgin’ down on him while he was lyin’ flat an’ drinkin’ out o’ the crick. His ponies were grazin’ close by, and as soon as he saw ’at the dogs meant business, he vaulted into the saddle just in time to escape ’em.
They leaped at him as fast as they came up, and he hit ’em with the loaded end of his quirt as thorough as was possible. He was ridin’ a line buckskin with a nervous disposition, and the pony kicked one or two on his own hook; but as the Friar leaned over in puttin’ down the fifth, the sixth jumped from the opposite side, got a holt on his arm just at the shoulder, an’ upset him out of the saddle. In the fall the dog’s grip was broke an’ he and the Friar faced each other for a moment, the Friar squattin’ on one knee with his fists close to his throat, the dog crouchin’ an’ snarlin’.
As the dog sprang, the Friar upper-cut him in the throat with his left hand and when he straightened up, hit him over the heart with his right. He says that a dog’s heart is poorly protected. Anything ’at didn’t have steel over it was poorly protected when the Friar struck with his right in earnest. The dog was killed. One o’ the dogs the pony had kicked was also killed, but the other four was able to get up and crawl away.
The Friar shook himself and went on to where Ty Jones and a few of his men were standin’. “That’s a nice lively bunch o’ dogs you have,” sez he, smilin’ as pleasant as usual; “but they need trainin’.”
“They suit me all right,” growls Ty, “except that they’re too blame clumsy.”
The Friar looked at him a minute, and then said drily, “Yes, that’s what I said; they need trainin’.”
Ty Jones scowled: “They don’t get practice enough,” sez he. “It’s most generally known that I ain’t a-hankerin’ for company; so folks don’t usually come here, unless they’re sure of a welcome.”
“I can well believe you,” said the Friar, laughin’, “and I hope the next time I come I’ll be sure of a welcome.”
“It’s not likely,” sez Ty shortly.
The Friar just stood and looked at him curiously. He didn’t believe that Ty could really mean it. The’ wasn’t a streak of anything in his own make-up to throw light on a human actin’ the way ’at Ty Jones acted; so he just stood and examined him. Ty stared back with a sneer on his face, and I’m sorry I couldn’t have been there to see ’em eyein’ each other.
“Do you really mean,” sez the Friar at last, “that you hate your fellow humans so, that you’d drive a perfect stranger away from your door?”
“I haven’t any use for hoss-thieves,” sez Ty.
The Friars face lighted. “Oh, that’s all right,” sez he in a relieved tone. “As long as you have a special grievance again’ me, why, it’s perfectly natural for you to act up to it. It wouldn’t be natural for most men to act up to it in just this way, but still it’s normal; while for a man to set his dogs on a total stranger would be monstrous. I’m glad to know ’at you had some excuse; but as far as hoss-stealin’ goes, that roan is back with your band again. I saw him as I came along.”
Ty was somewhat flabbergasted. He wasn’t used to havin’ folks try out his conduct and comment on it right to his face; and especially was he shocked to have his morals praised by a preacher. He knew ’at such a reception as had just been handed to the Friar would have taken the starch out o’ most men an’ filled ’em with a desire for revenge ever after; but he could see that the Friar was not thinkin’ of what had been handed to him, he was actually interested in himself, Ty Jones, and was honestly tryin’ to see how it was possible for such a condition to exist; and this set Ty Jones back on his haunches for true.
“For all time to come,” he sez slow and raspy, “I want you to leave my stuff alone. If you ever catch up and ride one of my hosses again, I’ll get your hide; and I don’t even want you on my land.”
Then the Friar stiffened up; any one in the world, or any thing, had the right to impose upon the Friar as a man; but when they tried to interfere with what he spoke of as his callin’, why, he swelled up noticeable. The Friar’s humility was genuine, all right; but it was about four times stiffer an’ spikier than any pride I’ve ever met up with yet.
“I shall not ride your hosses,” sez he, scornful, “nor shall I tread upon your land, nor shall I breathe your air, nor drink your water; but in the future, as in the past, I shall use for the Lord only those things which belong to the Lord. The things which are the Lord’s were His from the beginning, the things which you call yours are merely entrusted to your care for a day or an hour or a moment. I do not covet your paltry treasures, I covet your soul and I intend to fight you for it from this day forward.”
The Friar spoke in a low, earnest tone; and Ty Jones stared at him. Ya know how earnest an insane man gets? Well, the’ was something o’ this in the Friar when he was talkin’ business. You felt that he believed that what he was sayin’ was the truth, and you felt that if it was the truth, it was mighty well worth heedin’, and you also felt that in spite of its bein’ so everlastin’ different from the usual view o’ things, it might actually be the truth after all and a risky thing to pass up careless.
After waitin’ a minute without gettin’ a reply, the Friar turned on his heel to walk away, stumbled, and slipped to the ground, and then they noticed a pool of blood which had dripped from him as he stood. He had forgotten that the dog had torn him, an’ the men had looked into his eyes, as men always did when he talked, and they had forgot it, too. Now, when he fell, Olaf the Swede stepped forward to help him up.
Olaf was the best man ’at Ty Jones had, from Ty’s own standpoint. Ty had happened to be over at Skelty’s one night when Skelty was givin’ a dance. Skelty had six girls at this time, an’ he used to give a dance about once a week. Along about midnight, they got to be purty lively affairs. This night Skelty had bragged what a fine shot he was, an’ the boys were kiddin’ him about it, because Skelty wasn’t no shot at all as a rule. It was a moonlight night, and while they was sheepin’ Skelty about his shootin’, two strangers rode up, tied their hosses to the corral, an’ started up the path toward the door.
Skelty looked at ’em an’ sez, “Why, if I had a mind to, I could pick one o’ those fellers off with this gun as easy as I could scratch my nose.” He pulled his gun and held it over his shoulder.
All the boys fair hooted, an’ Skelty dropped his gun an’ shot one o’ the strangers dead in his tracks. The other came along on the run with Skelty shootin’ at him as fast as he could pop; but he only shot him once, through the leg, and he limped in an’ made for Skelty with his bare hands. Skelty hit him in the forehead, knocked him down an’ jumped on him. He kept on beatin’ him over the head until the stranger managed to get a grip on his wrists. He held one hand still, an’ puttin’ the other into his mouth, bit off the thumb.
The’s somethin’ about bein’ bit on the thumb which melts a man’s nerve; and in about five minutes, the stranger had Skelty’s head between his knees, and was makin’ him eat his own gun. It must have been a hideous sight! Some say that he actually did make Skelty eat it, and some say that he only tore through the throat; but anyway, Skelty didn’t quite survive it, and Ty Jones hired the stranger, which was Olaf the Swede.
Olaf was one o’ those Swedes which seem a mite too big for their skins. The bones in his head stuck out, his jaws stuck out prodigious, his shoulders stuck out, his hands stuck out—he fair loomed up and seemed to crowd the landscape, and he was stouter ’n a bull. When he let himself go he allus broke somethin’; but he had a soft streak in him for animals, an’ Ty never could break him from bein’ gentle with hosses, nor keep him from pettin’ the dogs once in a while. Olaf hadn’t no more morals ’n a snake at this time, an’ when it came to dealin’ with humans, he suited Ty to the minute; but he just simply wouldn’t torture an animal, and that was the end of it. Olaf wasn’t a talkin’ man; he never used a word where a grunt would do, and he was miserly about them; but he certainly was set in his ways.
The Friar hadn’t fainted, he had just gone dizzy; so when Olaf gave him a lift he got to his feet and walked to his horse. He allus carried some liniment an’ such in his saddle bags, an’ he pulled off his shirt and cleaned out the wound and tied it up, with Olaf standin’ by and tryin’ to help. Now, it made something of a murmur, when the Friar took off his shirt. In the first place, the dog had give him an awful tear, and for the rest, the Friar was a wonderful sight to behold. He was as strong as Olaf without bein’ bulgey, and his skin was as white and smooth as ivory. He was all curves and tapers with medium small hands and feet, and a throat clean cut and shapely like the throat of a high-bred mare. Olaf looked at him, and nodded his head solemnly. Badger-face hated Olaf, because Olaf had a curious way of estimatin’ things and havin’ ’em turn out to be so, which made Ty Jones put faith in what Olaf said, over and above what any one else said.
As soon as the Friar had finished tyin’ up the wound, he turned and walked up to Ty Jones. “Friend,” he said, “I don’t bear you a grain o’ malice, and nothing you can ever do to me will make me bear you a grain o’ malice. I know a lot about medicine, and perhaps I can help you that way sometime. I want to get a start with you some way; I want to be welcome here, and I wish ’at you’d give me a chance.”
“Oh, hell!” sneered Ty Jones. “Do you think you can soft-soap me as easy as you did the boys? You’re not welcome here now, and you never will be. I’ve heard all this religious chatter, and there’s nothin’ in it. The world was always held by the strong, by the men who hated their enemies and stamped them out as fast as they got a chance; and it always will be held by the strong. Your religion is only for weaklings and hypocrits.”
The Friar’s face lighted. “Will you discuss these things with me?” he asked. “I shall not eat until this scratch is healed, I have my own bed and will not bother you; won’t you just be decent enough to invite me to camp here, give me free use of water, and grass for my hosses, while you and I discuss these things fully?”
“I told you I didn’t want you about, and I don’t,” sez Ty. “The’s nothin’ on earth so useless as a preacher, and I can’t stand ’em.”
“Let me work for you,” persisted the Friar. “All I ask is a chance to show ’at I’m able to do a man’s work, and all the pay I ask is a chance to hold service here on Sundays. If I don’t do my work well, then you can make me the laughin’ stock o’ the country; but I tell you right now that if you turn me away without a show, it will do you a lot more harm than it will me.”
Ty thought ’at probably the Friar had got wind o’ some of his devilment, and was hintin’ that his own neck depended on his men keepin’ faith with him; so he stared at the Friar to see if it was a threat.
The Friar looked back into his eyes with hope beamin’ in his own; but after a time Ty Jones scowled down his brows an’ pointed the way ’at the Friar had come. “Go,” sez he, stiff as ever. “The’ ain’t any room for you on the Cross brand range; and if ya try anything underhanded, I’ll hunt ya down and put ya plumb out o’ the way.”
So the Friar he caught his ponies and hit the back trail; but still it had been purty much of a drawn battle, for Ty Jones’s men had used their eyes and their ears, and they had to give in to themselves ’at the preacher had measured big any way ya looked at him; while their own boss had dogged it in the manger to a higher degree ’n even they could take glory in.
As the Friar rode away, he sagged in his saddle with his head bent over; and they thought him faint from his wound; but the truth was, that he was only a little sad to think ’at he had lost. He was human, the Friar was; he used to chide himself for presumptin’ to be impatient; but at the same time he used to fidget like a nervous hoss when things seemed to stick in the sand; and he didn’t sing a note as long as he was on the Cross brand range—which same was an uncommon state for the Friar to be in, him generally marchin’ to music.
[CHAPTER FIVE—THE HOLD-UP]
This was the way the Friar started out with us; and year after year, this was the way he kept up. He was friendly with every one, and most every one was friendly with him. Some o’ the boys got the idea that he packed his guns along as a bluff; so they put up a joke on him.
They lay in wait for him one night as he was comin’ up the goose neck. I, myself, didn’t rightly savvy just how he did stand with regard to the takin’ of human life in self-defence; but I knew mighty well ’at he wasn’t no bluffer, so I didn’t join in with the boys, nor I didn’t warn him; I just scouted along on the watch and got up the hill out o’ range to see what would happen.
He came up the hill in the twilight, singin’ one of his favorite marchin’ songs. I’ve heard it hundreds of times since then, and I’ve often found myself singin’ it softly to myself when I had a long, lonely ride to make. That was a curious thing about the Friar: he didn’t seem to be tampin’ any of his idees into a feller, but first thing the feller knew, he had picked up some o’ the Friar’s ways; and, as the Friar confided to me once, a good habit is as easy learned as a bad, and twice as comfortin’.
Well, he came up the pass shufflin’ along at a steady Spanish trot as was usual with him when not overly rushed, and singin’:
“Guide me, O Thou great Jehovah!
Pilgrim through this barren land;
I am weak, but Thou art mighty;