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MAN AND WIVES.

A TRAVESTY.

By MOSE SKINNER.

CHAPTER SECOND.

LOVE.

The Hon. MICHAEL LADLE and ARCHIBALD BLINKSOP were interruptedin their conversation by BELINDA, who sent off the former underpretence that the croquet players were waiting for him, or, as sheexpressed it, it was "his turn to mallet."

As soon as he was fairly out of sight, she turned toARCHIBALD, and said; "Come with me."

"What for?" said ARCHIBALD, as she seized him by the arm andhurried him into the shrubbery. "Recollect," he added, "that I am anorphan, with a constitution never robust."

She made no reply till they were screened from observation.

"You needn't be afraid, you little fool," she said. "Sit downon that stump."

ARCHIBALD tremblingly obeyed her.

She imprisoned his fluttering hand in hers, and smoothed hishair reassuringly.

"ARCHIE," she murmured; "dear ARCHIE."

"Oh, don't, don't talk that way," said ARCHIBALD. "Youmake me afraid of you."

"Afraid!" she returned. "And of me? Oh cruel, cruelARCHIBALD. Is it for this that I have passed many a sleepless night,awaking unrefreshed with haggard orbs? Is it for this that I've pinedaway and refused meat victuals?"

She paused. Her heart was beating violently. She took from herpocket a copy of the Ledger, adjusted her eye-glasses, andcontinued:

"ARCHIBALD BLINKSOP, for weeks I have basked in the sunlightof your existence. Your celestial smile, shedding a tranquil calm o'ermy perturbed spirit, has been my daily sustenance. Your ethereal form,beautiful as an houri, has, with its subtle fascination, enthralled andsteeped in bliss my innermost soul, lifting me as it were into a purer,a holier existence. Your—"

"Oh-h," moaned the wretched ARCHIBALD, "please stop.That's COBB, Jr. I know it is. When I was sea-sick on thecanal, they read a chapter to me just like that, instead of giving mean emetic, and I was out of my head all next day."

"But you do love me, don't you, ARCHIBALD?—just a verysmall fragment, you know."

She seized him by the ear and kissed him twice.

"Come, own up now," said she, "that from the first moment yousaw me, you have felt a sort of a spooney hankering, and a generallooseness, including a desire to write poetry and use hair-oil, andwear pretty neckties; a sort of a feeling that your clothes don't fityou, and you can't bear the sight of gravy, and dote on lavender kids,and want to part your hair in the middle. That's being in love,ARCHIE. That's—"

At this juncture voices were heard calling for ARCHIBALD.

"Oh, do, do let me go," he pleaded.

BELINDA grasped him firmly by the collar. "Heaven knows," saidshe impressively, "that I have wooed you thus far in a spirit of themost delicate consideration. Now, I mean business, I want a husband,and by the Sixteenth Amendment, you don't stir from this spot, untilyou promise to marry me!"

"But—but—I don't want to get married," said ARCHIBALD;"I—I—ain't old enough."

She glared at him menacingly.

"Am I to understand then," she shrieked, "that you dare refuseme?" And she laughed hysterically.

"Oh, no, no. I wouldn't. Of course I wouldn't," groaned theghastly youth. "I'll promise anything, if you'll only let mego."

Thus it was, mid the hushed repose of that lovely Junetwilight, while all Nature seemed to pronounce a sweet benediction,that these loving hearts commingled. The soft hum of the June-bugseemed to have a sweeter sound, and the little fly walked unmolestedacross their foreheads, for they were betrothed.

CHAPTER THIRD.

WHERE THE WOODBINE TWINETH.

Notwithstanding the thrilling events enacted near by, thatmodest production of Nature, the woodbine, still continued to twine inall its pristine virginity. And meanwhile, JEFFRY MAULBOY is at theappointed rendezvous, waiting for ANN BRUMMET.

She comes.

But why that glazed expression, and that convulsive twitchingof the lips?

She is chewing gum.

"Hilloa, JEFF," said she. "Mean thing. Been here a whole day,and not a single word about my new overskirt. How does it hang behind?"

What reply does this cruel, this heartless man make?

He took a chew of tobacco, and said:

"Oh, bother your overskirt. Is that the 'something veryparticular' you wanted to see me for?"

"Oh no," she replied; "I forgot." She looked cautiously round,and added:

"Say, JEFF, folks are talking about us awfully."

"Let 'em talk," was the rejoinder.

"Oh, yes," she replied. "Of course you don't care. Themore a man is talked about the better he likes it, and the more he'sthought of. But it's death to a woman."

"Well, I don't care any way," said JEFFRY.

"Yes you do care too," she replied. S'posen it should get tothe ears of that rich widow you're engaged to. 'Twould be all up withyou there, sure, JEFF. She ain't burdened with principle, theLord knows, but she's got jealousy enough to break the match short off,and kill you besides, if she hears of it.

"And she'll hear of it anyhow, if they keep up their infernalclack," said he fiercely. "I'd like to choke the whole confounded pack."

"The talk would all die out," said ANN slowly, "if I should goaway."

"Any fool can see that," replied he. "What do you mean?"

"I've been thinking of going," she continued, "for six months.I'm a poor relation, and Mrs. LADLE hates me. And as for BELINDA, shehas so many good clothes, I can't take any comfort seeing her round."

"Where to?" inquired JEFFRY incredulously.

"Oh, anywhere," she replied. "I can dance a jig, you know.I'll go to New York, and let myself as the 'Eminent and Graceful Queenof Terpsichore, imported from Paris at a cost of Forty Thousand Dollarsin Gold.' And then I'll make a tour of the New England States. Or I'lllearn to play the banjo and get off slang phrases, and then I'll appearas 'The Beautiful and Gifted Artist, ANNETTA BRUMMETTA, who has, by herguileless vivacity, charmed our most Fashionable Circles.' Or I'll goas Assistant Teacher in a Select Boarding School for Young Ladies. Iain't proud, you know."

JEFFRY grinned. "Let me advise you," said he, "to go right offto-morrow. I'll help you pack your trunk inside of an hour, if you sayso."

"That ain't the point," she retorted sharply. "I ain't got ridof so easily as that, I tell you."

"What do you mean by that?" he inquired, with a scowl.

"I mean just this," she returned. "I won't go at all if youdon't do what's right by me. If you'll agree to my terms I'll go, andnot without."

"Your terms!" said he, with a sneer. "Well, that isa go. What may your 'terms' be?" he continued, derisively.

"Marriage," replied she; "private if you say so, and aremittance of fifty dollars a month for six months."

He laughed in her face. "Marry you? Well, I guessnot," said he. "Do you take me for an idiot?"

"You ain't obliged to stick by it," she continued. "We're inIndiana, ain't we? We'll take a minister and a lawyer along with us.While the minister is marrying us, the lawyer can be at work on thedivorce papers. When you are JEFFRY MAULBOY again, a single man, andI'm once more ANN BRUMMET. spinster, I'll go away and never trouble youagain. There's no risk. I go in ANN BRUMMET, and come out ANN BRUMMET,all inside of two hours, and there's nobody to tell of it. The lawyerand minister are used to it, you see, and the secret's safe with them."

JEFFRY MAULBOY took an unusually large chew of tobacco, andthought it all over.

"I won't do it," he finally said.

"All right, then," she replied; "I'll write to Mrs. CUPID andtell her the whole story, and I'll stay here besides. It'll be hardenough on me for a while if I go, and harder still if I stay; but I'lldo it to spite you. I'll break off your match with Mrs. CUPIDif I do stay, now mark my words."

JEFFRY MAULBOY walked back and forth, and emitted the choiceststring of curses that his extensive and valuable collection enabled himto cull. At last he stopped in front of her, and said savagely:

"I'll do it. But if you ever lisp a word to any living soultill I'm safely married to CUPID, I'll kill you, dead sure. Do you hearthat?"

"When and how is the thing to be done?" he growled again.

"The sooner the better," was ANN'S reply. "If you don't hearfrom me by to-morrow noon, go to the Half-way House at Forney's Crag.That's all you've got to do. I'll have the lawyer and ministerboth there. You'd better be there too. That's all I say."

Alone in his room, JEFFRY admitted that ANN had been too smartfor him.

"And I'm mighty afraid that, somehow or other, the oldshe-dragon will get the best of me yet in this infernal business," hesoliloquized. "Anyhow, I'll sleep on it," and he went to bed.

He got up in the morning, firmly resolved to break hisengagement with ANN.

"She was only bluffing me last night," he said. "She daren'ttell CUPID." But he didn't feel easy for all that.

After breakfast he took his hat and started out.

"Where are you bound, JEFF?" inquired ARCHIBALD.

"Anywhere," was the reply. "Come along."

JEFFRY was awful dull company, so Archibald thought. He tookvery large chews of tobacco, and expectorated freely into the eyes ofthe small boys whom they chanced to meet, and if he didn't make a goodshot, he swore awfully. Once he went away across a field on purpose tokick a very small dog, and ARCHIBALD waited for him.

"Why, JEFFRY," said ARCHIBALD, "what ails you? You're awfullydown in the mouth this morning."

"And so you'd be if you was in my boots," was the reply.

And then he up and told ARCHIBALD the whole story.

The latter was so thoroughly dumbfounded that a decently-smartboy could have blown him over without any apparent effort.

"Why, JEFF," said he, "only to think of it. Ain't it awful?And ANN BRUMMET, too; ain't I glad it ain't me, though."

"That's no way to console a fellow, you fool," said JEFFRY."You'd better offer to help me out of the scrape."

"Why, so I will, of course," said ARCHIBALD. "If I hadn'tsaved your life, of course you wouldn't have got into it; and so I feelbound, you know, to see you out of it. What shall I do?"

"Why, just go over to the Half-way House, and tell ANN I can'tcome. Tell her I've got the small-pox, or broke my leg, or my old man'sdying—or anything, so that she understands I can't come."

"You'd better give me a letter," said ARCHIBALD, "and I'llslip it under her door and run off. I never could remember all that, Ishould be so flustered, you know."

"No," replied JEFFRY, "I shan't give you any letter. I ain'tfool enough to commit myself to any woman in black and white."

"Well," replied ARCHIBALD drearily, "just as you say. Oh, whata knowing man the Hon. MICHAEL is! He said you'd make me pay that debtof saving your life, sooner or later, and it's turned out sooner. ButI'll go, JEFFRY, if I can get away from BELINDA. She tags me roundeverywhere, and wants to court me all the time. Ain't it dreadful? Whattime shall I go?"

"Three o'clock," answered JEFFRY. "Tell her I'd come if Icould but I can't anyhow. Be sure and tell her that,and anything else you've a mind to."

(To be continued.)

PIGEON ENGLISH.

Certainly newspaper writers are given to making veryremarkable statements. In describing General CHANGARNIER, a newspaperlately informed us that "he stoops his head, which is sprinkled overwith a few gray hairs when walking." Now, if the general's head besprinkled when walking, we may fairly infer that the gray hairs, unlessbrushed off, remain upon it when it stands still. We are additionallymystified by the further statement—still with reference to the sameofficer—that "he enjoys the personal demeanor of the French people to aremarkable degree." This we are very much delighted to hear, althoughwe have not the slightest idea what it means.

Corroborative.

A late item of war news states that "the Prussians haveadvanced to Dole," while from several other sources we learn that thePrussians have come to Grief.

ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.

Ambergris.—Can you give me the motto of the City ofStrasbourg?
Answer.—We cannot at this moment recall the Flemishversion of it, but it means, in English, "We make our own Pies."

Katrina Shwachenzittern.—We have had some difficulty indeciphering your manuscript. Your grievance, however, seems to be thatone of your boarders, an Alsatian, keeps a ten-pound brass cannon inhis bedroom, and fires a grand salvo with it whenever a French victoryis announced. This, of course, is very foolish. The best way of puttinga stop to it would be for your German boarders to keep guns of evenlarger calibre in their rooms, and fire the Frenchman down. You willthen have a perfect right to charge all your boarders for extra fires.

Ney.—Please explain two things about the war. First:How did the Mobile Guard come to leave Mobile? Second: Is Francs-Tireursthe French for FRANK BUTLER'S black-and-tan terriers?
Answer.—We cannot perceive much difference between NEY andBRAY.

Artichoke.—You are mistaken in supposing total deafnessto be an indispensable qualification in a candidate for the position ofprompter to a theatre.

Flippertygibbet.—How is the belligerent attitude of theRussian Bear likely to affect the New York money market?
Answer.—Turn a rushin' bear into any market, and see whatthe result will be.

Paterfamilias.—I am the unhappy father of three braceof twins, and wish to dispose of one out of each brace. Can you adviseme in the matter?
Answer.—If you don't mind being put in theLockup, perhaps you had better apply to "Dr." LOOKUP.

Sad-you-See.—We cannot sympathize with you in your wailabout the markets being "flat." Wait a while, patiently, and they willcome "round."

Peter Dole.—Your questions about cooking turkeys forThanksgiving Day are so multitudinous, that we can only reply to themgenerally. In Europe it is the usage for Crowned Heads and theirfamilies, only, to eat sausages with their turkey; and, if ever thetrue story of the Man with the Iron Mask comes to be unveiled, it ismore than likely that the mystery will be found to hinge upon that fact.

A PRESIDENTIAL FLOUT.

According to the Washington special despatches to the PhiladelphiaInquirer, the President has tendered a Cabinet appointment toseveral distinguished members of the Union League of that city. Eitherfrom excessive modesty, however, or, as is probable, from prudentdoubts as to their ability to fill the position, all of these gentlemenhave declined to accept the offer.

It is surmised that the object of the President's recent visitto Philadelphia (ostensibly to see his old friend, Mr. BORIE), was toexamine the roll of the League, comprising two thousand members, forthe purpose of selecting one who might serve on a pinch to fill theoffice in question.

This was a bitter stroke of satire on the part of Mr. GRANT,since it is generally understood in Philadelphia, that, outside theranks of the Mutual Admiration Society to which we have referred, thereare no brains to be found among the Republicans of Philadelphia.

A Bubble of Air.

What is the most favorable sort of weather for ballooning?

Highly favorable weather.

THE THREE CENTS.

An Incident both Dramatic and True.

SLINEY, OF SWAMPVILLE, COMES TO THE CITY. AS HESHAMBLES ALONG THREE BRIGHT CENTS FALL AT HIS FEET. AMAZEMENT OFSLINEY, WHO GAZES UP AT AN OPEN WINDOW, BUT, NOT SEEING ANY PERSONTHERE, SUPPOSES THAT SHOWERS OF COPPERS ARE PECULIAR TO THE CLIMATE.	HAVING POCKETED THE COINS, SLINEY PROCEEDS UPONHIS WAY. HARDLY HAS HE GONE A DOZEN PACES WHEN THREE CENTS AGAIN RINGDOWN UPON THE FLAG-STONES, AND SPARKLE THERE IN THE SUN. DELIGHT OFSLINEY, WHO AGAIN GAZES UP SMILINGLY AT THIRD-STORY WINDOWS, HOLDINGOUT HIS HAT AS IF TO ASK FOR MORE.	AGAIN SLINEY PROCEEDS TO POCKET THE COINS. BUT,HA!—WHAT IS THIS? HIS COUNTENANCE CHANGES: HIS LONG BONY FINGERS NOWFOR THE FIRST TIME DETECT THE FATAL FLAW IN HIS TROUSERS POCKET. 'TWASHIS ORIGINAL CAPITAL, BROUGHT BY HIM FROM SWAMPVILLE TO INVEST INSTOCKS, THAT HE HAS BEEN PICKING UP ALL ALONG. AGONY OF SLINEY, WHICHIS AGGRAVATED BY THE RIBALD LAUGHTER OF SOME WICKED PERSONS WHO HAVETHROWN THEMSELVES UPON HIS TRACK.

THE LATEST BOSTON NOTION.

The well-earned reputation acquired by Boston for leading theworld in new ideas is so thoroughly established as to need norecapitulation here. We merely speak of it for the purpose ofmentioning that city's last contribution to mankind, of this kind. Theyhave a hotel there which advertises through the seductive fly-pages ofour magazines in the following terms: "Courtesy to strangers is amarked feature in the management of—"

But we remember in time that we have no right to interferewith the advertising columns. However, it is a fact that there is ahotel in America where courtesy to guests is a feature, and of course amarked one. It is a cheering fact, and especially so just now, in thisearly fall, when we are all smarting with the fresh memories of oursummer's sufferings at the hands of the hotel proprietors, their headclerks, and the rest of the rapacious crew. What an attractive pictureit presents! A hotel where guests are treated with courtesy! Really, ifanything could seduce us into making a visit to Boston, the desire toactually witness this surprising innovation upon our national customswould prove too strong for the reverential fear which keeps us distantworshippers of that American Mecca.

Odious Comparison.

"She is a gem," remarked Mr. JENKINSOP, speaking of hisred-haired wife.

"Yes—a diamond of many carats," was the low rejoinder ofJENKINSOP'S friend, WINKLESOP.

ROYAL DEMOCRACY.

It appears to have been decided that one of the royalprincesses of England can be allowed to marry, without being obliged tofind some royal prince for that purpose. Perhaps this course has beendiscovered to be possible from the fact that the stock of royal princesis getting short in Europe. Prussia has gobbled up any number of Germanones, and bids fair to do so with the rest. But we prefer to think thatthis innovation is really due to the women's rights movement. Theirplatform is broad enough for the entire sex to stand on, and why shoulda princess, from the unfortunate accident of her birth, be debarred hernatural right to fall in love with the man of her choice, and to marrythe man she loves. At any rate we commend this change of policy to theleaders of the women's rights party, as a proof of the success theirmovement has gained, and advise them to send a series of congratulatoryresolutions to the princess in question, upon her gaining herunquestioned right to consult her heart rather than a Lord Chancellorin the bestowal of her hand.

An Anecdote from Salt Lake.

A GYPSY came to BRIGHAM YOUNG with a pony for sale.

"Why, the beast is half-starved," said BRIGHAM, running hishand over the pony's side. "You can count his ribs."

"That's more'n a chap could do with yours," retorted the gypsy.

BRIGHAM YOUNG did not buy that pony.

NATURAL HISTORY IN OUR PARKS.

o greatertribute has yet been paid to the already improved condition of our cityparks under the new régime, than the arrival in them ofstrange birds by which they had not hitherto been patronized. Within afew days past several owls have been captured in the solemn pines withwhich these delightful retreats have lately been made green, if notshady. The owl, as is well known, was regarded by the ancients as theBird of Wisdom. He fully sustained his right to the title by lettingseverely alone the city parks while they were still dreary anddisgusting wastes. The only night-birds by which these were, thenoccupied were of the featherless (and apparently motherless) kind, andwere well known to the police. They were quite as watchful, it is true,as the genuine feathered owl that has just commenced to give its veryextraordinary countenance to the parks, but then it was with otherpeople's watches, not their own. It is with much concern that we hearreports of the slaughter of some of these solemn but beautiful owlsthat have come to ventilate their wisdom among us. The reports inquestion were very definite and unmistakable, most of them proceedingfrom revolvers handled by members of the Municipal Police Force, whileothers emanated from the barrels of shot-guns wielded by beery Teutons,who rushed frantically out from their sawdust lairs when they were toldthat the game was up—that is, that an owl was up a tree. This wasscurvy treatment for the visitors. To "put a head on" an owl, which isalready provided with one so large and so comical, appears to be a workboth superfluous and inhuman. The only apology for it in this instanceis, that these night-birds of prey were supposed by the police to havebeen attracted to the parks by the prospect of succulent suppers on thevery well-fed sparrows by which these resorts are now thickly tenanted.The owls hooted at this notion; but their hooting was only answered byshooting, and the poor foolish Birds of Wisdom have been stuffed withtow instead of sparrows, and set up to form the nucleus of anornithological Rogues' Gallery in the City Hall.

On visiting the Battery a few days ago, one of thepark-keepers (himself looking in his bright new uniform somewhat like ablue-jay) expressed his conviction that, next spring, that time-honoredpleasure-garden of the old Knickerbockers will be a paradise forsong-birds such as it has not been since the original SwedishNightingale warbled her "woodnotes wild" there a score of years ago,more or less. The sea-gulls, he thought (will Judge HILTON have thegoodness to provide these park officers with manuals of ornithology?),would build their nests in the pine-trees with which the wide esplanadethat stretches away to the water's edge will soon be bristling. Honest,but mistaken young man! As well might he have said that the sea-wall [avery substantial one, by the way] would build its nest in themelancholy pines. But it is reasonable to hope that pine grossbeakswill find their way thither, and that the German flutes of variousfinches will provide for the coming Bavarians and Hessians (should anybe left after the siege of Paris and the sorties of thetruculent TROCHU) a welcome such as has not heretofore been accorded tothe strangers who at Castle Garden first set foot upon our shore.

The Bowling Green—late a nuisance and a pandemonium, now anoasis of verdure—has not as yet reported its owl, but the public eye isupon it, and the nocturnal marauder may yet be detected in the forks ofthe great willow-trees, which still retain their verdure. The sparrowsare almost disproportionately numerous in this small park, but this maybe accounted for. It has lately been laid down with new grass, thegreen, tender blades of which, just now beginning to crop out, areprobably mistaken by the birds for "sparrow-grass" munificentlyprovided for them by the Commissioners.

In all of these city parks the contrast between past andpresent is very striking and agreeable. But a few short months ago theywere the domiciles and dormitories of outcast roughs and vagrants ofthe worst description, whose "'owls," as a Cockney explorer observed,"made night 'ideous." The only muss now common to them is the mustribe, comprising the mus ratus, or ordinary rat (so calledfrom its haunting ordinaries, we suppose), and the timid mouse, withwhich the Bird of Wisdom is contented to put up when the sparrowsdecline to come to his claw.

Central Park offers numerous attractions now to all who loveto keep up their animal spirits by studying animal life. There is a fatlittle Asiatic pig there, who is the very picture of content. A red pighe is, and exceedingly well behaved. The best red pig, in fact, that weremember ever to have seen, beating the learned pig by several trumpsand an ace. When we last saw him he was very busy with his pen, and oursurmise was that his mind was fully occupied with arrangements forediting the works of BACON, or, possibly, those of HOGG.

The young elephant has increased immensely, since last year,in stature and girth. He is remarkably neat in his person, wispinghimself all over with hay for hours at a time. Whether he does this forcleanliness or to obtain a flavor of elephant for the hay is doubtful,however, for he always eats it after having made use of it as aflesh-brush for a good while. Notices requesting visitors "not to feedor annoy the animals" are posted on the compartments. In the case ofthe elephant, though, it might be as well also to caution personsagainst making jokes about his trunk—a low kind of ribaldry in whichevery carpet-bagger, who never had one, seems to think himself bound toindulge.

There is a cinnamon bear in one of the outside cages, whoseclaws remind one sharply that cinnamon and cloves go together, and thatclove is a tense of the verb "to cleave." But we do not want such afellow as that to cleave to us, since it is evident that a grocer kindof brute than a cinnamon bear cannot be found in all the ursine family."Sugar and spice, and all things nice," are stated in song to be thematerials that "little girls are made of," but if we thought thatcinnamon bear figured upon the list of groceries thus used formodelling young maidens, we would either fly to the desert with Dr.MARY WALKER or immure ourselves in a nunnery with SUSAN B. ANTHONY, andall the other females of the anti-sugar-and-spice persuasion.

Fattest of all the beasts in the Central Park collection isthe larger of the two grizzly bears. From the easy way in which hetakes life, he reminds one of a successful politician, who had workedhis way up from being a slim and impecunious "repeater" to the positionof Alderman, or Custom House official, and President of the Fat Men'sClub. There is a drunken leer in this beast's eye, an inebriate roll inall his movements, that lead one mechanically to peer into the darknessof his den with the view of seeing what the Bar fixings are like. Itwould be a rare freak to treat the huge fellow to a cask of rum andsugar, and then stand by with a comic artist, and take down forPUNCHINELLO the traits of BRUIN the Grizzly on a "bender," and with allhis repressed nature brought out by the strong drink.

"Carnivorium" is the word now properly applied by the Parkauthorities to the establishment in which the wild beasts are kept.That is, the term will be correct when applied only to the particulardepartment allotted to the fierce flesh-devouring animals. At presentcamels are accommodated in the Carnivorium, and so are cows, which is asort of slur upon the habits of these poor innocent vegetarians. Thenew word, however, is likely to find considerable extension, and if anyprovider for the public maw should choose hereafter to call hisdining-saloon a Carnivorium, none would have a right to cavil at him onphilological grounds, at least.

By and by the Park will have a new and sensational attraction.The antediluvian monsters of that great FRANKENSTEIN of the period, Mr.WATERHOUSE HAWKINS, will soon be advanced enough to "give fits" to thenursery-maids and their tender charges. Accipitrine in features as inname, Mr. HAWKINS is a living illustration of the Darwinian theory.Certainly his remote ancestors must have been of the falcon family. Herevels in birds; though, when he cannot obtain those, he can put upwith lizards, which he usually prefers manufactured, and of a lengthnot less than from sixty to one hundred feet. This reminds us that asaurian of a hundred feet should not be confounded with a centipede.

It will be seen, then, that the landscape-gardens of our greatcity are in a fair way of being able to afford some illustrations forstudents of Natural History more interesting than the oyster-shells andold boots with which most of them have hitherto been stocked.

FRUIT FOR BALLOONISTS. Currents in the air.

FASHION CORRESPONDENTS REPORT THAT "NETS ARE TO BE WORN MUCHLONGER." PUNCHINELLO SUGGESTS, THEN, THAT THEY MIGHT BE PROFITABLYADAPTED FOR CATCHING FISH AS WELL AS BEAUX.

THE AVERAGE THANKSGIVING.

NINE O'CLOCK A.M.

I'mthankful I was bright enough, this year,
To have my turkey bought a weekahead!
Oh, what a bird it is! 'Twasawful dear,—
But, thank the Lord! theturkey's been well fed.

TEN O'CLOCK A.M.

There!I've forgot the oysters. Thank the Lord,
There's time enough with earlychurch; Old GRIMES,
I hope, will pity us to-day; he'sbored
A hungry crowd so many, manytimes.

ELEVEN O'CLOCK A.M.

Oh,what a crowd! Hallo! Another man!
Well, thank the Lord, 'twill bea change, at least;
I s'pose he'll aggravate us allhe can:
And that's so easy justbefore a feast.

TWELVE O'CLOCK M.

Oh, what a bore! He's worse thanGrimes by half;
So slow!—That turkey will bedone to rags!—
I'm famished! I could eat the fatted calf.
There! Thank the Lord! He'swinding up; he fags.

ONE P.M.

Giveme the knife. Be quick, my love, be quick!
I never was so hungry in mylife!
Well, thank the Lord, thattedious old stick
Did let us off.—Oh, hangthis carving-knife!

TWO P.M.

Iwish I had not eaten quite so much;
But, really, the mince-pie was soprime!
You gave it just the real, old,fancy touch.
There! (Thank the Lord, I gotthe meat in time.)

THREE P.M.

Myeyes! how sleepy I have grown since noon!
Some wine or music, now, wouldmake me gay;
Come, ANNA, let us have a littletune—
There! thank the Lord, there'sno more work to-day.

FOUR P.M.

Whatwas it, ANNA? I was sound asleep;
I rather think I had thenightmare, too.
I feel half sick; cold chillsaround me creep.
Well, thank the Lord,Thanksgiving is all through!

A Pen and an Inkling.

A certain HERR BISSENGER, of Pforzhelm, has presented BISMARCKwith a golden pen, set with jewels, with which to sign the treaty afterthe capture of Paris. Foresight is well enough in its way; but if thetreaty which is to end this war is not a very different one from anyBISMARCK has yet suggested, penning his signature to it will be merelya preliminary to his repentance for being so short-sighted as not tosee that Sedan, not Paris, was the place at which to make a lastingpeace.

A Chance for Metaphysicians to be Useful.

The German metaphysicians who have been so long bothering theworld with reports of their searches after the undiscoverable, shouldnow exercise whatever skill they have gained in this pursuit, inlooking for signs of republican protest in Germany against the growingtyranny of their Prussian masters. Such a course would do their owncountry good, and, if successful, would be most grateful to the rest ofthe world.

A Twist of the Cable.

Telegrams per cable state that "VON DER TANN isretreating"—also that "a Prussian bark has been blown up."

Combining these two statements, we obtain an excellent qualityof Tan Bark, which may or may not be suggestive of further "Hidings" ofthe Prussians by the French.

Grant-ed.

Recent disclosures concerning the President's Cabinet would goto show that this piece of administrative furniture is a cabinet withDrawers.

Bad for their Health.

Travel is so impeded by the terrible state of affairs atpresent existing in France, that the Prussians cannot take Tours.

New Occupation for the President.

A display heading in the World of November 18th hasthe following astounding line:—

"GRANT cuts SCHURZ."

NONE THE BETTER FOR TOO MUCH NURSING.

Dr. W.G. Bryant.—"MR. KELLEY, THAT POOR CHILDPENNSYLVANIA HAS BEEN FED TOO EXCLUSIVELY WITH PIG-IRON PAP. SUPPOSEYOU TRY SOME OF MY FREE-TRADE MIXTURE, AND SEE IF THAT WON'T RESTORE ITTO HEALTH."

HIRAM GREEN SURPRISED.

His Fellow-Citizens Present Him with a Silver Tea Service.

When the Hon. BILL SOOWARD allers gets home from a voyige, thesitezens of Auburn give him a warm recepshen.

When Goyenor HOFFMAN visits the home of his childhood days, aspontaneous bust of friendship throws her lovin embrace about him.

When a few sundry other peeple, whose names shall be namelessin this communication, have arroven to their long home on tother sideof the River Sticks, they will get a recepshen so warm, that, settin ontop a red hot koal stove and sokin their feet in a kittle full ofb'iling water, will be full as cheerin to 'em as a Mint Jewlip is to aninhabitant of the Equinoxial line.

Recepshens and presentashens bein the order of the day, I tookit into my head, a short time since, to have my feller sitizens ofSkeansboro' give me some of it.

Consekently I hired 1/2 dozen of my nabors, whom I supposedwouldent make turnal fools of their selves, to call at the Old Greenmanshon with a crowd of peeple, at the hour when I was supposed to beto bed, for the purpuss of presentin me with a silver tea sarvice,which our Joowiler had lent me for the occasion. I writ up an impromptuspeech, and practiced it for over a week, out in my barn, so as to bereddy for the cerprise.

My 3 oldest darters had agreed to be dressed up in white,representen the 3 graces—Faith, Hope, & Charity—and arrangin theirselfs in a tabloo in the back parler, they was to throw open the foldindoors at a signal from me. I also tride to get my wife to rig up; saysshe:

"Me rig up? No, sir! I wouldent encourage sich a lot of tomfoolery to save your consarned neck. And I know of a sartin OldNoosants who'l ketch Hail Columbia if he musses up these ere parlers tofreely."

The noosants referred to was no doubt the undersined; I knowit was.

Mariar was allers full of pet names, and this was one of them.

When she called me pet names, I dident stop to argue with her.It is no use; shee'l allers have the last word, if she sets up all nitefor a week for it. You mite just as well try to make Bosting fokesthink the hul United States don't resolve around Masserchussetts Bayand Bosting Common once every 24 times an hour, as to undertake to stopa womans clack when she gets on a talkin fit.

The appinted nite came, and I was standin behind the windercurten, peekin out the upper hall winder, anxiusly awaitin the arrivalof the crowd.

All of a sudden a percession, hove in site, headed by a drumand fife. Their onsartin way of marchin, by gettin their legs mixed allup together, made me think that by the time they got up to my house,the painful duty would devolve on to me of goin down and getten theirlegs ontangled.

The fifer was continually mistakin his head for a drum stick,as he fell over and let it strike vilently agin the sheep skin head ofthe base drum. Whilst the drummer, hisself, was mistakin evry bodyshead for his musikle instrument, as he dealt out blows rite and left,to all who come within hittin distance of his intossicated drum sticks.

Arrivin before my domisil, the leeder sung out and says:

"Now boys (hic!) let's rattle up bald head, (hic!) if old2-and-ninepence don't (hic!) shell out with his 'freshments, we'll(hic!) smash this 'ere borrered tea sarvice over his (hic!) figgerhead." Sayin which he gives the door bell a yank, which was enuff topull the roof off from over our heads.

Slippin on my red nite cap, I poked my head out of my winder,and in fained cerprise, Bays to 'em:

"My good peeple, what's the meanin of this demon-stration?"

"A lot of fellers, who you hired to come and pay you a visit,has got here. So come down and let us in, old hoss," says a voice.

I went down stairs, with doubts in my mind as to the way thething would turn out.

Unboltin the door, the assemblige filed in. A casual glanceconvinced me that I was not receivin into the buzzum of my familymanshon a deputashun from the Skeensboro Lodge of Good Templers, for askalier lot of whiskey-soked human beins I never sot eyes on.

There was JOB BIGLER, who useter leed the Skeensboro brickmeetin house quire, tryin to pick his teeth with the corner of apictur-frame, while standin before the lookin glass was WILLYAM DUNBARvainly endevorin to ascertain if he was the Siameese Twins, or else wasthe lookin-glass a double-plated one.

Old JIM SPENCER insisted on standin with his cow-hide butes ontop the mahogony senter table, for the purpuss of presentin me with thetea sarvice, while his son-in-law had no sorter hesitation,whatsomever, of planten his muddy feet into my wife's work basket,which was settin on a stool in the sou'-west corner of the front room.Others had piled theirselfs in heeps, in various parts of the room,presentin a picter which JOHN B. GOFF could work up to sich an affectinpitch, that tears could be got out of the eyes of a perfessionalgrave-digger.

"SQUIRE GREEN, yer (hic!) feller sitisens, wishin to do thesquare thing by you, hereby (hic!) take this opportunity of presentinyou with this (hic!) tea sarvice, which you hired down to GRIZ'LESjooliry (hic!) store, for this momentous occassion. Take it and be'appy. Now trot out yer (hic!) benzeen," says SPENCER. At this pint Igive the signle, and the foldin doors was throde quickly open, revealinmy 3 gals in a classic tabloo. I then said:

"Feller Sitizens: When I say I'me hily pleased at thisonexpected cerprise, I but reiterate the pent up feelins of anoverflowin heart."—

"Oh, cork up on that ere spoutin, and sound yer supper bell,"said JOE BIGLER, interuptin me. I again went on.

"As I casts my eyes about me, I see the smillen faces of myfeller sitizens, who have been tride and not found wantin—"

"That's a lie! We are wantin some vittles, with alittle (hic!) opedildock to wash her down. When you hired us to do thisjob, you (hic!) 'greed to fill up," says a voice.

I pertended as how I dident hear the raskle's insultinremarks, but I was secretly itchin to be a silent spectator to hisfuneral, and see his miserable carciss sunk down under about 6 foot offree sile. I continnered;

"You see before you, Faith, Hope & Charity, otherwisecalled the 3 graces," said I, pintin to my darters, who looked assheepish as if they was jest let loose from a femail convenshun, orsome other loonatick asylum.

"Yer cant cram that stuff down our gullets, no more'n I canstand on this sugar bole without mashin it" said a vile youth, ceasinthe sugar bole from the silver tea sarvice and settin his foot onto it."Them gals haint no more faith in hoops and charity, than I have thatthe french peeple can live under a Republican form of government." Saidanother chap: "Oh, no, old GREEN, them tow-headed maidens is yourdarters, JOHANNER, BETTY, and MARIAR, Jr."

"Leed us to the bankett halls," says some one else.

"Come, do as yer (hic!) 'greed, and give us somepirotecknicks," some one else yelled; at this juncture all was hollerinvociferously for vittles and whiskey.

I assure you, Mr. PUNCHINELLO, it was very affectin.

In fact, I don't believe there was a dry mouth in thecrowd.

"I blush for every drunken soul of you," said I, wishing toget rid if em; "and I want you to understand this meetin is adjournedto sober off."

I noticed that the 3 graces had left the room, while theassemblage was vainly endeavorin to git hold of the silver tea sarvice.

Suddenly the back parler door was busted open, and Mrs. GREENand my 3 gals rushed in with pans of hot water and broomsticks, and ifever I enjoyed seein a lot of people baptized, it was that ere crowd,who was a yellin "bloody murder," as the hot water made their hidescurl up.

"Go It, My Sweet Dears," Said I, "Peel Off Their Skins, AndYou Shall All Have A Bran New Caliker Apiece To-Morrer Mornin."

Well, sir, in quicker time than I can write this, the housewas cleared and the front door locked agin em; but my troubles had onlyjust commenced, for I had, figerately speakin, jumped from the fryinpan into the fire.

"HIRAM GREEN," said MARIAR, backin me up into a corner, "youold sinner, you, look at that senter table, all scratched up with heelsof a pair of drunken cow-hide butes. Look at my work basket; it looksas if a percession of hogs had been marchin into it.—See that nice ragcarpet which took me over 6 months to make; what is it? eh! it'scovered with old tabacker cuds, mud, segar stumps, broken whiskeybottles, and dish water. Haint you a sweet venerable head of a family?Haint you a saperb copy bound in calf, of ex-legal jewrisprudence?

"Presented you with a tea sarvice, did they? Oh! yool be theruination of this family with your confounded efforts seekin arterfame. You—you—"

I dident wait to hear no more, but left the house with myfeelins in a hily mixed up state. I have made up my mind to one thing,that if I ever get up another cerprise, I will hire good moral men,sich as editors, noosepaper men, and literary folks ginerally, whoseconducts is above suspishon, to conduct the preceedins.

Ewers, truly,

HIRAM GREEN, Esq.,

Lait Gustise of the Peece.

BABY'S PHOTOGRAPH.

SONG OF THE OYSTER.

"PUT ME IN MY LITTLE BED."

OUR PORTFOLIO.

An Exciting Interview with King William.—"Seeing" Thiers andGoing him Better.—The Influence of Monkeys In Diplomacy.

VERSAILLES, EIGHTH WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870.

"I don't believe a word of it," said the King, with animpatient stamp of the foot and a deprecatory wave of the hand—"not aword of it."

You see, dear PUNCHINELLO, the situation was thus: I hadundertaken, not indeed without grave misgivings, to propitiate hisMajesty, after the failure of the THIERS-BISMARCK negotiations, and, ifpossible, procure such terms as would save Parisians from the gallingnecessity of immolating the monkeys of the Jardin des Plantesto the popular demand for something to eat. I thought, as an Americancitizen and your correspondent, my propositions might have somechance of being favorably entertained, especially as I knew that theEnglish Minister's presents of Stilton cheese and many dozens of BASS'bottled ale to BISMARCK had failed to prevent the current of theChancellor's prejudice from running strongly in favor of Americans.Thus morally armed, and bearing in my pocket a passe-partoutfrom Prussian Headquarters, I approached Versailles on the secondevening after the departure of M. THIERS, and found the King occupyingthe apartment in the central pavilion of the palace, which had oncebeen the sleeping-chamber of Louis XVI. and his unhappy spouse MARIEANTOINETTE. Many alterations had taken place since I was last there andsaw the wretched Queen from the balcony endeavoring to assuage thefierce mob that surged beneath. The room was not like the room in whichI once helped Louis to pull off his boots, and the delicate perfumethat usually pervades the apartments of French royalty had succumbed tothe amalgamated odors of Schweitzer Kase and Saur Kraut.

"It is apparent, sire," said I to WILLIAM, who was sittingthere "that Count BISMARCK has wholly misunderstood the situation inParis."

"Not a bit of it," said the King; "don't I know well enoughthey've got down to two ounces a day for each man, and horse meat atthat?

"You forget, sire, their vast supply of asses."

"Do I, indeed? when they've done nothing but develop anunlimited number of them ever since the war began."

I had an idea then that his majesty must have meant this forsarcasm though my own experience told me that it was only too true; andit also occurred to me that I was not in my true station as therepresentative of a government of "asses." Nothing but a stern sense ofduty prevented me from clearing out at once under this last harrowingreflection. Accordingly, I returned to the charge with diminishedvigor, assuring the King that if his army kept on blockading Paris inthis cruel sort of way, the population would soon be dying bythousands. It was very strange why he wouldn't draw off his troops.What did he want with Paris? What had Paris done to him?Weren't there plenty of other cities in this world that didn't care acent how much he bombarded them? (I began to think that possibly Imight be growing childish in my method of stating the case, but it wasonly a momentary weakness that made me think so.) Where was Tyre? Lethim go and bombard Tyre. Nobody cares for Tyre now. Where was Sidon? Ifhe wanted to throw away his ammunition, let him "go" for Sidon. Wherewas Tuckahoo, New Jersey? Would New York care if Tuckahoo was reducedto the level of its original swamp? Moreover, there were lots of citiesaway off in China, yearning to have the rays of modern civilization letinto them. Would it be anything out of his way to travel in thatdirection with a few big KRUPP guns, and give civilization a fairopening to get in at? Wasn't it cowardly to be punching all the time atone poor, miserable little town like Paris, that ain't big enough tohelp itself, and wouldn't have done the same by him no matter if it gotever so many high old chances? "Think of it, oh! think of it, my royalbrother," I said, laying a hand on each of his royal shoulders. He tookmy hands off, and told BISMARCK to bring him a wisp-broom. It was acruel insult, but I stood unmoved in the midst of it. "Perhaps at somefuture hour and place, Your Majesty, we may meet under differentcircumstances." That was a proposition he exhibited no disposition todeny. At this juncture a courier arrived from the front, breathlesswith excitement, and speechless too. The King seized him by the back ofthe neck and shook him violently, but the poor fellow couldn'tarticulate a word, I suggested that cold keys be put down his back, andhis feet thrust into the fire. That brought him to so fast that I gotbehind an arm-chair for protection. In a few seconds he gathered voiceenough to say:

"S-S-Sire, P-P-P-Paris is e-eatin' u-u-up the m-m-mon-monkeys."

Fatal news! It was all up with my museum.

Paris reduced to monkeys, and no treaty signed!

Horrible catastrophe!

I offered myself to Satan for a good lie—anything, I didn'tcare what, to clinch matters, and bring the King to terms. The Old Boyserved me.

"Your Majesty, I forebore to tell you the worst; but it can bekept back no longer. You must fly from here; fly from Paris. Yourworthy queen, the great, the good, the patriotic AUGUSTA, is now lyingat the point of—"

"Liar!" shouted the King, as he seized a boot-jack from thehands of BISMARCK and hurled it at me with all his strength. I burstthe back of my coat dodging the missile, which did not, however,interrupt the rapid utterance of my dreadful communication.

"Spare one moment more to hear what I have just received bytelegraph from Berlin, which is to say that your grandmother—"

"I never had a grandmother!" roared the King, upon the vergeof madness, as the Crown Prince, at the head of six Army Corpssurrounded the building and captured me without firing a shot.

P.S.—It is scarcely necessary in my present exhausted state tosay that my liberation is once more entirely due to the intercession ofthat man of all men, the defender of injured innocence, and thechampion of all unfortunates, the most honorable Mr. WASHBURNE,American Minister, &c. He told them that he had known me fromboyhood; that my father died in the lunatic asylum, and dying,bequeathed his intellectual characteristics to his son, which was allhe had to bequeath. The King said it was more than likely, and so I gotoff.

DICK TINTO.

Wonderful Sagacity.

Newspapers mention that an Irish crow has lately arrived as apassenger on board the steamship Colorado. It is stated thatthe bird has positively declined to quit the ship, and the inference isthat its unwillingness to do so arises from fear lest it might bemistaken for a Thanksgiving Turkey.

A Wintry Reflection.

The only Weather Profits that never fail are the gains of thecoal dealers.

Nautical.

When does a ship display a propensity for climbing?

When she runs up her flag.

atest of Mr.BOUCICAULT'S mixtures is another Irish dramatic stew. He calls it the Rapparee,and it contains the usual proportion of fire, patriots, whiskey,traitors, pretty girls, and red-coat officers. It has a Tragic Heroineand a Cheerful Heroine, a French Officer who speaks with an Irishbrogue, and a Dutch General who speaks the Fechterian dialect. It hasFRANK MAYO in picturesque attitudes on the stage, and HARRY PALMER ingorgeous vestments in the lobby. But here it is—as long as the originaland nearly as tedious. Read it and decide for yourselves whether thissort of thing is worthy of the clever mechanic who constructed Arrah-na-Pogue?

THE RAPPAREE. ACT I.

SCENE I.—A retired spot in thepublic highway. [Enter an army of fifteen
Irish patriots, armed with pikes of great scythes.]

1st PATRIOT.—"Hurroo for KING JAMES, we'll dhrive theOrange-men into the say. Here comes O'MALLEY, and the FRINCH OFFICIR.May they niver want a bottle, or a frind to stale it from." [EnterO'Malley and Duquesne,]

O'MALLEY.—"All is lost. ULICK has betrayed us."

DUQUESNE.—"All is lost. ULICK has followed the nationalcustom."

PATRIOTS.—"All is lost. Hurroo. What'll we do now, boys?"

O'MALLEY.—"Come with me to France. We'll fight somebody there."

PATRIOTS.—"We will go this minute." [They go. Enter TragicHeroine.]

O'MALLEY.—"Can I belave the eyes of me. Is it you, darlint, orsome other ghost?"

TRAGIC HEROINE.—"'Tis I. Fly, O'MALLEY. ULICK insists uponmarrying me, and hanging you."

O'MALLEY.—"I will fly to-morrow night, and you shall fly withme. I would go this minute, were it not that Mr. BOUCICAULT'S playwould be spoiled if I did not stay long enough to get intodifficulties. I will hide in the cellar of my ruined castle, and willgive ULICK the worst 'hiding' he ever had if I have a convenient chanceat him."

SCENE II—The front parlor inO'Hara's castle. Enter the Dutch General and O'Hara.

DUTCH GENERAL.—"O'HARA, I dinks you pe ein repel. ULICK issearging your bapers. If he finds something you shall be hanged." [EnterUlick.]

ULICK.—"I have searched O'HARA's trunk, and the drawer wherehe keeps his other stocking. I have found nothing."

DUTCH GENERAL.—"I still pelieve him a traitor, but I gannotbrove it." [Exit.]

ULICK.—"O'HARA, listen. I have lied. I hold here in my leftcoat-tail pocket the proofs of your treachery. Give me your daughterand help me hang O'MALLEY, or I will ruin you."

O'HARA.—"I am in your power. Do as you please." [EnterTragic Heroine.]

TRAGIC HEROINE.—"Never. ULICK shall neither marry me nor hangO'MALLEY."

ULICK.—"Young woman, I will lock you in this room for a yearor two, until O'MALLEY is thoroughly hung. Come, O'HARA." [Exeunt.]

TRAGIC HEROINE.—"I must escape and warn O'MALLEY. But how? Ihave it. I can leap out of the window into the sea: I can then swim infull ball-dress to O'MALLEY'S castle, which is only twenty leagues fromhere. I will warn him, and fly with him. Courage. I will remove myback-hair and make the hazardous leap." [She leaps.]

SCENE III.—The vaults belowO'Malley's castle. Enter Dutch General,
O'Hara, Ulick, and the "Doctor," a rebel prisoner.

DOCTOR.—"I brought you here to show you O'MALLEY'Shiding-place. Now I've got you. The tide rose the moment we entered,and cut off your retreat; we'll all be drowned like rats in a hole.Hurroo." [O'Malley descends into the vaults by an iron door.]

O'MALLEY.—"Come up-stairs out of the wet. We'll have somewhiskey." [They come up.]

ACT II.

SCENE I.—O'Malley's ancestralback-garret. Enter Tragic Heroine in ball-dress, having swum across thebay.

TRAGIC HEROINE.—"Ha! also Ho! I am a little out of breath. Ithink I had better faint." (Faints.) [Enter O'Malley and hisrescued enemies.]

O'MALLEY.—"Sit down, while I go for the whiskey." [Hegoes.]

O'HARA.—"What do I see? My daughter! Take her up-stairs beforeO'MALLEY returns." (They take her up.) [Re-enter O'Malley.]

O'MALLEY.—"Gentlemen, here is the whiskey. It is Gen. GRANT'Sfavorite brand, and you'll find it all right." [To his servant]"CONNER, these men mean to arrest me. Go and set fire to the castle." [Connorgoes, and O'Malley, locking the door, throws the key out of the window.]

EVERYBODY.—"What do you mean by throwing away the key? Do youmean to surround us, and, making us prisoners, drink up the whiskeyyourself?"

O'MALLEY,—"'Tis a custom of our house, intended originally togive employment to meritorious locksmiths on the eve of election.Listen while I tell you how one of my ancestors played a nice littletrick on some officers who had come to arrest him for shooting hislandlord. He locked them up as I have locked you up. He then orderedhis servant to set the castle on fire as I have just done, and wasbaked with them as we are about to be baked."

DUTCH GENERAL.—"Donner und blitzen!"

EVERYBODY ELSE.—"Tare an ounds!"

TRAGIC HEROINE, [in the loft above].—"S c r r r e e ec h."

O'MALLEY.—"Heavings! That shriek. 'Tis my Grace! TRAGICDARLING, I come to die with you." [Rushes up the chimney, while theDutch General, blowing off the lock off the door with his pistol,escapes together with his friends. The Castle is carefully taken topieces in sections by the stage carpenters, while torches are flashedat intervals. Finally a Roman candle is set off, and the O'MalleyCastle falls a prey to a carefully managed conflagration.—Curtain.]

ACT III.

SCENE I.—A quiet place in midstof the turnpike. Enter Cheerful Heroine and French Officer.

FRENCH OFFICER.—"Fly with me at once."

CHEERFUL HEROINE.—"Why on earth should I fly? I have neverseen you but once."

FRENCH OFFICER.—"'Tis true; but you'll have to settle thatwith BOUCICAULT. I'm sure I don't want you to fly, especially with noproperty but a low-necked dress and short sleeves; but BOUCICAULT hasarranged it to suit himself."

CHEERFUL HEROINE—"In that case I will fly." [Enter theDOCTOR and a band of patriots.]

DOCTOR.—"O'MALLEY is a prisoner in the fort. We are going tohave him out, dead or alive."

FRENCH OFFICER.—"These are the counsels of madness. Why don'tyou get an injunction, or something of that kind, and so get him outpeaceably."

DOCTOR.—"It's too late. Besides, Mr. BOUCICAULT wants to endthe play with a fight."

CHEERFUL HEROINE.—"I will manage it all. I will let down arope from the fort. You shall all be drawn up and rescue O'MALLEY.Nothing could be more simple. Come and be drawn up." [They come.]

SCENE. II.—Interior of theO'Malley's cell. Enter Tragic Heroine.

TRAGIC HEROINE.—"'Tis he!'tis he! Though how he managed tochange his clothes and put on such a nice coat, I can't imagine.Dearest, awake!"

O'MALLEY.—"Who calls? Is it the boy with the beer? Ha! my owndarling. Come to this embroidered waistcoat."

TRAGIC HEROINE.—"I have agreed to marry ULICK on condition hepermits you to escape."

O'MALLEY.—"Ha! base girl. Would ye onconvenience yourself tosave me? Never! I will not consent to your marrying ULICK. Try someother little game, darlint"

TRAGIC HEROINE.—"I will." [Exit.]

SCENE III.—The castle moat.O'Malley in the ditch standing in a picturesque attitude.
The Dutch General stands on the summit of a wall three feet high, andleaning over
the battlements—which tower to the height of three inches—hands
O'Malley a pardon. Enter Tragic Heroine and everybody else.

TRAGIC HEROINE.—"O'MALLEY. I have saved you. Now save me. Ihave just married ULICK. Kill him for me."

ULICK and O'MALLEY accordingly slash each otheracross the legs with their rapiers. O'MALLEY kills ULICK andembraces the TRAGIC HEROINE. Everybody shouts "Hurroo!" and the curtainfalls.

MATADOR.

EFFECT OF THE PRESIDENT'S PROCLAMATION UPON CERTAIN PARTIESINTERESTED.

SARSFIELD YOUNG'S PANORAMA.

PART II.

THE ALPS.

These mountains, which are permanently located in Switzerland,and favorably mentioned in all the geographies, are justly admired bytourists for their grandeur, natural beauty, and good hotelaccommodations.

This is a view at sunrise, by one of the early painters.Everything is up, but Mont Blanc is up more than his neighbors. Thewhole landscape is bathed in the golden glories of the orb of day. Abath in the morning is invigorating indeed.

These Peaks are clustered around in silent majesty. It looksas though the entire PEAK family had come here and settled. Thesesnow-capped summits, wild ravines, mountain torrents, and the series ofcrags which WILLIAM TELL was in the habit of addressing, are trulysoul-inspiring.

Here is a guide with his party. These guides are well-trainedmen, who never bolt, but always go with their party—the ultramontane.They are of high birth, and descended from the best Alpen Stock.

No one should pass the season in Switzerland without seeingthese mountains. They will repay a perusal.

While the prices may not be extravagant enough for Americans,still, those who have scaled these noble elevations may well accountthe prospect as one of the most striking features of a foreign climb.

A SCENE IN THE TROPICS.

This gorgeous painting brings before you all the luxuriance oftropical vegetation. Magnolias and palm trees wave their heads proudly,while bananas, oranges, and bread fruit abound in rank profusion. Herethe cane brake stretches away as far as the eye can reach (and to thosewho are not near-sighted still farther), recalling those beautifullines of the poet:—

The broad river in the foreground, mountains melting away onthe horizon (that's because they're volcanic), and the sun broiling andsizzling high up in the heavens, are deliciously blended together. Ourartist, full of perspiration (he can blend better than any man we everployed), has seized upon a moment when all Nature seems to say:("Steady there, what makes that canvas wriggle so?")

Notice the warmth of coloring; and see to what a high degreeof art the general effect is carried-about 90° Fahrenheit in theshade. This picturesque object is an alligator basking in the sun. Ouradvice to inexperienced travellers is: "Let him bask!"

These cotton fields, rice plantations, and the colored memberof Congress addressing his constituents on the right, all stamp thisscene as unmistakably Southern.

We will cancel the stamp and move on.

In our next we shall find that our artist has given himselfmore latitude, say about eighty degrees North.

WINTER IN SPITSBERGEN.

Behold these regions of eternal ice and snow—miles upon milesof frozen real estate. There is a great ice monopoly here. All, all isblank; except the ship over in this corner. She is a prize. This is theplace to buy thermometers; you'll generally find them going very low.The weather in this region is mostly day and night, but ratherirregularly divided between the two.

You see these people with rough beards and red shirts, lookinglike New York firemen? You take one to be MOSE? You are right—they areEsquimaux. They are a tough, and hardy race. Though not preciselystudents, they yet consume the midnight oil—chiefly as a beverage.

This great work is the combined production of thirteenartists; twelve of them, perishing in the attempt, were handsomelyburied at our expense; and the survivor is now keeping a bar, for hisown consumption, at St. Paul, Minnesota. He was compelled to lay asidethe brush, which accounts for the water in this corner not beingfrozen, as the contract stipulated. But this allows the ship to which Ireferred to float comfortably.

These small buildings are settlements. They are not sofrequent here as in New York or Chicago, where business men inform methey occur about as often as—once in two years.

"Ice cream for sale," on this sign, has a flavor ofcivilization in it.

Woman does not go to the poles here, although one of them isonly a few miles distant in a northerly direction, with excellentsleighing.

I would make a passing allusion to this figure, introduced byartist number nine, to please the young people. It represents aSpitsbergen lover. He is clad in fur, and has a catarrh. He is just nowoh his sneeze, warbling hoarsely: "Rein deer in this bosom!"

(Sentimental strains from the melodeon.)

THE GRAND CANAL.

This is not the Erie Canal, but the Grand Canal of Venice. Itdoes not own so many mules, or forward so much corn and flour, as theNew York concern, but is more airy and picturesque. It is surrounded bypalaces; but what is a palace without a mother?

These swan-like men-of-war are gondolas. Our skipper is calleda gondolier. Every other skipper is called something worse than that ifhe gets in our skipper's way. I respect a man's calling; that is, if hefollows it up energetically.

The Rialto, with its busy throngs.

The Bridge of Sighs, where Lord Byron is said to have stood oneither hand.

A group of native beggars. This man is blind. With thisVenetian blind we beg leave to close this scene.

SARSFIELD YOUNG.

The Flesh-pots or Paris.

A late newspaper item states as follows:—

"The Archbishop of Paris has given permission to usehorse-flesh on fast days."

It is lucky for Mr. BONNER'S crack horses, then, that they arenot stabled in Paris just now, since they are all considered first-ratefor Fast days.

"SOAP"-STONES.—Wall street "rocks."

PUNCHINELLO.


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