SCENE II
LÍPOCHKA and AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. [Entering] Ah, ha, shameless creature! My heart told me so; before it's fairly daylight, before you've eaten God's bread, you start off dancing right away!
LÍPOCHKA. Now, mamma, I've drunk my tea and eaten some curd-cakes. Look here, is this all right? One, two, three; one—two—
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. [Following her] What difference does it make if you have had something to eat? I suppose I'll have to keep watching what sinful pranks you're up to! I tell you, don't whirl around!
LÍPOCHKA. Pooh! where's the sin in that! Everybody's doing it nowadays.
One, two—
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Better knock your forehead against the table, but don't fiddle around with your feet. [She runs after her] What's the matter with you? Where did you get the idea of not obeying?
LÍPOCHKA. Who told you I didn't obey? Don't meddle; let me finish the way I want to! One, two, three—
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Shall I have to run after you long, old woman as I am? Ouf! You've worn me out, you barbarian! Do you hear? Stop! I'll complain to your father!
LÍPOCHKA. Right away, right away, mamma! This is the last time around! God created you expressly for complaining. Much I care for you! One—two—
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. What! you keep on dancing, and talk impudently into the bargain! Stop it this minute! It'll be so much the worse for you; I'll grab you by the skirt, and tear off the whole train.
LÍPOCHKA. Well, tear it, and much good may it do you! You'll simply have to sew it up again, and that's all there is to it! [She sits down] Phew! phew! my, I'm soaked through! as if I'd been pulling a van! Ouf! Mamma, give me a handkerchief to wipe off the perspiration.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Wait, I'll wipe it off myself. You've half killed yourself! And it's just as if somebody were making you do it. Since you don't respect your mother, you might at least respect these walls. Your father, my dear, has to make a great effort even to move his legs; but you skip about here like a jumping-jack!
LÍPOCHKA. Go away with your advice! How can I act according to your notions? Do you want me to get sick? That would be all right if I were a doctor's wife. Ouf! What disgusting ideas you have! Bah! What a woman you are, mamma, drat it! Honestly, I sometimes blush for your stupidity!
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. What a darling child you are! Just consider how you're insulting your mother! Ah, you stupid chatterbox! Is it right to dishonor your parents with such words? Was it for this I brought you into the world, taught you, and guarded you as carefully as if you were a butterfly?
LÍPOCHKA. You didn't teach me—strangers did; that'll do, if you please. You yourself, to tell the truth, had no bringing up. What of it? You bore a child—what was I then?—a child without understanding, I didn't understand the ways of society. But I grew up, I looked upon society manners, and I saw that I was far more educated than others. Why should I show too much indulgence for your foolishness? Why, indeed! Much reason for it, I must say!
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Let up, let up, you shameless girl! You'll drive me out of patience; I'll go straight to your father, throw myself at his feet, and say: "Samsón, dear, there's no living because of our daughter!"
LÍPOCHKA. Yes, there's no living for you! I imagine so. But do you give me any chance to live? Why did you send away my suitor? Could there have been a better match? Wasn't he a Coopid[1]? What did you find in him that was soft?
[Footnote 1: An attempt to reproduce Lipochka's illiterate pronunciation of the Russian word.]
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. He was soft enough; just a grinning booby. He came swaggering around, swaggered, strutted, strutted. What a rare bird!
LÍPOCHKA. Yes, much you know! Of course he's a born gentleman; he behaves in a delicate way. They always do like that in his circle—But how do you dare to censure such people, of whom you haven't any idea? He, I tell you, is no cheap merchant. [She whispers aside] My darling, my beauty!
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Yes, a good darling! Do tell! Pity we didn't marry you to some circus clown. Shame on you; there's some kind of folly in you; you whisper right under your mother's nose, just to spite her.
LÍPOCHKA. I've reason enough, because you don't desire my happiness. You and pa are only good for picking quarrels and tyrannizing!
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. You can think what you please. The Lord is your judge! But nobody feels the anxiety for her child that the mother who bore her does! Here you're always posing and kicking up all kinds of nonsense, while your father and I worry day and night about how to find you a good man, and establish you quickly.
LÍPOCHKA. Yes, easy for you to talk; but just let me ask, what good does that do me, if you please?
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. As if you thought I wasn't sorry for you! But what can I do? Have a mite of patience, even if you have been waiting a few years. It's impossible to find a husband for you in a second; it's only cats that catch mice in a jiffy.
LÍPOCHKA. What have I got to do with your cats! It's a husband I want. What's the use! I'm ashamed to meet my acquaintances; in all Moscow we weren't able to choose a husband; other girls kept having all the luck. Wouldn't it make anybody sick? All my friends were married long ago, and here I am like a kind of orphan! We found one man, and turned him down. Now, look here: find me a husband, and find him quick!… I tell you in advance, look me up a husband right off, or it'll be so much the worse for you: purposely, just to spite you, I'll secretly scare up an adorer; I'll run away with a hussar, and we'll get married on the quiet.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. What! What! You lewd creature! Who drummed such nastiness into your head? Merciful Lord, I can't get my breath! Ah, you dirty hussy! Well, there's nothing to be done. It's evident. I'll have to call your father.
LÍPOCHKA. All you ever say is "father, father!" You have a lot to say when he's around, but just try it when you're by yourself!
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. So you think I'm a fool, do you? What kind of hussars do you know, you brazen-faced creature? Phoo! Diabolical idea! Perhaps you think I'm not able to make you mind? Tell me, you shameless-eyed girl, where did you get that spiteful look? What, you want to be sharper than your mother! It won't take me long, I tell you, to send you into the kitchen to boil the kettles. Shame, shame on you! Ah! Ah! My holy saints! I'll make you a hempen wedding-dress, and pull it on over your head directly. I'll make you live with the pigs, instead of your parents!
LÍPOCHKA. How's that? Will I allow anybody to boss me about? The idea!
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Shut up, shut up, you babbling Bessie! Give in to your mother! What obstinate daring! Just peep another word and I'll stop your mouth with a potato. A beautiful consolation the Lord has sent me in you! Impudent slut! You're a miserable tomboy and you haven't a womanly thought in your head! You're ready, I suppose, to jump on horseback and go off like a soldier!
LÍPOCHKA. I suppose you'll ring in the police, presently! You'd do better to keep still, since you weren't properly brought up. I'm absolutely vile; but what are you, after all? Do you want to send me to the other world before my time? Do you want to kill me with your caprices? [She weeps] Already I'm about coughing my lungs out! [Weeps.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. [Stands and looks at her] Well, stop, stop!
LÍPOCHKA weeps louder and then sobs.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. I tell you, that'll do! I'm talking to you; stop it!
Well, it's my fault; only do stop—it's my fault!
LÍPOCHKA weeps.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Lipochka! Lipa! Come, come, do stop! [Tearfully] Now, don't get angry at me—[She weeps] A silly old woman—ignorant—[They weep together] Please forgive me—I'll buy you some earrings.
LÍPOCHKA. [Weeping] I don't want your old earrings; I have a drawer full already. You buy me some bracelets with emeralds.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. I will, I will, only please stop crying!
LÍPOCHKA. [Through her tears] I won't stop crying till I get married. [She weeps.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. You'll get married, my darling; you will! Now, give me a kiss! [They kiss] There, Christ be with you! Now let me wipe away the tears for you. [She wipes the tears] Ustinya Naúmovna wanted to come to-day; we're going to talk a bit.
LÍPOCHKA. [In a voice still rather trembly] Oh, dear, I wish she'd hurry up!