SCENE VIII
The same, FOMÍNISHNA, and TISHKA, who is bringing wine on a tray.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. Aha! here's a matter of a different sort. Well, God grant you live long, keep young, grow fat, and be rich! [She drinks] It's bitter, my jewels! [LÍPOCHKA and LÁZAR kiss] Ah! that sweetens it!
BOLSHÓV. Just let me drink their health. [He takes the glass; LÍPOCHKA
and LÁZAR stand up] Live as you think best—you're reasonable beings.
But so that you won't find life a bore, the house and shops go to you,
Lázar, in place of dowry, and I'll throw in some ready cash.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Many thanks, daddy; I'm well satisfied with what you've done for me as it is.
BOLSHÓV. Nothing to thank me for! They're my own goods—I made 'em myself. I give 'em to whomever I please. Pour me another! [TISHKA pours another glass] But what's the good of talking! Kindness is no crime! Take everything, only feed me and the old woman, and pay off the creditors at ten kopeks on the ruble.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Why, daddy, that's not worth talking about, sir! Don't I know what feeling is? It's a family affair—we'll settle it ourselves.
BOLSHÓV. I tell you, take it all, and there's an end to it! And nobody can boss me! Only pay my creditors. Will you pay 'em?
PODKHALYÚZIN. If you please, dad, that's my first duty, sir.
BOLSHÓV. Only you look out—don't give 'em much. As it is, I suppose you'll be fool enough to pay the whole debt.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Oh, we'll settle it later, daddy, somehow. If you please, it's a family affair.
BOLSHÓV. Come, all right! Don't you give 'em more than ten kopeks. That'll do for them. Well, kiss each other!
LÍPOCHKA and LÁZAR do so.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Ah, my little doves! How in the world did it happen!
I declare I've quite lost my head.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA.
"Whoever heard or saw such things?
The elephant's learning to fly with wings;
The hen laid a door-knob instead of an egg;
And piggy is dancing a jig on a keg!"
She pours out wine and goes up to RISPOLÓZHENSKY; RISPOLÓZHENSKY bows and declines the wine.
BOLSHÓV. Drink to their happiness, Sysóy Psoich.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. I can't, Samsón Sílych—it turns my stomach!
BOLSHÓV. Go along with you! Drink to their happiness.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. He's always showing off!
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. It turns my stomach, Samsón Sílych! By heaven, it does!
I'll just take a thimbleful of vodka. But my nature won't stand the other.
I have such a weak constitution.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. Bah! you long-necked goose! Nonsense—much your nature won't stand it! Give it here. I'll pour it down his collar if he won't drink it!
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. No fair, Ustinya Naúmovna! That ain't nice for a lady to do. Samsón Sílych, I can't, sir! Would I have refused it? He! he! he! What kind of a blockhead am I, that I should do anything so rude? I've seen high society, I know how to live. Now, I never refuse vodka; if you don't mind, I'll just take a thimbleful! But this I simply can't drink—it turns my stomach. Samsón Sílych, don't you allow all this disorderly conduct; it's easy to insult a man, but it ain't nice.
BOLSHÓV. Give it to him hot and heavy, Ustinya Naúmovna, hot and heavy!
RISPOLÓZHENSKY runs away from her.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. [Placing the wine on the table] You shan't get away from me, you old son of a sea-cook! [She pushes him into a corner and seizes him by the collar.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Police!
All burst out laughing.