BOOK II.—TINY MARRIES BABY

So Cooey sped with the writing to where Baby was.

And Baby lived with her mother in the Hall under elms.

And she was in the garden in gauntlets messing, when Cooey fluttered down about her head.

And when Baby heard him, she stood up, and held out her wrist, calling,

"Something for me, Cooey?" And she pulled off her gauntlets, and took the writing from under Cooey's wing, as he perched, and read it, while Cooey sidled and fluttered, till he came to her shoulder. And there he laid his bill against her cheek, and began to love her, very murmury.

But Baby, when she had read the writing, skipped, and cried,

"Three cheers!" and ran in to her mother, who sat with her back turned in a room with great windows and a shiny floor, and wrote round, chuckling.

Then Baby poked in and cried,

"Good-bye, mum. I am going to see Cosy Cottage that Tiny has taken to keep me in. And we will be alone by ourselves together, Tiny and me, till nightfall. Then p'r'aps I come home."

But when Baby's mother, who was round and jolly, heard that, she went thin all over, and she turned round from her writing, and cried,

"Oh, Baby, please!"

So they sat down and argued.

And Baby, who always wanted to know, said,

"Why?"

Then Baby's mother answered with her foot down,

"Because of mustn't be alone by yourselves together yet, you and Tiny!"

But Baby, who would argue, only said, very dogged,

"Why?"

So Baby's mother said twelve times,

"Because of things."

Then Baby turned in her toes, and inside she said,

"Rot!" but outside she said nothing.

And when Baby's mother, who was quite pale on account of it all, saw that, she said,

"In my young days," which was a very favourite saying of Baby's mother.

But Baby only turned in her toes till her feet were almost straight sideways, for she had heard that before.

So Baby's mother, when she saw that, said nothing, and just folded her hands instead: for she knew what Baby's toes meant.

But Baby, directly she saw her mother's hands, began to unturn her toes, and she said,

"Of course just as you like, Mother."

For it is with girls like it is with horses: when you pull at them, they pull at you, hut directly you let go, they come back to you.

And that is pretty well the same with everybody. So long as you say "Shan't," they say "Shall," but when you say nothing, and just sit and look sad, then they come and kiss you. For we all know somehow though we don't quite know how, that Will is one thing and Love is another; and Will is strong, but Love is stronger; and you can often get your way by Love when you can't by Will.

Then when Baby's mother heard what Baby said, she began to go round again, and sighed,

"Oh, thank you, Baby."

So Baby unturned her toes some more, and said,

"Of course I shall like you to come with me, Mother—if it won't tire you," which was quite a lie, but not one to count.

So Baby's mother answered rather weepy,

"Very sorry, Baby. I'm sure I don't want to be a spoil-sport. Only I must consider things," and she got out her handkerchief.

Then Baby turned her toes quite out, and she rose, and ran, and cried,

"Darling old thing!" and hugged her up.

So Baby's mother began to chuckle again; and she put on her bonnet and Baby her boa; and they started down the lane together, arm in arm: for everybody lives only a few miles off in That Country: so you never go by train except to Moonland.

And it is all country in That Country, only for the Town on the Tumble-down Hill: for all the nice things happen in the country; and it is mostly all nice in this story—except the Commander-in-Chief.

And at the bottom of the lane there was Tiny riding backwards and forwards on the swing-gate.

But when he saw them he jumped down and ran and waved; and Baby waved and ran. Only when they came where they met, they went shy suddenly, and turned their backs instead.

Then a jackdaw on the sign-post said,

"Chuck! chuck! chuck!"

And when Baby heard that, she turned her back still more, and blushed. So Tiny who had seen out of his corner-eye, went behind his fingers, to show he knew all about manners.

Then Baby's mother plodded up with her skirts in her hands, and said,

"Very sorry, Tiny. Only I must—because of things."

But Tiny only went astonished and answered,

"Oh, but we specially wanted you—didn't we, Baby?" which was quite a lie.

So Baby cheered up, and hopped, and cried,

"Course we did."

Then Baby's mother said,

"Oh, you are dears about it."

So they just loved her, because she was such a jolly good old mother.

And after that they all took arms, and walked across the Common with the oldest donkey in the world, nodding off to sleep under a thorn, almost as old.

And when Baby saw the donkey she ran, and patted him, and called to Tiny,

"Has he got a name?"

So Tiny answered,

"Yes; Methuselah."

Then Baby skipped back, crying,

"Is that your name?"

Then Tiny, after a bit of a struggle, for he did want to lie and get the glory, told the truth rather grumpily, and said,

"No—the Colonel's."

For the Colonel is allowed to do all the christening in that Regiment: for that is one of the rules. And Goliath, the elephant, was one of his; and so was little Marwy, the regimental baa-lamb.

Then Tiny, and Baby, and Baby's mother came to the Village.

And the Village was made up of Cosy Cottage, and the red pillar-box opposite; and that is all: for the villages are just a nice size in That Country.

And Cosy Cottage looked delicious under creepers, with sparrows chattering. And it was long, and low, and grey, and not unlike Methuselah, with a rather broken-back look, and one crooked chimney for ear. And there was one window behind and two before, with a porch between, and roses sprawling over all.

And in front was a little grass garden, with a lilac and a yew hedge round, and a gate made of paling into the road; and at the back a tiny yard and a boot-hole[[1]] like a box.

[[1]] A boot-hole is a little place where you clean boots.

And it belonged to the King, as all the houses do in That Country, because that saves trouble; and it went with the Fort on the Hill.

And when Baby saw that, she hopped, and whispered,

"Oh, Mother!" because she loved it so.

And baby's mother chuckled and said,

"Yes, you are a lucky child."

But Tiny said nothing, and took all the glory instead, which was rather a favourite thing of Tiny's, and quite a lie; for he'd done nothing for it.

All the same it was very curious that when Baby was with Tiny he told the truth on the whole much more, and kept all his lies for the Fellows.

And the more he was with her the more truth he told: so that it almost looked as though, if he went on long enough, he would never tell a lie, to call one, any more. And that is what they call Influence.

And nobody knows quite what Influence is, but it's what women do.

So you see it's rather jolly to be a woman, because if you're a man you can't, though you think you can, because of conceit.

Then they led Baby's mother into the house. And after they had fed her, they took her and put her on a little chair in a quiet cupboard by herself, and locked her in; and she was to be good-and-go-to-sleep till they came for her.

And that pleased Baby's mother so that she smiled.

Then Baby yelled and ran upstairs; and Tiny yelled, and ran after her; till they came to the topmost stair of all. And Baby put her head out and cried,

"I say! this is tip-top!" which was a very favourite saying of Baby's.

And Tiny came up behind her and murmured,

"This is tip-topper!" for lovers are lovers just the same in That Country, only nicer.

So Baby went with her arms, and squealed,

"Tiny! Tinee!"

Then she ran downstairs as hard as she could pelt; and Tiny ran after her, as hard as he could pelt.

And Baby's mother, who couldn't be good-and-go-to-sleep because of the racket, woke up, and climbed out of the cupboard, and ran after Tiny as hard as she could pelt.

So they all ran after each other till they came to the bottom-most stair of all.

Then they all climbed on to chairs and sat around the front-window and spied.

And by the old yew there was the Colonel taking little Marwy to see her mother's grave, which he did every evening, dear man.

WHICH HE DID EVERY EVENING

And on the Hill there was the Junior Subaltern with a huge slice of cake in his mouth scribbling E all over the blank of the Fort wall to show he could do it; for the Junior Subaltern was like a lot more, he wanted everybody to know he was cleverer than they were. Only when they saw they kicked him instead, which was rather depressing for him after all his trouble.

And on the Common there was the Boy giving Goliath a real old galumphing gallop round the Pond to take it out of him; only old Goly, who was a bit of a rogue, took it out of the Boy instead; which was rather a favourite thing of Goly's.

Then they took their chairs and ran, and sat round the back-window, and spied.

And by craning out they could see the Castle round the corner.

And there stood the Commander-in-Chief at the window, biting his thumbs, and watching Goliath.

And when he saw their heads, he shook his fist, and muttered.

Then Baby's mother said,

"Oh my dear!" and shuddered, and came in.

And Baby cried,

"Pig!" and laughed; still she came in too.

But Tiny shouted,

"Pooh! think I'm afraid of you!" and leaned his neck out all the further, and cocked a snook back.

But Baby pulled him in quick by the trousers, because of his career, and hoped the Commander-in-Chief hadn't seen.

And after that Baby fussed off into the kitchen; and they fussed after her, and sat on the dresser, and watched.

And Baby opened a little black door where the chimney ended in a hole, and looked in very cunning.

And after about a bit she slammed the little black door, and made a face with her nose, and said,

"I don't think much of this thing," to show how sly she was.

But Tiny sat on the dresser, with Baby's mother, and pointed his finger at Baby, and said,

"Don't believe you know one word about it, Baby."

So Baby turned her nose up and her eyes down, and replied,

"That's all you know, Mr Tiny!"

And she said to her mother,

"I know a jolly lot, don't I, Mum?"

And Baby's mother chuckled all over, and said pat,

"Not one word, Baby."

Then Baby ran at her and cried,

"Oh, Mother!" and hugged her; and Tiny hugged them both.

And after that they all sat on the dresser, and held hands, and swung legs, and sang,

Three Blind Mice

So Tiny and Baby were married in the dear old Church on the Tumble-down Hill in the Town, while the King in his crown rang the bell in the belfry; which was always his little job.

WHICH WAS ALWAYS HIS LITTLE JOB

And Tiny and Baby truly believed that it was the only wedding that had ever been since the world began; only it wasn't though.

And Tiny wore his blue suit; and Baby her clean white frock.

And Tiny was rather excited and very shy; and Baby very excited and rather shy.

And everybody was there, only the Commander-in-Chief; and he sent Cooey with a writing instead.

And Baby's mother sat in the front pew on the left and cried; and Tiny's mother in the front pew on the right and cried. But Tiny's mother cried most, for she cried all the time; but Baby's mother smiled in between, and especially when Baby came up on the arm of the Colonel, her great friend.

And the Fellows lined the aisle with swords.

And they didn't cry, because they had no tears: they looked silly instead, but not sillier than the others, of whom there were lots, besides ladies.

And the Junior Subaltern looked silliest of all because he was so pink; and all the time going pinker, because of the ladies. And he did want to marry them all, because of his kind heart; but he knew he couldn't, because you mayn't.

And when he thought of that he went quite pale, so that they took him out, and gave him a drop of lime-juice and water off a feather in the porch, while the people crept out to see.

Then they all came out of Church.

And outside the porch Cooey fluttered down from the tower with the writing; which Tiny opened.

And it was supposed to be written in blood, only red ink really: and it ran,

I will pay u for your snuk. Cheek!
St. J.

Then Tiny turned rather pale: for he knew the Commander-in-Chief never forgot, and never forgave.

But when Baby said,

"What is it?" he answered,

"Only nothing," which was rather a favourite saying of his, and quite a lie; but not one to count.

Then they all walked back to the Hall under the elms; and there was a squash.

And everybody came, including the people, which they may in That Country.

And in one room were the presents hung on to a wedding-tree, with the Boy over them to see you didn't take any, and Cooey strutting about the floor at the Colonel's heels, very proud and puffed up; and in the next Tiny and Baby stood in a row and shook hands with everybody, including the Queen, good old soul, who wiped her hands on her apron first.

And Baby smiled and said,

"Thank you so much," about ten thousand times.

And Tiny grinned and said,

"I'm sure we shall," about the same.

Only when the Junior Subaltern's turn came, he could think of nothing to say, so he looked foolish, instead.

Then Baby gave him the nicest smile of all, and inside she said,

"I will be a mother to this boy."

But outside she said,

"Thank you so much."

Then the Junior Subaltern's mouth opened out, and he answered,

"What for?"

So some of the Fellows came and took him away by the arms, though he screamed and struggled a good lot—as usual.

And after that Tiny and Baby came out of doors.

And the mothers stood on the steps in the sun, and waved, and cried,

"Goobye! Gobblessu! Goobye!"

And the people cheered, and shouted,

"Pip! pip! pooray!"

And the bells rang; and the trees blew; and Tiny walked away under the elms, Baby on arm.

But the Junior Subaltern burst open the corn-bin where they had put him for a bit, and came back to the remains of the squash, his knickers rather dusty and his hair rough.

And because he thought it must be so very nice, he asked three girls one after the other, and said,

"Will you?"

And they looked at him, and replied,

"You're mad. No; I won't."

So the Junior Subaltern leaned his chin on his collar, that had thumb-marks all over it, and said,

"Why?"

Then the first, who was proper, answered,

"Because I'm married already."

And the second, who was sound, answered, "Because I'm your Aunt."

And the third, who was neither, cocked her nose, and answered,

"Because of beastly cheek."

And when the Junior Subaltern heard that, he went very tired, and walked home to his mother.

And the Junior Subaltern's mother lived in a cottage under the sky, with a wood at the bottom, where the thrushes sang. And all about you, as you walked in the wood, was green moss and trunks of trees and dappled sunshine; and all above you were leaves with the wind in them like waves foaming; and beyond that, blue sky where a lark rippled.

But the Junior Subaltern cared for none of that now, and just sat down with his back to it all, and ate no dinner to call any for him, because things were so hard.

So his mother sent for the good old doctor, who came on his cob, and leaned a trumpet against the Junior Subaltern's chest.

Then the Junior Subaltern said faintly,

"Are you there?" because he thought it was a telephone, like they have in Abroad.

But the doctor answered,

"Say Ah!"

So the Junior Subaltern said it,

And the Doctor listened down the trumpet and said,

"I hear a guilty conscience."

Then the Junior Subaltern sent his mother out of the room quick to get a second opinion.

So his mother went to fetch the vet.

Then the Junior Subaltern confessed in a whisper about the drop of you-know off the feather in the porch, and said,

"Only don't tell mother."

Just then his mother tramped back in muddy boots and said she couldn't find him.

So the good old doctor washed his hands and said it didn't matter; and he dried them before the fire, and went wise, and said,

"Er—I think a little careful regulation of the diet will set things straight. Er—I was just telling your son that I should only drink milk and lots of water in it."

Then the Junior Subaltern's mother took fire, and snapped,

"That's all he does drink."

But the Junior Subaltern climbed under the clothes.

And when his mother saw that, she wept, and said,

"Why?"

So the Junior Subaltern answered from under the clothes,

"Because I must try to get a little sleep now."

But the Commander-in-Chief sat with his hump in the Castle tower, and planned more E-vil.

Book III headpiece