BOOK I.—TINY TAKES COSY COTTAGE

So, after waiting faithfully for days and days and days, they agreed they could wait no longer.

He was a Redcoat Captain in the Army of That Country: she was the daughter of the merry lady who lived among rooks.

His had jolly little curls all over, with blue eyes under: hers was chestnut, with grey eyes like clouds in a lake.

She was between ten and twenty: he was a little more.

He was so tall that the Fellows called him Tiny: her name was Mabel, so they called her Baby.

So Tiny came to the Fort on the Hill where the sun used to set; and it was noon.

And the Fort was a round wall with a barrack-square inside. And through a hole in the wall a great cannon of artillery peeped out over the country to keep Them down: for They were always supposed to be there, though nobody had ever seen Them.

Then Tiny climbed in through the cannon-hole, and on to the barrack-square, where nobody was now only the back-view of Goliath, the elephant, whisking his tail in the stable, while the Boy, who saw to him, slept among his feet.

So Tiny walked across the square in the sun till he came to a door in the dark of the wall. And on the door was painted in white letters

O G R E

which the Fellows said meant,

Old General Roast End,

but it really meant,

Officers' Grub Royal Elephants,

which was the name of the Regiment.

And the Regiment was so named by order of the King because that pleased old Goly, so that he trampled less at night, when the Fellows wanted to sleep.

Then Tiny knocked at the door and went in.

And the room had crossed sugar-sticks on the wall, and a row of bottles full of little black and white marbly balls on the mantel-piece, and over them a great motto,

Every Bull's Eye has its billet.

And in one corner was a pile of painted india-rubber cannon-balls. And there was a huge fire roaring, though it was summer. And before the fire stood the General, with his hands behind him, sucking something and warming himself.

Then Tiny shut the door, and began,

"I am Tiny; and I am going to marry Baby. How long will I stop in this hole, because about taking a house to put Baby in?"

So the General bent towards his boots; and his head shone; and his boots shone; and he bulged over the fire; and he said,

"I am Sir Goodall Grouse, and a Major-General. I had ought to be a full General if I had me rights—only they cheat so."

Then he bowed himself straight; and he was very red and tight; and he shot his neck till the veins swelled, and he shouted,

"And I don't care who knows it."

So Tiny, who knew Generals, pretended sad, and shook his head, and answered,

"When we go out to war, Sir, we always say that if only Sir Goodall came and did it, it wouldn't be a war at all, to call one, it would be a walk-over."

And when the General heard that, he sat down and said,

"You are a very promisin young officer indeed!" And he made a bump in his cheek with his tongue, and wrote upon the blotting-paper for ten minutes most industriously,

Captain Tiny to be reccomended for promotion:

Then he turned to Tiny and rubbed his hands and said,

"And now what will you allow me for to do for you?" And the clerk was so astonished that he poked in to see.

So Tiny told for the second time.

Then the General rolled the quid of toffee in his cheek very wisely, and he wrinkled, and said,

"Well. You will probly stop here for all time, and certainly for years and years. And you may take that on the word of Sir Goodall Grouse, who never told a lie, cause he couldn't think of one to tell." And he blew out his chest so a button flew, and shouted, "And what's more, I should ought to be a full General if I had me rights—and I don't care who knows it!" And he thumped the blotting-paper till it shook.

Then Tiny winked to himself and said inside,

"Hang your rights, Old Roast End!" but outside he said,

"Thank you, Sir. Now I feel a lot better."

And he saluted and went out, meek as a mouse; but directly he got outside he took to his legs and raced across the square, shouting and singing because of Baby and the house where he would keep her for years and years while he trained her how to be a soldier's wife.

And about next day Sir Goodall retired, because he said the Service didn't leave him time enough to roast himself.

And that is about all about Sir Goodall for now.

Then Tiny came upon his toes very merry to the place where the Fellows fed between sleeps.

And it was a great sort of shed under a thatch, with walls of whitewash sploshed with blood to encourage them on.

And when Tiny got there they were all feeding and complaining about A B C and D, which you have to pass for promotion in That Army.

For it appeared that the Commander-in-Chief at the Castle had just sent over word by Cooey, the carrier-pigeon, to say that they must all learn down to E now, or leave That Country.

And he said it was because that was what they did in Willie-Land; but they said it was because of spite.

For it was well known that the Commander-in-Chief's great ambition was a ride on Goliath. And the night before he had come and tried to climb on by stealth while Goly slept. But old Goly woke up in the middle and trod on his toe instead.

So the Commander-in-Chief had limped back to the Castle with his hump up. And because he had a curiously nasty nature, and bore malice a lot, he now sent word by Cooey to say that they must choose between E and exile.

And it is usually considered the greatest misery that can happen to you to be sent out of That Country.

For That Country is the Land-where-you-never-grow-old—so long, that is, as you are good and loving.

Indeed, if you live truly, you grow younger all the time, although your hair turns grey just the same as in Abroad. And when you are so young and so happy that you can bear it no more, then you die.

But directly you begin to go bad, you grow old. And then the right place for you is Abroad, where all the common people live, and grow horrider and horrider every day, and never die.

So naturally everybody born in That Country wants to live there all the time, except when they have to go away to Moonland for one month after marriage: for that is one of the rules.

But if you are not good and loving, then they turn you out, when they find out about you, which they very often don't for a long time, because they are so sweet and simple. And you are supposed to hate nobody in That Country; but if you do, then you try to sort of cuckoo him out by working under him with your wings.

And that was what the Commander-in-Chief, sitting in the Castle-tower, with his toe in a bandage, plotted in his own secret mind to do to the Regiment, because of Goliath.

For the Commander-in-Chief was a real villain, and already growing old.

So all the Fellows were sitting round feeding, and abusing the Commander-in-Chief.

But the Junior Subaltern, who was rosy and plump, was saying nothing: for he wasn't allowed an opinion.

So he was eating most instead—as usual.

Then Tiny sat down apart, and ate jam out of a spoon, and smiled.

But the Junior Subaltern peeped from behind a pink fairy-book, which he read with one hand, while he ate with the other, and when he saw Tiny's smile, he said a bit bitterly,

"I know. It's because it's strawberry. They keep me on plum."

But the one next him, who was long and yellow, held his cup with both hands, and bubbled into it as he drank, and said,

"No. It's because he thought old Roast End was going to tell him off a treat. But Tiny tickled him, so he told off the other fellow who hadn't done it. I wish I could tickle like Tiny. It all seems so damb unfair," and he began to cry.

But the one next him, who was big and brown, said nothing outside, but inside he said,

"No. It's because of Baby." And he knew, for he was to be best man, and give Tiny away when the time came.

Then a Captain without medals rose. And he was black but uncomely. And he bowed up and down to the Mountain and said,

"I am going to Where-George-is."

But when the Junior Subaltern heard that, he peeped out again, and cried,

"Is that because of the Commander-in-Chief and E? You are a lucky dog. I would too if I could afford it."

Then the black Captain looked at the Junior Subaltern; and there was a great hush. And at last the black Captain shot his neck suddenly, and spouted,

"Might I be so good as to ask you not to speak till you're spoken to?"

And all the Fellows said in a sort of chorus,

"Might I be so good, etc.?"

But the Junior Subaltern went back behind the fairy-book and ate a lot more, and muttered. And when he had quite done both, he rose and went to where the Boy was sliding down Goliath by the tail and told him off a treat.

THE BOY WAS SLIDING DOWN GOLIATH

But the Boy brought up at the bottom, bump, and said,

"Why?"

So the Junior Subaltern shot his neck as well as he could, which wasn't very well, because he hadn't much experience yet, and he answered,

"Because I've nobody to tell off only you, because I'm Junior. Damb!"

So that showed the Junior Subaltern was learning soldier, which is to shoot your neck and say damb in That Country.

But the black Captain stood where he was, very proud and plucky, because he had done his duty, and it was a pleasure, too; and he said,

"And now some more about George!" and he chucked his chest, although it had no medals on it, and went on,

"I am George's cousin; only George doesn't like me to talk about it. So George is going to make a little war for me in Where-George-is, and I am to go and get killed or a medal; and either way I will be worthier to be George's cousin."

And when they heard that they went on feeding and complaining as before.

Then the black Captain, after a reproachful look, came towards Tiny.

But Tiny rattled with his feet on the floor, and screamed.

"Go way! go way! go way!—I don't want to talk about George or George's cousin—much obliged all the same thank you no though. George can talk about himself plenty without me, and so can his cousin. How d'you do? Good-bye!" And he shoved back his chair.

But the black Captain held him down very firmly by the legs, and said,

"You never want to talk about anybody but yourself, seems to me."

Then Tiny turned more Christian, and replied,

"You see, I'm so much more interestiner than you are, old chap. Matter of fact I don't want to talk about anybody; I just want to go to sleep, and think about a friend of mine," which was Baby.

Then the Captain shoved closer and whispered, because of the Fellows,

"It is because of your friend that I began about going to Where-George-is. For I have a friend of my own, to whom I am married. And you know her well, because you used to come and talk secrets at tea to her about your friend, when you didn't think she was going to be your friend at all but the Commander-in-Chief's from the Castle. But the King measured your legs to be half an inch the longest, so you won. And I have reason to believe," said the black Captain very cautiously, "that you used to cry together about it, you and my friend."

Then Tiny said,

"Oh go on, Pompey, go on!" but he blushed all over all the same.

So the black Captain hid his face behind his fingers, and looked at Tiny through them, for that is what you do when they blush, if you are a gentleman, in That Country: for that is one of the rules.

And when Tiny said after about a bit,

"Better now, thank you," the black Captain took his hand away, and went on,

"And I live in Cosy Cottage with my friend. And it is on the edge of the Common—you know!—where the gorse is, and the Pond, and the oldest donkey in the world nodding off to sleep under a thorn. And just over the way is the old yew with little Marwy's mother's grave close by. And in front is the Fort on the Hill, all handy, so the Fellows can wave to you when you sit in the garden in shirt-sleeves with Baby on Sunday evenings in the summer. And round the corner is the Castle, with the Commander-in-Chief at the window plotting mischief against you, because of Baby, and against the Regiment, because of Goliath. Only it don't matter to me one pin what he plots; in fact I rather like it," said the black Captain, who was a selfish fellow, and really rather like a common man from Abroad, "because I'm going away to Where-George-is, my friend and me are. But we can't take Cosy Cottage, so you shall have it."

Then Tiny's eyes shone, and he said,

"And may we really have it for love?"

Then the black Captain wetted his lips with the tip of his tongue, and nodded, and whispered,

"For love—and a leetle money, please."

So Tiny gave him some out of his trouser-pocket.

Then they shook hands so that all the Fellows thought it was a fight, and ran up to help.

And after that the black Captain went away with his friend, arm in arm over the Mountain to Where-George-is.

COOEY! COOEY!

And there the band plays day and night, seven years without ceasing,

God save our gracious George.

And George sits all day in his mail-cart under the palm, and bows his head, and says,

"A-a-men."

Only the King isn't supposed to know about that, because it's his tune really.

And the black Captain became so very distinguished an officer that at last he was allowed to pick the things off the floor when Georgie threw them there in a pet, because the band sent in to ask if they might change the tune.

And that is about all about the black Captain and George for now.

But Tiny took a pencil, and wrote to Baby on scribbling paper,

Come quicks-you-can see cosy cottage I have bought a bargain to put you in and don't bring mother unless you mustn't come without, because of long walks so tirin for her.

Then he ran down the Hill, and across the Bridge, and into the Wood, and called,

"Cooey! Cooey!"

Then Cooey came from his fir, with splashing wings; and Tiny tied the writing beneath his wing, and said,

"Baby," and pointed.

So Cooey flashed away through the wood: for Cooey takes all the quick messages in That Country.

Then Tiny trotted back to the Fort, and took off his red coat, and put on his sailor suit, and went for a ride on the Common on Goliath, with the dear old Colonel, who thought nice of everybody, in the other pannier.

But the Commander-in-Chief stood at the window in the Castle-tower, and looked down darkly.

Book II headpiece