LISS “BIN EENSULT”
From Olar, that favored spot in a fruitful section of the State, where, under the guidance of a Carolina Burbank, the amorous Iron pea, loving the “Shinny” despite her freckles, wooed and won her to wilt-resistance, where quiet farmers are classical scholars and hermits are hospitable, comes a story of Liss, a character as noted in local colored circles for oddity as for ugliness. A white neighbor, who recently met her, noticing that she was swelling with wrath, and, seeking to get a rise out of her, asked:
“What’s the fun today, Liss?”
“No fun een dis t’ing; I done bin eensult.”
“Who has insulted you?”
“Mimy’ yalluh gal Clara eensult me, suh. Dat gal en’ ’e maamy mek crap fuh Cap’n Willie. I bin to Mimy’ house, en’ one bale uh cotton bin fuh haul town fuh sell. Clara tell ’e maamy, ‘Ma, lemme go town wid dat bale, en’ lemme git a spo’tin’ suit out dat bale uh cotton?’
“Now, Mimy swell up bex, same lukkuh bullfrog. ‘Spo’t suit de debble!’ ’e say. ‘You binnuh do nutt’n’ but spo’t de Gawd’ blessed yeah. You don’t git a shimmy out dat bale uh cotton.’
“Den de gal mek ansuh en’ say:
“‘Ma, ef you don’t lemme git dat spo’tin’ suit, I gwi’ do eb’ry bad t’ing I know ’bout. I gwi’ do bad right now.’
“Clara hab on one deseyuh newfanglety kinduh t’ing dem call ‘middle-blouse.’ You know um, suh. ’E stan’ same lukkuh man shu’t, wid ’e shu’t tail heng out, excusin’ ’e got one kind’uh shoe string tie onduhneet’ de gal’ buzzum. My Gawd, w’at a gal! Alldo’ t’ree man dey een ’e ma’ house, Clara staa’t fuh tek off ’e middle-blouse. I tell’um:
“‘Gal, ef you tek off dat middle-blouse een dis house befo’ dese mans, you will sho’ hab sin.’
“‘Sin, nutt’n’! I gwi’ strip nakit ez a jaybu’d befo’ ’e fedduh’ grow! I gwi’ do bad!’ W’en de gal say dis wu’d, ’e ketch ’e middle-blouse by ’e shu’t tail wid alltwo ’e han’ en’ hice’um obuh ’e head! Befo’ ’e kin git’um off, all t’ree de man jump out de do’, en’ w’en I look out een de yaa’d, I shum duh roll obuh en’ obuh een de du’t same lukkuh hawss roll, en’ duh buss’ demself wid laugh. Now, w’en I see de gal’ yalluh skin biggin fuh shine lukkuh dese yuh yalluh-belly cootuh, myself git eensult, en’ I lef’ ’e ma’ house, ’cause I is a lady, suh, en’ dat is a ondeestunt gal!”