THE STORY TOLD BY THE TAILOR.
A citizen of this city did me the honour, two days ago, to invite me to a treat, which he was to give to his friends yesterday morning. Accordingly, I went pretty early, and found twenty persons waiting.
The master of the house was gone out upon some business, but in a very little time came home, and brought with him a young man, a stranger, well dressed, and very handsome, but lame. When he came in, we all rose, and, out of respect to the master of the house, invited the young gentleman to sit down with us upon the sofa. He was going to sit down; but all on a sudden, spying a barber in our company, he flew backwards, and made towards the door. The master of the house being surprised, stopped him: Where are you going? said he; I brought you along with me to do me the honour of being my guest, and you are no sooner got into my house than you run away again. Sir, said the young man, for God's sake do not stop me, let me go; I cannot, without horror, look upon that abominable barber; though he was born in a country where all the natives are whites, he resembles an Ethiopian; and when all is come to all, his soul is yet blacker, and yet more horrible than his face.
We were, continued the tailor, surprised to hear the young man speak so, and began to have a very bad opinion of the barber, without knowing what ground the young man had for what he said. Nay, we protested we would not suffer any one to remain in our company who bore so horrid a character. The master of the house entreated the stranger to tell us what reason he had for hating the barber. Gentlemen, said the young man, you must know that this cursed barber is the cause of my being lame, and of the most cruel accident that any one can imagine: for this reason, I have made an oath to avoid every place where he dwells. It was for this reason that I left Bagdad, where he then was, and travelled so far to settle in this city, in the heart of Great Tartary, a place where I flattered myself I should never see him; and now, after all, contrary to my expectations, I find him here. This obliges me, gentlemen, against my will, to deprive myself of the honour of being merry with you. This very day I take leave of your town, and will go, if possible, to hide me from him. This said, he would have left us, but the master entreated him to stop, and tell the cause of his aversion to the barber, who all this while looked down, and said nothing. We joined with the master of the house in requesting him to stay; and at last the young man, yielding to our instances, sat down upon the sofa; and, after turning his back to the barber, that he might not see him, gave us the following account.
My father's quality might have entitled him to the highest posts in the city of Bagdad, but he always preferred a quiet life to any honours he might deserve. I was his only child; and, when he died, I was already educated, and of age to dispose of the plentiful fortune he had left me, which I did not squander away foolishly, but applied to such uses, that every body respected me. I had never been in love, and was so far from being sensible of that passion, that I acknowledge, perhaps to my shame, that I cautiously avoided the conversation of women. One day, walking in the streets, I saw a great company of ladies before me, and, that I might not meet them, turned down a narrow lane just by, and sat down upon a bench by a door. I sat over against a window, where stood a pot with pretty flowers; and I had my eyes fixed upon this, when, all on a sudden, the window opened, and a young lady appeared, whose beauty was dazzling. Immediately she cast her eyes upon me; and, in watering the flower-pot with a hand whiter than alabaster, looked upon me with a smile that inspired me with as much love for her as I had formerly an aversion for all women. After having watered all her flowers, and darting upon me a glance full of charms that quite pierced my heart, she shut up the window again, and so left me in inconceivable trouble and disorder.
I had dwelt upon these thoughts long enough, had not a noise in the streets brought me to myself: alarmed thus, I turned my head in a rising posture, and saw it was the upper cadi of the city, mounted on a mule, and attended by five or six servants. He alighted at the door of the house where the young lady had opened the window, and went in there; so I concluded he was the young lady's father.
I went home in a different sort of humour from that in which I came, with a passion which was the mere violent as I had never felt before its assaults. In fine, I went to bed in a violent fever, at which all the family was greatly concerned. My relations, who had a great love for me, were so alarmed and moved at my sudden disorder, that they came about me, and importuned me to know the cause, which I took care not to reveal to them. My silence created an uneasiness which the physicians could not dispel, because they knew nothing of my distemper, and rather inflamed than repaired it, by the medicines they exhibited. My relations began to despair of my life, when a certain old lady of our acquaintance, learning my illness, came to see me. She considered and examined every thing with great attention, and dived, I do not know how, into the real cause of my illness. Then she took my relations aside, and desired they would retire from the room. When the room was clear, she sat down on the side of my bed: My child, said she, you are very obstinate in concealing hitherto the cause of your illness; but you have no occasion to reveal it to me, I have experience enough to penetrate into a secret; you will not surely disown that it is love that makes you sick. I can find a way to cure you, if you but let me know who the happy lady is that could move a heart so insensible as yours; for you have the name of a woman-hater, and I was not the last that perceived you to be of that temper; but, in short, what I foresaw has just come to pass, and am now glad of the opportunity to employ my talents in bringing you out of pain.
The old lady, having talked to me in this fashion, paused, expecting my answer; but, though what she had said made a strong impression upon me, I durst not lay open to her the bottom of my heart; I only turned to her, and fetched a deep sigh without saying any thing. Is it bashfulness, said she, that keeps you from speaking? or is it want of confidence in me? Do not doubt the effect of my promise. I could mention to you an infinite number of young men of your acquaintance, that have been in the same condition with you, and have received relief from me. In fine, the good lady told me so many things more, that I broke silence, declared to her my evil, pointed out to her the place where I had seen the object which caused it, and unravelled all the circumstances of my adventure. If you succeed, said I, and procure me the felicity of seeing that charming beauty, and revealing to her the passion with which I burn for her, you may depend upon it I will be grateful. My son, said the old woman, I know the lady you speak of; she is, as you judged right, the daughter of the first cadi of the city: I think it no wonder that you are in love with her; she is the handsomest, comeliest lady in Bagdad; but what I most boggle at is, that she is very proud and of difficult access. You see how strict our judges are in enjoining the punctual observance of the severe laws that lay women under such a burdensome constraint; and they are yet more strict in the observation of their own families: nay, the cadi you saw is more rigid than all the other magistrates put together. They are always preaching to their daughters what a heinous crime it is to show themselves to men; and by this means the girls themselves are so prepossessed with the notion, that they make no other use of their own eyes than to conduct them along the streets when necessity obliges them to go abroad. I do not say absolutely that the cadi's daughter is of that humour; but I still fear to meet with as great obstacles on her side as on her father's. Would to God you had loved some other lady, then I had not had so many difficulties to surmount. However, I shall employ all my wits to compass the thing; but time is required. In the mean time, take heart, and trust to me.
The old woman took leave; and as I weighed within myself all the obstacles she had been talking of, the fear of her not succeeding inflamed my illness. Next day she came again, and I read in her countenance that she had no favourable news to impart. She spoke thus: My child, I was not mistaken in the matter; I have somewhat else to conquer besides the vigilance of a father; you love an indifferent, insensible girl, who takes pleasure in making those to burn with love that suffer themselves to be charmed by her; when she has once gained that point, she will not deign them the least comfort. She heard me with pleasure, when I spoke of nothing but the torment she had made you undergo; but I had no sooner requested her to allow you to see, and converse with her, than, with a terrible look, You are very bold, said she, to make such a proposal to me; I discharge you ever to see me again with such discourse in your mouth.
Do not let this cast you down, continued she, I am not easily disheartened; and if your patience does but hold out, I am hopeful I shall compass my end. To shorten my story, said the young man, this good procuress made several attempts on my behalf with the proud enemy of my rest. The fret I thereby underwent inflamed my distemper to that degree that my physicians gave me quite over; so that I was looked on as a dead man, when the old woman came to give me life.
That nobody might hear what was said, she whispered in my ear, Remember now you owe me a present for the good news I bring you. These words produced a marvellous effect; I raised myself to sit up in the bed, and with transports made answer, You shall not be without a present: but what are the news you bring me? Dear sir, said she, you shall not die yet: I shall speedily have the pleasure to see you in perfect health, and very well satisfied with me. Yesterday being Monday, I went to see the lady you love, and found her in very good humour. I put on a sad countenance, and fetched many deep sighs, and began to squeeze out some tears: My good mother, said she, what is the matter with you? Why are you so cast down? Alas, my dear and honourable lady, said I, I have been just now with the young gentleman I spoke to you of the other day; his business is done; he is giving up his life for the love of you; it is a great injury, I assure you, and there is a great deal of cruelty on your side. I am at a loss to know, replied she, how you suppose me to be the cause of his death. How can I have contributed to it? How, replied I, did not you tell me the other day that he sat down before your window when you opened it to water your flower-pot? He then saw that prodigy of beauty, those charms that your looking-glass represents to you every day. From that moment he languished, and his disease is risen to that height, that he is reduced to the deplorable condition I have mentioned.
You remember well, added I, how rigorously you treated me the last time I was here, when I was offering to speak to you of his illness, and to propose means to rescue him from the danger he was in; when I took leave of you, I went straight to his house, and he no sooner knew by my countenance that I had brought him no favourable answer than his distemper increased. From that time, madam, he is ready to die, and I do not know whether you can save his life now, though you should take pity on him. This is just what I said to her, continued the old woman. The fear of your death shaked her, and I saw her face change colour. Is it true what you say? said she. Has he actually no other disease than what is occasioned by the love of me? Ah, madam, said I, that is too true; would to God it were false! Do you believe, said she, that the hope of seeing me would contribute any thing to rescue him from the danger he is in? Perhaps it may, said I, and if you will give me orders, I will try the remedy. Well, said she, sighing, make him hope to see me; but he can pretend to no other favours from me, unless he aspires to marry me, and my father gives his consent to it. Madam, replied I, your goodness overcomes me: I will go and see for the young gentleman, and tell him he is to have the pleasure of an interview with you: the most proper time I can think of, said she, for granting him that favour, is next Friday, at the time of noon-prayers. Let him take care to observe when my father goes out, and then come and plant himself over against the house, if so be his health permits him to come abroad. When he comes, I shall see him through my window, and shall come down and open the door to him; we shall then converse together during prayer-time, but he must be gone before my father returns.
It is now Tuesday, continued the old gentlewoman, you have till Friday to recruit your strength, and make the necessary dispositions for the interview. While the good old gentlewoman was telling her story, I felt my illness decrease, or rather, by the time she had done, I found myself perfectly well. Here, take this, said I, reaching out to her my purse, which was full, it is to you alone that I owe my cure. I reckon this money better employed than what I gave to the physicians, who have done nothing but tormented me during the whole course of my illness. When the lady was gone, I found I had strength enough to get up; and my relations, finding me so well, complimented me and went home.
On Friday morning the old woman came just when I was dressing myself, and laying out the finest clothes I had; I do not ask you, says she, how you do; what you are about is intimation enough of your health; but will you not bathe before you go to the first cadi's house? That will take up too much time, said I; I will content myself with calling a barber to get my head and beard shaved. Presently I ordered one of my slaves to call a barber that could do his business cleverly and expeditiously. The slave brought me this wretch you see here, who came in, and after saluting me, Sir, said he, you look as if you were not very well. I told him I was just recovered from a fit of sickness: I wish, said he, God may deliver you from all mischance; may his grace always go along with you. I hope, said I, he will grant your wish, for which I am very much obliged to you. Since you are recovering, said he, I pray God preserve your health; but now pray let us know what service I am to do; I have brought my razors and my lancets; do you desire to be shaved or to be bled? I replied, I am just recovered of a fit of sickness, and so you may readily judge I only want to be shaved: come, make haste, do not lose time in prattling, for I am in haste, and precisely at noon must be at a certain place.
The barber spent much time in opening his case, and preparing his razors: instead of putting water into the bason, he took a very handsome astrolabe out of his budget, and went very gravely out of my room to the middle of the yard to take the height of the sun; then he returned with the same grave pace, and, entering my room, Sir, said he, you will be pleased to know this day is Friday the 18th of the month Saffar, in the year 653, [Footnote: This year 653 is one of the Hegira, the common epocha of the Mahometans, and answers to the year 1255, from the nativity of Christ; from whence we may conjecture that these computations were made in Arabia about that time.] from the retreat of our great prophet from Mecca to Medina, and in the year 7320 [Footnote: As for the year 7320, the author is mistaken in that computation. The year 653 of the Hegira, and the 1255 of Christ, coincide only with the 1557 of the aera or the epocha of the Selucides, which is the same with that of Alexander the Great, who is called Iskender with two horns, according to the expression of the Arabians.] of the epocha of the great Iskender with two horns; and that the conjunction of Mars and Mercury signifies you cannot choose a better time than this very day for being shaved. But, on the other hand, the same conjunction is a bad presage to you. I learn from thence, that this day you run a great risk, not indeed of losing your life, but of an inconvenience which will attend you while you live. You are obliged to me for the advice I now give you to take care to avoid it; I should be sorry if it befel you.
You may guess, gentlemen, how sorry I was for having fallen into the hands of such a prattling impertinent barber; what an unseasonable adventure it was for a lover preparing for an interview! I was quite angry. I do not trouble my head, said I, in anger, with your advice and predictions, nor did I call you to consult your astrology; you came here to shave me, so pray do it, or be gone, and I will call another barber. Sir, said he, with a dulness that put me out of all patience, what reason have you to be angry with me? You do not know that all barbers are not like me, and that you could scarcely find such another, if you made it your business to search. You only sent for a barber: but here, in my person, you have the best barber in Bagdad; an experienced physician, a very profound chemist, an infallible astrologer, a finished grammarian, a complete orator, a subtle logician, a mathematician perfectly conversant in geometry, arithmetic, astronomy, and all the divisions of algebra; an historian fully master of the histories of all the kingdoms of the universe; besides, I know all parts of philosophy, and have all the traditions upon my finger ends. I am a poet, an architect, nay, what is it I am not? there is nothing in nature hidden from me. Your deceased father, to whose memory I pay a tribute of tears every time I think of him, was fully convinced of my merit; he was fond of me, and spoke of me in all companies as the greatest man in the world. Out of gratitude and friendship for him, I am willing to take you into my protection, and guard you from all the evils that your stars may threaten.
At hearing this stuff, I could not forbear laughing, notwithstanding my anger. You impertinent prattler, said I, will you have done, and begin to shave me?
Sir, replied the barber to me, you affront me in calling me a prattler; on the contrary, all the world gives me the honourable title of Silent. I had six brothers that you might justly have called prattlers; and that you may know them the better, the name of the first was Bacbouc, of the second Backbarah of the third Backback, of the fourth Barbarak, of the fifth Alnaschar, of the sixth Schacabac. These indeed were impertinent noisy fellows; but as for me, who am a younger brother, I am grave and concise in my discourses.
For God's sake, gentlemen, do but suppose you had been in my place. What could I say when I felt myself so cruelly tortured? Give him three pieces of gold, said I to the slave that was my housekeeper, and send him away, that he may disturb me no more; I will not be shaved this day. Sir, said the barber, what do you mean by that? I did not come to seek for you, it was you that sent for me; and since it is so, I swear by the faith of a Mussulman, I will not stir out of these doors till I have shaved you: if you do not know my value, that is not my fault. Your deceased father did me more justice. Every time he sent for me to let blood, he made me sit down by him, and was charmed to hear the fine things I talked of. I kept him in a continual strain of admiration, and ravished him; when I had finished my discourses, My God, would he cry, you are an inexhaustible source of sciences; no man can reach the depth of your knowledge. My dear sir, said I again, you do me more honour than I deserve: If I say any thing that is fine, it is owing to the favourable audience you vouchsafe me; it is your liberality that inspires me with the sublime thoughts that have the happiness to please you. One day, when he was charmed with an admirable discourse I had made, Give him, says he, an hundred pieces of gold, and invest him with one of my richest robes. I received the present upon the spot, and presently I drew his horoscope, and found it the happiest in the world. Nay, I was grateful still, and bled him with cupping glasses.
This was not all: The barber spinned out, besides, another harangue that was a half hour long. Fatigued with hearing him, and fretted at the time which was spent before I was half ready, I did not know what to say. No, said I, it is impossible there should be such another man in the world, that takes pleasure, as you do, in making people mad.
I thought that I should succeed better if I dealt mildly with my barber. In the name of God, said I, leave off all your fine discourses, and despatch me presently; I am called to attend an affair of the last importance, as I have told you already. Then he fell a laughing: It would be a laudable thing, said he, if our minds were always in the same strain; if we were wise and prudent: however, I am willing to believe, that if you are angry with me, it is your distemper which has caused that change in your humour; and, for that reason, you stand in need of some instructions, and you cannot do better than follow the example of your father and grandfather. They came and consulted me upon all occasions; and I can say, without vanity, that they always extolled my council. Pray, recollect, sir, men never succeed in their enterprises without having recourse to the advice of quick-sightedmen. The proverb tells you, a man cannot be wise without receiving advice from the wise. I am entirely at your service, and you have nothing to do but command me.
What! cannot I prevail with you then? said I, interrupting him. Leave off these long discourses which tend to nothing but to split my head to pieces, and to detain me from the place where my business lies. Shave me, I say, or be gone; with that I started up in a huff, stamping my foot against the ground.
When he saw I was angry in earnest; Sir, said he, do not be angry, we are going to begin soon. He washed my head, and fell a shaving me; but he had not given me four sweeps of his razor, when he stopped, saying, Sir, you are hasty, you should avoid these transports that come only from the devil. Besides, my merit speaks that you ought to have some more consideration for me, with respect to my age, my knowledge, and my shining virtues.
Go on and shave me, said I, interrupting him again, and do not speak. That is to say, replies he, you have some urgent business to go about; I will lay you a wager I guess right. Why, I told you so these two hours, said I, you ought to have done before now. Moderate your passion, replied he, perhaps you have not maturely weighed what you are going about: when things are done precipitately, they are generally repented of. I wish you would tell me what mighty business this is you are so earnest upon: I would tell you my opinion of it: besides, you have time enough, since your appointment is not till noon, and it wants three hours of that yet. I do not mind that, said I; persons of honour, and of their word, are rather before their time than after. But I forget that, in amusing myself by reasoning with you, I give into the faults of you prattling barbers: have done, have done, shave me.
The more haste I was in, the less haste he made: he laid down the razor, and took up his astrolabe; this done, he even laid down the astrolabe, and took up his razor again. The barber quitted his razor again, and took up his astrolabe, a second time; and so left me, half shaved, to go and see precisely what o'clock it was. Back he came, and then, Sir, said he, I knew I was not mistaken, it wants three hours of noon, I am sure of it, or else all the rules of astronomy are false. Just Heaven! cried I, my patience is at an end, I can forbear no longer. You cursed barber, you barber of mischief, I do not know what holds me from falling upon you, and strangling you. Softly, sir, said he, very calmly, without being moved by my passion: you are not afraid of a relapse: do not be in a passion, I am going to serve you this minute. On speaking these words, he clapped his astrolabe in his case, took up his razor, which he had fixed to his belt, and fell a shaving again: but, all the while he shaved me, the dog could not forbear prattling. If you please, sir, said he, to tell me what business it is you are going about, I could give you some advice that may be of use to you. To satisfy the fellow, I told him I was going to meet some friends who were to regale me at noon, and make merry with me upon the recovery of my health.
When the barber heard me talk of regaling, God bless you this day as well as all other days, cried he: you put me in mind that yesterday I invited four or five friends to come and eat with me this day: indeed I had forgot it, and I have as yet made no preparation for them. Do not let that trouble you. said I; though I dine abroad, my house is always well provided. I make you a present of what is in it; nay, besides, I will order you as much wine as you may have occasion for, for I have excellent wine in my cellar; only despatch the shaving of me presently, and pray do not mind it; whereas my father made you presents to encourage you to speak, I give you mine to make you hold your peace.
He was not satisfied with the promise I made him: God reward you, sir, said he, for your kindness; but pray show me these provisions now, that I may see if there will be enough to entertain my friends: I would have them satisfied with the good fare I make them. I have, said I, a lamb, six capons, a dozen of pullets, and enough to make four services of. I ordered a slave to bring them all before him, with four great pitchers of wine. It is very well, said the barber, but we shall want fruit, and sauce for the meat: that I ordered likewise; but then he gave over shaving to look over every thing one after another; and this survey lasted almost half an hour. I raged, and stormed, and went mad, but it signified nothing, the coxcomb never troubled himself. He, however, took up his razor again, and shaved me for some moments; then stopping all on a sudden, I could not have believed, sir, that you would have been so liberal; I begin to perceive that your deceased father lives again in you: most certainly I do not deserve the favours with which you have loaded me; and I assure you I shall have them in perpetual remembrance: for, sir, to let you know it, I have nothing but what comes from the generosity of honest gentlemen, such as you; in which point I am like to Zantout that rubs the people in bathing; to Sali that cries boiled pease in the streets: to Salout that sells beans; to Akerscha that sells greens; to Amboumecarez that sprinkles the streets to lay the dust, and to Cassem the caliph's life-guard man. Of all these persons, not one is apt to be made melancholy; they are neither peevish nor quarrelsome; they are more contented with their lot than the caliph in the midst of his court; they are always gay, ready to dance and to sing, and have each of them their peculiar song and dance, with which they divert the city of Bagdad: but what I esteem most in them is, that they are no great talkers, no more than your slave that has now the honour to speak to you. Here, sir, that is the song and dance of Zantout, who rubs the people in baths: mind me, pray, and see if I do not imitate it exactly.
The barber sung the song and danced the dance of Zantout; and though I did what I could to make an end to his buffoonery, he did not give over till he had imitated, in like manner, the songs and dances of the other people he had named. After that, addressing himself to me, I am going, says he, to invite all these honest persons to my house: if you take my advice, you will join with us, and balk your friends yonder, who perhaps are noisy prattlers, that will only teaze you to death with their nauseous discourses, and make you fall into a distemper worse than that you so lately recovered of; whereas, at my house, you shall have nothing but pleasure.
Notwithstanding my anger, I could not forbear laughing at the fellow's impertinence. I wish I had no business upon my hands, said I; if I had not, I would accept of the proposal you make me; I would go with all my heart to be merry with you, but I beg to be excused, I am too much engaged this day; another day I shall be more at leisure, and then we shall make up that company. Come, have done shaving me, and make haste to return home; perhaps your friends are already come to your house. Sir, said he, do not refuse me the favour I ask of you; come and be merry with the good company I am to have; if you were but once in our company, you would be so well pleased with it, you would forsake your friends to come to us: let us talk no more of that, said I, I cannot be your guest.
I found I gained no ground upon him by mild terms. Since you will not come to my house, replied the barber, then pray let me go along with you; I will go and carry these things to my house, where my friends may eat of them if they like them, and I will return immediately; I would not be so uncivil as to leave you alone; you deserve this complaisance at my hands. Heavens! cried I, then I shall not get clear of this troublesome man this day. In the name of the living God, said I, leave off your unreasonable jargon: go to your friends, drink, eat, and be merry with them, and leave me at liberty to go to mine. I have a mind to go alone, I have no occasion for company: besides, I must needs tell you, the place to which I go is not a place where you can be received; nobody must come there but me. You jest, sir, said he; if your friends have invited you to a feast, why should you hinder me to accompany you? You will please them, I am sure, by carrying thither a man that can speak comically like me, and knows how to divert company agreeably: but, say what you will, the thing is resolved upon; I will go along with you in spite of your teeth.
These words, gentlemen, made me very uneasy. How shall I get rid of this cursed barber? thought I to myself. If I do not snub him roundly, we shall never have done contesting. Besides, I heard then the first call to noon-prayers, and it was time for me to go. In fine, I resolved to say nothing at all, and to make as if I consented to his proposal. By that time he had done shaving me; then said I to him, Take some of my servants to carry these provisions along with you, and return hither; I will stay for you, and shall not go without you. At last he went, and I dressed myself nimbly. I heard the last call to prayers; and made haste to set out: but the malicious barber, jealous of my intention, went with my servants only within sight of the house, and stood there till he saw them enter his house; having hid himself upon the turning of a street, with intent to observe and follow me. In fine, when I arrived at the cadi's door, I looked back and saw him at the head of the street, which fretted me to the last degree.
The cadi's door was half open, and as I went in, I saw an old woman waiting for me, who, after she had shut the door, conducted me to the chamber of the young lady I was in love with: but we had scarcely begun our interview, when we heard a noise in the street. The young lady put her head to the window, and saw through the grate that it was the cadi, her father, returning already from prayers. At the same time, I looked through the window, and saw the barber sitting over against the house in the same place where I had before seen the young lady.
I had then two things to fear, the arrival of the cadi, and the presence of the barber. The young lady mitigated my fear of the first, by assuring me the cadi came but very seldom to her chamber; and, as she had foreseen that this misadventure might happen, she had contrived a way to convey me out safe; but the indiscretion of the accursed barber made me very uneasy; and you shall hear that this my uneasiness was not without ground.
As soon as the cadi came in, he caned one of his slaves that deserved it. The slave made horrid shouts, which were heard in the streets; the barber thought it was I that cried out, and that I was maltreated. Prepossessed with this thought, he screamed out most fearfully, rent his clothes, threw dust upon his head, and called the neighbourhood to his assistance. The neighbourhood came, and asked what ailed him, and what relief he wanted that they could give? Alas! cried he, they are assassinating my master, my dear patron: and, without saying any other thing, he ran all the way to my house with the very same cry in his mouth. From thence he returned, followed by all my domestics, armed with batoons. They knocked with inconceivable fury at the cadi's door, and the cadi sent a slave to see what was the matter; but the slave being frightened, returned to his master, crying, Sir, above ten thousand men are going to break into your house by force.
Immediately the cadi ran himself, opened the door, and asked what they wanted? His venerable presence could not inspire them with respect: they insolently said to him, You cursed cadi, you dog of a cadi, what reason have you to assassinate our master? What has he done to you? Good people, replied the cadi, for what should I assassinate your master, whom I do not know, and who has done no offence? My house is open to you, come see and search. You bastinadoed him, said the barber; I heard his cries not above a minute ago. But pray, replies the cadi, what offence could your master do to me, to oblige me to use him after that rate? Is he in my house? If he is, how came he in, or who could have introduced him? Ah! wretched cadi cried the barber, you and your long beard shall never make me believe what you say. What I say I know to be true; your daughter is in love with our master, and gave him a meeting during the time of noon-prayers; you, without doubt, have had notice of it; you returned home, and surprised him, and made your slave bastinado him: but this your wicked action shall not pass with impunity; the caliph shall be acquainted with it, and he shall give true and brief justice. Let him come out; deliver him to us immediately: or if you do not, we will go in and take him from you, to your shame. There is no occasion for so many words, replied the cadi, nor to make so great a noise: if what you say is true, go in and find him out, I give you free liberty. Thereupon the barber and my domestics rushed into the house like furies, and looked for me all about.
When I heard all that the barber said to the cadi, I sought for a place to hide myself, and could find nothing but a great empty trunk, in which I lay down, and shut it upon me. The barber, after he had searched every where, came into the chamber where I was, and opening the trunk, as soon as he saw me, he took it upon his head, and carried it away. He came down a high stair-case into a court, which he went through very speedily, and got to the street. While he carried me, the trunk unhappily opened, and I, not being able to endure to be exposed to the view and shouts of the mob that followed us, leaped out into the street with so much haste that I hurt my leg, so as I have been lame ever since. I was not sensible how bad it was at first, and therefore got up quickly to get away from the people, who laughed at me; nay, I threw handfuls of gold and silver among them, and, whilst they were gathering it up, I made my escape by cross streets and alleys. But the cursed barber, improving the stratagem that I made use of to get away from the mob, followed me close, crying, Stay, sir, why do you run so fast? If you knew how much I am afflicted at the ill treatment you received from the cadi, you who are so generous a person, and to whom I and my friends are so much obliged! Did not I tell you truly that you would expose your life by your obstinate refusal to let me go with you? See now what has happened to you by your own fault; and if I had not resolutely followed you to see whither you went, what would have become of you? Whither do you go then, sir? stay for me.
Thus the wretched barber cried aloud in the streets; it was not enough for him to have occasioned so great a scandal in the quarter of the cadi, but he would have it be known through the whole town. I was in such a rage that I had a great mind to have staid and cut his throat; but considering that would have perplexed me further, I chose another course; for perceiving that his calling after me exposed me to vast numbers of people, who crowded to the doors or windows, or stopped in the streets, to gaze on me, I entered into a khan or inn, the chamberlain of which knew me; and finding him at the gate, whither the noise had brought him, I prayed him, for the sake of Heaven, to hinder that madman from coming in after me. He promised to do so, and was as good as his word, but not without a great deal of trouble, for the obstinate barber would go in, in spite of him, and did not retire without calling him a thousand ill names; and after the chamberlain shut the gate, the barber continued telling the mob what great service he had done me. Thus I rid myself of that troublesome fellow.
After that, the chamberlain prayed me to tell him my adventure, which I did, and then desired him to let me have an apartment until I was cured: But, sir, says he, would it not be more convenient for you to go home? I will not return thither, said I; for the detestable barber will continue plaguing me there, and I shall die of vexation to be continually teazed with him. Besides, after what has befallen me to-day, I cannot think of staying any longer in this town; I must go whither my ill fortune leads me. And actually, when I was cured, I took all the money I thought necessary for my travels, and divided the remainder of my estate among my kindred.
Thus, gentlemen, I left Bagdad, and came hither. I had ground to hope that I should not meet this pernicious barber in a country so far from my own, and yet I found him amongst you. Do not be surprised, then, at my haste to be gone; you may easily judge how disgusting to me the sight of a man is who was the occasion of my lameness, and of my being reduced to the melancholy necessity of living at so great a distance from my kindred, friends, and country.
When the lame young man had spoken these words, he rose, and went out: the master of the house conducted him to the gate, and told him he was sorry that he had given him, though innocently, so great a subject of mortification.
When the young man was gone, continued the tailor, we were all astonished at the story; and turning to the barber, told him he was very much in the wrong, if what we had just now heard was true. Gentlemen, answered he, raising up his head, which till then he had held down, my silence during the young man's discourse is enough to testify that he advanced nothing but what was really true; but, notwithstanding all that he has said to you, I maintain that I ought to have done what I did; I leave yourselves to be judges of it. Did not he throw himself into danger, and could he have come off so well without my assistance? He was too happy to escape with a lame leg. Did not I expose myself to a greater danger in getting him out of a house where I thought he was ill-treated? Has he any reason to complain of me, and to give me so many bad words? This is what one gets by serving unthankful people. He accuses me of being a prattling fellow, which is a mere slander. Of seven brothers, I am he who speaks the least, and have most wit for my share; and, to convince you of it, gentlemen, I need only tell my own story and theirs. Honour me, I beseech you, with your attention.