The Covent Garden Theatre, or Pasquin Turn'd Drawcansir

by Charles Macklin

Act. 2.

Enter. All the Characters.

Pas. Gentlemen and Ladies, pray take Your Places, and now Marforio make your return.

Mar. Why, this being Masquerade Night there are no Drums or Routs. So we have taken up but a very few— But, as I return’d me Guide led me to the other Play House, from whence, by the unanimous Consent of the Audience I have brought away a disorderly Lady.

Pas. Produce her.

Marforio brings on Miss Giggle.

Miss Brill. Miss Giggle as I live, dear Creature what brings you here?

Gig. This Exotic Gentleman, by an Authority from Apollo, as he says——

Omn. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Pas. Pray what is the Lady’s Offence?

Mar. Disturbing the Audience.

Pas. In what manner.

Gig. Why, I’ll tell you M^r. Pasquin. You must know the Play was a Tragedy; and several of the Audience were ridiculous enough to cry at it— And so S^r. Charles Empty and I were diverting Our selves with laughing at the various Strange Tragical Faces the Animals, exhibited, that’s all.

Omn. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Gig. Upon this the Goths fell a hissing— & cry’d out— out— out—

S^r. Eter. O the Savages!

Mar. But there is a further Charge against this Lady; She is said to be a common Nusance at the Theatres; and that She frequently Sets the whole House in a Titter to the Confusion of the Actors, & the general disturbance of the Audience, by constantly exposing her Nudities to Publick View, contrary to the Ideas of female Modesty, and the Laws of Decency.

Miss Dy. O fye Seignior, how can you make use of so indelicate an Expression. A Lady’s Nudities, why, you might as well have said— I vow it is almost plain English, I protest such an Expression is enough to get your Farce hiss’d off the Stage—

Pas. I am extremely Sorry the Phrase offends your Ladyship, but if you will Substitute any other.

Dia. I think M^r. Drawcansir when those Objects are to be expos’d that— a Lady’s Proturberances, her Snow balls, or her Lover’s Amusements— wou’d be much more delicate.

S^r. Rog. You are very right Madam, and if they happen to be of the immense kind— Cupid’s Kettle Drums M^r. Pasquin, wou’d not be an— unelegant Phrase, ha, ha, ha.

Omn. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Pas. Your Ladyship is quite right, go on with the Charge.

Mar. That the moment this Lady appears in the Boxes the grave part of the fair Sex are seen to put their Fans before their Faces; and are heard to whisper one another— Lud what an indecent Sight Miss Giggle’s Neck is— It is really quite obscene! I wonder somebody does not tell her of it, then the Men, they are all in a high Grin; and the Smarts are frequently heard to roar out— O Gad— they are ravishingly White, and smooth as polish’d Marble!

Dia. M^r. Pasquin observing upon the whiteness or smoothness of a Lady’s Circumstances is not so Chaste as I cou’d wish.

Pas. Your Ladyship is in the Right, pray omit those Amorous Exclamations; for tho’ they may be the genuin Language of the Smarts, and may be thought Wit and Humour amongst themselves, yet upon the Stage such warm Expressions will be Condemned.

Gig. Well, M^r. Pasquin, what is Your Highness’s Censure upon this dreadfull Affair. ha, ha, ha.

Pas. Upon my word Madam, I see no Crime in a desire to please; which I suppose was Your Ladyship’s Motive. on the Contrary, I have always heard it asserted by the Iudicious in dress, that a fine Woman can never shew too much—

Gig. Sir I am infinitely Obliged to you, (bowing very low)[B] for your Compliment.

Dia. M^r. Pasquin, you will forfeit my good Opinion— I assure you, if you encourage such proceedings. This Lady’s indecency is remarkable, and, for public Example, you ought to have Satyriz’d her severely; for there are a Set of them go about on purpose to Exhibit as the Men Phrase it.

S^r. Rog. You are very right Madam and if there be not a stop put to it, they may in time become Adamites, and go without so much as a Fig leaf.

Pas. It is a very great Offence against the Laws of Decency to be sure Madam, and in my next Piece I shall give the Coquets no Quarter.— Your next Culprit Marfario.

Mar. I as Extraordinary a ffigure as ever was Exhibited upon a Theatre. here, Desire that naked Lady to walk in.

Dia. O Heav’ns! a naked Lady:— Why sure M^r. Pasquin, you don’t mean to expose such an Object.

S^r. Rog. Zounds, let her come in.

Omn. Ay, ay,   produce her, produce her.

S^r. Rog. Lets have her. lets have her! of all things let us have a naked Lady— If she be— handsome Pasquin I’ll engage your Farce runs a hundred Nights— I’ll hold a Hogshead of Claret to a Gill, she pleases more than the Ostrich.

S^r. Et: Why, M^r. Pasquin, you will frighten all the Ladies out of the Boxes. I see several of them now that are ready to faint at the bare Idea of a naked Object.

Pas. You need not fear S^r. Eternal, there shall be nothing exhibited by me offensive to decency or Modesty! Pray lett the Lady walk in, she will be the best Apology for the Expression.

Enter. Lady Lucy Loveit in a Venetian mask, dress’d in a very short Pet: en l’air[C] Slippers, no Stays, her Neck bare, in a Compleat Morning Dress of a very high-bread Woman of Quality.

L^y. Lucy. Iack Hydra (running up to him) do you know me? Miss Brilliant Your Servant— what you are come to see the New Farce? you never miss a first Night I think— well what is to become of poor Pasquin, damn’d I Suppose.

Brill. Inevitably Madam unless the Spirit of your Character saves him.

L^y. Lucy. O your Servant Madam— Miss Giggle shall wee see you at the Masquerade to Night?

Gigg. Certainly— who can She be? She is very elegantly dress’d.

Hyd. By all that’s whimsical it is Lady Lucy, come, come, unmask, unmask, there is no veiling the Sun.

L^y. Lucy. O you fulsome Creature [she unmasks] from what Antiquated Romance did you Steal that vile Compliment.

Omn. Lady Lucy.

L^y. Lucy. Ladies your Servant. do you know that I am immensly delighted at meeting so much good Company here?

Hyd: You dear Romantic Angel, what brought you hither thus equipt?

L^y. Lucy. My dear, I am dress’d for the Masquerade; and was just Steping into my Chair to go to Lady High-Lifes; who Sees Masks to night, when this worthy Weight, with great Civility, told me he had a Warrant from Apollo to take up all disorderly Persons, and said I must go before Monsieur Drawcansir, the Censor of Great Britain.

Omn. Ridiculous.

L^y. Lucy. I was pleas’d with the Conceit; so hither I am come to attend his Worship.

Hyd. You dear Wild Creature.

L^y. Lucy. Have you had any Sport.

Hyd. Infinite— we have had such hissing, and clapping and laughing— poor Pasquin has been roasted devilishly.

L^y. Lucy. O Lud, I am Sorry for that. prithee introduce me to him.

Hyd. M^r. Pasquin your Friend Marforio was mistaken in this Lady; she is a Woman of Fashion, the Celebrated Lady Lucy Loveit, who has made great part of the Tour of Europe in Cavalier.

Pas. Sir I have had the Honour of seeing the Lady Abroad, the last time I perform’d upon the Italian Theatre in Paris.

L^y. Lucy. Well M^r. Pasquin, tho’ I am brought before you, As an Offender, I am vastly glad to see you in England. perhaps they may not relish you at first but I am sure you will take when once the Canaille come to understand you. I’ll send you a thousand Anecdotes of my own Acquaintance. I will let you into the Secrets of every Intrigue, Family, and Character, from Pall. Mall to Grosvenor Square.

Pas. That will hit my plans exactly, Madam.

L^y. Lucy. I know it will [whispers to him] let me tell you there are some Characters present wou’d make Admirable Sport upon the Stage. there is Miss Single-Life, that pretended Old Maid is an immense fine one. I can give you all the Out-lines & some of the most glaring Colours of her Character.

Pas. Madam, I shall take it as a Singular Favour.

L^y. Lucy. I’ll give it aloud before her Face, as of another Person, M^r. Pasquin.

Pas. O dear Madam, that will be vastly kind, and quite polite.

L^y. Lucy. Miss Dy— My dear, I am going to describe a Character to Seignior Pasquin for his next piece.

Dia. Madam, the Company will be ineffably Oblig’d to you.

L^y. Lucy. You must know, my dear, the History of the Lady is this— Her Intellects are as odd and as aukward as her Person; her mind a Composition of Hypocrisy and Vanity; her Head, like the Study of Don Quixot, Stuffed with the exploded— Romances— of the two last Centuries— her Style the quaint Quintessence of Romantic Fustian, and her Manners those of a Princess in an Inchanted Castle.

Omn. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Dia. Your Ladyship has a most masterly Hand in Colouring.

L^y Lucy. The vain Creature endeavours to pass upon the World for five and twenty— A Maid & Strictly Virtuous— but is fifty at least— grey as a Badger— has had three Children— one by her Coachman— One by a Horse Granadier— and one by her present Friend— the tall Straping Irishman, whom they call the Captain. ha, ha, ha.

Omn. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Hyd. My dear Lady Lucy, you are the very Hogarth of Ridicule, there is no mistaking the— Original [apart] see, see poor Miss Dy. how She Miffs. the strapping Irishman was too plain.

Omn. Ha, ha, ha, ha, O too plain, too plain.

L^y. Lucy Not in the least, it will give the Old Lady a Complexion, She wants it, besides I was Indebted to her, for a full length She gave of me the other Day, to a Country Gentlewoman at Lady Tattle-Tongues

Miss Dia. There is no being blind to this. I must return the Civility [aside] And pray M^r. Pasquin let me recommend a Character to Your Worship.

Hyd. Ay, now, now for it Lady Lucy, She’ll [apart] draw your Likeness.

L^y. Lucy. Sir, She has my leave, tho’ She had the Talents of a Brugier with the Ill nature of a Swift.

Miss Dia. The Character I mean Sir, is not immaginary, invented by Slander and Malice, but a true Copy of a universally known Original, which is a trifling, wanton femal Rake: composed of Folly, rudeness, and Indecency. whose Vanity is in pursuit of ev’ry Fellow of Fashion She Sees, and whose Life is a continual Round of vain Inconstancy.

Omn. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

L^y Lucy. Very good out-lines upon Honour— I fancy her Malice will Stir up some tollerable Ideas— pray proceed Madam, ha, ha, ha, [laughing ridiculously & mimick’d by the other]

M. Dia. Ha, ha, ha, O Lud Madam, I intended it— I shall finish up the Picture to a perfect Resemblance, you may depend upon it. ha, ha, ha, ha.

L^y Lucy. Well, you are an agreeable, young, blooming, giddy Creature; and really Miss your little— youthfull prettiness becomes you. But Miss Dy— the Charactor, the Charactor— come I’ll Sit for you; to quicken your Ideas— you left off at vain Inconstancy.

Miss Dia. I did so Madam— and I will take it up at her affected Taste and Politeness if you please which Consist in praising ev’ry thing that’s Foreign and in constantly ridiculing the Customs and Manners of her own Country tho’ She herself is the most ridiculous Objection in the Nation. ha, ha.

Omn. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

L^y. Lucy. Admiral! I vow Miss Dy. You have a very Lively Immagination— at your Years, ha, ha, ha— and very Charecteristic. I am amazed You never writ a Comedy. ha— ha— ha— ha.

Miss Dia. When I do Madam, You may be sure I shall enliven it with Lady Lucy Loveit’s Character.

L^y. Lucy. She will be vastly Oblig’d to you— for you will certainly do it great Iustice.

S^r. Rog. Zounds Ladies have done with Your abuse and let the Farce go on; It was funny enough at First, but you continue it too long.

Com. Sir Roger is Right M^r. Pasquin; you have made your Ladies talk too much. and their Raillery was a little to plain.

Pas. I did that Sir on purpose to preserve a consistency of Character; for I thought it impossible, when Ladies were in a view of Slander, to make them Speak too plain, or too much.

Count Hunt-Bubble behind y^e Scenes

Count. Where is the Scoundrell? damn me, I’ll break the Rascal’s Head.

Officer. Knock him down— knock him down— take away his Sword— take away his Sword.

Pas. Some Quarrell I apprehend.

Count. You Scoundrells, I am a Gentleman, and I’ll run the first Man through that Offers to lay hold on me.

Dia. O Lud I am afraid there will be somebody kill’d.

Pas. I beg Pardon— We must Stop for a moment, something extraordinary has happen’d— I’ll go See what it is— Possibly Some Quarrel behind the Scenes [Ex: Pas.]

Count. How dare You— You Rascal— A Lady’s Character— knock him down— I’ll teach him to bring Gentlemen’s Character upon the Stage.

Pas. Pray Sir hear me,— I have not done it.

Count. Knock him down; beat him to Mummy.

Enter Pasquin disorder’d and Bloody.

Pas. Gentlemen, I hope you’ll protect me— You See how I am us’d.

Omn. What’s the matter, what’s the matter?

Pas. Why a Madman, being Spirited on by three or four Gamesters, drew his Sword upon me, and says I ought to be run through the Body, for bringing Gentlemen and Ladies’ Characters upon the Stage.

Hyd: Do you know the Gentleman?

Pas. Very well Sir; he is one M^r Strictland of Somersetshire

Hyd. Why the Man’s mad— Was it he wounded You?

Pas. No Sir, it was a Gentleman that is with Him, whom they call the Count, a great Gamester

Hyd. You shou’d have him Secur’d.

Pas. He is in Custody Sir.

S^r. Rog. Zounds let us have him brought before the Town.

Pas. Indeed, if I thought the Audience wou’d not be displeas’d at it, I wou’d bring him on, and expose him; for he is a common Gamester, tho’ he pretends to be a Man of Fashion.

Hyd. I dare say the Audience will be glad, and will like the Fun of It.

Pas. What do you Say Gentlemen? shall I bring him on? If you say the Word, I’ll have him examin’d upon the Stage, before you all.

S^r. Rog. Zounds, we are the Town, and we will have him on, whether you will or no.

Omn. Ay, ay, on, on, on, on, on.

Pas. Gentlemen— I thank you; Did not I tell you M^r. Hydra, that they wou’d Act their Parts with Universal Applause. Why Sir, the French Pit, Boxes, and Galleries, are nothing to the English for vivacity & Spirit, they cou’d not have Perform’d their Parts with half this Fun and good Humour. This now, Gentlemen is after the manner of Aristophanes, and the Italian Pasquinades. (Exit Pasquin)

Enter Pasquin immediately with
Count Hunt-Bubble in Mourning.

Pas. Sir you shall come before the Audience.

Count. Why, you Rascal, do you think I am afraid. Gentlemen and Ladies Your Servant [bowing to the Audience] I is a Fellow to be Countenanced in bringing Gentlemen’s Characters upon the Stage.

Pas. I am sure Sir, I shall be Iustifiable in bringing you upon the Stage. And so I have y^e Approbation of the Town, I don’t value what You or any Sharpor can do to me.

Count. Who Says I am a Sharpor.

Pas. The whole City of Westminster; By whom, Sir, amongst many others, You are Presented as a Nusance.

Gentlemen, I have a Petition here, in my hand, against him and several others, that will raise the utmost Indignation in every hones Breast— Which, with leave of the Audience, I will read. Is it Your Pleasure that I shou’d read it.

Omn. Ay, ay, read it, read it.

To his most Equitable & Satyrical Worship, Seignior Pasquin. Censor of Great Britain.

The humble Petition of Lord Love-Play, in Behalf of Himself and many others.

Sheweth.

“That your Petitioners were, by Descent, the lawful Inheritors of very great Fortunes; But, by the Arts and Combinations of the Noted Hunt-Bubble, and the Knot— And, by what is commonly called Playing all the Game, Your Petitioners have been stript of their large Possessions to the utter Ruin of themselves and their distressed Families.

“That your Petitioners, who once made the most Splendid Appearance at New Market, Whites, Georges, Bath, Tunbridge, and all Public Places, are now in the most deplorable Condition.

“From these Premises, Your Petitionors humbly pray that Your Equitable Worship will take their distress’d State into Consideration, and Decree such Redress as to Your Satyrical Worship shall seem meet—

“And your bubbled Petitioners shall ever pray.”

Com. M^r. Pasquin, your bringing such Men to Iustice, is a Public good, and deserves Public Thanks. They are Charactors that all Men destest, and that all Men wish to See punish’d.

Pas. Sir you don’t know half the Villany of these Men. Play, in its most Honourable Commerce, is a pernicious Vice, but as Luxury, Fashion and Avarice, have improved it all over Europe, It is now become an avow’d System of Fraud and Ruin. The virtuous and Honourable, who Scorn Advantage, are a constant Prey to the vicious and dishonourable, who never Play without one. nor does the Vice Stop here: For the Sharper having Stript his Bubble of his Estate, he next Corrupts his Mind, by making him a Decoy-Duck, in Order to retrieve his Fortune as he lost It. And, from an indegent Virtuous Bubble, the Noble Youth becomes an Affluent vicious Sharper.

Com. The Observation, is but too true; And it is Pity the Ligislature do not contrive some Speedy Method to put an Effectual Stop to such impious Practices.

Pas. Thus, instead of Virtue, Honour and Noble Sentiments being Sown in the Minds of Youth they are tainted with Fraud and Treachery; and those, who should be the Support and Ornament of their Country, are the Confederates of Men, who would be a disgrace to the worst of Countries, in its worst of Times.

Omn. Bravo, bravo, Pasquin, go on, go on [they Applaud him]

Smart. Does he not speak very well Hydra! I think he would make a good Figure at the Robin Hood Society.

Count. S^r, You grow licentious and Attack the whole Body of Nobility. and what you have uttered is a Libell.

Pas. S^r. it is You that Libel by your Application my Charge is not against any particular Person, Degree, Rank, or Set of Men, but against known Profess’d Sharpers; Who, under the Mask of Honour, Amusement and Friendship, dayly Commit Crimes that deserve the Hangman’s lash rather than the Satyrist’s.

Mar. Gentlemen, this Invective is most unjust, and as I am Council on the Side of Count Hunt-bubble and Company, I hope you will indulge me a moment, while I explain what the Law of Parnassus is in these Cases.

Omn. Hear him, hear him, go on, go on.

Mar. In the Records of that State, the Act of Gaming is not deem’d a Crime, but a Science. For the famous Barron de Frippon, in his Institutes, Fol: 1^st Chap: 3. P. 17, justly calls it the Noble Science of Defence. which is as necessary to be Study’d by the Nobility of ev’ry Nation, as the Small Sword, or the Art of War.

Count. You are right Marforio— for Gaming is an Absolute State of War; In which ev’ry Man must kill or be kill’d; Consequently all Advantages are Justified by the Law of Self Defence.

Omn. Go on Marforio.

Mar. Gentlemen. The wise Spartans, as an Encouragement to Ingenuity, always reward the thieving Genius, who came off unsuspected, and punish’d the Blockhead who had not Sufficient Art to Conceal his Theft, In Parnussus the Law is the same relating to Frauds in Play; Tho’ it is notorious that this Gentleman has Play’d the best of the Game a thousand times, yet it does not Appear that he has ever been detected in a fraud.

Count. Never, but once, I assure you: and then I instantly Challeng’d the Man, who charg’d me with it, ran him three times through the Body, disarm’d him, made him beg his Life, and ask my Pardon in Public and ever since no Man has dared to Whisper a Suspicion of me.

Mar. O it’s plain the Gentleman’s Character is untainted, and has a Right to Rank as a Man of Honour and a Genius— and, instead of Censure, is intitled to the Order of the Chevaliers de Aventuries— with which, Sir, you shall be Strait invested.

Here! Order S^r. Iohn Ketch to attend with the Insignia of Gaming, and let him invest the Noble Count.

Enter S^r. Iohn Ketch, with a Rope and a Dice Box fasten’d to it as a George, and dice in the Box, and a Knave of Diamonds in his Hand.

S^r. Iohn. Please to kneel Sir [To Count bubble who kneels] I, S^r. Iohn Ketch, Knight, and Officer of Parnassus, by Virtue of a Power from Appollo, In Consideration of your Subtle and undetectable deceit in the Noble Science of Defence, vulgarly call’d Sharping, do invest You With these Insignia— Which are a Ribbon of the Genuin Tyburn garotte, with a Box Pendant, two loaded Dice, and a Knave of Diamonds for a Star; bearing henceforth, the Arms of Gaming, which are, a Pack of Cards in a Green Field; two reoin’d Lords for Supporters, a Cat and nine Tails for a Crest and, I have touch’d them for a motto; So rise up Count Hunt. bubble, Marquiss of Slip Card, Barron de Pharo-Bank, and Knight of the Noble Order of Sharpors.

Omn. Bravo, bravo (all Clap)

Count. Seignior Marforio, The Honours you have Conferr’d Me, will bind me Your Friend everlastingly. If you call upon me any Evening at the Bedford,[D] I shall be glad to See you. To night I am engaged to deal at my Lady High-life’s;[D]— His Grace and Miss will be there, and we expect to touch roundly. Yours, Yours Exit

Omn. Ha, ha, ha.

Hyd. An Admiral Reward for his Ingenuity.

S^r. Eter. Extremely ridiculous I vow; and very Iust.

Pas. Have you any more Offenders to Produce.

Mar. No more— But here is a Presentment against one Charles Macklin, Comedian, of the Theatre Royal in Covent Garden.

Omn. Ha, ha, ha, O pray let us hear that.

Pas. The Substance of it is, That he hath written a strange hotch-potch Farce, and puff’d it upon the Town as written after the manner of Aristophanes and the Pasquinades of the Italian Theatre.— Gentlemen, This is an Affair entirely Cognizable to the Town; All I can Say upon it is, That, if you Condemn him, I will take Care the Blockhead shall never trouble you again— In the manner of Aristophanes.

Omn. Ay, ay, damn him, Damn him.

Omn. No, no, Save him, save him.

Pas. Well Gentlemen, since you are divided we must respit Sentence till he appears in Person the next Court day. Gentlemen and Ladies, Our Examinations are over for to Night. We must adjourn, for I am afraid we have detain’d the Town too long.

Hyd. M^r. Pasquin, You have Satyrized Your Sharpor with great Humour and Propriety. And I like the Choice of several of your Characters very well. But I am afraid the Critics will Condemn Your Piece for want of a Plot

Bob. Very true, You shou’d have had a Plot Pasquin.

Pas. Bless me Gentlemen! I am amaz’d at this Criticism. I expected great Approbation for the Newness and Dexterity of my Plot.

Hyd. Ay! pray what is the Plot?

Pas. I thought, by this time that it was known to ev’ry Person in the Audience. The Plot Sir, is, the filling of this House— don’t you see how thick it is.

Hyd. Ha, ha, ha, ha, very well, and now it is unravelled; extremely Clear! a very good Plott I protest.

Omn. O very Clear, very clear.

Dia. But M^r. Pasquin, You have no love, nor Marriage in Your Farce; that is a fault, a very great fault.

Pas. Madam, I have vast Quantity of Love in It, as much as wou’d make half a dozen modern Romances; But I was advised, by some Dramatick Friends, not to let it appear too soon. For Love, in a Farce, they said, was generally very dull, and what the English Audience always Complain’d of. But now we are come to unravel the Plot— It must be known, that Lady Lucy, M^r. Hydra, Sir Eternal, Miss Brilliant, and all the Characters, have a most Passionate Tendre for each other, and have Privately agreed that this shall be the Happy Night. And, as to a Wedding, I have taken particular Care of that, for among the disorderly Persons that were Seized, by mistake, they have taken up a Gentleman that lives near May Fair, who waits in the Green Room to Sign the Passport of each loving Pair to The land of Hymen. And this, I think, is as much Love, Plot and Marriage, as is necessary in any Farce.

Hyd. Upon Honour, I am of your Opinion M^r. Pasquin. And I like your Catastrophes extremely. M^r. Common Sense, what is your Opinion?

Com. For my part Sir, I am pleased with the whole Piece, and think the Critics, in particular, must approve of it highly; As it is written up to the Strictest Nicety of Dramatic Rules. Against the next Night, M^r. Pasquin, you must omit, or alter some exceptionable Expressions, And, if you were to prune a few Redundances, the whole Piece wou’d be the better for it.

Pas. Your Criticism, M^r. Common Sense, is always Iust, and I shall implicitly observe it.

Com. And now, M^r. Pasquin, the sooner you come to your Peroration the better.

Omn. Ay, ay, the Peroration, the Peroration— come, Mount the Rostrum, M^r. Pasquin. The Rostrum, the Rostrum,— bring on the Rostrum. bring on the Rostrum!

The Rostrum is brought on.

Pasquin Ascends.

Pas. Most August, Respectable, and Tremendous Public! whose Power is as uncontrolable as the Boundless Winds, whose Iudgement infalable as opposeless Fate, Whom Party cannot Sway, Fear Intimidate, Flattery influence, nor Interest byass. You are each in the art of Government, a Lycurgus; in the Art of War, a Cæsar; In Criticism an Aristotle; In Eloquence a Tully; In Patronage a Mecenas; In Taste and Elegance, a Patronius.

Hyd. Harkée, harkée, Domine Pasquin, this Panegerick is quite out of Character, and Shews great Ignorance of the People You are Addressing. For know Sir, that the British Public has too much Dignity and Sense, either to give, or to recieve, Flattery. Your best way of gaining their Esteem, is by preserving Your Character, to the last, of a General Satyrist my Dear, not. by degenerating to a Public Sycophant.

Pas. I am afraid Sir, I have been too free of my Satyr already.

Com. Not at all Sir.— while it is General and Circumscribed by decency, it cannot be too strong for the English. For Our Wit, Sir, like Our Courage, knows no danger, Spares no Character.

Bob. Right, Right— Dem me, my dear give us Satyr, keen cutting Satyr, that’s what Pleases Us— And as to Your Panegeric, take that to Madrid or Paris.

Com. M^r. Pasquin, the Public know they have Follies, as well as Individuals; and, so far from being Angry with the Man, who ridicules them, they always reward him with Approbation and Esteem.

Pas: Why then Sir, under the Protection of the Town, and the Patronage of Common Sense, I will, like a faithfull Painter, not a modern Dedicator, finish up the Blemishes as highly as I have the Beauties of my Patron.

Bob. Ay, now, now for the Town, I should be glad to see our own blind side. be sure to be Severe, give us no Quarter.

Pas. I shall not Sir— You, the Town, are a Monstor, made up of Contrarieties, Caprice Steers— Steers your Iudgement— Fashion and Novelty, Your Affections; Sometimes so Splenitic, as to damn a Cibber, and, even a Congreve, in the Way of the World;— And some times so good-Natured as to run in Crowds after a Queen Mab, or a Man in a Bottle.

Hyd. Why, the Town are a little whimsical sometimes I believe? I beg pardon M^r. Pasquin for breaking in upon You.

Pas. O no Offence, Sir, the Town has always a right to interrupt, and disturb a Performance. It is their Prerogative, and shews their Taste and their good Breeding

Hyd. You are right— go on, go on,— a good Sensible Fellow, and knows the Right and Privilege of the Town, go on, go on.

Pas. You are a Being, composed of all the Virtues and Vices, Wisdom and Folly of Human Nature. All Men dread you; all Men Court you; All Men love You— and yet All Men strive to be independent of You. For you are so inconsistent, that you are Constant in nothing, but Inconstancy—— So good Natur’d, so techy, so wise— and sometimes so otherwise— In Short, so much every thing, that were the whole Sisterhood of the imitative Arts in emulous Association joyn’d, with the Genius of your own Great Shakespear at their Head, Directing their different Powers, and wing his own boundless Imagination into Satyr and Panegirick for the Purpose— They could not be too Severe upon Your Vices— nor could they do Iustice to your Matchless Virtues.

Omn. Bravo, bravo Pasquin.

Bob. A very good Peroration upon Honour; I believe he Stole it from the Robin Hood Society

Pas. Gratitude and Public Spirit, are the two Noblest Passions, that ever warm’d the Heart of Man, or fired the Poets Imagination. They Should be the Springs of every Public Character, and are this Night of Pasquin. inspired by them he has dar’d laugh at Female Folly and to lash a Noble Vice that Lords it in Our most Polite Assemblies. For which, he who was late a Iudge and Public Censor in turn, now trembles at Your dread Tribunal. The first and last Appeal of Players, Poets, Statesmen, Fidlers, Fools, Philosophers and Kings. If, by the boldness of his Satyr, or the daring Novelty of his Plan and Fable, He has offended, He ought to meet with some degree of Candour, as his Offence was the Effect of a Noble Gratitude, and an Over-heated Zeal to Please His Noble Guests & Patrons, whom he Scorn’d to treat with Vulgar Cates Season’d and Serv’d with Flattery and Common Dramatic Art. For this boldness of his Satyr, this is his Defence— But, for his dulness, he has no Plea. If You Almighty Arbiters find him guilty of that Offence, censure him as freely as he has censured others. And, like the Roman Censor, he will cry out with Patriot Ioy, What Pity ’tis, a Blockhead can be damn’d but once, to Please the Critics.