High society

by George S. Chappell; Frank Crowninshield; Dorothy Parker

THE PROPOSAL BY PHONOGRAPH

Our new, exclusive, patented, and correct model for diffident bachelors. No more plucking of marguerites (she loves me, she loves my car, etc.). No more tortured proposals on the knees (ruining the fit of the new trousers). If she accepts, she writes to you. If she refuses, she files the record along with her latest Hawaiian Aloha song. In buying your proposal records, insist on having the phonograph people insert your name and hers on the discs,—without charge. The names can be added in less than ten minutes’ time. If you are a busy man, you can of course order your records by the dozen—merely cautioning the makers to use the names of as many girls as you happen to be wooing at the time. You can then distribute the records to the girls and await developments. In case you should happen to receive two or more acceptances, the simplest method is to toss a coin.

“She
Loves
Me,
She
Loves
Me
Not”