There is a tide in the affairs of men, which, taken at the flood, leads on to Fortune—But most of us catch our watered stock on the ebb.
UMBRELLA A good thing to put up in a shower—or pawn-shop; but, like skating, never seen after Lent.
UNBOSOMED
A shirt just returned from a steam laundry.
UNION An ailing individual frequently troubled by scabs and liable to strike without warning.
UMPIRE No jeweler, but a high authority on diamonds.
USHER One who takes a leading part in a theatre.
VACCINATION Where "jabbing the needle" is never a vice.
VAUDEVILLE From Lat. vaut, good for, and villageois, countryman. Good for countrymen.
VERANDA
An open-air enclosure often used as a spoon-holder.
VEST A waistcoat sold at halfprice.
VIRTUE A quality oftentimes associated with intelligence, but rarely with beauty.
VULGARITY The conduct of others.