The Boarding School; Lessons of a Preceptress to Her Pupils / Consisting of Information, Instruction and Advice, Calculated to Improve the Manners and Form the Character of Young Ladies. To Which Is Added, a Collection of Letters, Written by the Pupils to Their Instructress, Their Friends, and Each Other.

by Hannah Webster Foster

FRIENDSHIP.

“Friendship is a term much insisted on by young people; but, like many others more frequently used than understood. A friend, with girls in general, is an intimate acquaintance, whose taste and pleasures are similar to their own; who will encourage, or at least connive at their foibles and faults, and communicate with them every secret; in particular those of love and gallantry, in which those of the other sex are concerned. By such friends their errors and stratagems are flattered and concealed, while the prudent advice of real friendship is neglected, till they find too late, how fictitious a character, and how vain a dependence they have chosen.

“Augusta and Serena were educated at the same school, resided in the same neighborhood, and were equally volatile in their tempers, and dissipated in their manners. Hence every plan of amusement was concerted and enjoyed together. At the play, the ball, the card-table and every other party of pleasure, they were companions.

“Their parents saw that this intimacy strengthened the follies of each; and strove to disengage their affections, that they might turn their attention to more rational entertainments, and more judicious advisers. But they gloried in their friendship, and thought it a substitute for every other virtue. They were the dupes of adulation, and the votaries of coquetry.

“The attentions of a libertine, instead of putting them on their guard against encroachments, induced them to triumph in their fancied conquests, and to boast of resolution sufficient to shield them from delusion.

“Love, however, which with such dispositions, is the pretty play-thing of imagination, assailed the tender heart of Serena. A gay youth, with more wit than sense, more show than substance, more art than honesty, took advantage of her weakness to ingratiate himself into her favour, and persuade her they could not live without each other. Augusta was the confident of Serena. She fanned the flame, and encouraged her resolution of promoting her own felicity, though at the expense of every other duty. Her parents suspected her amour, remonstrated against the man, and forbade her forming any connexion with him, on pain of their displeasure. She apparently acquiesced; but flew to Augusta for counsel and relief. Augusta soothed her anxiety, and promised to assist her in the accomplishment of all her wishes. She accordingly contrived means for a clandestine intercourse, both personal and epistolary.

“Aristus was a foreigner, and avowed his purpose of returning to his native country, urging her to accompany him. Serena had a fortune, independent of her parents, left her by a deceased relation. This, with her hand, she consented to give to her lover, and to quit a country, in which she acknowledged but one friend. Augusta praised her fortitude, and favored her design. She accordingly eloped, and embarked. Her parents were almost distracted by her imprudent and undutiful conduct, and their resentment fell on Augusta, who had acted contrary to all the dictates of integrity and friendship, in contributing to her ruin; for ruin it proved. Her ungrateful paramour, having rioted on the property which she bestowed, abandoned her to want and despair. She wrote to her parents, but received no answer. She represented her case to Augusta, and implored relief from her friendship; but Augusta alleged that she had already incurred the displeasure of her family on her account and chose not again to subject herself to censure by the same means.

“Serena at length returned to her native shore, and applied in person to Augusta, who coolly told her that she wished no intercourse with a vagabond, and then retired. Her parents refused to receive her into their house; but from motives of compassion and charity, granted her a small annuity, barely sufficient to keep her and her infant from want.

“Too late she discovered her mistaken notions of friendship; and learned by sad experience, that virtue must be its foundation, or sincerity and constancy can never be its reward.

“Sincerity and constancy are essential ingredients in virtuous friendship. It invariably seeks the permanent good of its object; and in so doing, will advise, caution and reprove, with all the frankness of undissembled affection. In the interchange of genuine friendship, flattery is utterly excluded. Yet, even in the most intimate connexions of this kind, a proper degree of respect, attention and politeness must be observed. You are not so far to presume on the partiality of friendship, as to hazard giving offence, and wounding the feelings of persons, merely because you think their regard for you will plead your excuse, and procure your pardon. Equally cautious should you be, of taking umbrage at circumstances which are undesignedly offensive.

“Hear the excellent advice of the wise son of Sirach, upon this subject:

“Admonish thy friend; it may be he hath not done it; and if he have done it, that he do it no more. Admonish thy friend; it may be he hath not said it; and if he have, that he speak it not again. Admonish thy friend; for many times it is a slander; and believe not every tale. There is one that slippeth in his speech, but not from his heart; and who is he that offendeth not with his tongue?”

“Be not hasty in forming friendships; but deliberately examine the principles, disposition, temper and manners, of the person you wish to sustain this important character. Be well assured that they are agreeable to your own, and such as merit your entire esteem and confidence, before you denominate her your friend. You may have many general acquaintances, with whom you are pleased and entertained; but in the chain of friendship there is a still closer link.

“Reserve will wound it, and distrust destroy,

Deliberate on all things with thy friend:

But since friends grow not thick on every bough

Nor ev’ry friend unrotten at the core,

First on thy friend, deliberate with thyself:

Pause, ponder, first: not eager in the choice,

Nor jealous of the chosen: fixen, fix:

Judge before friendship: then confide till death.”

“But if you would have friends, you must show yourselves friendly; that is, you must be careful to act the part you wish from another. If your friend have faults, mildly and tenderly represent them to her; but conceal them as much as possible from the observation of the world. Endeavor to convince her of her errors, to rectify her mistakes, and to confirm and increase every virtuous sentiment.

“Should she so far deviate, as to endanger her reputation and happiness; and should your admonitions fail to reclaim her, become not, like Augusta, an abettor of her crimes. It is not the part of friendship to hide transactions which will end in the ruin of your friend. Rather acquaint those who ought to have the rule over her of her intended missteps, and you will have discharged your duty; you will merit, and very probably may afterwards receive her thanks.

“Narcissa and Florinda were united in the bonds of true and generous friendship. Narcissa was called to spend a few months with a relation in the metropolis, where she became acquainted with, and attached to a man who was much her inferior; but whose specious manners and appearance deceived her youthful heart, though her reason and judgment informed her, that her parents would disapprove the connexion. She returned home, the consciousness of her fault, the frankness which she owed to her friend, and her partiality to her lover, wrought powerfully upon her mind, and rendered her melancholy. Florinda soon explored the cause, and warmly remonstrated against her imprudence in holding a moment’s intercourse with a man, whom she knew, would be displeasing to her parents. She searched out his character, and found it far inadequate to Narcissa’s merit. This she represented to her in its true colours, and conjured her not to sacrifice her reputation, her duty and her happiness, by encouraging his addresses; but to no purpose were her expostulations. Narcissa avowed the design of permitting him to solicit the consent of her parents, and the determination of marrying him without it, if they refused.

“Florinda was alarmed at this resolution; and, with painful anxiety, saw the danger of her friend. She told her plainly, that the regard she had for her demanded a counteraction of her design; and that if she found no other way of preventing its execution, she should discharge her duty by informing her parents of her proceedings. This Narcissa resented, and immediately withdrew her confidence and familiarity; but the faithful Florinda neglected not the watchful solicitude of friendship; and when she perceived that Narcissa’s family were resolutely opposed to her projected match and that Narcissa was preparing to put her rash purpose into execution, she made known the plan which she had concerted and by that mean prevented her destruction. Narcissa thought herself greatly injured, and declared that she would never forgive so flagrant a breach of fidelity. Florinda endeavoured to convince her of her good intentions, and the real kindness of her motives; but she refused to hear the voice of wisdom, till a separation from her lover, and a full proof of his unworthiness opened her eyes to a sight of her own folly and indiscretion, and to a lively sense of Florinda’s friendship, in saving her from ruin without her consent. Her heart overflowed with gratitude to her generous preserver. She acknowledged herself indebted to Florinda’s benevolence, for deliverance from the baneful impetuosity of her own passions. She sought and obtained forgiveness; and ever after lived in the strictest amity with her faithful benefactress.”

Saturday, A. M.