CHAPTER ONE
My Daughter, Hearken Unto My Words, And attend diligently to my counsel; for the understanding of Man is the beginning of a good income, and a knowledge of his ways more profitable than a higher education.
Behold, a woman delighteth to travel the path of love slowly and through devious by-ways of flirtation and sentiment, but a man rusheth over it at the speed limit.
Unto a woman, the first kiss is but the start in the love chase, but unto a man it is ofttimes the finish.
Lo, when a woman weddeth a man, it is in order that she may get him; but when a man weddeth a woman, it is in order that he may prevent another from getting her.
Yea, verily, when a woman clingeth unto single blessedness, it is because she hath met no man with whom she could endure to live; but, when a man remaineth a bachelor, it is because he hath met no woman without whom he cannot live.
A man weddeth a woman in order to escape loneliness, and immediately thereafter joineth a club in order to escape the woman.
He marryeth a damsel because she appealeth to his “higher nature”, and spendeth all the rest of his days seeking after those who appeal to his lower nature.
A woman is cast down with doubts lest a man doth not love her; but a man never troubleth his soul, as to whether or not a woman loveth him, but as to whether or not he wanteth her to love him.
Behold, an honest woman may cheat at cards, but never at love; but he considereth himself an “honorable man” that never cheateth at a game of poker though he never playeth fair at the game of hearts.
Go to! Think no man in love while he flattereth thee and extolleth all thy ways; but, when he beginneth to moralise and to criticise thy hats, then mayest thou plan thy trousseau.
When he saveth thy life it may be for chivalry’s sake; but when he carryeth an umbrella to please thee it is for love’s sake.
Be not set up when a man giveth thee the key to his heart, for, peradventure, upon the following day, he may change the lock!
Then, how shall a woman understand a man, since they are all cut upon the bias!
Verily, verily, by turning him around, my Daughter, and reading him backward, even as a Chinese laundry ticket!