CHAPTER TWO
How long, oh, ye Easy Ones, shall men continue to call ye “kitten” when they are sentimental and “cat” when they wax cynical?
Verily, verily, I say unto thee, the ways of a man are the ways of Grimalkin; for doth not a cat, and likewise a man, prize his dignity above all things else in the heavens above, or in the earth beneath, or in the subways under the earth?
Moreover, doth not a cat, and likewise a man, seek out all the soft places upon the face of the earth, and all the most comfortable spots within the house, and all the easy chairs of the office?
Yea, doth not a man, even as a cat, wander abroad at night and return only at mealtimes?
Doth not a cat, and also a man, cling unto the woman that maketh him most comfortable and stroketh him the right way, but revile and despise her that disturbeth his meditations and arouseth him from his slumbers?
Doth not a cat flee in terror from one that flingeth cold water upon his coat, and a man from her that flingeth cold water upon his vanity?
Doth not a man, like unto a cat, struggle to escape when he is held tightly, yet remain cheerfully where he is not wanted?
Doth not a cat, and likewise a man, flee fearfully from that which is flung at his head—whether it be a bone, or a plate, or a woman?
And, being “dropped,” doth not a cat and likewise a man, land always upon his feet and depart in search of consolation?
Lo, if thou pursuest a cat and a man with thine endearments will they not shrink from thee, with vexation?
But, if thou ignorest them, will they not sit devotedly at thy feet?
Go to! I say unto thee a woman is not as a tabby, but as a Faithful Fido which cannot be shaken off.
She followeth a man whithersoever he goeth, accepting gladly a pat upon the head and a kind word, and lying down at his feet to be stepped on.
Verily, verily, why doth a spinster console herself with a cat in her loneliness?
Even because this is the only thing which can be found to resemble a man!