CHAPTER THREE
Lo, while a man courteth a maiden he faith unto her:
“Beloved, I adore the waves and frivols of thy hair! The neatness of thy waistline is my delight; and what is that subtile sachet which maketh thee to remind me always of the rose of morning?”
But in his heart he saith:
“Yet, when we are married, then shall I teach her not to wear false ringlets, and the imported complexion which she now putteth on shall she abjure.
“Verily from the using of that awful scent shall I break her, and from the wearing of corsets shall I rescue her! For we shall then be one, and I shall be that one!”
And while a damsel seeketh to allure a man she saith unto him:
“Thou art so sensible. Yea, I pray thee, continue to wear a comfortable collar always; for why shalt thou suffer for style’s sake? Lo, thy beard and thy mustache, they are so characteristic; and in a soft hat thou hast real personality!”
But in her heart she muttereth:
“Go to! When I have him safe, then shall I entice him to put on a high collar, even unto four inches; and the shaving of his face will require but two weeks! Yea, and that quaint top-piece shall he exchange for a derby within the first month. For I know just what he needeth!”
Verily, verily, even in the hour of their courtship, do they prepare for war!
Even while she poureth his wine, doth she determine that he shall become a teetotaler! Even while he passeth her the sweetmeats doth he plan to put her on a diet, ’ere she acquire embonpoint.
As enemies before the battle, do they exchange civilities, saying “How congenial we are!”
For every woman thinketh to make a man over after a pattern, and every man thinketh to remodel a woman according to a stock ideal.
Yea, after the honeymoon each seeketh to trim the other down and to add all the modern improvements.
Then give them the fruit of their labors, which is a mutual shock!