THE DISAGREEABLE MEDDLER.
Enter Doubledot and Simon, L.[5]
Doubledot. Plague take Mr. Paul Pry! He is one of those idle, meddling fellows, who, having no employment themselves, are perpetually interfering in other people’s affairs.
Simon. Ay, and he’s inquisitive into all matters, great and small.
Doub. Inquisitive! Why, he makes no scruple of questioning you respecting your most private concerns. Then he will weary you to death with a long story about a cramp in his leg, or the loss of a sleeve-button, or some such idle matter. And so he passes his days, “dropping in,” as he calls it, from house to house at the most unreasonable times, to the annoyance of every family in the village. But I’ll soon get rid of him.
Enter Pry, L., with umbrella, which he places against the wall.
Pry. Ha! how d’ye do, Mr. Doubledot?
Doub. Very busy, Mr. Pry, and have scarcely time to say, “Pretty well, thank ye.” (Turns from him as if writing in memorandum book. Simon advances.)
Pry. Ha, Simon! you here? Rather early in the morning to be in a public house. Been taking a horn, eh? Sent here with a message from your master, perhaps? I say, Simon, when this wedding takes place, I suppose your master will put you all into new liveries, eh?
Simon. Can’t say, sir.
Pry. Well, I think he might. (Touches Simon’s sleeve.) Between ourselves, Simon, it won’t be before you want ’em, eh?
Simon. That’s master’s business, sir, and neither yours nor mine.
Pry. Mr. Simon, behave yourself, or I shall complain of you to the colonel. By the way, Simon, that’s an uncommon fine leg of mutton the butcher has sent to your house. It weighs thirteen pounds five ounces.
Doub. And how do you know that?
Pry. I asked the butcher. I say, Simon, is it for roasting or boiling?
Simon. Half and half, with the chill taken off. There’s your answer.
(Exit Simon, R.)
Pry. That’s an uncommon ill-behaved servant! Well, since you say you are busy, I won’t interrupt you; only, as I was passing, I thought I might as well drop in.
Doub. Then you may now drop out again. The railway ’bus will be in presently, and—
Pry. No passengers by it to-day, for I have been to the hill to look for it.
Doub. Did you expect any one by it, that you were so anxious?
Pry. No; but I make it my business to see the coach come in every day. I can’t bear to be idle.
Doub. Useful occupation, truly!
Pry. Always see it go out; have done so these ten years.
Doub. (Going up.) Tiresome blockhead! Well; good morning to you.
Pry. Good-morning, Mr. Doubledot. Your tavern doesn’t appear to be very full just now.
Doub. No, no.
Pry. Ha! you are at a heavy rent? (Pauses for an answer after each question.) I’ve often thought of that. No supporting such an establishment without a deal of custom. If it’s not an impertinent question, don’t you find it rather a hard matter to make both ends meet when the first of the month comes round?
Doub. If it isn’t asking an impertinent question, what’s that to you?
Pry. O, nothing; only some folks have the luck of it: they have just taken in a nobleman’s family at the opposition house, the Green Dragon.
Doub. What’s that? A nobleman at the Green Dragon!
Pry. Traveling carriage and four. Three servants on the dickey and an outrider, all in blue liveries. They dine and stop all night. A pretty bill there will be to-morrow, for the servants are not on board wages.
Doub. Plague take the Green Dragon! How did you discover that they are not on board wages?
Pry. I was curious to know, and asked one of them. You know I never miss any thing for want of asking. ’Tis no fault of mine that the nabob is not here, at your house.
Doub. Why, what had you to do with it?
Pry. You know I never forget my friends. I stopped the carriage as it was coming down the hill—brought it to a dead stop, and said that if his lordship—I took him for a lord at once—that if his lordship intended to make any stay, he couldn’t do better than to go to Doubledot’s.
Doub. Well?
Pry. Well,—would you believe it?—out pops a saffron-colored face from the carriage window, and says, “You’re an impudent rascal for stopping my carriage, and I’ll not go to Doubledot’s if there’s another inn to be found within ten miles of it!”
Doub. There, that comes of your confounded meddling! If you had not interfered I should have stood an equal chance with the Green Dragon.
Pry. I’m very sorry; but I did it for the best.
Doub. Did it for the best, indeed! Deuce take you! By your officious attempts to serve, you do more mischief in the neighborhood than the exciseman, the apothecary, and the attorney, all together.
Pry. Well, there’s gratitude! Now, really, I must go. Good-morning.
(Exit Paul Pry.)
Doub. I’m rid of him at last, thank fortune! (Pry re-enters.) Well, what now?
Pry. I’ve dropped one of my gloves. Now, that’s very odd—here it is in my hand all the time!
Doub. Go to confusion!
(Exit.)
Pry. Come, that’s civil! If I were the least of a bore, now, it would be pardonable—But—Hullo! There’s the postman! I wonder whether the Parkins’s have got letters again to-day. They have had letters every day this week, and I can’t for the life of me think what they can—(Feels hastily in his pockets.) By the way, talking of letters, here’s one I took from the postman last week for the colonel’s daughter, Miss Eliza, and I have always forgotten to give it to her. I dare say it is not of much importance. (Peeps into it—reads.) “Likely—unexpected—affectionate.” I can’t make it out. No matter; I’ll contrive to take it to the house—though I’ve a deal to do to-day. (Runs off and returns.) Dear me! I had like to have gone without my umbrella.
[CURTAIN.]
John Poole.
[5] L. signifies left; R., right, and C., centre of stage.