THE WORST TEACHER
That teacher was the worst we ever tackled,
He warnt so very tall, and he was light.
—It is best to lay your egg before you’ve
cackled,
Though we never had a notion he could fight.
He acted sort of meechin’ when he opened up
the school,
—We sort of got the notion he was “It”—
and we tagged gool,
We gave him lots of jolly in a free and easy
way,
And showed him how we handled guys as got
to acting gay.
We showed him where the other one had torn
away the door
When we lugged him out and dumped him in
the snow the year before.
And soon’s we thought we’d scared him, we sat
and chawed and spit,
And kind o’ thought we’d run the school—con-
cludin’ he was “It.”
It worked along in that way, sir, till Friday
afternoon.
—We hadn’t lugged him out that week, but
’lowed to do it soon.
That Friday,’long about three o’clock, he said
there’d be recess,
And said, “The smaller kids and girls can go
for good, I guess.”
And he mentioned smooth and smily, but with
kind of greenish eyes,
That the big boys were requested to remain
for exercise.
And when he called us in again he up and
locked the door,
Shucked off his co’t and weskit, took the mid-
dle of the floor,
And talked about gymnastys in a quiet little
speech,
—Then he made a pass at Haskell, who was
nearest one in reach.
’Twas hot and stiff and sudden and it took him
on the jaw,
And that was all the exercise the Haskell feller
saw.
Then jumpin’ over Haskell’s seat, he sauntered
up the aisle,
A-hittin’ right and hittin’ left and wearin’ that
same smile.
And when a feller started up and tried to hit
him back,
’Twas slipper-slapper, whacko-cracker, whango-
bango-crack!!
And never, sir, in all your life, did you see
flippers whiz
In such a blame, chain-lightnin’ style as them
’ere hands of his.
And though we hit and though we dodged—or
rushed by twos and threes,
He simply strolled around that room and licked
us all with ease.
And when the thing was nicely done, he
dumped us in the yard,
He clicked the padlock on the door and passed
us all a card.
And this was what was printed there: “Pro-
fessor Joseph Tate,
Athletics made a specialty and champion mid-
dleweight.”
That teacher was the worst we ever tackled,
He warn’t so very tall and he was light.
—It is best to lay your egg before you’ve
cackled,
Though we never had a notion he could fight.