LETTER VII.
“He that hath mercy on them shall lead them.”
To —
My dear Friend.—Many years have elapsed since you first knew me in the Borough; and it was no doubt the hand of God which brought me there. In my last letter to Mrs. W. I intimated I worked for a very worthy family in Tottenham-court Road, but my frame of body was too weak to endure it. I sought out another situation on the Surrey side of the bridge. Myself and fellow apprentice had lived together amicably for some years, and endured many conflicts daring our captivity. I heard he was in business, and made application to him; he treated me with every mark of civility, and took me into the business with him. This was a great pleasure to me, as it gave me an opportunity of acquiring a greater knowledge of that branch of the business I ought to have learnt before; but, although I had an easier situation, and every kindness which circumstances would admit of, I had another unpleasantly to cope with. I was daily exposed to temptation, had frequent pressing invitations to places of amusement—and, although I resisted them all, through grace, yet I feared daily I should be overcome and led back into the world again. One day I accidentally (as we call it) met with an old acquaintance who had been brought up in the Hospital with me, who recited to me the various changes he had experienced in his different situations; amongst the rest he had lived with Mr. C. a most respectable tallow chandler, in the Borough. He told me he was a most pious man, and a good master, but he had given him some offence, and was justly dismissed. He believed that he was then in want of a person in the shop, and to act as a porter. On this situation I set my mind, and immediately made application for it; in fact, I begged of the Lord to let me have it. I remember one evening I attempted to go and speak to him (Mr. C.) about it, but I was struck almost speechless in the attempt. This I took to be an omen that God did not approve of the place for me. I felt rebellious, and being naturally self-willed, I was determined to persevere. My mind frequently said in prayer, “Lord, if it be thy will.” But my heart wickedly thought and said too, “whether it is or not, I will have it.” O, the hypocrisy of the human heart! How often is the Almighty mocked by thousands who use this expression in prayer, “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven,” and at the same time are daily acting against the revealed will of God. How great is the forbearance of God with guilty man. I was however indulged with this situation, though I was no more fit for it than a child; it was to carry heavy loads chiefly, yet my master was kind and patient with me, he saw my weakness and accommodated me as well as circumstances would admit. It was in this situation you first knew me, 20 years ago. My master, Mr. C. was an excellent one, a godly, conscientious man, and happy should I have been, had I been capacitated to have made myself useful to him. I was much dejected and troubled in mind, low and thoughtful; and, in my business, though all saw I was willing to do what I could, yet I was much confused. Being a pious man, he kept up family prayer in his house, and on several occasions he asked me to go to prayer, perceiving the Lord had blest me with some gifts, and he hoped grace also, and that I acted in all things unblamably. He once mentioned something to me respecting a public ministry. He also employed a fellow-servant, who is a God-fearing man, and who belonged to a prayer-meeting, to know my mind upon the subject. I believe I gave him some distant hint, that my mind led a little that way, but I did not consider that I had any suitable talent, nor had I any connection that could introduce me to any means, nor could I possibly see any opening in Providence; of course I could not see I was called to such a work; for I did not believe any one was called to the public ministry of the gospel, without the Lord had given him talents suited to the work for which he intended him. I am now speaking of his external call: the work of God on his soul, I intend to speak of elsewhere. My master, however, recommended me to the manager of the London Itinerant Society, who, after some conversation with me, requested me to accompany a young man into one of the villages near London, to teach children in a Sunday-school. Not knowing the nature of that work till I had embarked in it, I went for some time to Norwood, and several other places, but I was soon tired of this work. The long journies and weak body, hard labour all the week, and an empty pocket, deprived of seeing my lover for weeks together; these externals soon made me relinquish that work: and above all the loss of that ministry I so much esteemed, and those ordinances I so much enjoyed, made my chariot-wheels drag heavily on a Sunday, so many miles to hear some dull country children say their alphabet. Though this loss and trouble was sometimes made up by the godly converse of the teachers between the several services, and on the road home at night: this was a little reviving in my bondage. After continuing some months with Mr. C. in the Borough, I had still an inclination to return to my own business. Accordingly, I communicated to my invaluable master, that I had a house to work at. We parted, by mutual agreement; he gave me an excellent character, and has ever spoken most respectfully of me, amidst all the clamour, bitterness, lies, malice, and evil-speaking I have met with; and, I believe, would have done me much good in restoring me to repute, and warding off the blow of calumny, had it been possible. However, he spoke of me as he found me, and it would be well if every one did the same. I now returned to my old business of gilding, at a house in the Strand where, after I had been a little while, I was married, at the New Church in the Strand, the 22d of March, 1801, two years after I left my apprenticeship. I had now an opportunity of hearing the Word again, of going into villages when I was able, and of meeting the Itinerant Society, who met on Thursday evenings in Shoe Lane, for mutual improvement, the exercise of gifts, and the arrangements for the Lord’s Day. I did not continue long in the Strand. The worthy family I have spoken of before in Tottenham-court Road, had been misinformed that I was out of a situation; they kindly sent for me, and gave me as good wages as the nature of their business would admit, though they were but low. I went on very comfortably for some years, and as I improved in my business, so I was advanced in wages. My wife also took in work, and did all she could to render me happy; and what was very remarkable, every child which we had, the Lord graciously added some little advance to my wages. This often stopped the mouth of unbelief, and made me contented. Never did, perhaps, a happier pair exist for some years, than we were, till popularity and calumny spoiled all. During my continuance with the above worthy family of the Jacksons, I had three children born. We often had opportunities of watching the hand of God, in his kind providence; we were frequently deeply affected in reading good Mr. H’s. Bank of Faith, and we daily grew acquainted with the Lord’s goodness, which He caused to pass before us. I look back on this time as the happiest of my days; though I had but 16 shillings a week for a time, yet this grew to 25 shillings; and, through industry and regularity, we lived—without much care of the world—much happier than those who are daily burdened with riches, or the toil of great business. But the Lord saw fit to call me out to greater scenes; and, having but little natural wisdom or prudence, depth or foresight, in proportion to my growing popularity, I was made the dupe of intrigue, artifice, hypocrisy, cruelty, and sorrow. Yet the Lord never withheld his mercy and his grace, nor gave me up fully to the wishes of my enemies, but by every thing he has instructed me. For all thy people shall be taught of God.
Yours, in Him, J. C.
What thanks I owe thee, and what love;
A boundless endless store
Shall echo through the world above,
Till time shall be no more.