LETTER XV.
Valley of Achor, Jan. 11, 1818.
Mr. Jones.
MY MUCH BELOVED BROTHER,
I thank you for your kind letter, it was more than a mite cast into the gospel treasury, as every kind word and kind action is doubly sweet when a person is in deep trouble; I have often thought of poor Job, when he cried out in the real bitterness of his heart, “Have pity upon me, O my friends, for the hand of God hath touched me.” But above all, I have at times thought of him who said, “Lover and friend hast thou put away from me.”—(88th Psalm). Ah! he was forsaken that we might never be forsaken—he was bound for our liberty—chastised for our peace—suffered for our comfort—died for our life—and lives that sin might die, and our souls might be with him—he toiled for our ease, and for our safety bled. Need I tell you who I mean? Him, being delivered for our offences, him hath God exalted. “Sir, if ye have borne him hence, tell me where ye have laid him.” “We hid our faces from him, yet we did esteem him—the bond of our peace was upon Him, the Lord hath laid on him the iniquities of us all. Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him, he hath put him to grief—therefore will I divide him a portion with the great.” “Saw ye him whom my soul loveth?” “I sought him, but I found him not—I will seek him, I found him, I held him, and would not let him go until I had brought him into my brother’s house.” Need I mention his name? It would not be half so sweet, as if you were on a journey, or accidentally fell in company with one that loved him, and over-heard his dear name mentioned by a stranger, in a very sweet and savory way: how it would open your ears, lead out your love, and quicken your soul. “His name is Jesus! for he shall save his people from their sins.” But this could not be, without his acting as a substitute for them, and this he has done. He first indemnified his people, and then gave himself up to the justice of God. Ah, little did his enemies think what was in the heart of Jesus when he gave himself up to them, and said, “If ye seek me, let these go their way.” This was acting over what he had engaged to do in eternity, when the adorable Father called him forth to act for the dear people of his charge. Considering them in the fallen state, as sinners, justice looked to him for satisfaction, and millions were saved upon the ground of his covenant engagement; his vast mind took in the nature of sin, with all its deserts, and he engaged to become a sin-offering, to bear all our guilt, to stand in our place, in the malefactor’s cloaths, and to endure all that we had deserved. O my brother, how we shall love him when we see him in all his glory, in heaven; but is it not very lamentable, that sin in us should so chain us down to earth and self, that we can but seldom rise to God, and never without sin, evil is ever present. I feel at times its influence so deeply as I cannot describe to any one—to me, it is as trying as St. Paul’s thorn in the flesh. I humbly conceive that good man was perpetually buffeted to curse God, but what I feel is different, and yet so horrible I cannot tell anyone on earth. O my grief, how great it is on this subject, and if it is Satan’s influence, what a cruel Devil he must be, to harrass in this present affliction, but I am a sinner, and the Lord will make me feel it. I have too much given way to Satan, and now he is set at me like a bull-dog, or as a gaping lion, ready to devour me—my faith is weak and my fears are strong. I want the strength and vigor of faith in exercise, to carry me above present feelings, and present troubles; but as sinners, I believe God will make us most heartily sick of sin, especially our most easy besetment, shall be the principal pull that Satan and the world will ever trouble us with. Thus I find nothing can subdue sin but communion with Christ, maintained and kept up by our union with him. The mind must be powerfully led by the holy spirit, to contemplate what Christ is to us, and as we are kept near to him, sin cannot get the mastery. A daily cross galls the old man, and imbitters Life, but a view of Jesus, accompanied with power, subdues sin—that which pardons sin subdues it. This is what we want, and all our neglect of Christ, is punished by Satan’s stirring up sin, seducing us into it, and then turning accuser, and a court adversary. But I apprehend the Lord has but one grand object in view, and that is to lead us to Jesus only. The troubles of Life wean us from the world; the weakness of God’s children, and their faults, keep us from idolizing the very best of them. Sin within us keeps us from settling in the flesh, while the temptations of the devil urge us constantly to make Christ our refuge. Thus the Lord over-rules all for us, and, as an all-wise physician, he compounds all our conflicts, to make us like himself, by being a partaker of his holiness. Every day’s experience proves to us the value of Jesus, as God-Man Mediator—as our atoning sacrifice, and everlasting justification before God. As our head and representative—our intercessor and advocate—as the blessed maintainer of his own work—and as engaged to help, protect, bless, and bring us home to glory.
I know not what the Lord intends to do with me, and when he is precious to my soul I do not care what he does with me. I have then no will of my own. I neither want to preach or be silent, leave this place or abide in it, that is no trouble to me then—but when nature, sin, sorrow, and Satan trouble me, I feel like a wild Bull in a net. At times I feel compunction, godly sorrow, and self-abasement: this is the lowest seat in the College of Christ. Here is safety; but, alas, even these we may be proud of, so that we really get weaned from frames and feelings, and rejoice that Jesus is the same. Hence the command, Rejoice in the Lord always. He is always the object of faith, hope, love, and joy; our feelings are not, though we highly esteem them—nor can we rest without some sensations of joy in the Lord—I trust the Saviour will be precious to your mind; keep you near himself; and when sin is striving for the mastery, you may have grace given to call on the Lord—and be sure to cry out before you are hurt, for you may not be able when the hurt comes; for such is the nature of sin, that, like the leprosy of old, it is of a deadening nature; it makes the guilty stupid, till God is pleased to quicken us again; and when we feel the wounds sin has made, we want the Saviour to heal us again, which he kindly does.
Your’s, truly,
Ruhamah.