TH’ GHOST!!!
“When aw wur a lad—(but that wurnt yusterday, nor th’ day before, nor any day last wick)—aw used to be trayted neaw and then to wot wur cawd a good ghost story. Owd foak then wur vast fond o’ ticklin’ yung foaks’ yers wi’ tales abeawt hobgoblins, ghosts, carnivorous giants, vampyres, ogres, un aw macks o’ uncouth beeins. Aw railly believe they thowt sitch tales wur profitable, morally un’ religiously speighkin’, un’ had little thowt abeauwt th’ uproar ’ut they caused amung eawr juvenoile nerves. Weel con aw remember beein’ neaw un then freetunt till it wur th’ herdest job i’ th’ world to keep my heart fro’ other roisin’ up into my meawth, or skutterin’ deawn in t’ clugs. My yure would ha’ stood up loike th’ bristles uv a dleetin’ brush, un’ th’ best com ut ever wur made would ha’ fawn a victim to any attempt to smooth it deawn to its gradely place; nay, aw believe if anybuddy had tried wi’ a par o’ curlin’ tungs to make it twist, they’d ha’ brokken um loike owd chips. These tales gien me no partikilur noshun as to wot ghosts wur; praps th’ tellers had no very clear ideo theirsels; but aw geet o sort uv a general inklin’ ’ut they wur a very quare, a very extriordinary, un a very wilful set o’ beeins; some on um vast fond uv a toidy practical joke; un aw on um i’ their element when they wur potterin’ foaks’ plucks to make eawt wot the dickens they meant by their merlocks.
“For some days th’ good foaks o’th’ city o’ Manchester have had before their een uppo’ th’ waws, un’ i’th’ shop windows, bills printed i’ black un flarin’ red ink, th’ letters big enoof welly for a bloint chap to see, anneawncin’ at th’ Lunnun New Music Haw th’ appearance uv a ‘Mervellous Ghost’—King’s Ghost! as a roival to that uv Professor Pepper. Loike aw curious foak ’ut are made hongry wi’ expectashun, aw went th’ other neet to have a look at it, imaginin’, as aw went alung through th’ streets, that at last aw should get a peep at a spectre uz would carry back my moind to my yung days, un gie me some inseet into th’ naytur and essence uv sperrits—not sitch as one beighs at th’ keawnter uv a vault, but sitch as proceed fro’ th’ clay tenement that lies, moshunless, decayin’ within. Aw durnt know but aw felt a little bit sayrious too, un’ a tunchy bit groiped wi’ fear, for it met be that th’ seet would be made doubly awful by th’ appearance uv my gronny’s ghost; if it wur, un hoo seed me, hoo’d be shure t’ gie me a blisterin wi’ hur tung, for hoo wur a raddler at takkin’ th’ sheighne eawt on me wi’ that glib little member uv hus. But when th’ ghost did appear—or should have appeart in its full proposhuns, by th’ mack aw fun’ mysel as far fro th’ possesshun uv a genuine crumb o’ ghostly wisdum uz ever aw wur i’ my born days. It should ha’ bin an illustrious ghost—no less a chap than Owd Hamlet, th’ suvverin uv anyshunt Denmark; un’ theerefore a rail King’s ghost (beawt patent). But that may akeawnt fer its peevishness, its tricks, un’ its uncommon way o’ introducin’ itsel’. It wouldn’t appear aw at wonst; at fust it showed its yed; then, giving itsel’ a wry neck, it lugged in its showders un its breast; then it disappeart, un’ shortly begun to ascend wi’ its legs un’ feet, or else a pair uz it had borrowed fro’ a nayburin’ corpse, uppermost; un’ when it had getten so far in seet as its sternum, it flittert abeawt in an ungrayshus manner, as if tryin’ to doance th’ Cure on its yed. Praps it wur because it wur a King’s ghost that it wur so wilful, un’ tried to be so unnatural in its ways, for some o’ th’ owd kings wur rum jockies, un’, for owt we know, owd Hamlet met be loike owd George Thard, who, Byron says, geet into heaven by mistake, wi’ his yed under his arm, not havin’ any use for it in a place wheere good thowts un good principles are alone acceptable. Owd Hamlet met be labburin’ under an idea that Lankishire wur a place in which a chap would be uv as mitch service to his felly crayturs when stonnin’ on his yed as when reort up i’ th’ ushual style on his feet.
“This ghostly bizness is cawd an ‘optical illushun.’ Shouldn’t it be cawd an ‘optical delushun’? Aw know aw never seed as monny pairs o’ optics so noicely chetted as there wur on this occashun. Professor Buck’s kunjurashuns we know beforehond are nowt but decepshuns; but aw’ll be flogged if i’th’ way o’ bamboozlin’ one’s wits, un’ makin th’ sense uv seet counifogle aw eawr other senses, he isn’t far ayed o’ King’s ghost—a very prince besoide a regilur muff.
“Neaw Pepper’s ghosts, they say, are genuine, are wot they’re professed to be—foine specimens uv wot true science un’ profershunal skill con accomplish. When aw th’ whole bevy o’ King’s ghosts are mustert, they’re not, placed alungsoide o’ one Pepper, wuth so mitch as a pinch o’ sawt; though, by th’ way ’at they try to catch owd brids, they met have a lerge stock on hond o’ th’ latter herticle.
“But, moind yoa, aw dunnot blame Mestur Harwood, th’ lesse o’ th’ Haw. Now, not I; he, aw understond, has been done as weel, nay to a bigger tune, than th’ public; un’ that he’s doubly vext to think that he should, aimin’ at producin’ every novelty ’ut’s wuth presentin’ to th’ public, pay his good money for a bad ghost! Un’ to aw th’ professhunals engaged at th’ establishment it mun be awfully mortifyin’; for wot gives ’um th’ horrors mooar than an ominous convicshun that th’ ghost winnot wawk? Heawever, if awm reetly informt, King’s ghost is to vanish, un’ Pepper’s is to appear in its place. This shows a determinashun not to be done wi’ a pousy Jack-o-lantern.
“By th’ Music Haw Journal aw see too that Stead, th’ original Cure, un’ Mestur Ware, th’ author uv so monny comic sungs, are to appear next wick. Booath o’ theese chaps aw seed i’ Lunnun, when aw went to look at th’ Eggsibishun; un’, my word, if they dunnot make Lankishire foak lowf away aw unpleasant dreoms, un’ shift aw th’ bile left by th’ ghost, awm no judge, that’s aw! So, there’s no need to despair. As Shakspere says, ‘Shadows avaunt!’ un’ make way for substanshul entertainments.—Yours gradely,
“August 7, 1863.
Kit Skewift.”
Towards the end of May, 1863, the audiences increased enormously at the Royal Polytechnic, so that it became necessary to have a select afternoon performance, the admission fee being raised from 1s. to 2s. 6d. on Saturday mornings only. It was at this period that I was honoured with a visit from their Royal Highnesses the Prince and Princess of Wales and suite; and after the performance had been witnessed by them, I showed the Prince and Princess how the ghost was raised, and explained to my distinguished audience all the machinery and appliances used. Some of the suite amused the Prince by becoming ghosts, and the following notice appeared the next morning in the Times, May 20th, 1863:—
“Yesterday morning, by special command, Professor Pepper had the honour of delivering his ghost lecture before their Royal Highnesses the Prince and Princess of Wales, and the Prince and Princess Louis of Hesse, who were attended by the Countess of Macclesfield, Baroness Von Schenck, Major Teesdale, and Captain Westerweller. The distinguished party were received by Professor Pepper, and after being conducted round the galleries passed to the large theatre, where a commodious Royal box had been prepared for their reception. At the conclusion of the lecture, by the invitation of Professor Pepper, they went behind the scenes, and examined with much interest the machinery and appliances for producing the Polytechnic ‘ghost.’ At the conclusion, their Royal Highnesses graciously thanked the directors of the institution, and after shaking hands with Professor Pepper, retired.”—The Times, May 20th, London, England.
“The ghosts of the Polytechnic, which manifest themselves as a startling appendix to Mr. Pepper’s ‘Strange Lecture’ on optical illusions, have proved singularly attractive, and when the hour arrives for their appearance the lecture room becomes as crowded as the pit of a theatre on the night of Boxing-day.”—(Second Notice), The Times, Jan. 20th, London, England.
The real element of success in the production of “The Strange Story,” however, must be assigned to the ghost.
So many base and servile imitators now appeared with a sorry imitation of the Polytechnic ghost that it became necessary to send the following advertisement to all the London papers:—
ADVERTISEMENT.
“Caution to persons pirating Professor Pepper’s Ghost. —Messrs. Dircks and Pepper are the sole Patentees of the Ghost invention. The third and last hearing took place before Sir Roundell Palmer, the Solicitor-General, on Saturday the 15th August, 1863, when he decided in favour of Messrs. Dircks and Pepper.”
I also addressed the following letter to the Press:—
“Polytechnic Institution,
“309, Regent Street, London,
“21st August, 1863.
“To the Editor of ______
“Sir,
“On public grounds I venture to call your attention to the fact that many persons are now going about the country endeavouring to pirate effects to be produced by the apparatus patented by Mr. Dircks and myself, and to deceive the public by giving them an exhibition with which they are certain to be disgusted, and with which I have nothing to do. I beg to enclose one of the numerous statements I have received from different parts of the country alluding to the imposture now so commonly practised. I shall esteem it a favour if you would insert this and the accompanying statement in your valuable journal.
“I am, Sir,
“Your obedient Servant,
“John Henry Pepper.”
I won all the cases taken into Court against persons using my name in a fraudulent manner, and in one flagrant instance the Magistrates gave the impostor fourteen days’ imprisonment for “getting money under false pretences.”
The famous savant Mon. l’Abbé Moigné, of Paris, wrote the brief notice of the ghost which is here copied from his journal called Les Mondes, May, 1863:—