JOSH SETTLES UP WITH HIS CORRESPONDENTS SUMMARILY.
“Philander.”—If yu borrow ov the Devil, yu must keep yure eye peeled wide open, for the Devil always takes a mortgage, and seldum takes one, that he fails tew foreclose.
“Plato.”—Mi experience, az far az i have got, iz this, that i kan most alwus find out the style ov milk in enny man’s moral kokernutt, by hearing hiz opinion ov hiz nearest nabors, for men are quite apt tew dam in others, what they hav got the most ov themselfs, and praze what they have got the least ov.
“Pindar.”—The strongest sentiment in woman iz modesty, and the next strongest iz a silk dress, made in the fashion. The strongest sentiment in man iz money, and the next strongest iz 10 per cent. for the use ov it.
“Phillip.”—If yu expekt to win, yu hav got to suffer,—the bible tells us that heaven must be taken with hard knocks.
“Pan.”—Fame iz very mutch like good health, them men who hunt for it the most find it the least.
“Powell.”—Luv at fust sight iz perhaps a leetle risky, but it iz the richest, and most lastingest luv the heart ever feels.
“Postboy.”—Marrying for munny, iz much like falling out ov a third story winder, if yu happen tew make a good strike, it iz a fust-rate excuse for never trying it again.
“Peacock.”—Yu will find in yure journey through this vale ov tears and valley ov dispair, mutch tew fill yure soul with anguish, and dissapointments bitter:—thare iz one thing partickularly apt tew go back ov a yung man, whoze buzzum iz trieing tew bust with hope, and that iz—hiz mustash.
“Pilot.”—A man may hav a grate deal ov edukashun, and not be verry wize, after awl; jist az he may hav a heap ov strength, and not know the best holts.
“Pilgarlick.”—Yu ask me the best way tew make berlony sarsage. Here iz the best, and only way:
Take an eel, about six feet in length, and about one feet in wideness, (git a lively eel if possibel); skin the eel lengthways from hed to foot, and stuff the skin with pulvarized gutty perchy, and equal parts ov merino wool; seazon with Scotch snuff and asserfedity, hang it up bi the tail in a Duch grosery for 4 months, for the flies tew giv it the trade marks; it iz then awl reddy for use, and kan be cut up into right lengths, and sold for police clubs.
This kind ov sarsidge iz the only one who took a gold medal at the Paris imposition.
“Pharaoh.”—It iz an actewal fackt that most ov us work harder, tew seem happy, than we should have to, to be happy.
“Pedro.”—Before yu buy the hoss yu speak ov, look him 477 over cluss, but don’t examin him much afterward, for fear yu may cum across sumthing that yu are looking after. This iz a good rule tew foller when yu take a wife.
“Pontoon.”—The principal art in flying a kite iz tew git the tail the right heft; tew mutch tail to things iz jist what haz spilte a whole parcel ov clever kites.
“Palmer.”—Early impreshions are like the dews on the young flowers, soon dried off, but what the fragrance iz made of.
“Pinchback.”—Don’t beleave more than half that yu hear, rumor haz got rising ov 600 toungs, and can lie faster with each one of them than Dexter can trot to an anatomy waggon.
“Palmer.”—In reply to yure kind and numerous letter, i am happy tew state that mi age iz a profound sekret, but i waz born in the old-fashioned way in the old ov the moon, am long, but crooked, don’t beleaf in speerits (not even Jamaka speerits;) am married, or waz twenty years ago, and hav every reazon to beleave that I am now; hav never raized enny boys to mi knowledge, on account ov their liability tew git out ov repair; hav turned mi attenshion tew girl children; hav two ov that specie, one ov whom iz now boarding with a yung feller; mi hair iz black, and quite tall behind; i wear a mustash, and number 10 pegged boots; hav a sangunary temperament, and a billyus noze; eat az other folks do, except roasted gooze; roasted gooze iz not one ov mi weaknesses, I kan eat two ov them, and then take a little more ov that are goose; I work for mi bread and roast goose; hav a grey eye, and am alwus az reddy tew wag az the next dog—this iz me. I forgot to state that I waz brought up by a Presbeterian Church in Massachusetts, and am a good job.