THE STIFF MAN.
The Stiff Man looks down, when he walks, upon folks. He don’t seem tew hav but one limber jinte in him, and that iz lokated in hiz noze.
He is a kind of maskuline turkey, on parade in a barn-yard.
He iz generally loaded with wisdum clear up tew the muzzell, 358 and when he goes oph, makes a noize like a cannon, but don’t dew enny dammage.
I hav seen him fire into a crowd, and miss evry man.
This kind ov stiff man iz verry handy tew flatter. They seem tew know they ain’t entitled tu a good artikle, and, tharefore, are satisfied with hard soap.
Thare ain’t but fu men who git stiff on what they acktually know, but most aul ov them git stiff on what they acktually feel.
Stiff men are called aristokrats, but this ain’t so. Thare ain’t no such thing as aristokrats in this country.
The country ain’t long enuff yet, unless a man haz got sum Indian in him.
Az a gen’ral thing, stiff men git mad dredful eazy, and have tew git over it dredful eazy, bekauze folks ain’t apt tew git a big skare at what they ain’t afraid ov.
Stiff man had a grandfather once, who went tew Congress from our distrikt, and thare ain’t one in the whole family that hav been able tew git limber sinse.