THE STRIPED SNAIK.
The striped snaix is one ov the garden varietys. They inhabit door yards, and stun heaps down at the foot ov the garden, and piles ov old boards, and weedy spots, and grass generally.
They are the domestik snaik, if thare iz enny such thing, and are really az harmless az an old garter, but az full ov fraid tew almost every boddy, az a torpedo.
The fust snaix, we hav enny ackount ov much, waz the devil, surnamed bellyzebubb, who wiggled his way into the Garden of Eden, and without a single trump in hiz hand, beat our two original ansesstors, out ov joy inneffible, and glory halleluyer forever, and gave them in exchange for it sorrow without stint, and wo unutterabel. This was an unkommon poor trade for the human family. All snaiks are sneaks, and steal around on their slippry stummuks, az still, and greazy, az lamp ile.
Snaix kant stand the enkroachments ov civilizashun, the seed ov the woman iz alwus after them with a long pole, and a man, post haste for a doktor, will alwuss dismount, and hich hiz animile hoss, tew put an extra hed onto a snaix.
This kind ov treatment has alwus made snaiks raizing a dredful risky bizzness teu follow.
Out ov one thousand snaixs born annually, the staytisstix sho 930 ov them die in a grate hurry, espeshily whare churches and school houses flourish.
I don’t kno ov a more unhelthy spot in the world for a snaix teu settle down and undertaik teu bring up a family than near a distrikt school house.
Let enny body just holler “striped snaix” once, near a distrikt school house, and you will see the snaix begin teu paddle, and the young ones begin tew bile out like hornets out ov their nest, and proceed for that snaix like a flok of young turkeys for a Junebug.
Striped snaiks are about two feet and one haff in length, and about one inch in diameter, and “thareby hangs a tail.”