SATIRE XI.
If Atticus[685] sups extravagantly, he is considered a splendid[686] fellow: if Rutilus does so, he is thought mad. For what is received with louder laughter on the part of the mob, than Apicius[687] reduced to poverty?
Every club,[688] the baths, every knot of loungers, every theatre,[689] is full of Rutilus. For while his sturdy and youthful limbs are fit to bear arms,[690] and while he is hot in blood, he is driven[691] (not indeed forced to it, but unchecked by the tribune) to copy out[692] the instructions and imperial commands of the trainer of gladiators. Moreover, you see many whom their creditor, often cheated of his money, is wont to look out for at the very entrance of the market;[693] and whose inducement to live exists in their palate alone. The greatest wretch among these, one who must soon fail, since his ruin is already as clear[694] as day, sups the more extravagantly and the more splendidly. Meanwhile they ransack all the elements for dainties;[695] the price never standing in the way of their gratification. If you look more closely into it, those please the more which are bought for more. Therefore they have no scruple[696] in borrowing a sum, soon to be squandered, by pawning[697] their plate, or the broken[698] image of their mother; and, with the 400[699] sesterces, seasoning an earthen[700] dish to tickle their palate. Thus they are reduced to the hotch-potch[701] of the gladiator.
It makes therefore all the difference who it is that procures these same things. For in Rutilus it is luxurious extravagance. In Ventidius it takes a praiseworthy name, and derives credit from his fortune.
I should with reason despise the man who knows how much more lofty Atlas is than all the mountains in Libya, yet this very man knows not how much a little purse differs from an iron-bound chest.[702] "Know thyself," came down from heaven:[703] a proverb to be implanted and cherished in the memory, whether you are about to contract matrimony,[704] or wish to be in a part of the sacred[705] senate:—(for not even Thersites[706] is a candidate for the breast-plate of Achilles: in which Ulysses exhibited himself in a doubtful character:[707])—or whether you take upon yourself to defend a cause of great moment. Consult your own powers; tell yourself who you are; whether you are a powerful orator, or like a Curtius, or a Matho,[708] mere spouters.
One must know one's own measure, and keep it in view, in the greatest and in most trifling matters; even when a fish is to be bought. Do not long for a mullet,[709] when you have only a gudgeon in your purse. For what end awaits you, as your purse[710] fails and your gluttony increases: when your patrimony and whole fortune is squandered[711] upon your belly, what can hold your money out at interest, your solid plate, your flocks, and lands?
By such proprietors as these, last of all[712] the ring is parted with, and Pollio[713] begs with his finger bare. It is not the premature funeral pile, or the grave, that is luxury's horror, but old age,[714] more to be dreaded than death itself. These are most commonly the steps: money, borrowed at Rome, is spent before the very owners' faces; then when some trifling residue is left, and the lender of the money is growing pale, they give leg-bail[715] and run to Baiæ and Ostia. For now-a-days to quit the forum[716] is not more discreditable to you than to remove to Esquiline from hot[717] Suburra. This is the only pain that they who flee their country feel, this their only sorrow, to have lost the Circensian games[718] for one[719] year. Not a drop of blood remains in their face; few attempt to detain modesty, now become an object of ridicule and fleeing from the city.
You shall prove to-day by your own experience, Persicus, whether all these things, which are very fine to talk about, I do not practice in my life, in my moral conduct, and in reality: but praise vegetables,[720] while in secret I am a glutton: in others' hearing bid my slave bring me water-gruel,[721] but whisper "cheese-cakes" in his ear. For since you are my promised guest, you shall find me an Evander:[722] you shall come as the Tirynthian, or the guest, inferior indeed to him, and yet himself akin by blood to heaven: the one sent to the skies by water,[723] the other by fire.
Now hear your bill of fare,[724] furnished by no public market.[725]
From my farm at Tibur there shall come a little kid, the fattest and tenderest of the whole flock, ignorant of the taste of grass, that has never yet ventured to browse even on the low twigs of the willow-bed, and that has more milk than blood in his veins: and asparagus[726] from the mountains, which my bailiff's wife, having laid down her spindle, gathered. Some huge eggs besides, and still warm in their twisted hay, shall be served up together with the hens themselves: and grapes kept a portion of the year, just as they were when fresh upon the vines: pears from Signia[727] and Syria: and, from the same basket, apples rivaling those of Picenum,[728] and smelling quite fresh; that you need not be afraid of, since they have lost their autumnal moisture, which has been dried up by cold, and the dangers to be feared from their juice if crude. This would in times gone by have been a luxurious supper for our senate. Curius[729] with his own hands used to cook over his little fire pot-herbs which he had gathered in his little garden: such herbs as now the foul digger in his heavy chain rejects with scorn, who remembers the flavor of the vile dainties[730] of the reeking cook-shop. It was the custom formerly to keep against festival days the flitches of the smoked swine, hanging from the wide-barred rack, and to set bacon as a birthday treat before one's relations, with the addition of some fresh meat, if a sacrificial victim furnished any. Some one of the kin, with the title of "Thrice consul," that had held command in camps, and discharged the dignity of dictator, used to go earlier[731] than his wont to such a feast as this, bearing his spade over his shoulder from the mountain he had been digging on. But when men trembled at the Fabii,[732] and the stern Cato, and the Scauri and Fabricii;[733] and when, in fine, even his colleague stood in dread of the severe character of the strict Censor; no one thought it was a matter of anxiety or serious concern what kind of tortoise[734] floated in the wave of ocean, destined to form a splendid and noble couch for the Trojugenæ. But with side devoid of ornament, and sofas of diminutive size, the brazen front displayed the mean head of an ass wearing a chaplet,[735] at which the country lads laughed in wantonness.
The food then was in keeping with the master of the house and the furniture. Then the soldier, uncivilized, and too ignorant[736] to admire the arts of Greece, used to break up the drinking-cups, the work of some renowned artists, which he found in his share of the booty when cities were overthrown, that his horse might exult in trappings,[737] and his embossed helmet might display to his enemy on the point of perishing, likenesses of the Romulean wild beast bidden to grow tame by the destiny of the empire, and the twin Quirini beneath the rock, and the naked image of the god coming down[738] with buckler and spear, and impending over him. Whatever silver he possessed glittered on his arms[739] alone. In those days, then, they used to serve all their furmety in a dish of Tuscan earthenware: which you may envy, if you are at all that way inclined.[740]
The majesty of temples also was more evidently near[741] to men, and a voice[742] heard about midnight and through the midst of the city, when the Gauls were coming from the shore of ocean, and the gods discharged the functions of a prophet, warned us of these.
This was the care which Jupiter used to show for the affairs of Latium, when made of earthenware,[743] and as yet profaned by no gold. Those days saw tables made of wood grown at home and from our native trees.[744] To these uses was the timber applied, if the east wind had chanced to lay prostrate some old walnut-tree. But now the rich have no satisfaction in their dinner, the turbot and the venison lose their flavor, perfumes and roses seem to lose their smell, unless the broad circumference of the table is supported by a huge mass of ivory, and a tall leopard with wide-gaping jaws, made of those tusks, which the gate of Syene[745] transmits, and the active Moors, and the Indian of duskier hue than the Moor;[746] and which the huge beast has deposited in some Nabathæan[747] glen, as now grown too weighty and burdensome to his head: by this their appetite[748] is whetted: hence their stomach acquires its vigor. For a leg of a table made only of silver is to them what an iron ring on their finger would be: I therefore cautiously avoid a proud guest, who compares me with himself, and looks with scorn on my paltry estate. Consequently I do not possess a single ounce of ivory: neither my chess-board[749] nor my men are of this material; nay, the very handles of my knives are of bone. Yet my viands never become rank in flavor by these, nor does my pullet cut up the worse on that account. Nor yet will you see a carver, to whom the whole carving-school[750] ought to yield the palm, some pupil of the professor Trypherus, at whose house the hare, with the large sow's udders,[751] and the wild boar, and the roebuck,[752] and pheasants,[753] and the huge flamingo,[754] and the wild goat[755] of Gætulia, all forming a most splendid supper, though made of elm, are carved with the blunted knife, and resounds through the whole Suburra. My little fellow, who is a novice, and uneducated all his days, does not know how to take dexterously off a slice of roe, or the wing of a Guinea-hen;[756] only versed in the mysteries of carving the fragments of a small collop.[757]
My slave, who is not gayly dressed, and only clad so as to protect him from cold, will hand you plebeian cups[758] bought for a few pence. He is no Phrygian or Lycian, or one purchased from the slave-dealer[759] and at great price. When you ask for any thing, ask in Latin. They have all the same style of dress; their hair close-cropped and straight, and only combed to-day on account of company. One is the son of a hardy shepherd, another of a neat-herd: he sighs after his mother, whom he has not seen for a long time, and pines for his hovel[760] and his playmate kids. A lad of ingenuous face, and ingenuous modesty; such as those ought to be who are clothed in brilliant purple. He shall hand you wine[761] made on those very hills from which he himself comes, and under whose summit he has played; for the country of the wine and the attendant is one and the same.
Gambling is disgraceful, and so is adultery, in men of moderate means. Yet when rich men commit all those abominations, they are called jovial, splendid fellows. Our banquet to-day will furnish far different amusements. The author of the Iliad[762] shall be recited, and the verses of high-sounding Mars, that render the palm doubtful. What matter is it with what voice such noble verses are read?[763] But now having put off all your cares, lay aside business, and allow yourself a pleasing respite, since you will have it in your power to be idle all day long. Let there be no mention of money out at interest. Nor if your wife is accustomed to go out at break of day and return at night, let her stir up your bile,[764] though you hold your tongue. Divest yourself at once of all that annoys you, at my threshold. Banish all thoughts of home and servants, and all that is broken and wasted[765] by them—especially forget ungrateful friends! Meantime, the spectacles of the Megalesian towel[766] grace the Idæan solemnity: and, like one in a triumph, the prey of horses, the prætor, sits: and, if I may say so without offense to the immense and overgrown crowd, the circus to-day incloses the whole of Rome;[767] and a din reaches my ears, from which I infer the success of the green faction.[768] For should it not win, you would see this city in mourning and amazement, as when the consuls were conquered in the dust[769] of Cannæ. Let young men be spectators of these, in whom shouting and bold betting, and sitting by a trim damsel is becoming. Let our skin,[770] which is wrinkled with age, imbibe the vernal sun and avoid the toga'd crowd. Even now, though it wants a whole hour to the sixth, you may go to the bath with unblushing brow. You could not do this for five successive days; because even of such a life as this there would be great weariness. It is a more moderate use[771] that enhances pleasures.