CHAPTER FIFTEEN
We came upon Sabrina seated alone at a table in the rear of a cafe; her hat was tilted rakishly over one ear, a couple of strands of hair were hanging down over her forehead, a bright spot glowed on each cheek and her eyes had a dim, moist appearance. The table was covered with glasses and bottles and the chairs looked as if they had been hastily shoved back.
As we approached her she waved her hand joyfully and exclaimed, 'Welcome bri' Springtime. Wel-come to our country village. You—you behold in me the only living survivor of the wreck of the Hesperus. Parade ri' up, and give the waiter your hat, coat and vest and bevy in. Though I have just given nineteen dollars' worth of hair puffs away as sou-sou-ven—you say it, I feel like a new born child. Once again I am care fre' and heart fre'. Tra la la la le. I have just decorated Wilbur with the sacred order of the bee and I—hurray! hurray!—am no longer a near-bride. Take it fr'm muh I feel so happy I don' care if I get spots all over the fron' of my waist. I feel like a lark. Yes shur, a bottled-in-bond lark. Whatever that ish. An' I still got the engagemen' ring at that.
"Waiter! Waiter! Garsong! Thish gentleman has a few words to shay to you, an' don' take no for an answer. Oh, yes, you arch your eyebrows in sus-sus-picioning and shay that I have been two-stepping around the juniper bowl and I will answer, 'Right O!' Just like that.
"I make it a rule to cel'brate all suspicious occasions by revelry and goo' cheer. Oh, won' I have a head in the morning! But now.
"Behold I appear as Columbine! I toil not neither do I spin. Listen, my dear. The last two days have been fraught—whatever that is—with incidences that would bring gray hairs to the head of much stronger women than I.
"It came off last night. I was out to supper with a couple of gentlemen—Wilbur and an-another gent. We were so busy talking things over that I didn't get to the theater until the middle of the first act. My, I never saw a man so peevish as that stage manager. I had no more than exchanged the courtesies of the day with the stage doorkeeper and asked after his sick child than that mut-faced sneeze that calls himself a stage manager had the nerve to rush up an fine me five dollars. Wha'da you think of that?
"I told him that I positively refused to appear the rest of the evening. Then he told me that I was fired? What do you know about that? I said, calm and dignified, like the perfec' lady I am, 'All ri', you can do as you please with your old show, I don't care, I don't care, nothing bothers me,' and with those kind words I caper up to the dressing room and take that expensive gown I wear in the third act and stuck it in the wash bowl and turned on the water. It needed cleaning anyway. Then I put a few things that oughta belong to me in my makeup box and beat it.
"I had to kiss everybody in the company goo' bye and that made the stage wait and the manager came chasing around without any goat and tol' me never to darken his door again. That's all ri' with muh. His blooming door was dark enough anyway. Then I waltz back to where Wilbur and the gentleman are and break the news. Wilbur gets sore, for since I commenced wearing those pink tights he doped out a great dramatic career for me. And naturally he was vexed. For he saw no show of being able to lay off work.
"Wilbur started to chide me. I was in too gra' a nervousness state to be chid' an' I tol' him sho. Did he have compassion and pity on muh in my vis-vis-situdes? No! Abso-o-o-lutely no! I says all ri' old top, if you look at it that way I guess I can bear up through the heat of the day without your assistance, an' if it's just the same to you I will toddle ri' along and peddle my matches.
"Wilbur pricks up his ears at those few words and tries to copper his remarks, but not for a minute could I see through the fog.
"I just gather up my skirt and sweep majestically out of the room, jump into taxicab and proceed to hunt pleasure and relaxation. What do you know about that?
"Ah! here is the little waiter with his shining morning face. Get me another one of the same and keep your eagle eye on these gentlemen's mugs and see that they do not get dry. Say, take it from me, if I felt any better I'd break out in a rash. I abso-o-o-o-lutely have no regard for the future. I don' care whether school keeps or not, and Curfew can ring her young head off for all I care. I am going to make old Omar feel like a temperance lecturer before I get through this celebration. I am willing to drink everything but 'Merry Widow' cocktails, for they make you want to steal your own clothes.
"I was expecting to enjoy a box at Ted Marks' big pow-wow at the New
York this afternoon, but I fear me at about that time the only thing I
will be in condition to attend will be the usual hang-over party in the
Metropole.
"Mr. Marks is sure the one clever party. He's going to organize a club called 'The Human Nightkeys.' Any one that goes to bed before daylight is barred. Lee Harrison offered his services as sergeant-of-arms to see that the rule is observed.
"Now that Summer is coming on this sleep question is getting shoved off in a dark corner by itself. It always was a waste of time.
"I don't care a whoop for the best man that breathes and now that I have slipped Wilbur the go'-by I shall never fall in love with one of his sex again. Tell muh, do I look all ri'. I haven't detailed the rest of this adventure, have I? Well, I left Wilbur and met a nice quiet party that was singing 'We're Afraid to Go Home in the Dark' over in Jack's and I at once began to mingle. They were all good fellows, so I nearly gave them heart trouble by ordering wine for the crowd.
"I will not endeavor to chronicle the amount of lush I tucked away. I will only state that if I had not been a good friend to the bell hops I never would have gotten upstairs.
"Estelle, that's muh maid, was sitting up with her face to the pane waiting for me to come home, and just to show her how grateful I was I gave her all of Wilbur's pictures and all the change I had in my stocking. Waiter, you are forgetting your duties in part.
"I finally got to bed and then I pulled off the big cry. Booze, you understand, and not because I lost that hot-air shooting, lush-working, expense-account-grubbing wah of a Wilbur. I should say not. Don't think that I wear pink tights and can't get the best man that ever breathed.
"I am not a bit like that Glonesganes creature. Why, she actually throws herself at the head of every man she meets. Honest, you can't take her out to supper in a crowd before she's engaged to some two or three in the party. Fact. Ask any of the girls. We all swore to tell the same story about her.
"Am I going back on the stage. Well, I should hope so, dear. What do you think I would do with myself if I didn't have to beat it to the shop at least once a day. I tried it once when I first got my fortune, but life became so monotonous and I got so fat that I had to start rehearsing in order to get back to my former self.
"Say, I think the last dipperful made me feel better. Waiter, come out of your trance. Gee, but I do feel great.
"Won't you all have a little something to eat. A steak smothered in pickles or something like that. Go as far as you like. You know I ain't that kind of a girl. When I'm treating there's no entries scratched. Go ahead do as you please. I ain't going to get married, so I don't have to save my money.
"You just watch Wilbur hedge. I got spies out and they say he's been in every cafe in town looking for me. Wants to make up. Watch little birdie here. If he comes monkeying around me again I'll pick up one of these and knock him clean out from under his hat. Trifler. How I ever fell for him certainly gets me. How anybody could love a press agent or an actor gets me for that matter. I have been crossed in love and am running no more chances.
"I shall never get married. Never! That statement is for publication. I shall live in peace and quiet near some good cafe and drown my old age in mixed drinks.
"You needn't think I am soused, but I am going to tell you this. Unless Wilbur and I make up the Friar Festival will have to get along without my services. Why, I got every John in town so bunked that every time they see me coming they take it on the run for some place that I can't get to 'em, 'cause I lance 'em for a pair of seats every time our trails cross.
"I lost eight dinner engagements last week just on that account and what do I get for it? Ice water. That's all.
"Wilbur rushes up and demands more seats and the committee thinks he is having an awful rush of business and its muh with my shoulder to the wheel. I had a run in with Wilbur already about the Friar Girl that Harrison Fisher drew on the front of the programme. Wilbur told me that I could have the job and I finds out that he told everybody in the company the same thing. Press agents is crafty people. And he can play both ends against the middle in a manner that would make your hair curl.
"I don't care! I don't care! Wilbur can run and make faces at himself. Nothing bothers muh. Waiter, are you asleep at the switch? I am no longer a fiancee. I am a free woman.
"Say, what'yer going to do 'morrow? Let's get one of these taxicab things and see if we can't run it to death.
"I never found the limit yet on one of those gasmeter attachments, an' I am the inquisitive soul. Line out to Claremont or some of those foolish places. Sure, we'll start early, about noon, and enjoy the beautiful Spring-air and highballs. Are you on? Sure I'll be there with my hair in a braid. I am the Rural Kid these days and a stunt like that suits me from the ground up.
"Who is that coming in the door? Why, its Wilbur! He sees me! Do I look all ri'? Here, Wilbur, here. Sit down and have a drink, dear, I have been looking for you everywhere. Forget that deal last night. So long fellows. Waiter give me the check; I don't care what becomes of my money now."
Sabrina gives an automobile party to several of her friends so that they may enjoy the country air, but after investigating the atmosphere carefully the opinion of the entire party is that the only healthful ozone is that that comes out of a champagne bottle.