Twentieth Century Culture and Deportment / Or the Lady and Gentleman at Home and Abroad; Containing Rules of Etiquette for All Occasions, Including Calls; Invitations; Parties; Weddings; Receptions; Dinners and Teas; Etiquette of the Street; Public Places, Etc., Etc. Forming a Complete Guide to Self-Culture; the Art of Dressing Well; Conversation; Courtship; Etiquette for Children; Letter-Writing; Artistic Home and Interior Decorations, Etc.

by Maud C. Cooke

Letters of Condolence

should be written very soon after the occurrence of the sorrowful event, and, while brief, should not be cold and formal; neither should they touch the opposite extreme, and, by dwelling with maddening iteration upon the fresh sorrow, harrow anew the stricken soul of the mourner. The occasion should never be seized upon as a text for a sermon on resignation, nor should frequent reference be made to various like bereavements suffered by the writer. These comparisons only wound, for “there is no sorrow like unto my sorrow,” has ever been the cry of the stricken soul. And when friends have done their little all, each mourner still feels the truth of Lowell’s lines:

“Condole if you will, I can bear it,

’Tis the well-meant alms of breath,

Yet all of the preachings since Adam

Cannot make Death other than Death.”

Yet friends cannot deny themselves the privilege of a few loving words, and a letter on the loss of a beloved daughter might be as follows:

Cape May, June 1, 189—.

My dear Mrs. Sutherland:

I cannot resist my desire to write you a few words of love and sorrow; only a few, for my heart is full and words seem very weak. Thank God, my friend, for the nineteen beautiful years that ended that morning in May.

If you could but know how sweet and tender a recollection she has left enshrined in the hearts of her friends, and all the loving, gracious utterances that are offered to her memory! It is well with Alice in heaven; that it may be well with you on earth, in the days that are to come, is the prayer of

Your loving friend,
Marie.

To a friend who has sustained a financial loss might be written:

Tonawanda, N. Y., November 12, 189—.

My dear Blake:

The first announcement that I had of your severe financial loss was through the morning paper. I can only express my sorrow at the event and my indignation over the falsity of the cashier in whom you placed so much confidence.

Hoping that you have employed the best of detective skill, and that you will succeed in recovering a portion, at least, of the sequestrated funds, I am,

Yours sincerely,
George G. Parsons.

Mr. Fletcher Blake,
President of the First National Bank, Aurora, Minn.

It must be remembered that letters of condolence, unlike those of congratulation, are not expected to receive an early answer, and, in case of very deep affliction, may remain seemingly unnoticed, save perhaps, after a time, by cards of thanks.