A Witness Against His Will
Judge:—“Constable, bring in the next witness!” (Constable beckons to a man by the door to step up.)
Judge:—“What is your name?”
Peter:—“Peter Lerch.”
Judge:—“How old are you?”
Peter:—“I don’t think that’s necessary to tell.”
Judge (severely):—“Will you tell me at once, how old you are?”
Peter:—“Thirty-three years.”
Judge:—“Are you a Lutheran or a Catholic?”
Peter:—“But, your Honor——”
Judge (interrupting him):—“If you dare to interrupt me again——”
Peter (quickly):—“I’m a Lutheran.”
Judge:—“Are you related to the accused or in their service?”
Peter (indignant):—“I? to those? Rather not! What is your Honor thinking of?” (Laughter in the courtroom.)
Judge:—“Refrain from all improper remarks! Raise your hand and take the oath.”
Peter:—“Oh, but really your Honor, that’s too much.”
Judge (rises and cries furiously):—“I’ll have you arrested, if you dare to contradict again. Raise your hand and repeat the oath after me.” (Peter does it meekly.)
Judge:—“And now what have you to say?”
Peter:—“The Colonel sends his regards, and asks you to come to dinner to-night at eight o’clock. The deer he shot yesterday has arrived.”
Judge:—“What on earth—— Aren’t you a witness?”
Peter:—“No, your Honor; I’m the Colonel’s orderly. Not finding you at home I came here; and when I asked for you, the Constable showed me in here.”