ACTIONS OUTDOORS
Section 1. When walking alone a quick step is to be taken; the toes must be turned out. Never run into a person, if ordinary care can prevent it, and especially give way to a lady, no matter how you may meet. Always keep to the right of the sidewalk, and never pass in front of a lady coming at right angles at a street corner, unless a distance of six feet intervene between said lady and the crossing-point when you reach it. In bowing when alone the hat should be carried quickly down to the right, or left if left-handed, till the back of the hand strikes the hip, then slowly replaced on the head. The taking-off of the hat is to be accompanied by a slight forward inclination of the body and a smile of recognition.
Unless the cause of the act is known to the lady as well as yourself, never cut her, that is, do not look at her and refuse absolutely to return her bow, but recognize it in an indifferent manner sufficient to convey the fact that something is wrong, and that the return bow was forced, while still it is polite. If you know a lady whom you dislike and have no desire to recognize, never look at her in passing, as you would thus invite recognition, and would be exceedingly impolite in cutting her. When you meet a person walking, and that awkward dodging in the effort to pass occurs, always stop and turn slightly to the right till the other has passed on. If it be a lady, the expression “Pardon” is to be used as she passes. If you step on a man’s foot, address him with an apology merely; if on a lady’s, the apology must be accompanied by a slight bow. Never carry a parcel of any kind: if a hat is to be taken to the store, carry it in a leather case; if articles of wear, carry them in a satchel. Do not wear too large a boutonnière; a few dozen violets or two or three pinks, or a few sprays of lily of the valley, or a few pansies, or a very small red rosebud for afternoon, and as few leaves as possible. For the evening a few sprays of hyacinth or lily of the valley is the only proper buttonhole bouquet.
2. When walking with a lady keep either a military step, or if her step is too short for your comfort, then take a Newport drag pace, taking care that the body does not rise much, thus preventing a see-saw appearance. Always walk on the side nearest the curbstone, except in the case of a very crowded street, when it may be the most convenient for the lady to walk on your right. A distance of half a foot should be kept between the lady and yourself at all times when the walk is not crowded; this is necessary always in the daytime, and also in the evening unless the acquaintance is such as permits taking arms. Never lock arms in the daytime. Always pay attention if your companion is speaking; your mind should not be distracted by persons or objects passing; there is nothing more unsatisfactory and disagreeable to a young lady than for her to realize that she is unheard and unheeded. When with a lady it is unnecessary to stop at all to permit another lady to pass when coming at right angles, as is necessary when alone. When raining always hold the umbrella; when sunny never offer to, or hold a parasol, unless expressly requested to do so; a sunshade is for a lady to hold, and looks out of place in a gentleman’s hand, unless it is a particularly heavy one, or the wind is too strong to permit of the lady carrying it comfortably. If she has a satchel or large parcel when you meet her, immediately offer to carry it.
3. When joining a lady, if coming toward her, wait till she has passed; then turning, join her with the usual or intended salutation, without stopping her. Never come intentionally face to face to join her; she will, presumably, think that you wish to stop, and it is a settled conclusion that a lady and gentleman should never stop to talk on the street; in a party it is permissible only if the several persons thereof have chanced to meet, or are in the act of parting. When joining a lady in the morning on the street only accompany her a few blocks, for the morning is shopping-time, and escorts are seldom desired. Never fail to raise the hat on leaving a lady on the street, or at doors or windows. When it is muddy cross before a lady that she may profit by your action, by crossing in your foot-prints. If very muddy offer your hand for her support in finding good foot-rests. Never carry the cane in the hand next the lady if it is possible to carry it in the other; if not possible, because the other is the useful one, then it should be carried under the arm next to her with that hand placed at the cane-head. The reason of this rule will be understood on reflecting, that if the cane is carried in the useful hand, it must necessarily be conveyed to the other every time a man bows; it is a poor action, and presents an awkward appearance, especially if the cane drops. This rule also applies to umbrellas when rolled. Of course this is plain, as it is not supposed that a gentleman when promenading carries any but these two articles. Never let a lady carry your cane in the city.
When entering a door or passageway, allow the lady to precede you, as is done indoors. When with a lady, and she bows, your bow should be less marked than when alone; the hat is to be raised and carried quickly to the front as low as the chin, then as speedily replaced. When you consider the side you occupy, the advisability of this manner of bowing is at once seen on reflecting that a sweeping bow would more or less interfere with the continuation of your companion’s recognition of the third party, which is a complaint the majority of young ladies set up. In giving a lady soda-water or other cooling drink, do not allow her to use her own kerchief, but insist upon her using one of your own; a gentleman should always carry two. Also, in view of the fact that many pockets in dresses are difficult to discover immediately, the gentleman should thus be prepared for emergencies. If walking in the afternoon with a lady, and you are overtaken by darkness, do not continue, but immediately board a horse-car, enter a stage, or have your carriage follow and meet you, and thus return. This rule is on the principle that ladies and gentlemen should not walk the streets after dark, and this principle is universally approved of by society. The walk to and from cars to attend theaters in the evening, is a different matter entirely, and cannot be offered in opposition to the above rule (as many have claimed), as it is confined to only a few particular streets, and has nothing whatever to do with avenue promenades; besides, it is understood that crossing to theaters is compulsory, and so excusable. In taking a lady for a walk, you should always provide her with a fair-sized bouquet of violets, if popular, or, if not, of roses to harmonize with her type, whether blonde or brunette; or any class of flowers which you know would suit her taste, provided they are not out of style, or unsuited to the season or for street wear, or perhaps too loud for her general appearance.
4. When with a lady, always pay her fare in a public conveyance, at a ticket office, or gate, or any place where fare is demanded, unless she has a ticket for the occasion.
If in the vehicle, at the office, or gate, or any place requiring the payment of fare, and you meet a lady friend who has not as yet paid her fare, do not offer to do so for her, as it is very bad form, and presents the appearance of a desire on your part to let people know you have money, and the act more or less reflects upon the lady’s purse. If accompanying a lady into a store, do not offer to buy her this and that; such an act is simply out of consideration; it is an affront to her purse, and she rejects your offer; no lady would accept it unless for some very trifling purchase.
5. When in any crowded public conveyance, a lady gets in, always rise immediately and notify her of the vacancy. Do not think, because you are tired, you are justified in keeping the seat, for you do not know but that the lady is just as tired as yourself. Again, when you see a small space between two ladies, do not try to wedge yourself in; it is better to be uncomfortable yourself, than to cause discomfort to the ladies. Do not lean over or against a lady when holding the strap overhead, and she is seated below. Always, if next the fare-box, offer to deposit a lady’s fare, especially in stages. Never in city conveyances, if a conductor is at hand, offer your assistance in raising or lowering a window, but solicit the conductor to do it for you; if none is upon or in the conveyance, then lend your help.
6. When asking a lady to drive, do so only on an advanced acquaintance, and do not keep her out after dark. Take care not to allow the whip to dangle in her face, and, in urging on the horses, do so in an easy manner, without that sudden start which throws the lady so violently back in her seat. Do not talk about horses; it is a very poor subject, and savors of poor taste. In calling for a lady do not keep her waiting, but have the vehicle at the door on time. If possible to leave the reins loose on the horses, step out and help the lady into the vehicle, then pass round to the other side and take your seat, carefully adjusting the lap-robe over both. Do not keep up a continuous chuckle to the horses, as it is a very monotonous sound, but use the whip. A full driving suit should always be worn if a lady accompanies you. Always wear gloves in driving. If you have spirited horses to handle, it is not necessary while driving to take off the hat when recognizing a person; a smile and an inclination of the head are sufficient, for taking off the hat interferes considerably with your management of the animals, and has often resulted in serious accidents. Do not take a lady riding in the morning. The afternoon from three till five is the proper time. Never on any account drive on Sunday. Never take a lady in a light wagon or buggy, or out with fast horses, in the city, for it is not stylish; in fact, such turnouts are common, as in use only by sporting men or horse lovers.
7. Riding should be confined to the morning as much as possible, and a complete outfit worn upon all occasions. Especially is this urged when with a lady. Always keep head and neck of your own horse beyond your companion’s, if a lady, in view of being able and prepared to assist her in case of fright or accident to her horse. Always assist her in mounting and alighting from her horse.
8. Sailing is a pastime which can be indulged in at leisure by a gentleman who knows a thing or two about such pleasure; whether he has confidence in his ability or not, if he ventures upon that pleasure he does so at his own risk. But when he has a lack of knowledge, and lack of confidence in his ability to handle a boat, not under any consideration should he venture to invite a lady to accompany him. To take ladies sailing, when you are ignorant of the methods of handling sailing craft, is a risk that often has frightful results; these have been often seen, where summer men who know positively nothing about the art of sailing have issued invitations, and ventured on their perilous, uncertain pleasure. Always take a skipper, and no danger will arise. Take care to look first after the comfort of the ladies, and always provide cushions, field-glasses, and especially ice-water in view of a calm. This latter is very often neglected, to the great distress of the ladies when the boat is becalmed. The writer can safely make this suggestion, as he had such an experience himself.
