ELEGY V.
He addresses his mistress, whom he has detected acting falsely towards him.
Away with thee, quivered Cupid: no passion is of a value so great, that it should so often be my extreme wish to die. It is my wish to die, as oft as I call to mind your guilt. Fair one, born, alas! to be a never-ceasing cause of trouble! It is no tablets rubbed out [339] that discover your doings; no presents stealthily sent reveal your criminality. Oh! would that I might so accuse you, that, after all, I could not convict you! Ah wretched me! and why is my case so stare? Happy the man who boldly dares to defend the object which he loves; to whom his mistress is able to say, "I have done nothing wrong." Hard-hearted is he, and too much does he encourage his own grief, by whom a blood-stained victory is sought in the conviction of the accused.
To my sorrow, in my sober moments, with the wine on table, [342] I myself was witness of your criminality, when you thought I was asleep. I saw you both uttering many an expression by moving your eyebrows; [343] in your nods there was a considerable amount of language. Your eyes were not silent, [344] the table, too, traced over with wine; [345] nor was the language of the fingers wanting; I understood your discourse, [346] which treated of that which it did not appear to do; the words, too, preconcerted to stand for certain meanings. And now, the tables removed, many a guest had gone away; a couple of youths only were there dead drunk. But then I saw you both giving wanton kisses; I am sure that there was billing enough on your part; such, in fact, as no sister gives to a brother of correct conduct, but rather such as some voluptuous mistress gives to the eager lover; such as we may suppose that Phoebus did not give to Diana, but that Venus many a time save to her own dear Mars.
"What are you doing?" I cried out; "whither are you taking those transports that belong to me? On what belongs to myself, I will lay the hand of a master, [347] These delights must be in common with you and me, and with me and you; but why does any third person take a share in them?"
This did I say; and what, besides, sorrow prompted my tongue to say; but the red blush of shame rose on her conscious features; just as the sky, streaked by the wife of Tithonus, is tinted with red, or the maiden when beheld by her new-made husband; [348] just as the roses are beauteous when mingled among their encircling lilies; or when the Moon is suffering from the enchantment of her steeds; [349] or the Assyrian ivory [350] which the Mæonian woman has stained, [351] that from length of time it may not turn yellow. That complexion of hers was extremely like to these, or to some one of these; and, as it happened, she never was more beauteous than then. She looked towards the ground; to look upon the ground, added a charm; sad were her features, in her sorrow was she graceful. I had been tempted to tear her locks just as they were, (and nicely dressed they were) and to make an attack upon her tender cheeks.
When I looked on her face, my strong arms fell powerless; by arms of her own was my mistress defended. I, who the moment before had been so savage, now, as a suppliant and of my own accord, entreated that she would give me kisses not inferior to those given-to my rival. She smiled, and with heartiness she gave me her best kisses; such as might have snatched his three-forked bolts from Jove. To my misery I am now tormented, lest that other person received them in equal perfection; and I hope that those were not of this quality. [352]
Those kisses, too, were far better than those which I taught her; and she seemed to have learned something new. That they were too delightful, is a bad sign; that so lovingly were your lips joined to mine, and mine to yours. And yet, it is not at this alone that I am grieved; I do not only complain that kisses were given; although I do complain as well that they were given; such could never have been taught but on a closer acquaintanceship. I know not who is the master that has received a remuneration so ample.