A BUMPOLOGICAL LOVE-LETTER.

Divine Louisa,

I need not remind you that last night I felt (not emotions, raptures, and soul-thrilling transports) but your BUMPS. On returning home I also felt my own, and I hasten to inform you that while 17 is throbbing like an earthquake, all my 33 is insufficient to describe my state, on finding that a kind Providence has ordained that for every bump on your beloved head, there rises a corresponding bump on mine. I 18 you do not see them, and in 16 declare that my No. 11 only centres in you.

I do not wish to give a false 26 to what I say, but in the 30 of your becoming mine, my No. 1 will develop No. 2, and all my No. 3 will be directed to 14 for your 13. Dearest girl, need I say more? Nos. 2, 3, 4, are so harmoniously protuberant in both of us, that I can have no doubt of either a large or a happy home. Your 23 and 24, and the 26 on your cheeks, are indeed divine. Sweet soul, do allow your 13 to name as soon as possible your 31 and 27, that no untoward 30's may cross our 17's.

Yours, from 1 to 36,
Bobby Bumpas.

"ASSURANCE."

RULE XIX.
ASSURANCE—INSURANCE.

Assurance or Brass is a rule of the utmost consequence in all monetary transactions; by it miracles have been performed from the earliest ages. A good stock of assurance, i. e. impudence, will carry a man further than even a stock of money, wit, or learning. The brazen head of Friar Bacon, by which he is said to have performed such wonders, was nothing more than a typical personification of the brass, assurance, or impudence of the conjuror. The present prima facie economic method is to wear a brazen face with a wooden head. Mettle, it is true, may be necessary, but "cheek" is indispensable.

Modesty is an antiquated virtue, to be repudiated above all others; and humility is only fit for charity-school boys, who learn the "catechiz." But even among these the notion of "humbly, lowly and reverendly," will soon be exploded by the music and dancing system; the new philosophy of the times being, "Jack's as good as his master" and a "tarnation sight better;" every one feels this assurance.

Be assured, gentle readers, there is nothing like brass; it enables a man to put his best leg forward, and a good face upon any thing. Brass is the true philosopher's stone, which turns all it touches into tin. By it the insignificant makes himself important, the empiric becomes a professor, the smatterer a proficient, the mountebank a philosopher, and the quack an oracle; in short, by this rule, "fools rush in where angels fear to tread."

The rule of Assurance is founded upon the fact, that there are no bounds to human credulity; well sustained assumption, with a very small amount of gumption, being alone requisite for miracles in commerce, trade, politics, or religion.