MADAME LEBOND, No. 175 HUDSON STREET.
The house in which this woman was sojourning at the time of the visit hereinafter described, is a boarding-house, and the room of the Madame is the back parlor on the second floor.
The Individual was received at the door by a short, greasy, dirty man, about forty years of age, who invited him into the front parlor, to wait until the Madame was disengaged. This man, who is an ignorant, half-imbecile person, passes for the husband of the fortune teller, and is known as Doctor Lebond. He is a man of peculiar appearance; the top of his head is perfectly bald, and the fringe of hair about the lower part of it, is twisted into long corkscrew ringlets, that fall low down on his shoulders.
He informed the customer that the Madame was then engaged, but he seemed undecided about the exact nature of her present employment. He first said she was “tellin’ the futur for a young gal;” then she was “engaged with a literary man;” then “a dry-goods merchant wanted to find out if his head clerk didn’t drink;” but finally he said that “Madame L. is a eatin’ of her dinner.” After some ingenious drawing-out, the Doctor vouchsafed the subjoined statement of his business prospects.
“We seen the time when we hadn’t fifteen minutes a day, on account of young gals a comin’ for to have their fortune told; we used to be busy from mornin’ till ten and ’levin o’clock at night a-tellin’ fortunes an’ a doctorin’—but now, we don’t do so much ’cause the young gals don’t like to come to a boardin’-house where young men can see ’em, ’specially in the evenin’. We’s too public here; the young men a-boardin’ here likes for to have the young gals come, they likes for to see ’em in the parlor, but the young gals won’t come so much, ’cause we’s too public. We’ll have for to get another house on account of business.
“I don’t get so much doctorin’ to do as I used to, ’cause we’s too public. I have doctored lots of folks, principally young fellers and young gals, and I can do it right. If you ever get into any trouble you’ll find me and my wife all right; you can come to us—we mean to be all right, and to give everybody the worth of their money, and we is all right.”
By this time, Madame Lebond had finished her dinner, and was waiting in the back parlor. She is a fat, slovenly-looking woman, forty years old or more, having no teeth, and taking prodigious quantities of snuff, which gives her enunciation some peculiar characteristics.
When the Individual first beheld her, she was standing in the middle of the floor, picking her teeth. She requested her visitor to take a seat, and to pay her half-a-dollar, with both of which requests he complied. She then put into his hand the end of a brass tube about an inch in diameter and a foot long, and said: “Give be the tibe of your birth as dear as possible.”
This was done, and the following brief dialogue ensued:—
“Was you bord id the bording?”
“I really don’t remember.”
“Do you have beddy dreabs?”
“I do not dream much.”
“Thed you dod’t have bad dreabs?”
“No.”
“Thed you was bord id the bording,” by which mysterious word she probably meant, “morning.” She then continued:—
“You are a pretty keed sbart chap—sharp id busidess, but dot good id speculatiods, ad you should codfide your attedtiods to busidess. If you keep od as you are goidg dow, ad works hard, ad dod’t bix id bad cobpady, ad is hodest, ad dod’t spend your buddy, you will be rich. You will travel buch—you have travelled buch, but your travels is hardly begud; there is a lodg jourdey at sea dow before you, ad you will start od this jourdey bost udexpectedly; you will always be lucky, ad will be very rich. I dod’t say dothin’ to flatter do wud; lots of fellers ad gals cub here ad I tell theb all jest what I see; if I see bad luck I tell theb so; but yours is all good luck, ad I see lots of it for you. You have had bad luck lately, but you will get over your bad luck for you are a pretty sbardt chap, ad have got a good deal of abbitiod, ad you go ahead pretty well. You will barry a gal—a gal as you have seed but dod’t know. Very well, she is a youdg gal, ad a rich gal, ad a good-lookidg gal; you will dot barry her for sobe tibe, but you will barry her at last. She has a beau ad you will likely have sobe trouble with hib, but you will get the gal at last. The gal has light hair ad blue eyes, ad I cad show her to you if you would like to see her.”
Of course the visitor liked to see her; so he was directed to clasp the brass tube in his right hand, and place his hand over the top. Then she stepped behind his chair and began to go through with some extraordinary manual exercises on his head. She felt of the bumps, she squeezed his head, punched it, jerked it from side to side, and twisted it about in every possible direction. What was the object and intention of this performance she did not disclose, but when she had kneaded his unfortunate skull to her satisfaction, she bade him step to the window and look into the tube.
This he did, and he saw a very dingy-looking daguerreotype of a fair-haired damsel with blue eyes, who bore, of course, not the most distant resemblance to any lady of his acquaintance.
Then the fat Madame had a charm to sell, to be worn about the neck, and never taken off, in which case it would secure for the wearer “good luck” for ever.
The Individual declined to purchase and departed, meeting at the door the curly Doctor, who once again offered his medical services in case the stranger ever got into “trouble,” and who once again assured that person with an air of mystery that “me and my wife is all right—yes, you may depend, we is all right, we is.”