CHAP. XI.
What devices he found out to Cheat his Master; and what ways he had to spend it lavishly, at unseasonable hours, on Wine, Wenches, &c.
The time being come again, for the meeting my snipping Brethren, I went prepared with what I could conveniently carry with me. Seeing me come well fraught, my merchants presently clapt me aboard, resolving not to let my commodities lie long on my hands, our truck was soon agreed on to our mutual contents. Then like true Sons of Bacchus, we trouled the full boles about, wishing him that pledged not his fellow, in a dark rainy night on a tyred Jade bare ridged in a dirty lane, with a pocky Whore behind him, and his own bones rotten, nine Miles from an house, not knowing one step of his way, nor having one penny in his pocket. This, or the like dreadful execration, made us tumble off whole Boles like so many thimbles full. Half a dozen of these a piece, were a preludium to our Supper, which usually was composed of the choicest viands. Neither could we eat, without our female Consorts, whom Wine and Musick waited on. After Supper, we fell again to our old Bacchanalian sport, drinking, Dancing, or privately treating our Mistresses at a venereal Banquet. When we had drank our selves to ebriety, and satiated our lustful appetites, we betook our selves to our respective habitations, our Masters not dreaming of our night-Revellings. Our own expences were neither valuable nor comparable to what our Mad-Dames put us to, which were so great (though they made me rack my invention to supply their pretended necessities) that all my various endeavours could not answer their expeditions. I had taken my Gentlewoman a chamber, for which I paid three shillings a week, and upon the bare promise of a Whore, that she would prove constant to me, I allowed her a weekly pension besides; I never came to receive a private favour, but I must return her for it, some special and particular courtesie; as a Scarf, an Hood, a Ring, a Whisk, or rich Lace for her Smock. If I failed at any time of paying my promised Tribute I should be severely checked, nay, sometimes threatned that I had undone her; at the least denyed my accustomed Familiarity; then she would pretend that she had refused many eminent Matches mearly for my sake, that now she saw her self meerly deluded, and would endure it no longer; and would tell my Master our whole proceedings. If I had performed the main, and not presented her when I came with some other gratuity, as a work of Supererogation, she would deride my Courtship, telling me, I was an empty fellow, that I bestowed my favours on others and that made me so sparing to her. And that she scorned to be a copartner in my heart. When she thought she had sufficiently nettled me, (fearing to strain my passion too high) then a little comply, clapping me on the cheeks, calling me Smock-face Rogue; come hither Sirrah, I know what you would have, I’le save your longing. Such sweetned words soon over powered my sourness: and notwithstanding my intended hardness, I could not forbear melting in her arms. We durst not take much time in dalliance, my duty calling me home; but I regarded not that so much as to preserve my Masters good opinion of me. Now since opportunity offereth it self so appositly, give me leave to lay open this subtle Female, on whom a strong ascendancy of Mercury and Venus, had bestowed so liberal a Talent for Whoring, and Cheating, that few escaped her circumvention that came into her company. The Relation I shall give of this miracle of Female subtilty, will be much advantagious to all sorts of persons. By this those that are viciously inclined may be advised into a Reformation before they have occasion for Repentance: And they who defying all Admonishment, and are resolved to be wicked in spite, may out of an apprehension of the ensuing danger and punishment, be deterred into caution, &c.
A
SHORT SURVEY OF A CUNNING
WHORE.
When first I made my self acquainted with her, I thought my happiness not inferiour to the Grand Seignors, for although he had in his Seraglio the injoyment of an hundred or more of the most select beauties of the Universe, yet did I fancy all those external glories contracted into one, and possessed my matchless Mistress. As she was fair, so well featured, sprightly and young, four dangerous advantages, when they are accompanied with Wit, Dissimulation, Craft and Impudence, with a covetous desire of injoying of what others possest. She could not be ignorant of her trade, since her Mother was a profest Bawd from the time she brought her into the world. Taking notice of her extraordinary handsomness even from the Cradle, she resolved to dedicate her to the service of Venus, not doubting but the bent of her nature would render her very capable of that employ. Being about thirteen years of age, her beauty was so much taken notice of, that her lovers swarmed about her. The old Bawd her Mother was so overjoyed to see so large and goodly a Troop of Cupids Lanciers, her daughters life-guard, and doubted not now but that she should obtain the plenary fruition of her hopes, and therefore entertained them all, yet watching them so narrowly, that none should taste her fruit unless they bought the tree at a dear rate. She so well observed her daughters natural policy that she was well assured her insinuations would in a little time command both the hearts and purses of those who courted her. Her design proved as fortunate as she could wish, in as much as among the many that languished for her, there was one so wealthy as that he never knew the want of a thousand pound, whose heart was inflamed by her eyes.
She had now assumed the title of Madam, which one should think belonged to none but who are nobly extracted, however, why should she baulk it, since it is an honour costs little or nothing, and as soon conferred as spoken. This Gentleman was so insnared by the witchcrafts of a lovely face, that though he knew the profession and practice of the Mother, and the daughters want of honour, honesty and wealth, yet he resolved upon a marriage within few days without the tediousness of Treaties. When there was a firm contract concluded between them before witnesses, the charitable Bawd his intended Mother in law, came to him, and told him if his stomack was raw and could not stay so long till the meat was served up with the usual ceremonies; he should have a bit for a stay, and taste beforehand, the proposition was not unwellcome to him, wherefore he instantly took earnest of the happiness he vainly believed would bear him company durante vita. Not long after they had their nuptials celebrated, and that he might not disparage himself in the worlds eye, as to his inconsiderable choice; he bought his wife at his proper charge, new cloaths, splendid enough you may guess, with the appendixes of gallantry, rings, jewels, &c. and so brought her home to his house in much state. She had not long lived with him, but she followed the dictates of a luxurious disposition, and a libertine, hating to have her liberty circumscribed or bounded, especially by one so remote to her nature and unsuitable in years, wherefore under pretence of visiting this friend and that couzen, she so blinded her old Husband by this plausible excuse as that she made her frequent sallies abroad pimp for her desires. Her Husband observing her often gaddings and profuse expences, could do no less then suspect more then he was willing to understand, and therefore not only abridged the liberty she took, but devested her of those ornaments he had bestowed upon her, which so animated her to revenge, that she resolved not to let slip the first opportunity. She soon got acquainted with one suitable to her purpose, a person as much ingaged in debauchery, as his credit was in the world, yet so pleasant he appeared in her eyes, as that a little courting made her wholly at his devotion. Hence we may observe the dangerous consequences of disproportion of age in matching. Surely there can be no agreement between fire and water, between freezing Winter, and Scorching Summer. Besides when a Woman comes once to have mean thoughts of her Husband (upon any account whatever) She is then in the way to affect any body else. She now not only slighted, but hated him, which made her launch out into all the excesses that exasperated, and vicious Woman-kind can imagine or contrive, from whence she may either derive satisfaction or advantage, neither could she want assistance or councel, as long as the old experienced Bawd her mother lived.
This good old Dotard finding himself so abused, that the whole world must needs call his reason in question; if he suffered any longer his loose wife to Career thus in Luxury and Wantonness, resolved within himself to call her to a severe accompt, intending withal to reduce her by kindness, as well as sharpness, and so equally to temper his frowns with smiles, that she should not tell which of those two ingredients were most powerful in the effecting the cure of his lust sick-wanton.
Returning one evening from her revels abroad, the old Cuckold took her to task; sharply reproving her for her Gaddings, her Tavern meetings, with debauched and licentious persons; her lavish expence in paying the Recknings where ever she came, but especially her supplying the necessities of lusty younger Brothers, which resupplyed hers. The old man had so spent his spirits and breath, in schooling his Lecherous Truant, that he was forced to conclude his wormwood Lecture in an excessive cough; the inseperable Companion of him and Age. My bucksome Madam fearing he was streining for more of that unpleasing stuff, which had so lately offended her ears, left him half strangled with a Tysick.
In this Interval, a female Neighbour of his came in, a Gentlewoman of that worth; that Virtue and Gentility contended in her for priority: How is it I pray Sir (said she) I am much troubled to see you in this condition? You lie, you lie, you Whore (said he) his ears being so furd by Time, that he could not distinguish this Gentlewomans voice from his Wifes, neither could he see, his violent coughing having forced down such a torrent of moisture into his eyes; that his sight was totally drowned: Continuing his railing; See me in this condition? I believe you would be glad to see me out of it, you Strumpet, Lump of Lechery, Cheat, she Devil, what shall I call thee; there is no name too bad: And then cought again so violently, that it was in vain to speak to him; but when this violent fit abated, she resolved to say something, though her amazment to hear what she neither deserved, nor expected, would hardly give her permission. At last she spake to him, and reasoned with him, why he should thus stain her honour which was hitherto spotless, undefiled; that her actions had ever been so far from rendring her, what he unworthily represented, that they made her famous, and lookt on as a good example for her Neighbours to follow and immitate. I, I; infamous you mean (said he) and let me alone to make you such an example, that you shall have followers enough to see you Carted, you Bitch whore. Why, who am I said the Gentlewoman, that you thus abuse me? Am I, (said he) you are Touch-wood, Tinder, Salt peter, Gunpowder, Wildfire, nay, worse then all this, my Wife.
By this the Gentlewoman verily concluded him to be mad, and fearing least his frenzie might be converted into fury, was thinking to slip from him just as his cough left him, and his eyes again restored to him, with the insight of his mistake; which made him much condemn his fallacious age, that had put this trick on him.
Apologies (as many as this old mans sterile invention could frame) were not wanting to excuse this absurdity and errour: Neither was his Wife without the height of mirth behind the Hangings, to hear how much her doting fool was mistaken; who had not patience any longer to discourse his Visitant, but abruptly left her in quest of his abused Wife as he now supposed, imagining from this grand mistake, that what ever before he had either seen or heard of his wife, was nothing but the genuine product of his own idle and jealous brain. After he had made a strict enquiry through the whole house for his wife, he at length found her out cloistered in a Garret, into which she had conveyed her self coming softly behind the Hangings, wherein she had hid herself; and the better to colour her intended Villany, hearing her Husband ascend the Stairs, she put her self into a praying posture.
The old man seeing her on her knees, had like to have broke his neck for hast, not minding so much the disturbance he would give her (pretended) devotion, as the satisfaction he injoyed to see his mistake confirmed. Being out of breath, his discourse was abrupt and broken, neither did he know which was most expedient, either first to question her, or crave her pardon: at length he threw himself at her feet (for indeed he could hardly stand upon his feeble Legs;) and hanging down his Head (I knew not whether he cried) a salt Rhume gushed through the port holes of his Head, which looked like scalding Teares; and so they might be, for by their burning heat, any might conclude the loss of the hair of his Eyelids, and that thereby the shriveled skin of his Countenance was parcht. It was a long time ere he could speak, and no wonder, since this was the second time of his Infancy; but at length with much ado, with a look as pittiful as his Rhetorick, he asked forgivness. She seemed strangly surprized and not only wondred at, but taxt him for the Irrationality of his Petition. The pretence of her ignorance in what had past, made him the more eager to discover his ridiculous folly. In short, he gave her to understand, that since he was mistaken in a thing so palpable, he might very well question whither all former reports, and his own evil opinion of her, might not be posited on the same basis of falshood. That for the time to come, he would never admit of jealousie within his breast, and to give a full confirmation to what he protested; he instantly delivered her his Keys, committing to her trust what he had of greatest value. This cunning Quean would not accept this kind proffer, but with much pressing, and then sealing his pardon with a kiss, an everlasting affection was seemingly agreed upon. For two or three months after she behaved her self so well, that had her Husband had Argus his hundred eyes, he could not perceive any thing that might blemish her Reputation, or trouble his head.
Her Cue being come to enter and act her part on the Stage of deceit, she appeared and managed her business to the purpose. For having given her Mother a Catalogue of those rich things she had in her possession; she never left her daughter till they had conveyed all away which might be carried in the day time without any notice taken; and at an appointed night getting the Servants to bed and delivering the Key of the street-door to the old Bawd her Mother, she played the part of a Woman in general, by lulling her Husband in bed by dissimulation and flattery, into a fond opinion of her cordiality to him, whilst her agents then were leaving him as naked of goods, as he was at that time of Apparel. In the morning she arose by times, before the old man was stiring, and went instantly to her mother who had provided her lodgings. Then did she change her name to hinder detection; and that she might add to her security, she never went abroad but with her Vizard Mask, and in as many varietys of Suits as there are months in the year, which though but thirteen, yet did she make them ring as many changes as BOW BELLS.
Not long after she had played this exploit, it was my unhappiness to be acquainted with her, by coming accidentally to our Shop, where buying some wares, it was so ordered that I must bring them to her Chamber. According to the time appointed I waited on her, but found myself extremely mistaken in my Chapwoman. For instead of paying me for my commodity, she would have truckt with me Ware for Ware; which I would no ways assent to; finding me no fit person for her purpose, she dismist me by discharging the debt. This passage did so run in my mind, that I could not be at quiet till I had purposed a time to visit her, and indeed I was forceably prickt on thereunto by those matchless features I saw in her incomparable face. My Master riding out of Town I found a very fit opportunity to make my address to her, which I thought would be the more welcome by bringing a present with me.
Her memorie was so good that she knew me again and shrewdly guessed at my Errant, and indeed I was not long in the discovery thereof: There were but two words to a bargain, and so struck up the business: So much delight I took in her at that time, and she in me, that we interchangably promised each others constancy of affection.
Mine and my females extravagancies, made me invent as many ways to cheat, as we had ways to spend what was this way gotten. If I had heard any friend say, they must buy a Gown, I had my Mercer ready for that purpose: If a Suit and Cloak, my Draper, and the like; sometimes telling my friend, That I was acquainted with one that would sell me a far cheaper pennyworth than any one else: other times, that such an one owed me some moneys, and that this way I could both pleasure my friend, and hedge in mine own debt. Though I drove a great trade this way, receiving still ready cash, yet this would not do alone. As an assistance, I guelded the money-box every day, receiving my part first, before my Matter should take his, which usually he did every night, putting it into his Till. I could not sleep for thinking how I might be intimately acquainted with the inwards of this same Till. Several projects I made tryal of, but none suited my purpose so well, as a Barbers pair of Curling irons. I got a File from a Smith, and to work I went with my Curling irons, filing them to slip in easily, and to turn round. The first Essay I made thereof, had like to have put me into an Extasie for joy. I laid them upon their edge, opened them wide, I pinched the money below; holding fast, I turned them on their side, and so drew up the money to the mouth of the Scotch: now because there was many times so much, that it would not come through, with a knife I would slide away piece after piece, till I had fitted the money to the narrowness of the passage. I seldom brought up at a time less than three shillings, a good draught, not ceasing till I had gotten twenty or thirty shillings at a time, or more, according to the quantity of the stock. Finding my Engine act according to my desires, I could not be content without congratulating my success. My Master was seldom at home, wherefore I askt my Mistress to go out for an hour, promising her not to stay beyond my limited time: She consented and I overjoyed, pickt up a Rambler or two, and away we went to honest Ralph. Being glad to see us, he planted us in a convenient room fit for his purpose. There was never a Pint he scored at the Bar, but he had a Quart-Bottle in his Breeches for it. They all wondred to see me so frollick, but I thought it wisdom to conceal the depth of my practice from them.
After we had drank very smartly, I came home, transgressing but a little beyond my time. My Mistress was very well pleased, telling me, I should have leave another time, since I was so punctual. Those Bottles of Sack we drank, ran perpetually in my minde, for it was the very flower of Wine. In the commemoration of my Friends courtesie, and the goodness of that Liquor, I gave my contemplative fancy leave to characterize a Bottle of Canary, thus.
THE CHARACTER OF
A Bottle of Canary.
He is Gentleman I assure you well extracted, which once lived like a Salamander in the midst of the flames; and had he not been burnt, he have never proved sound. He seems a Prodigy: For that which we live by, decays him; hating Air, as Bacchus hates small Beer. He will lie still if you smother him, and is never so well, as when his breath is stopt. Bury him, and you make him quicker. As for his habit, it is ever plain, yet neat: Though Nobly born, he scorns not to wear a green Coat, with a badge on it; and you cannot injure him worse than to pick a hole in his Coat. Though he wears for the most part one sort of Garb, yet he is never out of fashion, acceptable to the best of company, not regarding his outward dress, but valuing his inward worth: However, his Suit is made of admirable Stuff, for his outside never grows barer, and his Linings are the fresher for wearing. So choice he is in his Cloathing, that he rather chuseth to have his brains knockt out, than to have a rent in his Garment. He wears an a la mode Hat, as light (and almost as little) as a Shittle-cock, which he puts off to none; but like the Quaker when brought before a Magistrate, hath it taken off for him.
As for his Pedegree, I now not how to derive it; for he hath had in him the best and purest of the French blood, but will now acknowledge his Race onely from the Spaniard, whom he imitates, being stately, and standing always upright; treads for the most part on Carpets, and never stirs abroad but when he is carried, yet full of activity. If he runs fast and long, the more wind he gets. If he chance to fall, which is seldom, for many look to him, he will be extreamly moved, yet (contrary to all men) the fuller his belly is, the less hurt he receives: his credit is large, never paying for what he wears, running on the score perpetually; his conditions are a riddle, there is in him pure vertue, and notorious vice; the quintessence of love, and the venome of hatred. He is the beginning and the end of a thousand quarrels in a year, yet a very Coward; for he suffers any to take him by the ear, and never broke any ones pate, but when company was by. He is very facetious in society, and will spend himself freely to the last drop, if a Ladies soft and warm hand will raise him. He is a brisk Spark, and therefore Courtiers adore him; he is smooth in his expression, and therefore Ladies delight in him; he is filled with nimble fancies, therefore the Wits frequent him, exhausting his radical moisture, to distil it into Poetical Raptures; for conceits never run faster from the Limbick of their brains, than when this Gentleman adds fuel to the Furnace. He whets wit, yet dulls it; creates new Fancies, and stupifies. Gives the Orator a fluent tongue, and makes him speechless. Gives a Poet feet till he cannot go. And as he helps Ministers to preach, so he likewise silenceth more than the Spanish Inquisition. He hath a great many tricks in him: He will make a Faulkner fly high within doors; Make a Huntsman catch a Fox by the fire-side; Whatever he holds, is made good; and unless you mind him well, much good matter that falls from him, may be lost: for he is often fluent beyond measure. All Tongues court him; and those that look narrowly unto him, shall find him no dry Fellow. The truth is, he is too profound for shallow brains to meddle with him: He will pour out quaint expressions and hard words so thick, that the best Scholars are glad at last to give him something to stop his mouth: Yet hold him up fairly, and you may get all he hath out of him. He is excessively beloved, and relishes all Company, being pleasant, and full of admirable humours. He is inwardly acquainted with the Lord Mayor and Aldermen, and incorporateth with their Wives daily. His Kisses are so sweet, that they lick their lips after him; and though his breath be strong, yet it is not offensive. He is a true Good-fellow, drinking till he hath no eyes to see with: Good Liquor is his Life and Soul, and he is never musty but for want of it. He will drink till he be filled up to the very throat, and gape whilst others put it in. He will bear as much Sack as any man in England of his bulk; yet he will be soon drunk in Company. But if you will give him leave to vomit, he will take his Liquor and drink fresh, till all the Company be forced to leave him. Drinking is his hourly exercise, seldom lying out of a Tavern. He is the main Upholder of Club-meetings, without fear of being broke. He picks mens pockets, yet is never made more reckoning of than by such persons. As for his Estate, I can onely say this, That all he hath he carries about him; yet generally he is reputed rich: What he hath, he holds upon courtesie; but what he gives others, is held in Capite. What he possesseth, is commonly upon Sale; yet more for plenty, than for want; and if you can purchase him you purchase all.
I could never endure Idleness, I was ever in action; either writing, or contriving, or putting in execution my contrivances; I thought it better male agere quam nihil agere: my brains or hands were continually working, and very seldom but effectually. My pen was generally so happy in discoveries, that my wit was much applauded by the most censorious: much respected I was, & my company much importuned by the Tankerd-bearers of Helicon, by which means I so swelled with pride, that I thought my self little inferior to Apollo. I called Mercury Pimp, the nine Sisters Whores, whom I had frequently layn with, and might when I pleased: the best title I could bestow on Pegasus was Hackny-Jade. In the height of this my opinionativeness, my Cooler (our Masters maid) came to me where I was alone; and after many heart-fetcht sighs, told me she found her self with child; which news had like to have deprived me of my understanding: but knowing that Vexation never remedies but rather adds to trouble, I was resolved to bear it patiently, and study some means to preserve her and my Credit. I framed a Letter as from her Father, desiring her to come down into the Country speedily, if she intended to see him alive; and according as we had laid the Plot, she shews it her Mistress, desiring her leave to shew her duty to her dying Father. Our Mistress most willingly consented thereunto, as knowing that there was more than ordinary love between us; the maid had staid as long as possibly she might without discovery, Lacing her self very streight, and keeping down her belly with three Busks: but now she made haste to rub off: I had provided a Midwife that should be her Bawd too: but this could not be done without extraordinary cost. After her Delivery, I found the keeping of her and the Child very expensive: then did I begin to consider what a vast charge, and how many various troubles this momentary lecherous pleasure draws upon a man: how furiously he is upon the onset, and how quickly satisfied, loathing that Object he a little before longed for. Well, I bethought my self how to be rid both of Cow and Calf. I told her I would get together what moneys I could, and so marry her, upon condition she would be willing to travel with me whither I went, which I knew was her onely desire: I informed her of my intention to go for Virginia; and the reasons that induced me thereunto.
First, her disgrace would not be known there: Next, my Master could have no power over me, insisting further on the pleasantness of that Continent, and the plenty of every thing, &c.
She assented to all I propounded, relying her self solely on me, to dispose of her as I pleased. To palliate my design, I went with her to Gravesend, pretending as if I was then going with her beyond Sea, for no other end but to clear my self from her there, knowing that after she had past examination or search of the Block-house, she would meet with no more. Being aboard, I suddenly seemed to have forgot something ashore; having well laid my Plot upon the Basis of a good Sum of money I had distributed among the Sea-men, with a considerable present to the Master, and telling my Landabris I would return to her instantly, I got into the Boat; and immediately after the Ship weighed Anchor, and quickly was under Sail. I confess, notwithstanding the Devil had at that time the total possession of me; yet I was much troubled at what I had done so hard-heartedly and cruelly. A flood of tears had so overwhelmed my sight, that I could not discern the Ship in which she was: so sensible I was of the wickedness of this Fact, that Dido-like, I could have thrown my self into the Sea after her, had not a good Woman, whose Husband was in the same Ship, prevented me. Observing my tears, ’Tis probable, Young Man, (said she) you have lately taken your leave of some dearly beloved Friend; and I guess, by your earnest looking after yond Ship under sail, the person was in her. I told her it was truth. My Husband is in the same Vessel, (said she) and therefore I have as much cause to grieve as you. Come, be of good comfort, Man, Friends must part; and it is better to part here than at the Gallows. Go along with me, and we will wash down sorrow; and with a Glass of neat Canary, antidote our hearts against any thing that may disturb them.
With that I lookt intentively in her face, and found it correspondent with a jolly temper. An Eye black and piercing; and Eye-brows black also, and each as big as a mans thumb comparatively: a sign that never fails to denote that Woman capable of giving a man the greatest delectation. She was every way compleatly handsome, and suitable to the desires of the most curious Critick in Love-affairs. I thought it a shame to deny so kind a proffer, and a crime in Youth unpardonable not to embrace that opportunity, that shall lead him by the hand into Venus her Bed-chamber. With that I addrest my self to her, (and afterwards undrest together) declaring that the force of her Rhetorick, assisted by her external beautiful, and altogether lovely form, had forced me to forget my onely dearly beloved she-friend, and to become her Proselyte, her absolutely devoted convert, and would prostrate my will to be guided by hers and her command. With that we concluded to solace ourselves at the next Tavern: I applied my self to my old way of insinuation: which soon melted her, so that I saw I might when I pleased stamp loves impression on her. Returning to Gravesend, we soon lodged our selves conveniently for our intended purpose: having so done, I so ordered the matter, that there was not anything wanting that might please our sences. Yet fearing lest her love should cool again, there was no Art forgotten that might serve to entertain it. Delays in love-affairs are dangerous: Women love not to be too long Tantalized; there is a certain critical time to know their inclination; which if you punctually observe, you shall assuredly reap the fruits of your desires; if not, you may perpetually wait, but never enjoy the like opportunity. Wherefore the Iron glowing hot, I thought good to strike: to enliven my spirits, she sent for a noise of Musick, ordering them to play in the next Room. And in the end we began to think of some repose, agreeing before to lie in two Chambers contiguous to each other; which were accordingly provided. As soon as I thought all the Houshold were in bed, I repaired to my Mistress, who eagerly expected my coming; approaching the bed-side, she clasped me in her arms: As soon as day broke, I arose, bespeaking a fat Capon swaddled with Sassages, and a Quart of Buttered Sack. I got all ready by the time of her rising: she was extraordinarily well pleased in my double dilligence of serving her: having applauded my industry and care of her, we fell to it, interlining every bit with a Glass of Canary. She told me she would never part whilst she had a penny left, having about her some Thirty Pieces of Gold. Well (said I) my Dear, since it is thy resolution, a match; but let me be Steward: Which she agreed unto, delivering into my hands what Gold she had. For two or three hours I shewed my self very officious in my place; but considering that when this money was spent, we should not know what to do, I thought it was better for one to want than two; besides, I had lately surfeited on a Medler, and therefore my stomack nauseated the very thoughts thereof. I had feed the Drawer to bring me word just as the Gravesend Barge was going off; which accordingly he did, by a private sign concluded betwixt us. I then pretended an excuse to go down, under the notion of providing something novel, which should be conducive to our mirth and jollity. I had just so much time below to write her these lines in stead of a solemn leave taking, leaving them with the Drawer to present her, and so went aboard the Barge for London.
Madam, I’m gone, no wonder, for you know,
Lovers encounters are but touch and go.
Arriving at Billings-gate, I went straight to a Tavern, where I had an interest with the Drawer, resolving there to consult seriously with my self what course to follow, being as yet unresolved what to do. After I had raised my dulled spirits with a glass or two, I concluded to hazard my Masters good opinion, nay, and my Mistresses affection too; which though at that present it only smoaked, I might easily divine, that in process of time it would burst forth into a flame. Being before confined to my Masters time, I began to consider what an excellent thing Liberty was, equally estimable with Health; which two, though they are the greatest and most precious gifts (next our Redemption) the Creator of the World hath bestowed on mankind; yet we poor mortals value them not till we are sensible of their want, by being deprived of them. This is an infallible maxime, That the deprivation of a thing shall be so much the more evil, as the possession thereof is good. Now if Liberty be such an excellent & delectable thing when enjoyed, how miserable are those that want it?
Having moneys in my Pocket, I concluded to experiment the enjoyment thereof, and to participate of such delights the nature of young men is most inclinable to. Now man being a sociable Creature, I thought I should reap but little satisfaction to my self in the expence of my moneys, without an Associate: Wherefore I sent to an Apprentice of my intimate acquaintance contemporary with me, and who had often prompted me to ramble with him. This Lad was his Masters Casheer, which I knew would much assist my design. I made him acquainted with my intention of trying the world: Though it had been formerly his own motion, yet he seemed at the first something startled; but all his doubts I resolved; adding moreover, That to have our wills inslaved to other mens, was a thing insupportable, since that we were, as well as they, created free Denizens of this world. That since our great Grand-Father was Emperor of the whole world, we could not stile our selves less than Princes, and therefore debased our Birth by a voluntary submission to Service and Slavery. I had no great occasion to make use of many Arguments to this purpose; for his own inclination was sufficient to perswade him. The result of our discourse was a firm resolution to become two Knights-errant. I advised him forthwith to go home and bring with him what Cash he had in his possession; which he readily performed, and indeed more then I could expect, being 200l. the Fates having so decreed to favour this our first bold exploit, as a tryal of what we durst attempt.