CHAPTER 9
ONWARD TOWARD THE SABER-TOOTHED LIGHT BULBS
The Sniffers and Stinkfoots agreed to help in the Lunechien Forest should their services be needed to help stop the devastation brought about by the spider-monster. President Schnozzle handed Ozma a small perfume bottle that, when opened, would release a perfume that could be smelled only by a Sniffer, and would reach the distance from the forest in only a matter of minutes. Ozma pocketed the little bottle and thanked the Sniffer and Stinkfoot Presidents. Then Ozma and the party of five was on its way to the land of the Saber-Toothed Light Bulbs.
"How far is it from here?" asked Elephant, who was still carrying the others on his broad back.
"Well," said Hootsey, "it isn't exactly close. We will have to travel through some fairly rough territory to get to the Light Bulbs. But I'm sure our pachyderm is up to it, if anyone is. And we do have our new Queen along as well. I really don't think we'll have too many problems."
However, unbeknownst to the little owl, problems were exactly what lay ahead of them. The elephant walked on for a few miles without incident, but then came upon a marshy area. "I don't remember this place," said Hootsey with disdain.
The marshy area was barren of all trees. Stretched out before them lay what seemed to be miles of reeds surrounding patches of dirty looking water with steam rising to form a veritable fog. The whole area looked very formidable and quite scary.
"I don't like this a bit," Elephant remarked, with a concerned expression on his face. "Who knows what's laying in wait under that water? And it doesn't look as if we could get very far without walking through it."
"And who knows how deep the water is?" Tweaty said. "It could be two feet or twenty; maybe even some of the solid ground is really quicksand!"
Just then a loud twittering sound was heard; soft at first but then increasing in volume to totally surround the little group. Then heads appeared above the reeds to signify the source of the twittering. The heads were square; powdery white; and with round eyes like you might see on a stuffed toy—except the expression on the square faces was anything but cute. One rather large creature stood up to reveal a body of the same substance. His whole body looked as if it was composed of giant marshmallows, including his arms and legs.
"I suppose," he shouted in a booming voice that sounded as if it were coming out of the bottom of a barrel. "I suppose you people think you are going to traverse our lands."
"Not really," answered Elephant.
"Oh, how silly of me. Of course you are just here for a picnic," responded the creature with a sneer. "I should have realized. Quick! Grab 'em, boys!"
The little band was immediately surrounded by hundreds of the creatures who threw fishing nets over them, then rolled out wooden cages on wheels.
After everyone was confined in the cages, the leader stepped forward to address them again.
"Big mistake. Big mistake you made coming here. Not one trespasser has ever set foot on our land and lived to tell the tale. You see, we are the Keepers of the Crocodiles who live in these marshes and swamps. And in return for keeping them well fed, they have agreed not to eat us and to allow us to coexist with them in these waters. The substance of our bodies is a sweet marshmallow material and we would be prey to all kinds of creatures if we had to depart these lands. We were made of the same material you are at one time, but we made the mistake of crossing swords with a Wicked Witch and in a fit of anger, before you could say 'Jacky Robinson,' she changed us into marshmallows. So here we are, and here you are, just in time to feed a bunch of hungry crocodiles. Which is too bad, really, but that's life—death sooner or later. And in your case, it's sooner."
Elephant and Nibbles and Tweaty and Hootsey and Ozma and Lisa all looked at each other with despair and foreboding.
"Look," said Elephant to the leader of the marshmallow people. "I am a huge animal. My body will keep those crocodiles fed for weeks. While Tweaty here, and Hootsey and Lisa, are tiny creatures. The crocodiles would not even taste them. Why don't you let them go?"
"Hmmmm," murmured the marshmallow leader. "You have a point there. In fact, the crocodiles could get quite annoyed with us for feeding them such tiny morsels. Okay. We'll let them go. But what about her?" he said, pointing to Ozma. "She would be quite a delicacy."
"Delicacy?" echoed Ozma. "I am not a delicacy. I am Ozma, Queen of Oz!"
The marshmallow man looked at the child and giggled. "You are the Queen of something? Yeah, right! And I suppose that next you're going to tell me that mortal men will one day be able to travel to the moon and back. Ha! That's a laugh!"
"But it's true!" argued Elephant. "Ozma is the ruler of Oz."
"Indeed," added Lisa. "I'll admit, I was also a little shaken when I first learned that the Queen of Oz was a little girl. But you must understand that Ozma is of Fairy descent. She is not like a mortal child at all. She has special abilities and powers that…"
[Illustration: Elephant and others in Cages]
"Silence!" shouted the marshmallow man. "I am not interested in hearing your lies! This child is simply a tender and mouthwatering human delicacy for the crocodiles to eat! That is all!" He looked at Ozma and laughed. "Fairy descent? This is not a Fairy! I know about these things! Fairies are tiny little critters with wings like those on one of our dragonflies. This is just a human child. A perfectly ordinary human child!"
Ozma looked at him indignantly, but she said nothing more. She knew that it would be hard to convince anyone of her origin without some sort of proof. And, indeed, what would serve as sufficient proof to convince this Doubting Thomas? She knew all too well that, throughout history, skeptics have always been known to cling to what they thought to be truth, even when it was a foolish belief that they were clinging to. Indeed, mortals in America had placed a great deal of faith in a substance called radium. A highly radioactive and dangerous substance, radium was being treated as a miracle medicine that had been hailed as a cure-all for anything! This marshmallow man was every bit as small-minded as the mortal men. If she were going to prove her position and power, she would have to break through the imaginary wall that he had built up in his mind concerning the proper look of Queens and Fairies.
"My good man," she said in her most dignified voice, "I can understand why you might assume what you do. It is true that I look more like a little girl than the ruler of a vast country like Oz. And it is true that some Fairy groups can be described as you have just suggested. However, it is also true that there are different kinds of Fairies, just as there are different kinds of marshmallows. The Fairy Queen Lurliné does not have wings, and she looks quite human, too. But if it is so important to you, I can probably meet with your needs in a satisfactory manner." She put her fingers to her temples and concentrated.
"What are you doing?" asked the marshmallow man in puzzlement. Then: "Chicanery in Chittenango!" he exclaimed. "You have wings! But you didn't have them a second or two ago!"
"Nor have I got them now," explained Ozma. "But I have made myself appear to you as you would have me appear. Because I am a Fairy, I can make myself look any way I please. But underneath, I am still the same little girl I have always been." The wings vanished again.
"But how can this be?" shuddered the marshmallow man.
"It is really very simple," explained Ozma. "When I first took the throne of Oz, I had the same blonde hair that you see me with now. But I might decide one day to be a brunette." Her hair suddenly changed color as she spoke. "Or even a redhead." Again, the child's hair changed color. "Why, if I had a mind to, I could even make it green!" Again, her hair color changed. "You know, I think I might want to try being a brunette once in a while. Just for a change, you know. And if ever I must meet with dignitaries from another country—especially one of those narrow-minded mortal lands, I think I might want to appear to them as an adult. But, of course, I like being youthful, so I will not really age. I will just make myself appear that way on occasion when the situation calls for it."
The marshmallow man fell to his marshmallow knees. "Forgive me, your Highness!" he said. "You really are a Fairy! I most humbly apologize for my mistake. But you must admit, you really did look like a mere human child. How was I to know?"
"I don't think it should have mattered," said Elephant. "Do you really imagine that it is ever proper to feed any sentient being to a crocodile? Even a regular mortal child?"
"You are a wild animal," spoke the marshmallow man. "You should know better than anyone that such is the way of survival. We do not want the crocodiles to eat us, but we know that they must eat. I doubt that they would be satisfied with tofu or falafel burgers, either. These crocodiles are carnivorous, and they require fresh meat in order to survive. Would you have them become extinct?"
"He has a point," said Hootsey. "We really can't blame the crocodiles for their metabolisms. But we can't allow them to eat our Queen, either!"
"Oh, no," said the marshmallow man. "Now that I know who she is, I have no intention of feeding her to the crocodiles any more."
"Nor any of my companions," said Ozma in a tone of voice that would not tolerate any argument. "But you do have a legitimate problem. You are citizens of Oz, and therefore my subjects. I will not allow any of my subjects to be threatened by any carnivorous crocodiles."
"Then the crocodiles will not be able to survive," said Lisa sadly.
"But nothing can actually die anywhere in Oz," said Nibbles.
"Then they will grow horribly uncomfortable if they can't eat what Nature dictates they should," said Lisa. "I, for one, would rather die than have a constant emptiness in my tummy or lack of energy due to malnutrition."
"Indeed," agreed Elephant. "To go hungry is a terrible fate. Isn't there some alternative?"
"Nothing short of allowing the crocodiles to eat you," replied the marshmallow man.
"Then all is lost," sighed Hootsey. "Our benevolent ruler will have to decide who will be the recipient of her benevolence. It will have to be a choice between the carnivorous crocodiles or their natural source of food. One of the two must suffer."
"How sad," said Lisa. "I had always heard that rulers and queens had a tough job, but I had always doubted it. On the surface, it looks like queens get to live in beautiful palaces with servants who meet all of their needs. And they are allowed to go to bed any time they like, or eat chocolate ice cream for breakfast if they wish. But now I begin to understand why their lives are so difficult. I sure wouldn't want to have to make a decision like that. Basically, you'll be condemning an entire race to extinction—just like the dodo bird or the winkledejimpker!"
"Couldn't we use criminals and thieves to feed to the crocodiles?" suggested Nibbles.
"I will not allow even them to be tortured this way," said Ozma. "Even a thief deserves a chance to make up for his past misbehaving."
"Then what can we do?" asked the marshmallow man.
"Hey!" said Elephant, suddenly having an idea. "There is a grove of trees that grows near the Lunechien Forest. Some of the trees have fruits growing on them. Others have seed pods or alarm clocks or other such normal things that one always expects to find growing on trees. But I think there are also a couple of ham and sausage trees there. I'll bet they would suffice for the crocodiles. Then they wouldn't have to eat any living creatures in order to satisfy their natural cravings."
"A grand idea!" said the marshmallow man. "I have never heard of such odd trees as those, but I'm sure the crocodiles will be thrilled to learn that they no longer have to be hated and feared by their fellow beings."
"Of course," said Lisa. "No one wants to be feared. And if they are now able to get their meat without any stalking or struggling, they might need some other form of exercise to keep from growing fat or sluggish. I think we should organize some group activities that will allow the crocodiles and owls to interact together as friends."
"And maybe Pinky and I could arrange a similar thing for us elephants to get together with them."
"I think the mice would be a little too scared," shuddered Nibbles.
"Not after I have one of those ham trees transplanted in their marsh," said Ozma. She turned to the marshmallow man. "Would you be willing to take charge of that?"
"Of course," he replied. "It will also make my own people live in greater comfort to know that the crocodiles will never be hungry for them again. But … er, just out of curiosity, are there any marshmallow trees around? Just to be on the safe side, you know."
They all laughed.