To put a Ring through your cheeke.
There is pretty Knack, which seemeth dangerous to the cheeke: for the accomplishment whereof, you must haue two rings of like coullour and quantity, the one filed asunder, so as you may thrust it vpon your cheeke: the other must be whole and conueyed vpon a sticke, holding your hand therevpon in the middle of the sticke, deliuering each end of the same sticke to be holden fast by a stander by, then pulling the ring out of your cheeke, cleanely strike it against same part of the sticke, keeping it still in your hand, then pull your other hand from the sticke, and pulling it away, whirle about the ring, and so it will be thought that you haue put thereon the Ring which was in your cheeke.
Many other pretty feates of this nature might be here sett downe, as to cut of ones head and to laye it in a platter, which Iuglers cal the decollation of S. Iohn the Baptist, also to thrust a dagger or bodkin through your gutts very strangely, and to recouer imediately: after another way then with the bodkyn before rehearsed, also to draw a corde through your nose, mouth or hande so sencibly, as is wonderful to see, al wc with many more, I here forbeare for breuities sake. There is a very pretty trick to make wine or beere, to come out of your browe, or eare, with a funnell after you haue drank the same, the which I am loath to discouer, as not willing to haue all the poore Iugglers trickes made known at once: there is a way to make fire to come out of your mouth by burning of towe, all which for reasons before aleadged, I wil here omit to discouer. But will hie me to another sorte of Iugglers, or rather cosoners, calling themselues by the name of alchimistes, professing themselues learned men, and to haue the Philosophers stone, these professors of the mysty or smokie science, studie and cast about how to ouer-reach and cosen the simple, and such as are giuen to coueteousnes or greedy desire after gaine, with such they insinuate themselues by little and little, professing a shew of honesty and plainnes, vntill they are acquainted with their desires, and found the length of their foote: telling them that they can doe wonders, make siluer of copper, and golde of siluer. Such a one a while agoe was in Battersey, who comming poore to towne, made some of the towne beleeue he had the Philosophers stone: wherevpon, one of the rest beleuing him, desired to be better acquainted with him: insomuch, that he requested him to take a poore bed at his house, and offred him great kindenesse, hoping in time to get some skil of him towards the attaining of the Philosophers stone: vpon a day as this Smith (for so imagine him to be) and beggerly Artist were together, desired him of all loues to impart to him some of his learning, assuring him, if it lay in his power to doe him a pleasure, he should not faile, protesting that both his purse and himselfe were both at his comaund: Herevpon, to be short, my Gentleman at the first was somewhat scrupilous, yet at the earnest request of his newe friend, did at last condiscende, charging him to be secret in what he should disclose vnto him. The Smith swore to be silent: then my cosoning copesmate instructs him as followeth.
In the month of Iuly, search for the seede of Fearne, which must be first and principall matter of working this, and effecting this hidden secret, and qd. he, if you had but an ounce of this fearneseede, thou shalt be made for euer, for it is very hard to finde: heerevpon he gets vp the next morning (for it was about the same time of the yeare which he prescribd him to search for this inestimable seede) and lookes very dilligently about the heath, (where store of fearne growes: but hauing) spent most part of the day in searching and looking, his backe ready to cracke with stooping, and his throate furd with dust, for want of small beere, so that the poore Smith was ready to faint for want of foode: by chance one of the towne came by, and seeing him search so dilligently vp & downe, and could not guesse for what, asked him what he sought for so busily? O quoth the Smith, for a thing that if I could finde, I should be made for euer: why quoth the fellow what I prethee ist? O no quoth the Smith I may not tell you: not tell me quoth the fellow, why what ist? I prethee tell me: at last, at the earnest entreaty of the fellow, the smith told he looked for fearne seede: with that the fellow laughed a good, and asked him who willed him to looke for that? that did M. Etseb quoth the smith, and if I can but finde one ounce of it, it would be of much worth: worth quoth the fellow, he that set thee to looke for that was a foole and thou art an Asse, for there was neuer any fearne seede as yet seene: therefore get thee home to the forge, for he makes but a foole of thee: at this the smith was blancke, and got him home to his anuill: but how the smith and the Alcumister, agreed vpon the reckoning for his cosening him, I meane not heere to deliuer: but this I bring in by the way, to shew that their art is nothing but deceipt, and themselues cosoners, which by two pretty tales I will declare vnto you,