THE APE AND THE LADY
A LADY fair, of lineage high,
Was loved by an ape, in the days gone by;
The maid was radiant as the sun;
The ape was a most unsightly one.
So it would not do—
His scheme fell through;
For the maid, when his love took formal shape,
Expressed such terror
At his monstrous error,
That he stammered an apology and made his ’scape,
The picture of a disconcerted ape.
With a view to rise in the social scale,
He shaved his bristles and he docked his tail;
He grew mustachios, and he took his tub,
And he paid a guinea to a toilet club.
But it would not do—
The scheme fell through;
For the maid was Beauty’s fairest queen,
With golden tresses,
Like a real princess’s,
While the ape, despite his razor keen,
Was the apiest ape that ever was seen!
He bought white ties, and he bought dress suits;
He crammed his feet into bright, tight boots;
And to start his life on a brand-new plan,
He christened himself Darwinian man!
But it would not do—
The scheme fell through;
For the maiden fair, whom the monkey craved,
Was a radiant being,
With a brain far-seeing;
While a man, however well behaved,
At best is only a monkey shaved!
W. S. Gilbert.