TWELVE ARTICLES

I

LEST it may more quarrels breed,

I will never hear you read.

II

By disputing, I will never,

To convince you, once endeavour.

III

When a paradox you stick to,

I will never contradict you.

IV

When I talk, and you are heedless,

I will show no anger needless.

V

When your speeches are absurd,

I will ne’er object a word.

VI

When you, furious, argue wrong,

I will grieve, and hold my tongue.

VII

Not a jest or humorous story

Will I ever tell before ye.

To be chidden for explaining,

When you quite mistake the meaning.

VIII

Never more will I suppose,

You can taste my verse or prose.

IX

You no more at me shall fret,

While I teach and you forget.

X

You shall never hear me thunder,

When you blunder on, and blunder.

XI

Show your poverty of spirit,

And in dress place all your merit;

Give yourself ten thousand airs:

That with me shall break no squares.

XII

Never will I give advice,

Till you please to ask me thrice:

Which if you in scorn reject,

’Twill be just as I expect.

Thus we both shall have our ends,

And continue special friends.

Jonathan Swift.